Christmas On Mistletoe Farm: You Deserve Better Than This

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A businessman, played by Scott Garnham, must take over the reigns of his father’s farm. Hijinks ensue.

I must say I have seen a lot of terrible Christmas films in my time but this has to be one of the worst I have ever seen, why Netflix ever decided to greenlight this is beyond me.

This film proves fairly conclusively that Debbie Isitt is a hack, or at best a one trick pony. She uses the exact same formula she did on Nativity, a no nonsense lead that needs to learn to cut loose, a stupid and loud sidekick that acts more like a child than a grown man and a large grouping of children who struggle to act. Whilst this worked for the first Nativity and just about managed to for the second, thanks in large part to David Tennant, here it just feels incredibly obvious and lazy, clearly she doesn’t have enough imagination to come up with a different premise and can only move the location of her tale around to pretend to be different.

Moreover, this film is a slog to get through. The pace of this film is awful, not only does it approach two hours, despite having no business to, it also meanders along at such a mind numbing pace that you question whether this is some new form of incredibly insidious torture designed to drive you mad. Nothing much happens across the whole of the film, because once again to be exciting and to have things happen would take imagination and writing ability that clearly the team behind this don’t have.

Overall, offensively slow and uninteresting

Pros.

It would be a good film to put on as you are falling to sleep for some background noise

Cons.

It is borderline unwatchable

It is a slog to get through and feels like a trail fit for the Ancient world

It is the same situations and characters as in Nativity only worse

There is very little at all to like about it

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Christmas In Toyland: What’s In The Dust?

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A data analyst, played by Vanessa Lengies, who dreams of being a toy maker is sent in to investigate why a certain branch of the company she works for is so successful.

This was a slightly above average Christmas rom-com, and within the arena of trash Christmas rom-coms that is high praise indeed. I think the thing that raises this film above average for me is the central romance which does feel warm and genuine and because of that is easy to care about.

In addition I thought there were quite a few funny moments in this film, both intentionally and unintentionally and this made watching it far more enjoyable. There were of course a lot of cliches and well worn tropes in the film and it does seem afraid to do anything new, but that is to be expected with this sort of film.

Overall, this film is an enjoyable enough Christmas rom-com that does bring the feels and hosts a relationship you will end up caring about.

Pros.

The chemistry

Funny moments

It is short

Cons.

It does drag in a few places

It is nothing new, it uses a lot of cliches.

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My Old Lady: A Deeply Depressing Trip To France

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A man, played by Kevin Kline, inherits an apartment only to find it being occupied by an old woman, played by Maggie Smith.

Whilst this film does have some old world European charm to it, for the most part it can’t shake a deeply depressing air that makes it not only hard to watch, but hard to review. I struggled with this film I will be upfront with you and say that, sometimes the heaviness of it got a little too much for me and it made it hard for me to carry on watching it. To think that this film is labelled a comedy drama is somewhat baffling as there is very little funny about it.

The performances were all very much as you would expect, that is not necessarily a criticism but instead a comment in that no one is really playing against type here. If you like Maggie Smith’s recent usual persona you will likely like her here as well, the same can be said for Kristen Scott Thomas.

Overall, I found this one quite hard to get through as I found it at times to be quite depressing and draining.

Pros.

Smith

It is watchable

Cons.

It is deeply depressing

There is no humour to be found

It is quite a slog to get through

The charm quickly fades

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Andor: Daughter Of Ferrix

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Cassian, played by Diego Luna, experiences a loss and Mon Mothma, played by Genevieve O’Reilly, edges closer to marrying off her daughter in exchange for help moving her rebellion earmarked funds around.

This was probably the weakest episode of the show so far, nothing really happened and at best it was boring. The focus on Mon Mothma is really what hurt this episode as a lot of the early season promise the character had has been widely lost by now, and the character mainly exists to show awkward party scenes and scheming that never really seems to amount to anything.

