The Bronze: Does Anyone Really Care About Third Place?

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Hope Ann Gregory, Melissa Rauch, is a former Olympic bronze medallist who now spends her days in an American small town with her adoring public. However, after her life reaches a breaking point she ends up coaching the next generation of Olympic talent, much to her annoyance.

Usually I enjoy films under the Duplass Brothers Productions banner, but this was a rare misfire for me.

My problems with this film begin and end with the central character. There is nothing likeable about Hope, though in the beginning that is kind of the point even by the end of the film when the character journey is supposedly complete she is still a trash person and that makes her very hard to root for as a character. She does have a few funny lines, but it really doesn’t make up for how nasty the character is considering we are supposed to like her.

Moreover, the comedy of the film didn’t really work for me either. As I said Rauch has a few funny lines that work, but widely most of the jokes aren’t good and end up falling flat. A few are particularly bad eye rollers.

The ending also didn’t work for me. This is mainly due to the fact that it did not feel earned, the character does not feel like she has gotten to a place where she would do what she does in the end, frankly I find it unbelievable and that proves poor writing.

Overall, a weak comedy film.

Pros.

It is watchable

Rauch has a few funny lines

Cons.

Most of the jokes don’t land

Hope is a deeply unlikeable lead

The ending

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The Protege: Mid Fight Scene Sex, Is This Shoot Em Up?

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Assassin Anna Dutton, Maggie Q, sets out on a path of revenge after her father figure/ assassin mentor is killed.

This was a surprise treat, at first I was worried that it would just be a boring and generic action thriller, however as it went on I found the film to have far more personality, humour and charm than I was expecting it to.

This is not the most original action movie in the world, the plot has been done countless times before and no doubt better. Moreover, it is also insanely predictable, and it is clear from a mile away when all the twists and turns are coming.

However, where this film rises above its rather average station is in its performances. I have loved Maggie Q as an action star since I first saw her in Nikita, not only does she pull off action well, but she also has really strong cocksure energy and plays a badass well. A large part of my enjoyment with this film is from watching her interact with the other characters on screen.

In that regard Q is joined on screen by Michael Keaton and Samuel L. Jackson, both provide strong support though I would give the edge to Keaton. I enjoyed the romance/rivalry between his character and Q’s I thought the dynamic was funny and well used, leading to several great scenes.

Overall, a charming action film that whilst not reinventing the genre does prove to be entertaining and very watchable.

Pros.

Keaton

The charm

Cons.

It is obvious

It is a little too familiar

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Reminiscence: This Is Why Westworld Isn’t Good Anymore

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Nick, Hugh Jackman, analyses his memories of the one who got away, Rebecca Ferguson, and realises that he has been played. Nick then sets out to track her down to get answers.

My this one was bad.

Before I slate it I’ll say this, Ferguson and Jackman have great chemistry together, really its electric, and they need to make more films together and carry this thing on as their seems to be a real passion there between the two, they play off each other really well.

Ok, moving on to the bad.

This is what happens when you have everyone praise your deep intellectual show, Westworld, for years and you have a brother who is known by some as one of the best working filmmakers in the game, and you try to rip-off his style. To be blunt, you make pretentious tosh that is about as deep as a puddle and is laughably bad.

The narration throughout the film is the best example of this, it asks all these deep philosophical questions about humanity and the self with all the intellectual sincerity of a teenager going through an emo phase. The writing is really bad.

The mystery is passably okay, however the longer it goes on for you realise all the ways it doesn’t make any sense and how the memory tech writes the film into a corner. Almost everything Nick does in this film is superfluous by the rules and laws set up by the tech, he didn’t need to do anything, yes he would have lost the memory card, but would that really have changed much?

Overall, bad science fiction.

Pros.

Jackman

Ferguson

Cons.

It makes no sense

It is so utterly pretentious

It is poorly written

The ending

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Respect: Musical Biopics Have Been Done To Death

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We follow the life of Aretha Franklin, Jennifer Hudson, and see the highs and lows of parts of her career.

Since release this film has been much maligned, and my review is decidedly in the middle.

Do I think this is a good film? No not really, average but certainly not good. There are positive aspects to this film, the story is interesting, and it keeps you hooked for about two thirds of the film. Moreover, Hudson and Forest Whitaker both grace us with terrific performances, that really help to bring these characters to life and elevate the film.

However, that is where my list of pros runs out. There are many issues with this film, the most glaring of which is the run time. There is no reason for this film to pass the two hour mark, none. Earlier I said, the film keeps you entertained for two thirds and that is very true as by the final third you have already lost interest and are ready to leave or turn it off if you are watching it at home.

