Fast X: Running Out Of Road

Summary

The Fast Family have yet another figure from their past set out to seek revenge upon them.

These movies are getting tired, it is always the same thing over and over again. I know no one is coming to these films for their sparkling and thoughtful plots, but at the same time that doesn’t mean they have to be boring and repetitive, they should try a little.

What I would appreciate about this film is if death mattered. By that I mean in the final act of the film a number of characters are seemingly killed off and I have a feeling that these deaths will be reversed immediately at the start of the next film which will ruin the stakes and prove that death is meaningless in this universe. Having Jason Momoa’s villain killing off a number of beloved members of the family would set him up as being an important villain, enough to top all who have come before him and be worthy of the finale, but I have a feeling they might just give him Jacob’s, played by John Cena, death. I thinking killing off Cena’s character is stupid as he wasn’t around long enough to feel important as such his death is fairly meaningless.

I think the best thing about this film is the new blood. Brie Larson and Daniela Melchior both have great scenes throughout the film and help to bring in some new character dynamics that break the same old same old that we are getting sick of with this franchise. Larson in particular should have a much bigger role in the next film as she is electric here.

Overall, more spectacle, but does it mean anything?

3/5

Pros.

It is silly

The new characters

Mamoa is having a lot of fun

Cons.

The deaths feel meaningless and easily reversed

Vin Diesel gives his worst performance in years

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Blackberry: The Rise And Fall Of A Titan

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The rise and fall of one of the most prolific mobile phone companies of the Noughties.

So let me start off by saying that this is a fantastic showing from Glenn Howerton. He is on top form here and really does prove that he has solid dramatic chops, it is a shame his agent has him doing sub-par series like Velma that totally waste his talents. Through and through this is Howerton’s film.

Moreover, as far as the rise and fall of x company films go this one was quite compelling and interesting for the first hour and a half, we’ll get to that other half an hour in just a moment. I found myself really interested and engaged with how the company was slowly losing its soul over time and thought that the cast did a really great job getting me to care about the characters.

However, it isn’t all sunshine and roses, within the last act of the film things go off the rails quickly, mainly they side-line Howerton’s character for big stretches which hurt the film a lot, and then they try to tie it all together with a montage of this is where they are now scenes at the end, this doesn’t work as it feels like after spending over an hour getting you to care about these characters the film just drops the ball with them at the end.

Overall, Howerton makes this film as good as it is, but the disastrous third act really hurts the film significantly.

3/5

Pros.

Howerton

The early pacing and the rise parts of the film

The soundtrack

Cons.

The last act really drops the ball

The final act also side-lines Howerton, a terrible move

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The Boogeyman: Clearly This Film Didn’t Have The Budget To Spring For Any Kind Of Lighting

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A family is plunged into a fight for survival after a supernatural evil takes over their home following the death of their matriarch.

The director behind Host and Dashcam made this film, two of the strongest horror films in recent memory, my, my what a step back.

This feels like the most bland form of studio horror, entirely by the book and with nothing new to surprise you. The metaphor of the film is ham-fistedly done and stands in a poor contrast to other films that try and reflect grief through a supernatural entity, see The Babadook. If you have been paying attention to the genre space recently you will see scares from Smile and Barbarian repeated here sans the punch they had in those films.

The monster is well designed and does look genuinely menacing at times and that is one of the few positives I can give this film. However, despite this good design you will rarely ever see the monster because the film is so dark that you can barely see what is going on most of the time. If you want to get incredibly drunk play a drinking game for every time a character in this film enters a room and doesn’t put a light on, or every time in the middle of the day everything feels like it is on half brightness. I understand this film may have been made on the cheap and as such not have the budget to be showing off a CGI monster at every turn, but the level of darkness in this film is just ridiculous.

Moreover, in terms of performances the central family are serviceable, Yellowjackets’ own Sophie Thatcher steals the show in a number of scenes, but she doesn’t have much to compete with. The film has pretty much all the characters outside of the main family be dislikeable, I don’t know why. They even try and force in some mean girl stuff towards the end that just feels like the most cliché pap and makes you roll your eyes hard.

