Roofman: Randomly Showing Juno Temple’s Nipple

The real life story of a man who lived in a Toys R Us after breaking out of prison, and then becoming infatuated with one of the workers there.

It is very hard to give this film a coherent review, there are aspects about it that work: the lead character is very likable and you do root for them and want to see them reunited with their daughter, in this respect Channing Tatum does a good job. However, there are also aspects that really don’t work: there are decisions made in the film in a narrative sense that make no sense at all, you just don’t buy it at times.

Also the writing of the film particularly when it is Tatum interacting with the church group, is so horribly cringe that you want to escape. I like cringe comedy but this is so painfully cringe that it makes you want to scream, I’ll also add that the film is not trying to be cringe which makes it all the worse.

It is nice to see Kristen Dunst back in a major role, I feel like we see a lot less of her these days, I know she was in Civil War but she used to be far more regularly on our screens.

Overall, a film with heart but also a lot of cringe.

3/5

Pros.

It has heart

It is weird but in an interesting way

There are some funny laughs

Cons.

The plot holes

The cringe

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The Ballard Of Wallis Island: The Ultimate Stan Move

Summary

An oddball who wins the lottery, invites his favourite pop duo to his private island for a show after they have long since broken up.

This was quite a heart warming film and it doesn’t go the way you expect it to, you imagine the duo are going to get back together, musically and romantically, but in the end they don’t and that is presented as okay and a healthy step forward.

This film is not really a laugh a minute sort of film, I would almost hesitate to call it a comedy film, I would say it is more of a feel good film, it makes you smile rather than laugh. That is not to say there aren’t jokes in it, there are but that is not really what the film is going for.

You could I suppose argue it is a comedy drama film as there is a raw emotional side to this film, with the island owner being a widow who is incredibly sad, or the male half of the pop duo hating his life since the band broke up. This for once works as you do care about the characters so both sides of the comedy drama split hold up, you care about them and they make you smile but also you feel bad for them when you see how much pain they are in.

In many ways this is a rare beast these days an intelligent film that doesn’t need to be pretentious or tell you openly how deep it is, this is a film with hidden depth palpably throughout that is obvious to those who can recognise it.

Overall, a sweet film.

4/5

Pros.

The characters

The music

The charm

The emotional depth

Cons.

Some of the character arcs are perhaps not explored enough

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Now You See Me Now You Don’t: Rosamund Pike Is A Fantastic Actress

Summary

The horse-people are back.

So it was nice to see this franchise return and to see Jessie Eisenburg star in something again it has been too long.

This was as you would expect it to be a passing of the torch movie, they brought in a new team of next generation horse-people, I won’t say horsemen it is just not inclusive enough, I’m joking. They bring everyone back including both of the female horsemen from the other two films, but this really is a changing of the guard film. There are moments wherein you go are they going to kill off some of the older members, but thankfully Woody Harrelson makes it to the end of the film.

This film is very concerned with being conscious, and by that I mean there are a lot of lines about sticking it to the evil rich people, and redistributing wealth, and changing the world by committing acceptable crimes, that read a little too close to the vest these days. There are a number of lines where the horsemen almost see themselves as activists who’s duty it is to change the world.

Rosamund Pike plays the film’s villain magnificently, her South African accent is pretty flawless throughout, she is very talented.

Overall, the film despite activist blood in it, is still fun to watch and it is nice to see some old faces back on our screens, it is good brainless escapism.

3.5/5

Pros.

It is fun

It brings everyone back

Pike is excellent

There are a few funny moments

Cons.

It has some cringe moments of dialogue

The newer characters aren’t good

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Regretting You: A Forgettable Rom-Com

Summary

A pair of deaths exposes a decades kept secret and love finds a way through grief.

Honestly this film is watchable but it would be hard to say it was anything more.

Josh Boone really has just been making one kind of film for a while now, outside of The New Mutants, this is exactly what you would expect it to be.