Moreover, try as it might this film can’t escape the fact that at its core it is just a very average biopic film. There have been many, many musical biopics over the last few years, but truly this one feels the most soulless and lifeless. There is so much more the film could have done with it’s subject matter, but instead decides to settle for mediocrity.

Additionally, for as good as Hudson and Whitaker are Marlon Wayans is bad. Seeing Wayans appear as a serious actor is always a gamble, more often than not a bad one. That is proven thoroughly by his performance here where he stands out for all the wrong reasons.

Overall, Franklin deserved better than this.

Pros.

It is interesting at times

The songs are still powerful

Hudson and Whitaker

Cons.

Wayans

It is generic

It has huge pacing issues

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Battle Royale: Katniss Who?

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A disgruntled teacher and family man, Takeshi Kitano, takes a class of high schoolers out to a remote island to have them fight to the death, with the backing of the Japanese government.

To begin, yes I know this is a contrived and often pointed out view but watching this for the first time I see just how badly Suzanne Collin’s ripped this off with her Hunger Games books that later became films. The similarities go way beyond skin deep, and it gets to a point where you can’t help but stare at the unoriginality of Hollywood.

This film was a lot lighter than I was expecting it to be or had been led to believe it was going to be. There is a tongue-in cheek element to it all that makes the incredibly dark dystopian subject matter feel almost silly in a gallows humour sort of way.

I enjoyed the plot and appreciated the fact that it felt true to life, rather than idealised to a point of being nonsensical, I am talking about you Hunger Games. In reality people would be selfish and self-centred to survive, people would do terrible things to their friends if it meant they could save their own skin. The idea of some kind of chosen one who saves everyone she meets and inspires them to their own greatness is just silly, and again I feel it says a lot about the western liberal image of how a person should be.

Overall, certainly a fun watch.

Pros.

Fun to watch

A few funny moments

Enjoyable characters

Cons.

There were a few tonal clashes

Pacing issues

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Annette: The Strangest Musical You Will Ever Watch

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The film charts the life of a stand up comedian, Adam Driver, and an opera singer, Marion Cotillard, after the birth of their first child.

I will say this for the film, I take my hat off to it for committing to being strange, quirky and unique.

Personally, this film wasn’t to my taste. Though I enjoy Sparks I thought the music in this film was a bit overdone. I understand that the film views itself as a rock opera type musical, and that really isn’t my problem with it, my problem is that nearly every line is sung. This reaches such a point where you just want it to stop, and then the film just keeps going.

This film is on for far, far too long.

Moreover, though I admire the quirky elements of the film I find some of them to be clashing, and sometimes off-putting. Maybe it is my sensibilities, but there were certain more interpretive scenes where I had no idea what was going on or how it fit into the story in any real way, yes they were singing about how it fit in no doubt, but by that point my mind had found a way to drown out the singing.

The performances were all fine, though I would say they didn’t feel like real people or characters rather they felt like some sort of twisted, warped idea of what humans are like as viewed by aliens. However, I am sure that was a deliberate choice.

Overall, it was not to my taste.

Pros.

I enjoyed the strangeness

You have got to love Sparks

Cons.

Too much singing, that often isn’t very good

Some of the elements clash

The characters didn’t feel like real people

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Our Ladies: Life In A Small Scottish Town

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of Scottish school girls head up to the big city, in this case Edinburgh, for a school choir competition, however they are far more interested in drinking, partying and hooking up.

Damn this one is an unexpected punch in the feels, get ready so it doesn’t take you by surprise as it did me. You have been warned.

The premise as I described it to you above seems pretty breezy and fun, and though the film has elements of that there is far more going on below the surface. The plot of this film is far deeper than you might give it credit for and it runs the gambit of commenting on such issues as terminal disease, inequality, homophobia and many more. In many ways, this film tackles both the high points and the low points of life and doesn’t shy away from either.

I found this film to be depressing, but maybe that was the point, maybe you were supposed to leave it reflecting on how these girls have less life opportunities than other people based on their location, gender and class background. However, that is not to say I didn’t find any moments of enjoyment in the film, I did. There are several moments in the film that are not only enjoyable but cheer worthy.

I thought all the performers herein were entertaining and endearing and by the end of the film I cared enough about the characters that I wanted them to have a happy ending, sadly that is not how it pans out.

Overall, a surprisingly dark tale of teenage angst, love and life.

Pros.

A few funny moments

Likeable characters

Well-paced

Cons.

It is too dark

It leaves you feeling depressed

Father Of The Year: Join The Army Today, A Propaganda Film

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two young men try to find out which of their fathers would win in a fight.

Yes, this is lowest common denominator stuff, it is a post-Netflix deal Happy Madison production after all. However, unlike some of the more Sandler centric fare I found myself laughing.