Lastly, there is something so depressing about this film that at times it makes it unpleasant to watch. I understand the irony of saying that about a horror film but I would argue that plenty of horror films cover depressing and dark topics without making the viewing experience feel depressing. Take Hereditary for example a little girl dies fairly early on and a family descends into hell, but at the same time it is still a fun and thrilling viewing experience you don’t leave the film sad, or at least I didn’t, the same can’t be said for this film.

Overall, a disappointment.

2/5

Pros.

The monster, when you see it

Thatcher

Cons.

It is too dark both literally and figuratively

All of the non-family character are immensely dislikeable/ they force in some teen drama for no good reason

It has horrible pacing issues

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Fool’s Paradise: Mocking The Disabled And Using Sexual Assault As A Punchline

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Charlie Day plays a modern day version of a Charlie Chaplin character

There was a lot wrong with this film. In many ways it felt like the sort of film that Adam Sandler would put out say a decade ago, crude, stupid and very mean spirited. There is perhaps an assumption on Day’s part that because he is playing the character that is the butt of the joke and he is the one that put the film together then it makes it okay and less mean spirited, but I disagree.

The plot wants you to be entertained by, and find funny, the mistakes and misunderstandings of someone who clearly has learning difficulties, the film even clearly states that this man has the mind of a child. So right off the bat this film feels like it is mocking the disabled, but it gets worse, there are a number of scenes where this character is sexually assaulted and it is played for laughs. At no point across the film does this character show any knowledge of what sex is let alone a form of consent, yet these female characters force him into performing and that is supposed to be funny. It is seriously messed up and damaging.

It is a shame the film ends up in such a puerile place as it does have some good celebrity cameos, said cameos often steal the show and are funnier than anything else happening on screen. In terms of pacing a lot of these cameos are clustered together rather than being peppered in throughout the film which leads to them going a bit underappreciated as you don’t really have time to notice them all.

Overall, a horrible film that belongs in the bin of history.

1.5/5

Pros.

The cameos

A few funny jokes

Cons.

It makes fun of someone who clearly has disabilities

It features frequent sexual assaults and frame them as funny jokes

It is toxic

The cameos are not spread out well within the film

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Hypnotic: Ben Affleck Has A Terrible Agent

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Ben Affleck has mind powers and they are so good he has forgotten about them.

What happened to Robert Rodriguez? Honestly once upon a time he was my favourite director and I would rush out for each of his films opening weekend, but now he is just making fairly subpar family films and stuff like this.

I will admit the idea of Ben Affleck trying to find his lost daughter going up against a cult of people with mind control abilities is genuinely interesting and if the film had stuck to the that then maybe this review would be different. However, the film seems to want to compete with the mind games of a Nolan film and adds in twist after twist to such a point that any shred of promise is wasted and the film becomes incomprehensible. This film wants so badly to be a Nolan esque film but it just doesn’t have a smart enough script for it.

The ending is also incredibly terrible and feels like the most convenient writing I have ever seen in recent cinema. The ending makes no sense, but everything after the first half an hour is like that, and also tries to go for a happy ending even though nothing in the tone of the film or the narrative suggests that to be appropriate.

Ben Affleck is doing his usual moody dad routine, and that worked for me here and I think it fit the character well, better than it did in some of his other recent work. The acting is all fine, no one particularly sticks out for good or for bad.

Overall, if this is the quality of his contemporary output Robert Rodriguez should retire.

2.5/5

Pros.

The premise is sound

Affleck fits the role

It is watchable

Cons.

It is a stupid film that thinks it is an intelligent one

It makes no sense

The ending is truly awful

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The Book Club The Next Chapter: The Sequel No One Needed

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of old friends head to Italy for a bachelorette party.

