The Batman: Trying Desperately To Replicate Nolan

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A new emotional Batman, played by Robert Pattinson, is born. Is this Nolan? Not quite.

I will admit I liked this film more than I thought I was going to based on the trailers, there are a number of things that work here and a few major things that don’t, but to the positive first.

Jeffery Wright, Zoe Kravitz and Paul Dano are all terrific. Wright and Kravitz totally make the characters of Gordon and Kyle their own to such an extent that you can’t think about anyone else in the role. Yes, I do think these may become the definitive versions of these characters. Moreover, Dano is magnetic as Riddler and really makes the character come alive in a threatening, unstable way that has never been done on the big screen before, Dano’s Riddler is easily the star of the show.

Another positive is the world. This Gotham City feels very comics accurate; the deprivation and the despair are clear to see and inform the wider narrative of the film. Reeves very accurately captures the world of Gotham as it appears in the comics.

Now onto my issues with the film.

This film really suffers pacing wise, I did say when it was announced that the film was going to be on for close to 3 hours that it was going to be an issue and I was proven quite right. After a while the film starts to drag and even becomes boring, this obviously hurts it tremendously.

Additionally, the film is clearly trying very hard to mimic Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy and as such goes hard with the uber realism and grit. However, unlike Nolan’s films this really doesn’t land and comes across as silly, baffling or simply not as intended. Examples of what I am talking about can be seen as Batman rarely talks to people instead he just stairs, this might have seemed like a cool idea but doesn’t work, moreover, whenever Batman walks anywhere he does it so slowly that anyone could easily just run away, a lot of the time it is not even slow motion he is just barely strolling along. Though Reeves thinks this makes for an intense on-screen presence it actually instead becomes a recurring joke.

Lastly, the emo hot topic Batman played by Robert Pattinson certainly won’t be to everyone’s taste, he wears copious amounts of eye makeup and acts like an angsty teen which at times does become grating, some of the lines are incredibly on the nose in this regard. Furthermore, I don’t think anyone will be coming away from this film saying what a great actor Pattinson is as he is really quite monotone throughout.

Overall, on the better side of fine, but not approaching truly good.

Pros.

Wright

Kravitz

Dano

Cons.

Emo Batman

The pacing

It tries to hard to copy what Nolan did

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Blacklight: The Battle Against Retirement

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Liam Neeson continues to refuse to retire and stars in yet another disappointing action film.

Folks we are a long way from the days of Taken.

I remember when a Liam Neeson action film used to be a sight to see, there was a time when almost all of the films Neeson, wherein he was staring, were golden. Sadly those days seem long over. I admit as a Neeson fan there was still a little of that old Neeson charm to be found here, but it is wearing thin. That said if this film didn’t star Neeson I would have turned it off early and not reviewed it, he was the one thing that kept me going.

The plot of this film is deeply generic and familiar to the point of parody. All of the threads have been well tread by other better films, and the attempts at social commentary never seem to come together, it can’t seem to decide what it wants to say.

The rest of the cast outside of Neeson might as well not exist as they are given so little to do it would have made more sense to simply have Neeson just doing things and not interacting with anyone for the length of the film as they add nothing.

Overall, it is sad to see Neeson reduced to this.

Pros.

Neeson

It is watchable

Cons.

The plot

The wider supporting cast

It is boring and generic

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Peacemaker: It’s Cow Or Never

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The season finale sees Peacemaker, played by John Cena, and the gang go on one final do or die mission to defeat the butterflies.

This may have been one of the strongest seasons of TV I have seen in a long time, for the most part the series was pretty great, there were a couple of mistakes and slips here or there but widely it was near perfect, this is quite rare.

I thought the finale was able to deliver on everything it was setting up, it gave us crazy action and sweet character moments in just the right amount, whilst also teasing out some unresolved issues for season 2, I am glad the show is giving itself a reason to keep Robert Patrick around.

My one downside would be that the episode feels a little rushed and could have done with being about half an hour longer, I just feel like if it had some extra time could have really nailed every single emotional moment and given us more time during the big fight scene.

Overall, a damn near perfect season finale, season 2 has big shoes to fill.

Pros.

Cena

The emotions

The battle

The use of the theme song

The set up

Cons.

It could have done with more time

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Peacemaker: Stop Dragon My Heart Around

5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

With enemies closing in, the team must decide who they are fighting for and unite in order to defeat the butterflies.

I think this episode was perfect, it was clearly everything the series has been building towards, even the stuff I didn’t like and criticised at the time. All of the emotional through lines converge here and we finally get to see Peacemaker, played by John Cena, and his dad, played by Robert Patrick, come to blows with it being an emotionally charged scene nailed perfectly by Cena.

