Playmobil The Movie: The Lego Movies Less Successful Jealous Cousin

The Playmobil Movie is an animated action and adventure comedy film directed by Lino Disalvo. The plot follows two siblings Marla (Anya Taylor- Joy) and Charlie (Gabriel Bateman), who get sucked into the Playmobil world and have to battle and adventure their way out. This movies soul objective is to prove that it is different from the Lego Movie.

I had heard nothing but bad things about this film, so I decided to give it a watch and see if it lived up to its infamous reputation. Though there were many issues with it, I will get into those, but I found it to be a passively okay thing to watch. It wasn’t offensively bad and turning my brain off and giving up on the plot helped me to enjoy it a lot more.

There is no sense to be found in this film, it feels very much as though they tried to stuff every different Playmobil playset into the film; logic be damned. Personally, I enjoyed the randomness of it all, but seeing a Viking, a Pirate and a Roman all together on screen fighting a robot is a lot and it is very hard to keep track off.

This film is a musical, I don’t know if you’re aware, I wasn’t and there are a lot of songs which are mostly forgettable; none of them are terribly good none are terribly bad either, that is how I would describe this film. My issue with the songs is that they went on for a bit too long a lot of the time and you ended up pleading for them to be over.

Anya Taylor-Joy is always a delight and she is trying her best here, but the writing and the acting in this film is non-existent. It stems from corny one-liners that you have heard a hundred times before to cash grab celebrity cameos; I see you Mr Radcliffe. I think the film’s choice to make Taylor-Joy’s character the surrogate mum was an odd one and there is a lot more you can read into it; the message the characterization sends is pretty bad.

Overall, this is very meh, if you want to turn your brain off you will probably like it, if you have small children, they will probably like it; as long as they aren’t too discerning. It is far from good, but it isn’t offensively bad either.

Pros.

It is mindless fun.

The randomness is amusing.

Cons.

It makes no sense.

The songs are not needed.

The implications and suggestions around Taylor-joy’s character.

It loses half a point for the weird awkward flossing midway through the film.

2/5

Reviewed by Luke.

Pocahontas: The Colours Of The Wind

Pocahontas is an animated musical romance film directed by Eric Goldberg and Mike Gabriel; it is loosely based on the American folk tale of Pocahontas. The plot sees John Smith (Mel Gibson), lead an expedition to the New World (present day North America), where he meet a native girl called Pocahontas (Irene Bedard). The two falls in love, but their worlds soon clash, testing loyalties and friendships.

I think of all of Disney’s Animated offerings this is the one with the most soul and personality, it is so brimming with interesting Native American inspired design choices. I feel like more films about Native Americans are a must, albeit we should probably give creative control to someone of this ethnicity. The depiction of the Natives in this isn’t offensive, though the cliché of the noble savage haunts this film.

I loved the hand drawn animation of this film and thought every scene looked beautiful. I think Pocahontas surrounded by creatures is a very Snow-White inspired kind of thing, but I thought these scenes were especially pretty.

I also thought the songs were great and added a lot to the movie. I think the main song is beautiful and haunting and stays with you after the film ends, I also think all of the songs are incredibly catchy.

Moreover I applaud this film for having the balls to end the film in a sad way, I think it is a gutsy move that pays off. In addition to that the message of Pocahontas staying with her people and not abandoning them and giving up everything about her personality is a good thing that other Disney animated films could learn something from; Little Mermaid.

Overall, I admire this film’s sense of identity, I enjoy the historical period and I think the ending and the songs really benefit the film. My only issues with it are the reliance on worn out stereotypes and the fact that she doesn’t have a talking animal sidekick; these characters are normally my favourite in Disney films.

Pros.

The defined sense of personality.

The songs.

The setting.

The ballsy end.

Cons.

The noble savage is a tired worn out trope, stop it.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Pinocchio: I’m A Real Boy

Pinocchio is an animated family adventure film directed by multiple directors. The plot sees a wooden doll called Pinocchio (Dick Jones), become sentient and go on a journey of self-discovery with his friend and ethical guide Jiminy Cricket (Cliff Edwards). It is a tale as old as time, Pinocchio learns to be a good little boy, and all is well in the end.

I watched this recently and I have to say it is a lot darker are more messed up than I remember it being; maybe I just didn’t pick up on all the dark subject matter such as child abduction and forced slavery when I was a kid. Adding to this there are also a number of dark flourishes with the visuals and the drawing style that would make me question whether it was really child friendly.