I was in two minds about watching this film at all, the first was fairly abysmal and was nothing other than a cynical ploy to cash in on the Fifty Shades fad that was popular when the film was greenlit. However, I must say that this film faired better than the first and was watchable and even charming at times, now there were some pretty big issues with the film don’t get me wrong but it was at least more passable than the first film.

In a sense I applaud this film for trying to be a sex comedy film at times with older women. Within the landscape and our broader culture old women are far too often seen as sexless and grandmotherly ceasing to have needs of their own, so it was nice that this film tried to address that. Although it must be said that it does so with the grace of a wrecking ball, and rather than have a mature conversation about the sexuality of older women the film instead just crams as many groan inducing, in a bad way, sex jokes as it can into its runtime. It just feels a little juvenile, though it must be said it is handled with more class than something that Al Pacino or Robert De Niro would do wherein they would be doing gross physical comedy as well.

Something that hit me early on with the film and that opened things on a sour note was how much this film is a covid film. By that I mean that this film within the first few minutes must have mentioned covid at least twenty times, and again I feel like this is done as when the film was being made the pandemic was a big news item, however, now upon release it just serves to date the film.

Both of those issues exist alongside the various technical issues that plague this film such as convenient writing, a generic plot, pacing issues and over sentimentality, but you would expect those sort of issues with a film of this nature so I won’t spend time addressing each in turn, just trust me they are there.

Overall, hopefully this is a closed book now.

2/5

Pros

It is watchable

It opens a much needed conversation on the taboo of older female sexuality within media

Cons

It turns an important conversation into a series of sex jokes that are never funny

It is generic, dull and at times the pacing is trying

The reminder of the pandemic

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Across The Spider-Verse: Spider-People Overkill

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Miles Morales returns to the Spider-Verse.

I was very excited for this film going in, but have to say I was a little disappointed with what we got.

First the positives, I thought the character work was great particularly as it applied to parent child dynamics and the idea of finding a home/family, in this regard the film really nailed some deep emotional scenes that were genuinely moving. I also liked the addition of all the new Spider-People especially Spider-Man India, I did think they went a little cameo mad especially when they got to the clubhouse near the end of the film, but for the most part I liked seeing all the different variants I remember from the comics. Of course another pro of the film was the animation, which was incredible and a real feat to behold, the fact that the animators were able to blend so many different styles of animation so seamlessly together in one film highlights the artistry of Sony Animation and is really a big boon for them.

Now despite all of that, this wasn’t a perfect film. I disliked the act structure and thought it felt like one of the Hobbit films, this was mainly due to the fact that it didn’t have an ending or third act but rather one long second act that will then lead into the next film. I understand this film was written to end on a cliff-hanger, but I think that it could have had a degree of resolution within its own narrative as well as doing this rather than just abruptly cutting away. Due to this structure decision the film feels like it has quite bad pacing issues. I also didn’t like what they did to Miguel O’Hara, and admittedly this one hit me harder than most as outside of Peter Parker Miguel O’Hara is my favourite other spider-person, I think making him a villain was a bad call. I understand that in the third film it will be revealed that he was taking orders from/ coerced to work for Morlun and the Inheritors and he will redeem himself, but I just think that by making him so outwardly villainous here it takes away from a lot of his heroic potential in the future.

3.5/5

Pros.

Spider-Man India

Miles

The animation

The emotional beats

Cons.

The pacing issues

The ending

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Reality: The US’s Further Edging Towards Fascism

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The story of Reality Winner, here played by Sydney Sweeny, and her arrest.

This film made me angry. It so perfectly points out and captures the American hypocrisy with their love affair with free speech only ever extending out to what they agree with. I think the film wants you to be angry at what happened to Reality, who at the end of the day was leaking information that was in the public good, not selling nuclear secrets to the North Koreans.

It is a thoroughly uncomfortable watch from start to finish as the film ramps up the tension and the claustrophobic nature of the raid. You like Reality within the film feel the walls closing in and increasing escalation.