Moreover, we also get to see Harcourt, played by Jennifer Holland, become team leader in a magnificent slow motion sequence. I think this is well deserved and is the culmination of Harcourt’s arc as she finally feels part of the team, in terms of emotional pay offs this one certainly feels satisfying.

I appreciate that this show is able to balance both really silly and crass moments with emotional intensity and never have the two negatively impact each other, it is a sure sign of good writing. I thought in this regard the Peacemaker flashback was particularly effecting.

All of this sets up one hell of a finale in the next episode, I really hope Gunn can nail the landing.

Overall, easily the best episode of the show yet.

Pros.

Harcourt finally getting what she deserves

Peacemakers’ childhood flashback

The emotion

Cena

What it sets up for next time

Cons.

None

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Battleship: Rihanna Won’t Be Winning An Oscar Any Time Soon.

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Aliens invade and of course it is down to the US Navy to save us all.

I will give this film props for actually making a full fledge film out of a board game, though the story is nothing new or novel it is serviceable and it gives me hope for future films being based on boardgames, of which there are many.

Moreover, this film features one of my favourite actors Taylor Kitsch, who has never been given the recognition he deserves which is a shame as he is genuinely good a lot of the time. Here is no exception, Kitsch brings a lot of energy to the part and perfectly captures the everyman hero vibe.

Sadly, that is were the praise ends. For the most part the wider supporting cast is wasted and reduced to stereotypes, however that is not the case for Rihanna’s Cora Raikes, who is featured prominently especially towards the end of the film, by the end of it you realise what a mistake that is as Rihanna is a very poor actor. To me this just felt like an ego trip for Rihanna, she wanted to be an actor so her star-power bought her a role, this is a shame as a less famous but much more talented actor could have done a lot with the part.

Furthermore, the aliens themselves look awful. The CGI is not just bad but also overused resulting in a horrifying and upsetting spectacle.

Overall, Kitsch is good and there is some fun to be had but really there was no need to make a film based on the boardgame Battleship and this film proves that.

Pros.

Kitsch

Some fun to be had

Cons.

Rihanna

The aliens

It is generic and dull

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Peacemaker: Murn After Reading

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The police circle in on Peacemaker, played by John Cena.

I found this episode to be frustrating, not so much in what was happening as in how they got there. I found the planting of the diary in the last episode suspect, as in I don’t think the character would have done it, but I also found the fact that a secret government agency was unable to stop a determined detective equally baffling and poorly thought through. Clearly these things happen for story reasons rather than anything resembling logic or consistency.

However, that said the show is still very good and even this episode manages to have a number of standout moments. Chief among these is the slow breakdown of Peacemaker himself, as he is starting to come undone at the seams, this has been brewing over the course of the season but it is really starting to come into it’s own in this episode. Cena does a good job nailing the emotional beats.

Moreover, I think the possessed Song’s, played by Annie Chang, police takeover scene might be one of the best moments of the entire series, it perfectly establishes the threat and is also incredibly cool visually.

Also things are moving forward with the White Dragon, played by Robert Patrick, plotline which promises interesting developments in the next episode.

Overall, a weaker and more frustrating episode on the whole, but it still has some fun moments.

Pros.

Cena nailing the emotion

The Song takeover scene

Teases for things to come

Cons.

It feels a little contrived narratively

Some of the character decisions don’t make sense for them

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Uncharted: Tom Holland Can’t Act

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A child, played by Tom Holland, tries desperately hard to prove himself as an action man and reminds us all why video game movies don’t work.

Well, I hate to say I told you so. I remember many people had an issue with me saying Tom Holland and Mark Wahlberg were totally miscast as Drake and Sully and told me to wait and see the final thing before I commented, well I have seen it now and yeah I was right.

This film is not bad hence it not getting lower, but it is aggressively average and dull. It tries desperately hard to supply gamers with member berries, even bringing back the Nathan Drake voice actor for an extended cameo, but even this is not enough to give it a personality or soul.

Wahlberg is playing Wahlberg and Holland is playing Holland. It will win me no fans to say this but this film proves my point about Holland once again, he is a fine Spider-Man, but taken out of the MCU he has all the range of someone in a high school play. Holland better hope they keep needing him to play Spidey as outside of the MCU he will quickly be forgotten about as a non-talent.

The two try and have some banter together, which feels like an attempt at MCU style comedy, this mostly doesn’t work and misses the mark sometimes even being groan inducing.

The only silver lining I have for this film is that Sophia Ali is actually quite capable as Chloe Frazer and is an interesting character in the film. I found Ali to capture the duality of the character well, as she is able to convey her as both an ally and a possible betrayer. Sadly, Chloe isn’t given much to do.