That said this is a classic for a reason, it is an interesting odyssey to watch this little boy go on and the imagination and creativity is exceptional. I think like with many other Disney Animations this film is boosted by having a very likable and witty side character to make you laugh. This allows the main character to drive the plot forward and not also have to worry about being funny. I for one thought Jiminy was the best character.

Overall, this is a very whimsical adventure bursting with imagination, however, there are a number of things in it that make me question whether it is suitable for children, or at least younger kids maybe. But probably like me when I was their age, they won’t even notice.

Pros.

Jiminy.

The adventure.

Pinocchio himself.

The message.

Cons.

The darker and more messed up parts.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Batman, Gotham By Gaslight: Boring Batman

Gotham By Gaslight is a straight to DVD superhero film directed by Sam Liu. The plot is an Elseworlds Batman tale set in a Victorian Gotham City that see the Caped Crusader go up against Jack The Ripper. This leads to a fight atop a burning ferries wheel and a traumatising reveal.

I have been looking forward to this for quite a while, but I have to say it was not good.

My main issue with this film is that it managed to make Batman fighting Jack The Ripper, an insanely cool premise, be boring. The pacing of this film is so poorly done that it becomes infuriating after a while, you just want to see the two of them fight, but they just keep padding it out and padding it out.

The characters lack any kind of charisma, they just feel bland. No new ground is tread here the only character that is slightly furthered is James Gordon (Scott Patterson), and that is in a very Elseworlds way; he is Saucy Jack.

The two things I enjoyed about this film are they don’t make Joker Jack, which would have been incredibly obvious, and I also love the characterisation of Selina Kyle aka Cat Woman (Jennifer Carpenter). I thought Selina in this was pitch perfect she was very take charge and was at the forefront of the fight back. I also loved how this film handled her relationship with Bruce.

Overall, not doing the obvious and having a good Bruce Selina dynamic is not enough to make up for the fact this film could not hold my attention.

Pros.

Selina.

Not making Jack The Ripper Joker.

Cons.

It wastes a great premise.

It was boring.

It feels long for an hour and 20 minutes.

It didn’t leave an impression.

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

Scooby Doo And The Witches Ghost: The Classics

Scooby Doo and The Witches Ghost is an animated family horror comedy film directed by Jim Stenstrum. The plot sees the gang travel to New England to meet up with famous author Ben Ravencroft (Tim Curry); a not so subtle play on real life horror novelists like Stephen King. The town believes the witch that is plaguing them is actually the ancestor of Ravencroft, he denies the claim, so the gang set out to get to the bottom of it.

After watching the monstrosity that is Scoob the other night I needed this, I needed to watch the good Scooby Doo; the Scooby Doo I grew up on. The animated straight to video Scooby Doo films of the late 90’s early 2000s will always have a special place in my heart and this is chief among them for several reasons.

The first is that for once in Scooby Doo lore the monster turns out to be real, yes, this isn’t an old man in a mask this is a real witch and real magic. Personally, I don’t mind this deviation from the norm if anything I think it gives these films an edge; this would come to become a staple of these animated films.

The other reason this film is a tour de force when it comes to Scooby Doo films is simple, The Hex Girls (Jennifer Hale, Jane Wiedlin and Kimberly Brooks respectively) . The Hex Girls feel like they belong in the world of Scooby Doo, they feel organic and baked in. Of the new characters created for these films The Hex Girls are easily the most memorable and their song at the end is a terrific way to end the film.

My one note would be, because Ravencroft and The Hex Girls have such big parts it can leave the gang at a bit of an end. Scooby and Shaggy (Scott Innes voices both), have something to do, but what are Daphne (Mary Kay Bergman), Fred (Frank Welker) and Velma (B.J Ward) doing?

Overall, good classic Scooby Doo that reminded me why I cared about the characters.

Pros.

The real witch.

The Hex Girls.

Scooby and Shaggy.

Nice animation and a distinct tone.

Cons.

The gang outside of Shaggy and Scooby aren’t used meaningfully.

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Batman, Assault On Arkham: Fear The BAT

Batman: Assault On Arkham is an animated superhero film directed by Jay Oliva and Ethan Spaulding. The plot follows the infamous Task Force X/ or as they’re otherwise known The Suicide Squad as they lead an Amanda Waller directed raid on Arkham Asylum in an effort to retrieve an object of immense value from within its walls.