The Luthen, played by Stellan Skarsgard, and Saw, played by Forest Whittaker storyline is slightly better and more interesting as we see the walls start to close in around Luthen to an extent and see him re-characterised in the context of shifting power dynamics.

Overall, a fairly boring episode wherein nothing of any note happens.

Pros.

Luthen is finally facing resistance from the Empire

It is watchable

Cons.

Nothing much happens

Mon Mothma is being wasted

It is boring

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Thomas Kinkade’s Christmas Cottage: Have Yourself A Depressed Christmas

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young man, played by Jared Padalecki, must do all he can to save his families cottage.

So in terms of Christmas films, both good and bad, this is deeply average. Whilst the film certainly is watchable, there is much worse, it is far too cliched to ever be good. The film feels like the most overly sentimental ever produced, to add to that the plot leaves nothing to the imagination and progress exactly as you would expect it to.

The ending, which is again obvious, especially if you have ever watched one of these sort of films before, feels both unbelievable but also incredibly Deus Ex Machina. If this wasn’t based on real life I would say it is far too convenient writing used to tie things up nicely.

Padalecki is fine as is the rest of the cast, but this film is by no means going to win any awards for its acting. Padalecki seemed to find it hard to change facial emotion for the entirety of the films runtime which is always a sign of either someone who doesn’t care and want to be there or someone who can’t act, I’ll let you decide which.

Overall, far too overly sentimental and cliched to pass average.

Pros.

It is watchable.

Chris Elliot

Cons.

It is cliched

It is overly sentimental

The ending is both blindingly obvious but also incredibly unrealistic

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The Menu: A Memorable Dining Experience

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An exclusive dining experience goes badly wrong.

I thought this film was genuinely great on a number of levels. Most notably for me was the biting social commentary which had me both appalled at what Ralph Fiennes’ evil chef character was saying but also in some senses agreeing with him. I liked that this film had a very clear socio-economic/political message to it and wasn’t afraid to tackle it openly, moreover, rather than force its message down your throat to the point of choking you it approached it with a surprising amount of nuance which I really appreciated.

Additionally, this film is aided by being incredibly funny. This film had me laughing out loud quite often, its sense of humour is often jet black but it really worked for me. Whether it was the name cards for various different dishes or the way Nicholas Hoult’s Taylor was so mercilessly taken down the film was a laugh riot.

I think the film did its best to see to its supporting cast and give everyone a moment to shine, bar Arturo Castro who is terribly wasted, but really this film is about the interplay between Anya Taylor-Joy’s Margo and Fiennes Slowik and there is where the film really comes alive. Both actors are on top form, it goes without saying, but Taylor-Joy really shines and her scream queen credentials get yet another notch.

My only slight issue with the film was that the ending was rather predictable, not just that but also overly familiar. That is not to say that the ending didn’t work for the film, but rather than it was incredibly obvious where it was heading. I would have preferred something either more subversive or more shocking.

Overall, one of the best films of the year for sure.

Pros.

Fiennes

Taylor-Joy

Hoult

The humour

The social commentary

Cons.

The ending was a little weak

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American Horror Story NYC: Bad Fortune

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The killers gameplan is finally revealed and things take a turn for the supernatural.

I thought this was a very strong episode, I enjoyed the fortune telling scenes even if they were a bit silly and over the top. Moreover, I welcomed this season of the show more openly embracing the supernatural as for the most part this season has been relatively human focused.

I thought the Big Daddy fight scenes were well done, you never quite knew whether Patrick, played by Russell Tovey, was going to escape or whether he was going to die, they were tense scenes. Moreover, the death of Leslie Grossman’s character felt like it brought with it a new found sense of stakes for the season and her character really does drive the mystery forward.

Overall, another strong episode of this season with a very welcomed move towards the supernatural, I hope some of these mysteries will soon start to get tied up.

Pros.

Grossman

The ending

The veer towards the supernatural

The continued build of the mystery

Cons.