The love story for the two adult leads, is horribly depressing, revolving around the idea of settling and being with someone you don’t want to be with for decades, and only being able to move on after death, as divorce is a sin [Sarcasm]. There are scenes in this film wherein the leads basically say they didn’t really want to be with who they were with originally and it makes you want to scream well then why did you stay?

As for the teen romance story, Mckenna Grace, plays quite a bratty character that acts for half the film like a small kid who is obsessed with her father and unable to read very obvious social cues, and then half the film like a boy crazed teenager who wants to get her leg over, as it were. It is a real mess of characterisation, built around the idea that basically everyone knows that the father and aunt, who die at the start of the film, but the mother forbids her almost adult age daughter from being told, for reasons, and that causes all the drama.

Overall, read this review of the film and save your money you already know everything that happens now.

2/5

Pros.

It is unintentionally funny

It is short

Cons.

It is predictable

It wastes Clancy Brown

It has a weird message

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Clown In A Cornfield: Clowns Are So Overused

Summary

A group of clowns is terrorising small town America.

I had been meaning to watch this for some time, but I hadn’t gotten around to it until recently, and as I have I found myself quickly becoming disenchanted with it. For a start it presents itself as a horror comedy film, yet it does not really stand up slasher cliches rather it just replicates them.

The clown twist is perhaps the only novel thing about the film, although we have seen it in other films before, just not really in slasher cinema. Once the clowns take over mid-way through the film things start to get more interesting and become more crazy. The teen angst of the first act really slows things down.

The film ends with a decided meh, and that is how I would describe the whole effort really, an effort in meh. It fails in its attempts to be either scary or funny and doesn’t make fun of sub-genre tropes or try and do anything really knew with them.

Overall, it is a streaming film through and through and one that should never have been released in cinemas.

1.5/5

Pros.

A few good kills

It is short

Cons.

The teen angst

The ending

The pacing

Some of the other twists

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The Fountain Of Youth: Indiana Jones For Beta Males

Summary

John Krasinski does his best Indiana Jones impression.

I don’t understand why Apple TV thought we needed a new globetrotting Indiana Jones esque adventure movie. The last Indie film should have been proof enough against that concept.

Moreover, where films like Indiana Jones and National Treasure were commanded by having a strong lead who was believable in the role, here if anything Krasinski is too soft. He doesn’t have the gruff toughness you would want out of this role, he seems far too affable and silly. He simply reads wrong for the part.

As for the adventure itself it is fairly generic nothing you have not seen before, it is a globe trotting adventure for a magical artifact that in the end they don’t end up taking home as it is too dangerous and needs to be left alone. There is nothing particularly new here, it reads as very low effort adventure fare.

The wider cast are a mixed bag, Eiza Gonzalez is there she has some good fights and has reasonably decent chemistry with Krasinski, Natalie Portman is playing Natalie Portman and is taking an easy pay check. The rest of the cast slip my mind.

Overall, this film shows you why you need a good script and crucially a good idea before you go into filming, simply saying oh they are popular and people like Adventure films, a debatable claim at the moment, is not enough.

2/5

Pros.

Gonzales tries her best

There are a few unintentionally funny moments

Cons.

It is badly paced

It is generic

Krasinski is miscast

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The Roses: The Left Wing Answer To The Rom-Com

Summary

The fetishisation of toxic relationships.

Fear not lonely blue haired middle aged cat lady the evil sexist rom-coms have finally be countered by this anti rom-com. This film has two unlikable people who don’t work together and don’t really like each other forced into a marriage and then end up trying to kill each other, see it is not your fault you’re staring down middle aged and have never been kissed, love isn’t real.

We have one character played by Olivia Coleman, who is appearing more and more the rabid antisemite by the minute, who plays a bumbling sort of mumsy character who gets some fame and is then keen to leave her family behind, despite then screaming at her husband for the rest of the film that he stole them from her. As personal accountability is outside of Coleman’s skill set seemingly both personally and professionally. We also have Benedict Cumberbatch playing a weak willed, alcoholic husband, who is constantly feeling sorry for himself and asking for forgiveness. The film details the breakdown of their relationship getting to the point wherein Coleman’s character tries to kill Cumberbatch’s with a gun only to them have them kiss and makeup.

