The Ice Age Adventures Of Buck Wild: The Day Blue Sky Studios Died

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

None of the original Ice Age voice cast wanted to return, bar Simon Pegg, and Disney needed to do something with the franchise, why not send out a minimal effort picture to litter the empty halls of Disney + ?

Mark this moment dear reader, for it is not only the moment Ice Age died but also Blue Sky Studios, which is a shame as I was hoping for Rio 3. There is so much wrong with this film that it will be hard to condense down into a breezy review for you.

I think the most glaring issues is that this film looks like it was made on a budget of a few dollars, with the quality of animation not only looking worse than any of the other Ice Age films but also any other animated film you are likely to see this year.

Moreover, the film as a whole feels like it is missing something, this could easily take the form of Scrat the series mascot or as I previously mentioned the entire voice cast of the previous films. Simon Pegg as always gives it an admirable go, but even he can’t save this rather obvious cash in.

As you watch the film you can’t escape the sense that there is no good reason for it to exist.

Overall, more trash for Disney +.

Pros.

Simon Pegg is trying his best

It is watchable

Cons.

It feels like a knock off

The animation is awful

Scrat

It doesn’t need to exist

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The Royal Treatment: This Is Why Your Subscriber Numbers Are Stagnating Netflix

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A prince, played by Mena Massoud, from yet another made up fictional place comes to America to meet his future bride, played by Chelsie Preston-Crayford, however, once there he meets sassy and street smart hairdresser Isabelle, played by Laura Marano, and he just can’t get enough of her entitled, obnoxious personality.

My, my how did Massoud go from Aladdin and the hights of super stardom to this? This film really isn’t worthy of him at all, and though he is the best thing in it and the only reason it has received half marks it makes me sad that this is the sort of role he is being offered.

Marano’s character fails so much as a romantic lead that she dooms the film. Now, this isn’t necessarily Marano’s fault, the writing certainly doesn’t do her any favours by giving her one of the worst personalities to come out of a Netflix film recently. She embodies American Exceptionalism and thinks that she can decide how to help the people of a foreign country better than their government, because she’s American and knows better?

Moreover, her relationship with Massoud’s prince character isn’t very healthy, she controls him and bends him to her will from the start of the film. In one of the first scenes the two share together on screen she tells him off for not sticking up for one of his servants after she gets told off by other staff for doing something wrong. Maybe he doesn’t like conflict, maybe he is worried him intervening will make things worse, no he’s bad because he isn’t constantly looking for opportunities to fight societal injustice and he needs a controlling woman to push him to do it. The more you think about it the worse it becomes.

Overall, yet another bad Netflix film.

Pros.

Massoud

A few good jokes

Cons.

Marano

The romance is troubled

The message of American Exceptionalism

The ending

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Home Team: Adam Sandler Is Even Bringing His Kids Into His Films Now, Will The Nepotism Ever End?

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Adam Sandler’s dependence star in a true story about a disgraced NFL coach, played by Kevin James, who ends up coaching his son’s peewee football team.

This sports film just rehashes cliches, honestly there isn’t much more to say; I could end the review there. To expand, the plot of this film is not just overly familiar it is almost plagiaristic. The beats and forced emotion it is going for, but crucially never achieves, have been done so much better before elsewhere.

Moreover, I get him and Sandler are pals but whoever thought James was a good leading man? Does Sandler? Is that why he gets cast in the lead role in so many of Happy Madison’s productions? To answer some of those questions for you, nepotism is the only way James can get these roles as his talent just isn’t there. Whether playing happy, sad or quizzical James comes across with all the emotional range of a shopping bag.

Overall, it is fine, technically there is nothing wrong with it, however, if you want more than deeply forgettable then you will be left cold and disappointed.

Pros.

It is watchable

Taylor Lautner returns

Cons.

James

It is boring

It is generic

The nepotism is blatant

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Body Cam: No One Wants This Footage

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A troubled police officer, played by Mary J. Blige, and her young partner, played by Nat Wolff, must do battle with the supernatural.