Overall, Sony’s big bet on Tom Holland is widely a bust and so ends yet another needless videogame adaption.

Pros.

Ali

It is watchable

Cons

Holland and Wahlberg

It is boring

It never justifies its existence

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The Book Of Boba Fett: In The Name Of Honor

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The war between Boba Fett, played by Temuera Morrison, and the Pike Syndicate finally comes to blows.

This was one hell of a mixed bag.

On the one hand you had the Grogu and Din, played by Pedro Pascal, stuff, which was really sweet and well done and honestly also quite effecting. As well as some great action set pieces that felt intense and bloody, and had a nice heft to them that helped you forget you were in Disney era star wars where blasters are set to stun half the time.

However, on the other and infinitely worse hand you had the Mods at their most insufferable, lecturing Boba Fett, an experienced mercenary, on battle tactics and social justice and being far too prominent during the final battle. The social justice message of the Mods really makes me dislike them, and it takes me out of the show and makes me feel like Hollywood Z listers are talking down to the fans. I understand that Robert Rodriguez likes to push diversity in his kids films now, and for the most part that is admirable and well done, but here it is forced down your throat by characters that never fit into the universe. Also surely if it was a diverse street gang they would have at least some alien members? No? That seems well thought through.

Moreover, this episode has Boba learn that it was in fact the pikes that killed his beloved Tuscan Raider tribe, yet can he avenge them? No, no he can’t. Instead the show has to once again take the action and badass moment away from Fett and give it to Fennec Shand, played by Ming-Na Wen, which feels illogical and like a slap in the face to anyone invested in the show. To not give this to Boba means his character journey is not ended in any meaningful way.

Finally, and perhaps most egregiously of all they kill off Cobb Vanth, played by Timothy Olyphant, off-screen…… The last episode had him survive his injuries, what happened? Honestly this made me want to turn off the finale.

Overall, Boba Fett spent more time in a bacta tank then doing anything even remotely cool.

Pros.

Grogu

The action

Cons.

The Mods

Cad Bane’s awful death that looked hilariously bad

Not finishing Boba’s character arc

Cobb Vanth

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The Hobbit An Unexpected Journey: Greed Is Not Limited To Dragons

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Lord Of The Ring’s disappointing cousin.

As some of you may know The Lord Of The Rings is one of my favourite trilogies ever, so much so that I may never review them: as even the concept of having to think critically about something I care so deeply about seems hard. However, the Hobbit and it’s various sequels are fair game.

Like many people when I watched An Unexpected Journey in the cinema for the first time I was mixed, and then in the short term afterwards I grew more negative towards the film. However, with time I found within me a fondness for this trilogy so I decided to go back to it, and after all these years I can honestly say that this film was okay, not great, not terrible.

This film has a lot going for it Tolkien’s fantastic world, strong source material and a good cast with the likes of Martin Freeman, Aiden Turner and Richard Armitage and for the most part these factors stop the film from being awful and even create positive feelings towards the Hobbit trilogy, then you get to the ending and yeah…….. Then you remember why everyone dislikes the Hobbit films.

The rather obvious issue with these films as many have pointed out in the past is the pacing. Now I have nothing against the long run times of these films, but I do take umbrage when I feel the audience is being exploited, as in to take a short story contained within one book and then turning it into three films. When we reach the end of the film and realise that we aren’t even going to see Smaug basically at all, it feels as though you have been cheated. It feels like a smack in the face and an executive laughing at you saying, ‘oh better come back for the sequel’.

This clear mentality is what I think really harms this film and its sequels.

Overall, exploitative but not without promise.

Pros.

The cast

The world

There is fun to be had

Cons.

The pacing

The unmistakable feeling of corporate greed

Catwoman: Remember When Halle Berry Used To Be In Films

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Halle Berry is paraded around to be ogled and objectified.

Most agree that this is one of the worst superhero films ever made, as it takes everything fans know and like about Selina Kyle, here played by Halle Berry, and just throws most of it down the drain in favour of lusting after Berry for the runtime of the film. It is hard to watch this film now and not find it wildly sexist and problematic.

Berry for her part proves that maybe she isn’t such a good actor after all and that she should give back her Oscar and ask for forgiveness. She seems fully uninterested in the subject matter or in trying to give a performance that is anything other than wooden. Clearly her interest when signing on for this film was on whether it could become a franchise vehicle for her.

The writing and the plot are both laughably bad and the film feels like it is trying to divorce itself from the comic book source material, which is never a good move.

Overall, a terrible film best forgotten.

Pros.

It is laughably bad

Cons.

Berry

It is sexist

It has no respect for the character

It makes no sense

It has massive plot issues

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