Calendar Girls: The Calendar That Titillated The World

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of older Yorkshire women pose nude for a calendar to raise money for cancer patients. Based on a true story.

I found this film to be enjoyable to watch and mostly feel good. Yes, there were one or two moments that were a little on the depressing side but for the most part it was a cheery celebration of life.

I thought all of the performances across the board were strong, Helen Mirren and Julie Walters are both compelling co-leads and both are relatable with their individual struggles and how they handle their fame. I thought it benefited the film to have the reflection on fame and what it can do to up end a life, it made the characters feel genuine and real.

My issues with the film would come as a result of a very played out narrative that feels been there done that. Obviously this film was pinned down as it was a true story so had to stick to that, but a lot of the emotional beats and revelations about life felt deeply generic and puddle deep. The film was also insanely predictable.

Overall, a sweet if overly familiar film.

Pros.

Mirren and Walters

It is very watchable

A few funny lines

Cons.

It is very predictable

It feels played out

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A Castle For Christmas: Escaping To Scotland

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Famous author Sophie Brown, played by Brooke Shields, heads to Scotland to avoid an angry fan backlash. Whilst there she buys a castle and falls in love with its Duke.

I found this film to actually be quite enjoyable in a goofy Netflix Christmas movie sort of way. Yes, if I were Scottish I would be offended by this film, it really does not understand Scottish culture at all and sometimes feels like it is making it up as it goes along, however there is enough charm to get you to enjoy it anyway.

I found the characters of Sophie and The Duke, played by Cary Elwes, to both be fun and likeable. Yes, they both had the usual cliché misunderstandings and stereotypical moments but I still found myself caring about both of the characters and their relationship as a whole. I thought the ending was sweet and it made me smile, there are enough sweet moments here to make this film a fun Christmas watch.

Overall, a lot of sweet moments and a fun Netflix Christmas film.

Pros.

It is sweet

It is funny

Shields and Elwes are both good.

Cons.

The way it portrays Scottish culture

It uses a lot of cliches

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Off The Rails: Singing Song Lyrics Out Loud To Signify You Are Sad

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of friends get together after the death of one of their member and decide to go on a European trip.

Frankly there just isn’t anything new about this film, you have seen this film before and no the film doesn’t do anything new with it.

A bigger issue with this film is the fact that it is overly sentimental and that none of its emotion comes across and genuine or heartfelt. Rather it comes across as depressing. All of the emotional moments in this film feel cliched and predictable and as such have no impact. By the end of the film you are left feeling depressed and as though you might have wasted your time.

This film makes a big deal out of the fact that it heavily features the music of Blondie, even having the characters singing lyrics in supposedly sad moments for some reason, however even as a Blondie fan I didn’t find anything particularly impressive about this. Other than the very ham-fisted way I have already mentioned the catalogue of songs are not used for any real purpose.

Overall, though I like Sally Phillips, and she is a saving grace here, this film is simply depressing and played out.

Pros.

Phillips

It is short

Cons.

It is depressing

They waste Blondie

The emotion doesn’t land and feels fake

Judy Dench is forced in for no reason

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Total Recall: One You Want To Forget

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The film deals with idea around memory and supressed lives coming to the front, and no it doesn’t have any of the cheesy fun of the Arnold Schwarzenegger version.

I hadn’t seen this film since I first saw it in cinemas all those years ago, and much like the subject of this film I must have had my memories supressed as I didn’t remember it at all, then I watched it again and all of a sudden the memories came back to me and I remember why I had forgot it. This film is aggressively average.

Colin Farrell is fine here but he is not allowed to have any fun in the role at all, and the film as a whole takes itself far too seriously. The Schwarzenegger version wasn’t a comedy by any means but it was silly enough to make it an entertaining watch, whether that was deliberate or not, this film does not have that campy charm.

Honestly this film is just a hodgepodge of generic science fiction cliches and manages to do nothing even remotely interesting.

Overall, erase these memories.

Pros.

It is watchable

The visuals are reasonably sound

Cons.

Farrell is bland

It is generic

It is on for far, far too long

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Belfast: Personal Yet Familiar

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The life and times of a young boy, played by Jude Hill, from Belfast whose family has to come to terms with leaving the area to escape the Troubles.

Do I think this is a good film? Yes. Do I think it should be inevitably nominated for Best Picture? No. This is a good film in many ways but it is not spectacular, and despite this being a very personal journey and reflective of a certain time and place there is an element over familiarity here, meaning you have seen this film before the plot is not quite as fresh as it really ought to be.

I thought this film particularly came into its own when dealing with emotion. I thought there were a number of stirring scenes here, the final scenes we get with Ciaran Hinds’ Pop and Judi Dench’s Granny and both powerful and the shop looting sequence is also quite harrowing. I was impressed with the film in that it both manages to show the danger of the Troubles whilst also presenting it from the point of view of a naïve child and keep the lens being from his perspective but at the same time not losing any of the perceived danger.

I thought the performances were good across the board however, I think Caitriona Balfe should be spotlighted for any awards nomination from this as she was excellent here- easily stealing the show.

Overall, a powerful yet familiar film.

Pros.

A strong cast across the board

Managing childlike nativity with the grim reality

The ending

Balfe especially

Cons.

The plot feels a little bit overly familiar

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The Spirit Of Christmas: Ghost Sex For Twelve Nights A Year

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Kate, played by Jen Lilley, is a workaholic who is tasked with prepping an inn for sale during the holidays, little does she know it is haunted.

