Held: After The First Hour Turn It Off, That Way You Might See A Good Film

Held

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

If I was just reviewing the first hour of this film I would give it higher. The first hour of this film poses an interesting concept, a married couple is forced to do the bidding of an omnipotent stranger- with the goal of purifying their marriage. However, after the hour mark this film falls apart.

With the reveal of what is really going on in the third act, the film ceases to be anything good or original and instead becomes a very blatant and obvious attempt to rip off The Stepford Wives into an inferior product. Moreover, you are annoyed with your self for liking the first hour of this film and feel almost tricked for not having seen the similarities before.

I think the subject matter and ideas that this film discusses are very important, however, the way the film conveys these ideas is in the least subtle and most tasteless way you possibly can. There is a heavy Me Too aspect to this film that translates into their being a constant rape threat throughout that I found uncomfortable, and thought could have been handled a lot better.

Overall, this film is lazy and in your face- a very off putting combination.

Pros.

The premise is interesting

The acting is serviceable

Cons.

The constant rape threat

The reveal and the fact that this film is a discount Stepford Wives

It is annoying at times

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Rams: Shaun The Sheep’s Depressing Cousin

Written by Luke Barnes

Rams is an Australian comedy drama film directed by Jeremey Sims. The plot sees two ram breeder brothers, long estranged, come together to save their way of life when all of their livestock catches a deadly disease.

I think once again this is a classic example of miscategorisation, I don’t know if it is a national sense of humour that I just don’t get but this to me is in no way a comedy film. If you find scenes of animals being put down and then a mass burning grave of said animals anything other than wildly depressing then I am worried for you.

As such the film did not meet my expectations but viewed as a dramatic piece then it is a different conversation. I think as a drama film about the plight of farmers and how easily they can lose it all, this film has real merit. The film goes out of its way to really highlight the bond between these men and their animals as well as the bond between them as people. I found myself caring a lot about the characters as the film went on.

I thought Sam Neil was damn near perfect in the lead role, and this film proves to be yet another impressive feather in his cap.

Overall, miscategorised, this is not a comedy film, but it is a surprisingly emotional drama.

Pros.

Sam Neill

The emotions

The cinematography

Cons.

It is distressing

It is deeply depressing

3/5

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The Lego Batman Movie: The Worst Batman

Written by Luke Barnes

The Lego Batman Movie is an animated, superhero, family film directed by Chris McKay. The plot sees Batman (Will Arnett), have to beat his greatest fear, personal intimacy, to beat the Joker’s (Zach Galifianakis) latest plan.

Personally, I don’t see why Batman was such a huge breakout character of the first Lego Movie, this character was deeply unlikeable there and it is only turned up here- to the Nth degree. I understand the point of his character in this film, and by extension the Lego Movie is that he is unlikeable and that he is working on himself to become better, but honestly it is not fun to watch. Arnett’s Batman quickly becomes irritating and as a result the film is a slog to get through.

Any comparison to the Lego Movie is deeply unfavourable for this film, as it really can’t compete. An example of what I am talking about, the Lego Movie has charm, and you care about the characters, this film has no charm at all, and the characters all come off as annoying.

Overall, I am glad the sequel to this film got cancelled.

Pros.

Michael Cera is trying as Robin

Cons.

Everything about Arnett’s Batman
It has no charm

The characters are annoying

It feels gimmicky

1/5

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Boogie: Shooting Hoops And Quoting Classic Literature

Written by Luke Barnes

Boogie is a drama film directed by Eddie Huang. The plot centres around the titular Boogie (Taylor Takahashi), a young man with only one dream, to become a professional basketball player. We see Boogie, deal with life, family and growing up all whilst trying to improve his game and stay in control of his life.

I am fairly mixed on this one, on the one hand I thought that its quieter moments of character drama were excellent, especially when the film was focusing on Boogie’s parents relationship or how each try and control who he is. However, I thought the premise and the wider execution of the film let it down as it ended up becoming just another generic sports film.