Honestly, I was surprised this film passed me by when it first came out at the start of the pandemic, at first glance it seemed to be right up my alley, however as the film began and then painfully continued I realised it was a blessing that I hadn’t until that point heard of this film and now I wish I never had.

The film is not dreadfully bad, frankly it might have been more fun if it was, no it is instead oppressively generic and dull. There are no thrills or surprises here as everything that happens you know is coming as this film has been done hundreds of times before and it doesn’t bother to change a thing. This also plays true for the character development with both of the leads being cliches through and through.

The supernatural element is in no way scary and again feels boringly predictable. They try and create a sense of tension but fail miserably. If you would like a good police centred horror film check out Scott Derrickson’s Deliver Us From Evil, that is a vastly better film.

If you thought this film was going to share some insight into the issues facing policing in America then you expected too much, it throws out some banal statements and trite conclusions and doesn’t achieve anything more than that.

Overall, weak, played out and too familiar.

Pros.

It is watchable

Wolff is trying, sadly his character is but a cliché

Cons.

It is boring

It is generic

It has pacing issues

It fails as a horror film

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Sing 2: Is Illumination The Worst Studio In Animation?

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of talentless animated animals gather together to listen to licensed music with you, as the writers can’t even be bothered to show up to work.

So I didn’t watch the first film, and somehow I don’t really feel like that would have made that much of a difference as there is no plot here, I doubt there was in the last film either, so I haven’t missed much.

Frankly if I were a parent I would feel insulted by this film, Illumination clearly think that they can just send out any old slop to the cinemas and that children and begrudgingly there families will just eat it up: know your worthy families of the world, you deserve more than this. This reeks of greed and cynicism.

Until the last twenty minutes of the film I don’t even remember any of the characters singing, which is baffling as that is what the whole film is supposed to be about. Instead for the most part the characters do very mundane generic quests in the purposes of killing time and the film blares out some equally bland licensed music. This is in no way interesting.

As I left this film I thought for sure this must have been some kind of tax write off, or money laundering scheme, as I can’t see why else it was made.

Overall, kids deserve better than this.

Pros.

I found it unintentionally hilarious a few times.

Cons.

The characters are awful

There is no plot

The animals barely sing

The music that we do get is generic and forgettable

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Death Of A Telemarketer: Everyone Hates Sales Calls

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Telemarketer Casey, played by Lamorne Morris, meets his match when he gets on the wrong end of Asa Ellenbogen, played by Jackie Earle Haley, a hostage situation ensues.

I thought this was watchable but not much more. Honestly, my biggest issue with this film was how played out it was. Not only was the story been there and done that, though maybe not in the telemarketing guise but I have seen this same story done time and again in other films, but so too were the moral conclusions of the film. The lessons that Casey learnt at the end of the film have been taught to us by other better films in the past, this film has no new revelations about the work life balance or how we should all treat each other.

Due to the fact that it all feels so familiar the film really hamstrings it’s chances of success in any major way.

However, it does have two silver linings in the form of its hero and villain. Both Morris and Haley are in top form here and do deliver good performances, especially when you consider the dire nature of the script. Morris manages to be loathsome enough for us to know he needs to change but not loathsome enough for us to dislike him. Morris has a lot of charm and that is on show here. Haley manages to pull off threatening and menacing well and create a strong sense of tension during the midpart of the film.

Overall, nothing that you haven’t seen before but passable if you have nothing better to watch.

Pros.

Morris

Haley

The tension

Cons.

It is too familiar

It is not funny

It’s lessons feel simplistic

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Keith Lemon The Movie: The Pinnacle Of The British Film Industry

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

ITV tries to make some more money by stretching out the deeply unfunny and talentless persona of Keith Lemon to a feature film, the result a rare zero percent on rotten tomatoes.

I will preface this review by saying the only reason this film has a 1 is because it makes for a good drinking game, one takes a drink whenever any of the characters are being annoying, which is most of the time, and you end up good and drunk before the film has even reached the end of the first act- you are then spared the rest.