There is some charm here let it not be said there isn’t, however, the cliches and the laughably dumb plot really hold it back.

So yes the lead falls in love with the ghost, played by Thomas Beaudoin, that is the plot of the film, but wait is he even a ghost? The film says yes but then he becomes human for twelve days a year or something because he is cursed… None of it makes sense.

Moreover, though the film wants us to celebrate the love between the lead and the ghost we really shouldn’t be, the ghost has or rather had a wife which the film is totally fine with him abandoning for his new girlfriend. The morals are all over the place and it gives the film and iffy taste to it that takes away from some of the charm.

Despite all of this this film is charming and the romance does feel genuine and warm which allows the film to have something good to cling to.

Overall, a subpar Christmas rom-com with a plot that makes no sense and a charming romance that is overshadowed by troublesome morals.

Pros.

The leads are both serviceable

The romance feels genuine

Cons

Troublesome morals

A silly plot

Pacing issues

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After Earth: Scientologist Propaganda

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Scientology meets science fiction and produces a mess; no this isn’t Battlefield Earth.

Did this film almost lead to the death of Will Smith’s career for a few years? Honestly maybe. This film is awful for many reasons the clearest of which is the fact that this film reeks of scientologist propaganda, but luckily no one saw it so it was unsuccessful in that respect.

The plot is almost unintelligible, something about space and fear etc. It is a strange mixture of nonsense and trite cliché leading to a bore of a film. I know that Shyamalan has always struggled with pace in his films but this might be his most egregious example to date, by the end of the film’s second act the film feels like it is over, but then no it carries on for another thirty to forty minutes.

Neither of the Smiths are at all likeable here, particularly Jaden. They neither feel like normal people nor do you care about them.

Overall, this has to be the lowest point of Shyamalan’s steep spiral downwards.

Pros

The premise is mildly interesting before it becomes overly convoluted.

Cons.

It is Scientologist propaganda

Neither of the Smiths are likeable

It has major pacing issues

None of it makes sense

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The Power Of The Dog: What Did That Horse Do To Him?

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Phil Burbank, played by Benedict Cumberbatch berates those around him for a few hours in a period setting.

To me this film embodied everything wrong with arthouse cinema. It is pretentious, it thinks it is deeper than it actually is, and none of it really leads anywhere it just a series of scenes spaced out with rants from Cumberbatch.

Honestly I found this film hard to watch as it was so slowly paced that it almost put me to sleep. Really the only interesting part of this film was seeing must how unlikeable Cumberbatch’s Phil could become and seeing how sinister he could get.

Moreover, if you like animals this may not be the film for you as there are a number of scenes where Phil is cruel to animals, and it can be distressing and hard to watch. I understand why the filmmakers choose to include these scenes, to show just how evil Phil is, but they can’t shake this overwhelming sense of needlessness.

Overall, Cumberbatch is good but the film as a whole is boring, hard to watch and far from what it thinks it is.

Pros.

Cumberbatch

It is interesting to watch Phil devolve

Cons.

It is overly pretentious

It is boring and far too long

Scenes of animal cruelty that feel needless

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Walk Of Shame: Stop The Slut Shaming Hollywood

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A woman, played by Elizabeth Banks, almost misses out on the job interview of her life after a drunk night out, awaking in unfamiliar terrain.

What to say about this film that hasn’t already been said. I find it amusing that someone who is as outspokenly feminist as Elizabeth Banks, looks at how she handled the failure of Charlies Angels for more, appeared in this deeply sexist and troublesome film. It shows how someone’s opinions can change on a trend. Though maybe I am overly harsh on Banks.

This film is simply awful in many ways, namely the fact that it is not even remotely funny and is instead intent on just reusing stereotypes and quietly slut shaming its protagonist for laughs. Not a single one of the jokes land and worse yet a lot of them are off putting and leave you feel angry at whoever wrote them down, this film is crass and misogynistic in the extreme.

Ultimately I just feel like films with this kind of lazy old fashioned narrative just aren’t needed or wanted anymore, and everyone involved probably wants to forget it.

Overall, widely problematic and unfunny.

Pros.

It is short

Banks has a few chuckle worthy lines

Cons.

Rampantly sexist

It is not funny

Banks deserves better than this

The message of it is all wrong

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South Park Post Covid: The Future Is Bleak, Especially If You Are Apathetic To Covid

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The kids of South Park are now men forced to return to their home town after the death of one of their own, in a world still ravaged by covid.

Honestly I think the main reason for my low score is because I am personally I am really bored of covid and talking about it, seeing this whole hour special just go on and on about it became old quickly. I wish it could have been about anything else.

That said I do admire the show for lampooning the current crisis and laughing at how extremely over the top some people have been about it, acting like it is the end of days or something. I thought this coupled with the side plot about comedy in the era of cancel culture/ woke comedy were really interesting and insightful comments on where we are right now as a species.

I didn’t think this was the funniest thing I have ever seen from South Park as though there were a few jokes that landed, and landed well for that matter, for the most part they left me cold. I don’t know if it is because of my apathy towards hearing about covid but I didn’t find myself laughing a whole lot here.

Overall, if this hadn’t been about covid I probably would have found it funnier.

Pros.

A few good jokes

Not being afraid to laughable at how over the top some people have been with covid

Comments about woke comedy

Cons.

I am bored of covid narratives

It is not hugely funny

The central mystery is not all that interesting

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