Strangers Things Retrospective: Slop Hidden In Plain Sight

Stranger Things is often held up as one of the great modern series, but upon watching it back a second time you see the power of Netflix and the hype people, to really overblow something to the nth degree.

The conspiracy ideas of the show are interesting, however, it is far too derivative, concepts like how Vecna kills people in season four, or the entire mystery of the first season feel like carbon copies of other things from the period such as the works of Stephen King and The Nightmare on Elm Street films.

The series as a whole doesn’t seem to want to know who it is for either, it has mature elements for adults, yet packs the story so full of melodrama that it could be called a YA show just as easy. The issue with the series as it aged is the fact that it really started to drink its own cool aid, and started to have these big pompous episodes on for far longer than a lot of prestige tv shows, and the reason they were so long, not because they were trying to unpack weighty issues and themes but because of all the filler.

The characterisation and the character writing in terms of motivation feel so inconsistent, characters change massively over the course of the show and not in consistent ways that makes sense for them, almost as though the writers forgot who they were between seasons and just decided to start over. They also flanderise characters, look at Will, people said from the very first episode he was gay, yet as the series progressed that is all he became. The whole of the fourth season was him whining as his straight friend wasn’t into him, it gets to a point where the characters becomes a cliché.

I think with Stranger Things to which I watched all four seasons in the lead up to this final season over the last month, it becomes very clear that if you stripped out the nostalgia, the premise and the soundtrack and just viewed it as a show based on its characters, writing, and themes that it was always slop. The nostalgia and the premise made you think it wasn’t so bad, but it was always slop we just didn’t see it.

Overall, the show is pretty mediocre.

2/5

Pros.

The soundtrack

The mystery as a concept, the more and more they explain of it the worse it gets.

Cons.

The character writing

The pace

The shallowness of it

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Back To The Future: Marty’s Mother Is Sexually Abusive

Summary

A classic doesn’t hold up.

I recently watched this film after not having watched it in years, it was not a great experience.

Some films from the Eighties hold up and pass the test of time and some don’t I would argue this is the latter. Firstly, the stuff with Marty and his mother which is played for laughs is really quite an odd choice and is creepy. Marty is being constantly sexually harassed and at times quasi assaulted and yet this is not a big deal and if anything is just a humorous misunderstanding, lets flip the genders and see if it is still a comfortable viewing experience.

Following on from that is the aggressive amount of product placement that is everywhere. Whilst this could be viewed as gimmicky or a funny thing to laugh at it actually is quite distracting and the more and more it goes on and the more you see the worse it gets. It feels less like you’re watching a film and more like an advert.

The smoking gun for this revisionism is that Marty himself is insufferable, not only is he overly cocky and smug a lot of the time, he doesn’t treat those around him well he treats his dad, back in the past, with contempt for being nerdy, and he takes his girlfriend, in the future, for granted, worse yet he never really gets called out for being the way he is. However, when you watch it back you think if Marty was erased from existence the world wouldn’t be so bad.

Overall, a movie that does not hold up.

2/5

Pros.

It is watchable

It has a good soundtrack

Cons.

The stuff with his mother

The product placement

Marty is not a nice person

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The Running Man: The Pretend Horrors Of Trump’s America

Summary

A kernel of punk rock wrapped in layers of modern day progressive nonsense.

This was a weird one for me to see, that being because I was unsure when it was coming out for me, you see as I have said elsewhere I have moved to Belgium, and unlike other things that mostly come out around the same time as they do in other territories, this film had a split release date. It was coming out in some parts of Belgium this weekend and some next weekend, luckily for me it came out in my part on the former. Maybe this is a common occurrence that I will get used to, but for me coming from the UK with one standard release date for things it was a little odd.

So that personal anecdote aside lets get into it. So firstly, let’s get a few things clear this is a woke movie, in every sense of the word, it parodies the right’s ideas of poor people just not working hard enough, it has the lead be a hero for leaking information to his union, it has the lead in an interracial relationship, as that is the only way you can make a white leading man acceptable anymore. As well as of course all the villains are white men. If you need a little more proof, everyone who helps the lead along the way would be a target voting base for a left wing party, effeminate men, urban minorities, and college educated women. Do you feel preached at yet?

The film does have some good action scenes and a cool anti-establishment feel at times but then it will ruin it by having a line like, I am from the half of the country that gives a damn about people, once again do you get it yet? The style and the vibe you would argue are the best thing about the film. The idea itself in execution works like a neutered John Wick, in the sense of when he is hunted down by assassins, however, rather than intense gun battles you get Glen Powell nude from behind, which access critic Grace Randolph had as one of the main points of her positive review. The desperation and thirstiness is strong folks.