A little slow at times

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Tar: The Darkside Of Genius

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A venerated conductor, played by Cate Blanchett, has her life upturned when someone from her past commits suicide after accusing her on improper behaviour.

The trailers for this film made it look far more cerebral than it actually was, it looked far more liked a stylised concept whereas what this film actually turns out to be is fairly conventional in most regards.

I enjoyed that this film felt like a direct response to #metoo and cancel culture and asked questions that aren’t often thought about such as what happens after the accusations are made, how do these people continue on, how do they live with themselves for what they have done, what is the power of an accusation? Though the plot has been roughly done before, I thought that this film did bring some nuance to the conversation and reframe things.

As always Blanchett was terrific and completely chameleon esque, she sank fully into the role to such a point where you question whether this is a fiction film or a documentary and question the boundary between art and reality. Though I suppose that was the point.

My main issue with this film was that the runtime was far too long. Not only does this make the film feel far more inaccessible as it leads to pacing issues but it also feels incredibly self-indulgent, there could have been a fairly solid two hour film here, but they get far too cocky and decide to try and stretch it out, this leads to problems.

Overall, an interesting concept coupled with a great performance from Blanchett are met with an off putting runtime that leads to large pacing issues.

Pros.

Blanchett

The film’s take on #MeToo

The style

Cons.

The runtime

It feels a little too smug at times

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American Horror Story NYC: Blackout

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The mystery furthers.

I enjoyed that this episode continued to explore the killer and what he is trying to do, I think that if the show is to truly nail its landing this season then he will have to have one hell of an endgame to live up to all the hype the show has installed in him as the main villain.

However, but also good, the thing I am more interested in about this season that I think it is doing incredibly well is talking about the ever looming threat of AIDS, with the epidemic growing threateningly close over the horizon. I am curious to see how the show will address it, whether it will fully sink into conspiracy theory area or have it and the indifference many showed towards the victims be the real horror of the season, or maybe a bit of both.

Big Daddy continues to be a compelling supernatural villain who hopefully we won’t learn much more about so that some of the seasons mysteries can be left to the imagination.

Overall, another strong episode.

Pros.

The mystery

Teasing the past of the characters we think we know

The looming catastrophe on the horizon

Big Daddy continues to be a memorable villain

Cons.

It continues to be far too heavily eroticised

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Enola Holmes 2: Back By Algorithm Demand

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Enola Holmes, played by Millie Bobby Brown, is back for an all new tedious mystery that you will immediately forget about the second the film ends.

So I will say that this film is watchable, and does have a few good moments. I liked the furthering of the romance between Enola and Lord Tewkesbury, played by Louis Partridge, and thought that it was very sweet and I also liked that Enola is now out on her own and is not still at the beck and call of her brothers.

However, I would say that is where the positives for this film end. Mainly my problem with this sequel is that it is totally unneeded, the mystery is far more dull than the first, you don’t care about it and it all just feels like Netflix were screaming for more of the same. Indeed most of the aspects that worked well in the first film, such as the fourth wall breaking, are turned up to the max here and in almost every case they are pushed too far and to a point wherein they become annoying.

Moreover, though Henry Cavill was a strong part of the first film, here he feels pretty aimless. Maybe that is the point, but they force in Moriarty Holmes’ famous nemesis to try and give him something to do and even that ends up boring. In many sense I feel like this film was forced into production before they had a good idea as to what they wanted the sequel to be and so a lot of it comes off as generic.

Finally, a lot of the commentary and messaging of this film is not as insightful or as fresh as it thinks it is, and instead ends up bring out the same old same old feminist lectures that have been done better before. It comes off as try hard and wannbe, if they are going to give the film a message lets at least have it be timely and fresh.

Overall, a fairly needless sequel.

Pros.

Enola is finally her own boss

It is watchable

A few entertaining moments

Cons.

It doesn’t justify its existence

The commentary is tame and tepid

It can’t find an interesting story to tell

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