I have been meaning to watching this film for some time, I really like the DC animated movie universe, and this is yet another jewel in it. Though I liked it, this film is what the DCEU Suicide Squad movie should have been. An adult and gritty take on the Batman rouges gallery that isn’t constantly trying to get you to care about and root for its leads. This film knows that the members of the Suicide Squad are villains and treats them as such.

I like the lethality this film has towards its characters, it reminds me of the comic books, people die in the Suicide Squad all the time hence the name; so I appreciate that this film doesn’t pull any punches in that regard. I also enjoyed the Batman fight scene, I thought it was very Arkham esque; I later learned that this film was in the same universe as the Arkham games and that made sense.

Overall, I liked the tone and approach of this film. I also enjoyed the animation, I thought it was very easy on the eye and wasn’t too over the top. I would gladly watch another film set in this universe as I think there are more stories to be told and more characters to explore. That might be my only real issue with the film the characters were not flushed out at all.

Pros.

The animation.

The tone.

The fight with Batman.

The violence overall.

Cons.

The character feel very one note.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke.

Scoob: Scooby Doobie Don’t Watch This Film

Scoob is a computer animated family film directed by Tony Cervone. The film serves as a reboot of the Scooby Doo franchise and tries to establish a wider Hanna-Barbera shared universe. The film details the beginnings of the gang with a particular focus on Shaggy (Will Forte), and Scooby’s (Frank Welker), relationship. Then the plot just takes a dive of a cliff and everything becomes very confusing and weirdly jarring.

So, it is pretty safe to say I didn’t like this film. If you asked me how to make the worst Scooby Doo film, you possibly could I would have probably suggested a lot of the things that this film does. First, right off the bat this franchise doesn’t need to be a shared universe. I know that is the hot thing right now, but very few studios are doing it right and with the poor reception this film seems to be getting this is year another failed cinematic universe.

This film is the first in their shared universe so it should set up Scooby Doo and its characters, but this film doesn’t do that. No, no it jumps the gun and tries to include as many Hanna-Barbera characters as it can. The film kind of expects you to know who a lot of these characters are, these characters that haven’t really been relevant in like 40 years. Playing into that might work if you this film was aimed at the adults who grew up with these characters, but it is not.

My major issue with the shared universe thing is that this film is not a Scooby Doo film, it simply isn’t. There is no mystery, no investigating, it is just cameo after cameo. Also none of these new characters feel developed at all they just feel forced in for the sake of setting up a shared universe; the Dark Universe immediately springs to mind.

The other thing I loathed about this film is the references and blatant product placement. Now I need to ask you a question, do kids care about Simon Cowell? I don’t think so, but this film begs to differ. He is not the worst of it. The product placement in this film is worse than the last Power Rangers film. An example of what I am talking about, there is a scene early on in the movie where the gang are all dressed up for Halloween. One is dressed like Wonder Woman another is dressed like Harry Potter, they make a point of naming the characters as well, why is this bad? Well because they’re both other Warner Brother franchises that they decided to promote in the film, it is not meta or tongue in cheek, no it is blatant and sickening.

If you want to watch a film where a group of kids talk about Netflix and Warner Brother owned brands at length and go on an adventure with characters that are only their to set up a shared universe and aren’t developed to the point where you don’t remember their name then this the film for you. Don’t watch this, it is not worth your money in any way.

Pros.

Will Forte is okay as Shaggy.

Cons.

It spits on what Scooby Doo is.

It tries too hard to be trendy.

The product placement.

The needless shared universe that ultimate kills the film.

1/5 and that is being generous.

Reviewed by Luke

Kubo And The Two Strings:Familial Legacy

Kubo And The Two Strings is an animated action and adventure film directed by Travis Knight. The plot revolves around a young boy called Kubo (Art Parkinson), who must go on a quest to find his deceased fathers mystical armour set after his mother is killed on the Moon King’s (Ralph Fiennes) orders.

This is a delightfully charming animated adventure, that really packs an emotional punch as well. The animation is beautiful and is easily the highlight of the film, you can tell that every scene was painstakingly put together, and you can see the amount of thought and care that went into every scene. The Sisters (Rooney Mara), are especially well done, they are incredibly creepy every time they’re on screen and look straight out of Japanese mythology.