This might be one of the worst films I have ever seen. It certainly is the most desperate. A character and a concept that are the lowest common denominator, and that hide in the darkest corners of ITV2 are forced onto our film screens in what I can only describe as a perverse display of poor taste. Truly this film will only be funny to you if you are a young teenager. Even then it might struggle. None of its jokes are funny, but it tries too hard at every turn to be which just makes it even more desperate. It aims for edgy shock humour a lot of the time which only adds to this.

Most of the celebrities involved with it are British C-D listers that clearly need the money and it shows by how far they are willing to debase themselves by being in this.

Overall, stay as far away from this film as you can.

Pros.

Make it into a drinking game and make it bearable

Cons.

It is not funny

It is edgy for the sake of it

It is desperate

It has no reason to exist

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Bruno: Does Anyone Find This Funny?

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Austrian fashion journalist Bruno, played by Sasha Baron Cohen, travels to America to make it as a big Hollywood celebrity.

I think this is the worst of all Sasha Baron Cohen’s comedy films. All the most obnoxious and irritating elements are turned up to beyond the max here in a desperate attempt to be funny. Even then it still fails. I didn’t find myself laughing once whilst watching this.

Many praise this film for how it presented Bruno’s sexuality. However, though this film may have subverted some homosexual stereotypes in its depiction it also made new ones which were just as bad as those before it. It still often used Bruno’s sexuality as the butt of the joke, which coming from a straight actor seems a little poor show and homophobic.

I also thought that despite being under an hour and a half this film felt like it was on for at least three hours, such was its terrible pacing. It truly was a slog to get through.

Overall, not funny, irritating and mildly homophobic.

Pros.

Some of the celebrities that have been ‘caught unaware’ give funny reactions

Cons.

It isn’t funny when it tries to be

It is awfully paced

It creates new homophobic stereotypes

Most of the characters feel very one note

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Cool Runnings: A Winter Olmypics You Can Enjoy

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Everyone’s favourite bobsled team takes the Olympics by storm.

This film really does hold up. It is just as good now as when I first saw it, happy, wholesome and inspirational; the perfect film to watch during the bleak month of January.

Sadly the film is tinged with sadness by the fact that John Candy isn’t with us anymore, as his is one of the best characters here, only really beaten out by Rawle D. Lewis’s Junior. Though having said that there isn’t a bad performance from anyone in this film, everyone is compelling and helps to bring the story to life.

I thought the ending of this film is one of the best of any sports movie, as not only does it have a good message, it is not about winning but instead about doing right by yourselves, it also has all the feel good beats you would want from a sports film with even the adversarial characters becoming friends and supporters by the end.

The pacing is good and the film knows when to end, two things that a lot of modern films don’t understand. I liked that this film kept it tight and used all the screen time it has effectively, I didn’t become bored once whilst watching.

Overall, a near perfect sports film.

Pros.

The message

The feel good factor

The characters and the performances

The ending

Cons.

The humour didn’t click with me

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Bae Wolf: The Rampage Has Only Just Begun

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A princess and her trusty sidekick must rally together to go and fight an evil monster.

I thought this film was great, it was pure escapist fantasy fun. However, it was also far more than that, I admired the depth of the characters and how they are given such distinct personalities that really help to set them apart from your bog standard fantasy cliches.

Moreover, I enjoyed the subtext of the film and the hidden layers of meaning I found within it. There is a strong LGBTQIA identity to this film which I thought was a nice change of pace for the fantasy genre and also provided some much needed representation. I also applaud the film for using these themes and ideas but not having it dominate the film to a preaching degree, I thought the film did a superb job balancing the fun, meaningful and the more complex topics it tried to hit on.

Furthermore, as a gore hound I appreciated the gore in this film and how the film held nothing back. If you are going to do a fantasy film it should be stuffed to the gills with slashing, pillaging and general rampaging and certainly this film achieved that.

Overall, a fresh fantasy film that you should definitely check out if you’re a fan of the genre.

Pros.

The gore

The fun

It never took itself too seriously

The representation

The monster

Cons.

The opening was a little slow for my taste

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