Both Huang and Takahashi intrigued me, I think both have a lot of potential which is shown within this film and I am excited to see where both go next. Takahashi especially, managed the emotional weight of the film well, whilst still feeling relatable and human.

Overall, if you are prepared to dig beneath the generic sports movie premise there is some solid drama and character work to be moved by here.

Pros.

The character drama

Takahashi

The ending

Cons.

It is very generic

It is predictable

2.5/5

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Bernie: Jack Black Proves He Can Nail Drama As Well

Written by Luke Barnes

Bernie is a dark comedy film directed by Richard Linklater. The plot follows the events surrounding the death of Marjorie Nugent at the hands of Bernie Tiede.

Jack Black plays the titular Bernie and I think he does it perfectly. This killer in real life was adored by a large majority of people in the Texan town of Carthage, and with the way Black plays him you can see why. Black sells the likeability of his character, but also eludes to a hidden darkness, he plays the character mostly straight, though he does manage a few laughs in some darkly comedic scenes.

I think it says a lot of Black’s performance that he can comfortably go toe to toe with Matthew McConaughey, who plays the lawyer who sent Bernie away for life, who is known for his dramatic prowess; I think in terms of dramatic acting this is a career best for Black.

I also thought the film had a lot of great eccentric moments to it, such as having one of the opening scenes be Bernie giving a lecture on how to prepare a dead body for burial as well as a number of interviews with real towns people who would have known both the victim and the murderer in real life: these touches add character to the film.

Overall, a lot of fun and a great performance from Jack Black

Pros.

Black

McConaughey

The quirks

It was fun to watch

Cons.

The pacing could have been tighter

4.5/5

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Dawn Of The Beast: People Should Know By Now That Nothing Good Ever Happens In The Woods.

Written by Luke Barnes

Dawn Of The Beast is a horror film directed by Bruce Wemple. The plot sees a group of graduate students head out into the woods in search of Bigfoot, however, what they find is far more terrifying.

There is only one truly good horror film about Bigfoot and that is the Lost Coast Tapes, the rest of them are frequently terrible. I am pleased to say that though this film has issues, this falls into the category of good Bigfoot horror, and does provide a nice entry into the subgenre.

I think the creature design on both Bigfoot and the Wendigo is very well done, and though we only see brief amounts of them over the course of the film they do leave an impression and look suitably scary or perhaps monstrous.

In terms of scares, the film isn’t scary, it has a few tense sequences and attempts a few jump scares but to limited success.

The issues with this film are all structural and fundamental. The pacing in this film is way off and what is a relatively short film ends up feeling far longer to watch then it actually is- developing a bloat. Moreover, the acting from the human characters is incredibly weak: yes I understand that most wont be watching this to see how layered and well written the human characters are, rather instead to watch monster carnage, but it did impact on my viewing experience.

Overall, a good Bigfoot horror film that is brought down by several glaring issues.

Pros.

Using its monster well

The creature design

A few tense sequences

Cons.

The pacing

The acting

3.5/5

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Made In Italy: Who Knew Renovating Old Houses Could Be So Emotional

Written by Luke Barnes

Made In Italy is a comedy drama film directed by James D’Arcy. The plot sees an estranged father and son bond whilst renovating their derelict Italian home for sale.

I enjoy Liam Neeson, I think he is great as an action hero, he is great in his rare comedic roles and he is great as a dramatic actor- this film proves that last point. This film is so passionate and raw that it simply has to hit a nerve in those watching it, and Neeson is a big part of that.

The dynamic and bond between the father and son is so moving and beautiful that it brought a tear to my eye. The relationship is more than a little relatable, and I am sure many can agree on that point, and the scene when the two finally open up to each other and talk about their issues is particularly heart-breaking.

There are a few different romance subplots sown into the film, but where in other films this could prove to be an unwelcomed distraction here it only serve to boost the emotion of the film and at times provide some much needed comedic relief.