For me personally the best bit of the film was Michael Cera’s character and his Home Alone esque murder house, that was a lot of fun, but the sequence was relatively short.

Overall, all the people who are calling this so timely, need to actually seriously question whether they are delusional and have a look around them, no one is dying on your reality tv shows. Shut up. Yes that does mean you Patton.

1.5/5

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Bugonia: Life Is Out There

Summary

Emma Stone and Jessie Plemons team back up.

So this was a better film than Kinds Of Kindness I can tell you that, I would argue the main way that is true is the fact that it had a coherent story structure and tried to tell a linear start to finish narrative. There were elements that were surreal but for the most part it was all very straightforward.

I thought both Stone and Plemons did a great job as per usual, I didn’t doubt either of them and I thought the story was interesting throughout. I liked how the film kept you guessing about whether Stone’s character was an alien or not throughout, then gave you a satisfying and concrete answer.

For the most part I liked this film the only thing I did not like was how the characters abused a mentally disabled person throughout the film, I found this to be quite uncomfortable to watch. For example Plemons’ conspiracy minded character chemically castrates the fellow, and then Stone’s character convinces him that his friend, as in Plemons’ character, is dead leading to him killing himself. It is a very unpleasant thing to watch.

Overall, the story is good and interesting, it is simply how they treat the disabled fellow that holds the film back from being better.

4/5

Pros.

A coherent and interesting plot

Good performances

Well done, in terms of production

The ending

Cons.

The treatment of the mentally disabled fellow

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Predator Badlands: Baby’s First Predator Film

Summary

A new Predator arises.

There was so much about this film that felt promising but it was just ruined by a series of elements that just don’t fit the franchise.

Firstly it was nice to see more of their culture, and have their family/clan dynamics explored more. However, the way they interacted was far too human for my liking, it needed to feel more alien. Moreover, the final shot of the film that had the Predator’s mother show up was lame as hell and an awful way to end on.

Secondly, the combat was fun and well done for the most part. This was probably the most important part to get right, it was interesting to see how the Predator fights as in other films we don’t get to see it so much. However, this was offset by the comedic sidekick. Personally I like Elle Fanning, I think she is an interesting actress and I like seeing the project she picks, she has great range. Although it must be said neither of the character’s she played here worked. On the one hand you had the quirky, overly talkative, positive robot, which made jokes throughout the film and killed any tension, and on the other hand you had another synthetic that also looked like her that was the stern, no feelings, girlboss which they at least turned into a villain. Personally I don’t think comedy has any place in a Predator film.

The cute animal sidekicks also felt like very current day Disney, they use these creatures to try and lure in women who might be otherwise put off by the science fiction or the violence. Once again Predator as a franchise is heavily male leaning so it should not have done this as it contributed, along with the humour, to this not feeling like a Predator film.

Then you have the fact the film constantly makes the Predator weak and ineffective and tries to lessen him. This again feels very current day Disney, again in their culture they train to hunt from the moment of birth so some of the mistakes he makes are not only stupid but break the lore.

Overall, a deeply mixed film.

2.5/5

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Star Wars A New Hope: A Slow Start

Summary

The Saga begins.

For me this is easily the worst of the Original Trilogy, and that is mainly due to the pacing of the film. It takes a long time to get going, when it does it picks up, but there is a lot of time before Luke, Mark Hamill, meets the Rebellion.

It is well done at setting up things to come and makes the universe feel really and lived in, you can see why it became so popular as the universe is crying out with stories to tell. However, it would and does later, benefit from being a bit more in depth, the characters we are meeting here are interesting but paper thin, if you think about any of the central trio, simply as this film presents them you will see they are not well rounded characters.

You do get some cool set pieces such as whenever Darth Vader is on screen but these are few and far between.

Overall, slow yet with promise.

2/5

Pros.

Some cool set pieces

It sets up an interesting world

Cons.

It is slow

The acting isn’t great

The characters are paper thin

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Jurassic Park: Overrated In The Extreme

Summary

The older I get the more I realise that Steven Spielberg is not a good director.

Removed from a childlike lens of whimsy I wanted to see how this film held up. If it was the masterpiece people seem to think it is, turns out they are wrong.