The voice cast are all doing a magnificent job, with Theron and McConaughey being of course the standouts. When it is revealed that Monkey (Charlize Theron), and Beetle (Matthew McConaughey), are actually Kubo’s parents there is a real emotional weight to it. The film is not afraid to go dark with these emotions as well, as both of these characters sacrifice themselves for Kubo by the end of the film.

As a result of this, the film has a bittersweet feeling to it, the kind of feeling that makes you appreciate what you have. It takes your preconceived notions that ‘a kid’s film will have a happy ending’ and leaves you with Kubo being an orphan; and for that I applaud them.

This film feels like a love letter to Japanese Cinema as well as to Samurai movies of years gone by, it is a beautiful homage and one I can’t recommend enough!

Pros.

Beautiful animation.

The characters.

The emotion.

The choice to have a sad ending.

The adventure.

Cons

None.

5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Spirited Away: In A Land Of Ghosts

Spirited Away is a Japanese animated fantasy film directed by Hayao Miyazaki. The film revolves around a young girl called Chihiro (Rumi Hiiragi), who becomes separated from her parents after they get turned into pigs and she gets trapped in the spirit world. The film details the friendship she forms with Haku Spirit of the Kohaku River as well as her effort to escape to the mortal world again and restore her normal life.

So, my Studio Ghibli odyssey has finally brought me to the big one, the one everyone talks about, one of if not the most important piece of Japanese animated cinema, well ever: I am of course referring to Spirited away.

I loved the world this film created, other Ghibli films have referred to and referenced the spirit world, but with this film we finally get to see it. What a sight it is, it is just so brimming with vibrancy and life, much like I have said about other Ghibli films, this film is a work of art each scene could easily be a painting if paused.

Chihiro or Sen as she is called in the spirit world is such a likeable protagonist, she is an easy character to root for and admire as she manages to hold her own when she goes to the spirt world, even though she is just a little girl.

Yubaba (Mari Natsuki), is the film’s villain an evil old witch/bird like creature that rules over the spirt world. She is responsible for turning Chihiro’s parents into pigs as well as for trapping Haku and pressing him to servitude. Much, like other Ghibli designs her character is haunting and the image of her turning into a bird chilled me and stayed with me long after the film ended.

Overall, this is a magnificent film, that is both beautiful to look at and beautiful to watch, the characters are done well, and villain is menacing. In every respect this film is a triumph.

Pros.

Beautiful animation.

Rich dense world.

Great characters.

A good menacing villain.

Cons.

It is far too long and could easily have been an hour and a half.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Cat Returns: Studio Ghibli Gone Bad?

The Cat Returns is a Japanese animated film directed by Hiroyuki Morita. The plot revolves around Haru (Chizuru Ikewaki), who ends up saving the life of the Cat Kingdoms Prince Lune (Takayuki Yamada), without knowing who he is. After this she is perused by the King of the Cat Kingdom, who is intent on her marrying his son. She then has to venture to the Cat Kingdom, to try and escape the whole situation.

This is the third film in my Studio Ghibli odyssey, and I have to say it is the worst thus far. Of the three films I have seen so far, this is the shortest, which you would think is a mercy, but it is not. There is nothing wrong with the start of the film or with Haru herself, she is fine, it is everything that happens from the Bureau onwards that is the problem. I understand that the Japanese culture might be slightly different from what I am used to, but all the elusions to bestiality made me feel uncomfortable. There is no other way to say it than Haru is attracted to her Cat protector and despite the film turning her into a cat midway through, don’t ask me why, it still feels wrong.

Narratively, the film is a mess, when compared to something like Princess Monokoe or My Neighbour Totoro, is a complete dumpster fire story wise. Things just happen with no rhyme or reason and the plot is so thin that when these things happen you are left saying wait what. I genuinely believe if this film did not have the Studio Ghibli name attached to it, then it wouldn’t even be considered watchable let alone good.

None of the film feels satisfying either, you don’t care about any of the characters, as they aren’t developed, they are just kind of there, the ending as well adds very little to call it an anti-climax would be an understatement.

Overall, this film just wasn’t for me, I am a cat person, but even still I found precious few things to like about it. I was left feeling uncomfortable and vaguely confused by it and one thing is for sure, that is an hour and 15 minutes of my time I am never going to get back.

Pros.

It’s only on for 75 minutes.

Haru is okay.

Cons.

It makes no sense.

The bestiality undertones.

It was a slog to get through.

1.5/5