Overall, a beautiful and thoughtful film that reached me on an emotional level.

Pros.

The father son dynamic

Neeson as a dramatic actor

The emotion

The ending

The score is also very strong

Cons.

None

5/5

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Shiva Baby: You’ll Cringe Harder Then You Have Ever Done In Your Life

Written by Luke Barnes

Shiva Baby is a dark comedy film directed by Emma Seligman. The plot sees Danielle (Rachel Sennott), attend a Shiva which is packed with her family and people from her past, including her ex-girlfriend, if that wasn’t bad enough her sugar daddy is also there.

I’ve seen some people imply that this is a social horror film, and I can see where they are coming from, as I was watching this I was getting stressed especially as the drama escalated and escalated- my social anxiety was not thanking me for watching this film I’ll tell you that.

I think this film perfectly executes what it sets out to do, moreover, I think this film manages to capture the horror of the day to day, and weaponizes awkward cringe to the point of it being terrifying.

The characters are all perfectly formed, layered and deep and as nuanced as any person you would meet.

Overall, one of the most stressful and cringe (in a good way), films you will ever see. Definitely worth the watch.

Pros.

The characters

The interaction

The awkwardness

The premise and the execution

Cons.

It may be too awkward for some

4.5/5

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The Secret Life Of Pets: Its Better Not To Know

Written by Luke Barnes

The Secret Life Of Pets is an animated family film directed by Chris Renaud. The plot of the film answers the age old question, what do our pets do all day when we are not there?

Recently, I have been exploring Illumination Animation, I have gone through the Despicable Me films, check the site for those reviews, as such this film was next on my list.

I have to say though I had issues with the Despicable Me series there were still some redeeming aspects, here however, that is not the case. Never before in my history of watching films have I witnessed a more mismanaged and outrightly unlikable voice cast: there are some talented performers working here, but for the most part they are working with cliches and one note characters, so they are hamstrung from the beginning.

Moreover, when I realised that Louis C.K voiced the main character that made the film hard to watch for me. For those of you who don’t know C.K was accused of sexual harassment and abuse several years ago, as such hearing him in this film made me feel uncomfortable. Obviously the filmmakers couldn’t have known at the time when they cast him, but it does make the rewatch hard

Finally, the humour did nothing for me at all. To say it was juvenile would be an understatement, I have no issue with a good fart joke, but these just felt lazy.

Overall, a deeply average film made worse by a troublesome lead.

Pros.

The animation looked good

Cons.

The characters are lazy cliches

The humour doesn’t work

Louis C.K

It has no soul or charm

1/5

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Charlie And The Chocolate Factory: Turning Willy Wonka Into A Sociopath

Written by Luke Barnes

Charlie and The Chocolate Factory is a fantasy family film directed by Tim Burton, based on the Roald Dahl book of the same name. The plot sees a group of lucky golden ticket winners get to explore a mysterious chocolate factory that is beyond imagining.

When people ask what is the most needless remake? I don’t see this film’s name come up nearly enough. It is a step down from the original Gene Wilder version in nearly every way, and I truly do believe that Burton was the wrong choice to direct this film- the book is really the anthesis of his standard mo.

Johnny Depp is trying his best as Willy Wonka, but he doesn’t play the character in the way we would expect or want, instead he plays Wonka as a cold, almost vindictive at times character who is drawn off and eccentric. Again this is very typical for the Depp-Burton dynamic, but it is not what anyone would want for a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory film.

Freddie Highmore is meh as Charlie, and really adds very little to the film.

The worst bit about this film is just how keen it is to explain away the mystery behind Wonka and his past, creating a social outcast, daddy issues, sub plot because why not.

Overall, it is as if Burton and the executives who signed off on this film had never read the book before.

Pros.

A few minor unintentional laughs

Cons.

Depp is miscast

Burton and his style don’t fit the film

There is a crucial misunderstanding of the source material

They demystify Wonka

2/5

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