Sweeny is terrific here and really gives a layered and nuanced performance, I think there is something so heart breaking about the fact that her life is over essentially and she just wants to make sure her animals are okay. Perhaps it is because I am not American and am fairly detached from their news cycle, but this film made me feel bad for Winner in real life and think that the US government want to bully their own citizens into maintaining this image of them being infallible when that just isn’t true.

Overall, this is a great anti-US protest peace illustrating the US’s increasing slip into being an authoritarian fundamentalist nightmare.

4/5

Pros.

Sweeny

The tension

The emotion

The core of the story and the message it has

Cons.

It is unpleasant to watch at times

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The Little Mermaid: The Opening Salvo Of The Summer Movie Season

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Little Mermaid gets the live action remake treatment.

So I went into this with pretty low expectations and thinking it wasn’t really going to be my sort of thing but I ended up enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would. I will preface this review by saying that I haven’t seen the animated original so I wasn’t attached to one version of this story.

I want to say right off the bat that Halle Bailey is a great Ariel and really helps the character to feel likeable and rounded in a live action format. On top of that she also has a very believable and strong romantic chemistry with the male lead, played by Jonah Hauer-King, which helps the film to really work as a date movie. Bailey of course also has a great singing voice and pulls off all the songs truly very well, or as well as can be done with the woeful new songs.

However, the strong cast doesn’t extend across the board Awkwafina is terribly miscast as Scuttle and has a groan inducing rap sequence that also doubles as one of the terrible new songs I mentioned earlier. It is such as a shame the film felt the need to introduce a few new songs as the old ones are still great and are what the audience want, but hey they have to have new songs to try and enter them into awards races later in the year. Awkwafina’s miscasting is somewhat offset by Daveed Diggs as Sebastian who is damn near perfect casting and who makes that Crab the stand out character of the whole film, bring on the Sebastian Disney + show I say.

A final point I want to flag up is that the effects and pacing of this film are both noticeably off and that on a technical level these things hold back the film. The underwater effects look bad and unfinished and I know Disney has bad relations with effect houses but they clearly needed to fix this if they want to improve their CGI, because at times the CGI hear was shocking, especially compared to what The Way of The Water was doing at the end of last year. Moreover, the extra story for Eric and a few other characters is nice but it really doesn’t need the film to be an extra half an hour longer than the original, at the length it is being shown at this film has a second act that drags by at a glacial pace.

Overall, a better live action remake than most of Disney’s others

3.5/5

Bailey

The classic songs

The romance

Digg’s Sebastian

Cons.

The effects and pacing

Awkwafina

The new songs

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Love Again: Reading The Texts Of A Deadman

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A music journalist, played by Sam Heughan, finds himself in possession of a phone that is receiving texts from an unknown number, little does he know that he will end up falling in love with the mystery sender, played by Priyanka Chopra.

This film was strange, in many senses this misjudged a lot of things. Most noticeably was the tone, there are things in this film that are big deals like the male lead using the texts send to him unknowingly by the female lead, who thinks she is sending them to her dead ex, to track her down and pursue her, but rather than treat this as the red flag it is it is instead set up as a quirky meet-cute.

Moreover, Sam Heughan was entirely miscast with the film wanting more of a bumbling Hugh Grant sort but instead has a brooding and quite intense lead that doesn’t meet any of the boyish playfulness his role is clearly written to have. Additionally, the romantic chemistry between Chopra and Heughan is fairly non-existent.

Don’t even get me started on how much this film goes out of its way to plug Celine Deon, who no doubt Sony owns the rights to her music catalogue, it was off putting and made me feel like I was watching an advert rather than a film.

The film is passably watchable in a pinch and I did think the sequence in which Chopra’s real life husband Nick Jonas showed up was quite funny. Jonas shone in his little cameo role and it really was a shame he didn’t get more time or a bigger part as his character was far more interesting that Heughan’s.

Overall, Jonas is good for a laugh and it is passable if fairly generic and forgettable.

2/5

Pros.

It was passable

Jonas was funny in his brief cameo

Cons.

The leads have no chemistry

Heughan was miscast

It is generic

The tone is off

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