I think a big part of this is due to David Spade who does a good job here, he is the right amount of stupid, annoying and endearing to create a character that works across multiple levels as the film progresses. In the beginning there is something funny about watching him fall naked out of a truck pool into the street, at this point you are decidedly laughing at him not with him, and then as the film progresses you find yourself warming to his stupid brand of comedy and by the end you actually like him, or at least I did. There is a whole audience/character journey there.

I thought the relationship herein were sweet and gave the film a nice sentimental edge that makes up for some of the more mean spirited gags. I thought the father son relationship between Ben, Joey Bragg, and Spade’s father character was actually quite well done and heart-warming over the course of the film. I also thought Ben’s relationship with Meredith, Bridgit Mendler, was sweet. Mendler has a lot of fun when she is on-screen and often ends up stealing the scene, however it would have been nice if the film had given her more to do beyond just being Ben’s love interest.

Furthermore, this film has a weird fascination with the American Armed Forces that I didn’t care for, this is not just a little aside but instead becomes a whole B plot. It feels at best like a paid advert at worst like propaganda. Stop trying to condition people to join the army. Moreover, and this might just be my interpretation, but have you ever noticed in how a lot of Sandler related films he casts his real life wife in negative roles. Yes, if you watch a lot of these films she is usually given the domineering, mean or controlling roles, just look at her character here, a wife who treats her husband awfully until the moment he swears at her kid. I won’t make any comments on this trend, but I will ask this, is Sandler and Co trying to tell us something here?

Overall, at times a funny and endearing film however some of the more overt themes drag it down.

Pros

Spade

The jokes

The relationships

Cons.

The army propaganda

The female characterisation

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Candyman: Watch Out For Bee Stings

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Years after the events of the previous films Anthony McCoy, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, learns the legend of Candyman. As the struggling artist learns more about the figure he suddenly finds inspiration, however, he also starts to become haunted by the spector- with Candyman himself having a dark purpose for Anthony.

As I tweeted after I saw this, I think this might be the horror film of the summer. Throughout the entire time I was watching this I had a smile on my face. I loved how this film explored the world and lore of Candyman and expanded upon what we had got from previous movies and furthered this idea of possession. I thought the transformation, was also done really well and I think the make up effects that are used are done in a very convincing way, the wounds look painful.

Moreover, I think DaCosta perfectly manages to capture elements of social commentary and weave them into the horror in such a way that the two feel intimately linked together. The horror certainly works on two levels, both of which propagate the other. I thought the final scene in the police car was particularly effecting and powerful. After seeing this I am very, very excited to see what DaCosta does with the Marvels.

It goes without saying, but those that don’t like films that have political messages and who often complain about things being ‘too woke’ should stay far, far away from this film and let the rest of us enjoy it.

I think the performances across the cast were terrific with Yahya Abdul-Mateen II and Colman Domingo and Teyonah Parris each giving magnificent turns and really proving what they can do. Each member of the cast brings something different to the table here, but each are valuable and important in their own way.

My one complaint and it is only a small one, as I think this film is pretty marvellous, is that I wish we got more Tony Todd. Todd is a favourite of mine in the horror genre, and we don’t see anywhere as much of him anymore as we used to and that is a crying shame. We only get a brief tease of him here, but his scene is memorable. Maybe he can come back more if this film gets a sequel.

Overall, simply fantastic, this film restores my hope in these long running horror sagas that we might have another golden age ahead of us rather than the glory days being behind us.

Pros.

The horror

The lore and world building

The message and the emotion

The physical make-up effects

The acting

Cons.

I wish we had more Tony Todd

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Vendetta: Pulling Silly Faces As You Torture People

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A special forces interrogator, played by Danny Dyer, returns back to the country to track down and punish the gangland thugs that murdered his parents.

Dyer is a British national treasure, that simply is a fact.

This film is hard to watch, yet it is impossible to look away from. There is something horrifically fascinating about watching Dyer’s character dispatch all of these troubled youths whilst pulling silly faces, which he does surprisingly often.

Moreover, I thought the army backstory that Dyer’s character has was intriguing and also laughably far fetch. I liked how all of these senior army people seem to think he is some sort of unkillable warrior god. Moreover, the armed response police officers find him just so charming that they just let him go at the end of the film, despite the fact that he could have killed a police officer.

I do think this film revels in its violence a bit too much, perhaps even to an unpleasant degree. Some have labelled this film ‘torture porn’ and there is a good reason for that. I have no issue with some gore, but this film takes it a bit too far an in my opinion enters the realm of bad taste.

Overall, a grizzly film to watch that whilst satisfying at times is also laughable and iffy taste wise.

Pros.

Dyer

Hard to look away from

The ending and how laughable it all is

Cons.

Bad taste

It tries to hard to make Dyer’s character a hero, when he is more likely a psychopath

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