Whilst I appreciate what this film was doing, when it was doing it, and the lasting impact it has had. That does not change the fact it is just the same thing over and over again, dinosaur attacks, kills a person and moves on to the next, yes there are a few tense scenes where the dinosaurs are looking for people to kill but don’t find anyone, but that’s it. I think if this film had not been so visually impressive when it came out many people wouldn’t have bat an eye, it is just a generic shark film plot but with dinosaurs.

The plot is glacially slow in actually getting off the ground with the dinosaurs breaking out, and the film feels so bloated at times that it is distracting. One could argue what it would be like if it was not given to Spielberg at the height of his power and was instead given to someone who actually wanted to make a tight film.

Overall, disappointing and highlighting the very worst of Spielberg

1/5

Pros.

It is visually interesting

Cons.

It is badly paced

The acting isn’t very good

It is repetitive

It is bloated

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The Thing: Action And Horror Don’t Mix Well

Summary

The Thing is deeply overrated, I just want to say that now and get it out of the way.

Let’s move past the anger.

Whilst the film may have been impressive at the time, and whilst I can appreciate the lonely and haunting beauty of the polar landscape it takes place in, nothing can remove the fact it is terribly paced. The film takes a long time to get going and when it does it spends a lot of time meandering, hanging out in rooms talking rather than actually having the characters spend all that much time with the creature.

The creature effects are okay, I always prefer practical effects over CGI, so I will give it its credit for that. However, it is not the scariest thing in the world, it is grotesque but not anything more than that.

Personally, I think that The Fog is a much better John Carpenter horror film.

Overall, it is brutally long, and boring.

1.5/5

Pros.

The setting

The score

Cons.

It is far too long

It isn’t scary

The action and the horror are not blended well together

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The Toxic Avenger: Dinklage Says Little People Can’t Play Dwarfs But They Can Play Monsters.

Summary

Peter Dinklage doesn’t like little people playing dwarfs in fantasy films but he is fine with them being shown as mutant freaks. The many contradictions of a man who’s career ceased to exist with Game Of Thrones.

There is so much wrong with this film it is hard to know where to start. Firstly, it feels like it was written by current day James Gunn, and that is not a compliment. In that I mean that it feels like it was written by a teen boy, with all the juvenile humour that entails but also one that was off the current masculinity, who wants his male characters in skirts. There are multiple scenes of characters getting their genitals punched through or torn off, because that’s funny right, and then the character will likely make some kind of off colour joke to try and make it even more funny, but none of this works. The film wants you so desperately to think it is funny and cool, but it is neither. It is try hard.

There is a scene in the film wherein Dinklage’s Toxic Avenger saves a group of people who are at a restaurant taking hostages and why are they doing it because they are angry about DEI. That is how basic and simplistic this film views the world, oh do you not like wearing nail polish and skirts, do you have an issue when meritocracy isn’t employed then you’re some cartoonishly evil and stupid antagonist that deserves to die.

Overall, this film shows that Hollywood hates vast parts of the audience.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

Dinklage is awful

It is cringe

It is hateful

It is gross out for the sake of it

It feels like it was written by current day James Gunn

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War Of The Worlds: Ice Cube Whores It For Amazon

Summary

Ice Cube sells out.

So what can be said about this film that has not already been said?

A lot of people are enjoying mocking this film for being bad, and in a sense almost suggesting people watch it as a so bad it is good film, however, this must not be done. By sending people to Amazon to watch this because it is so bad it is good, Amazon will see they can get views out of garbage like this and keep doing it.

This film reeked to me of two key things, contractual obligations and a tax write off. I think everyone involved with this new where it was going, and I think having all the product placement in this film was done as a way to turn a turd into something that could still bring in some money for Amazon. Why else would they have long scenes where Ice Cube uses Amazon.Com to buy things? For the contractual obligations I am presenting an out for Ice Cube, as whilst he likely just did this for the money, there is also the chance that he had to do this film out of some sort of obligation to Amazon/

I would like to think the lampooning of this film means that the era of sat at a computer opening windows sort of filmmaking is over. That we may yet be spared more films like Unfriended, as this seems like the sort of film that kills a sub-genre stone dead. In many senses this is a Madame Web sort of film, but unlike that film Amazon knew what they were doing here.

Overall, trash that you shouldn’t even watch to see if it is as bad as everyone says.

0.5/5

Pros.

It allows you to see how creatively bankrupt Amazon is

Cons.

It is poorly acted

The product placement

It is badly paced

It is boring

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