It glorifies the toxic relationship at nearly every turn.

Oh and it features Kate McKinnon as a sexual predator who behaves inappropriately towards both the lead characters, but it is okay because it is a woman, that’s Hollywood’s morality.

1/5

Pros

Andy Samberg has a funny few lines

Cons.

It is not funny for the most part

Both the leads are incredibly unlikable

It is badly paced

It has a depressing ending

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The Next Karate Kid: Better Than Daniel

Summary

Hilary Swank is the Karate Kid.

Now this will almost certainly be a controversial review, however, I put forward with this review the idea that The Next Karate Kid is easily the best film in the franchise. This is for two central reasons, Mr Miyagi, Pat Morita, gets more of a central focus and we get to see more of his world. The monks are a great addition to the mix. The second reason is that Morita and Swank have better chemistry than Daniel and Miyagi ever had.

I enjoyed that this film tried to do things a bit differently and was about Swank’s character opening up more and ended with her going to the dance, rather than yet another martial arts tournament. That said the action was still on point and Swank easily managed to pull off the moves.

Overall, I am a person who enjoys Cobra Kai more for the character moments than for the action so I was always going to prefer this film to the Daniel trilogy, reviews coming soon.

4/5

Pros.

Swank

The focus on Miyagi

The relationship between the characters

The change of setting and final act

Cons.

Not all the jokes hold up.

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Nobody Two: Sharon Stone Embarrasses Herself

Summary

Hutch, Bob Odenkirk, just wants to go on holiday.

So this is an inferior sequel, in many ways this is a step back from the first film. Whilst the idea of a wet work specialist going on holiday could be interesting in a comedy action format, I think the whole idea of the ‘oh no he’s not spending enough time with his family plot line’ is so cliché and stupid.

The action is on point and funny, Odenkirk does a good job making it all look convincing and manages to keep the film together, with some assistance from Christopher Llyod, RZA and Connie Nelson. I enjoyed that this film gave Nelson some spot light particularly at the end, it is nice to see her engage in a bit of blood sport too. The RZA samurai duel is likely going to be a highlight of the film for a lot of people.

The film has Sharon Stone as the big bad leader of a drug cartel, who shows how crazy she is by breaking into dance. This may be one of the worst and most baffling choices I have seen a film make in a long time, the film keeps doing things it thinks makes her look cool and badass, but it is actually cringe.

The more Stone appeared in the film the worse it got.

Overall, a step back from the first film.

2.5/5

Pros.

Nelson, RZA and Llyod

Odenkirk

The action

Cons.

Cliched story telling

Stone

The ending and how easily it wraps up

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Megan Two: Hold Onto Your Vagina Ladies

Summary

Grab onto your vaginas ladies, the quotable line that never gets old and one that sealed the death of Blumhouse.

Honestly, this film had flop written all over it in capital letters, the first film was a meme film and really did not need a sequel, it captured a moment in time and you could not do that twice. The first film was not even very good but at least it had some idea of its identity.

This film is not terrible there are plenty of worse films that you can see right now at your local multiplex, however, the central issue with it is that it does not know what it wants to be. Does it want to be an action film, a comedy, a science fiction film, these are all the things it tries its hand at yet never sticks with.

One thing that is for sure is that this film has long ago abandoned being a horror film, yes there are some gnarly moments but by and large there are no scares, and Meghan is now a full on good guy who is prepared to sacrifice herself, like Christ, to save the day. She even sings comforting songs now. I don’t know who at Blumhouse thought this was a good idea but they probably shouldn’t have a job anymore.

Some of the jokes are funny, and Jermaine Clement is always a welcome presence on-screen, but probably the best moment of the film is where they try and replicate the meme dancing from the first film, with a new dance sequence for Tik Tok. It has that same oh look they are doing the thing vibe you would want whilst they are doing something new.

Overall, a watchable action comedy film.

2.5

Pros.

It has a few funny lines

The dancing

Jermaine Clement

Cons.

It is tonally all over the place

It is not a horror film

It has pacing problems

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