The Ice Road: The Most Obvious Conspiracy In Human History

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

The premise of ice road truckers having to carry heavy items over sheets of sheer ice is tense and interesting enough on its own, it doesn’t need to be overly complicated.

Therein lies the problem of this film, Ice Road Truckers proves there is an audience that wants to see big rigs carrying goods over ice that could break any minute. However, this film did not get the memo, or maybe doesn’t care as clearly it does not think this premise is entertaining enough to get people to watch so they have to force in a conspiracy as well. Of course this conspiracy storyline is entirely needless and adds very little.

Liam Neeson and Laurence Fishburne try their best to give this film some soul and personality yet one gets killed off early into the film and the other is mostly side-lined. Yes, even though Neeson features heavily on the posters and the marketing for this film it is really not his.

From a writing perspective this whole film feels very played out and overly familiar. They try to write in twists and turns but it just goes exactly the way you would expect it to, the way it is telegraphed to go from the beginning you know who the actual villain will be because it is all just so obvious.

Overall, Liam Neeson needs a better agent or maybe just to retire from action films as it is starting to reach a point now where even his charm can’t save these films from themselves

Pros.

Neeson

Fishbourne

Cons.

It is incredibly predictable

The villain is obvious

It is overly complicated

If you enjoyed this review, then please head over to my Patreon to support me, I offer personalized shoutouts, one on one Q and As, the ability for you to pick what I review next and full access to my Patreon exclusive game reviews. Check it out!

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Loki: The Nexus Event

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Loki and Sylvie come face to face with the Time Keepers and Mobius slips into an existential crisis regarding who he is.

This was a big episode of Loki. I think this is a strong episode for sure, though again much like with the previous episode I would say it could have done with being about ten minutes longer. A lot happens in this episode, and a slightly longer run time would have really given these reveals proper time to set themselves up and be impactful- as they are they feel rushed.

That aside, this episode has a lot going for it. Owen Wilson’s Mobius is back and better than ever, some of the scenes between Mobius and Tom Hiddleston’s Loki are incredibly well done and the performances from both men are simply terrific. There is a lot unspoken between the two, but the bond does feel real, and they are easily my favourite duo in the MCU. The ending of the episode broke my heart with regard’s to Wilson’s character, I can only hope he will come back at some point in the future as the mid credits scene seems to imply.

Moreover, Sophia DiMartino’s Sylvie really comes into her own this week as we learn more about her origin. As strange as it might be to say I quite like the relationship between the two versions of Loki in the MCU and I would like to see them get a chance to be together in the MCU. I think the end of the episode really leaves Sylvie in a very interesting position and it will be fascinating to see where she goes next.

The Time Keepers reveal, which I won’t spoil here, feels somewhat of an anticlimactic cop out but it also works for the show and points to an even bigger game/mystery afoot. The mid credits scene is definitely worth sitting through the credits for as it changes how you see the whole show once again and flips it on its head.

Overall, fun and exciting but it could have been longer and better set up.

Pros.

Loki and Sylvie

Loki and Mobius

The return of Lady Sif

The mid credits scene

Cons.

It is too short

The Time Keepers reveal is a little underwhelming

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Gods Of Egypt: I Don’t Remember The Egyptian God’s Having Scottish Accents Coming Up In History Class

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I remember when this came out and instantly joined everyone’s worst of that year lists, I didn’t see it at the time, but now years later I have finally got around to seeing it and it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting.

So firstly lets get this straight off the bat the film is problematic for a number of reasons. All the Egyptian characters with the exception of a few are white, and to be even more insulting these Egyptian gods are also white for the most part; and in one case Scottish. Moreover, one of the few female characters in the film Elodie Yung’s Hathor is trotted around like a piece of meat barely wearing anything at all. The character even comments on what they are wearing, but that does not make it better or the film any less creepy.

That said, if you view this film more as a comedy than an actual action film then this film is passably watchable. It all makes no sense and the characters themselves are all over the place, but if you turn your brain off it is dumb fun.

I found Nikolaj Coster-Waldu to be as entertaining as ever, and I thought he was easily the high point of the film. The other male lead was widely forgettable, and I can barely remember anything about him to put in this review. Yung has good chemistry with everyone on-screen, but you can’t shake the feeling the film wants her to be ogled in the creepiest way. Butler is just playing his usual on-screen persona now just with more fake tan and eye liner.

Furthermore, a final thing to note, I found the decision to have all the God characters be bigger than their mortal counterparts to be oddly jarring to look at especially when both were on screen together. It did not look right and though I think it is a nifty idea it does not work out well in practice.

Overall, mindless popcorn action weighed down with some troubling production decisions.

Pros.

It is dumb fun

Yung and Coster-Waldu are fun and give good performances

Cons.

Yung’s character is objectified

It is whitewashed to hell

Butler is miscast

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

The Bad Batch: Reunion

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This episode finally brought back Crosshair. Finally.

I thought this was easily the best of the recent batch of Bad Batch episodes, we finally got the tense standoff between the inhibitor chip free clones and the possessed evil Crosshair that the series has been building towards. Luckily for all, this confrontation feels meaty and well-paced, neither can truly best the other and both sides are hurt. The only way I think this could have been made better is if Crosshair killed one of the Bad Batch or at least gravely wounded them, this would have added to the impact of the episode.

I thought the re-emergence of Cad Bane was both a pro and a con to the episode. It is a pro in that the character is cool and it is nice to see him return and carry on his storyline, but at the same time it is a con as it feels very random and there was little to no build up to him returning. With him taking Omega at the end of the episode I hope she stays out of commission for a while so the Bad Batch can properly deal with their defeat and really rally to the cause.

Overall, a high point for the series so far I can only hope the next lot of episodes keep the same pace and tone.

Pros.

Finally bringing back Crosshair in a meaningful way

The tense cat and mouse elements

The action

The ending

Cons.

Cad Bane’s return feels a little random and unplanned

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Batman The Long Halloween: Falling Back In Love With Batman

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I have been less than impressed with the last few DC animated offerings I have watched; however this film bucks that trend and is not only fun to watch, but also reminds me why I fell in love with the Batman world and mythos in the first place.

This is one of the few times when I have not red the source material before heading into a direct adaption of a comic like this, so I can’t say how faithfully it sticks to the original book. What I can say is that after watching this film it makes me want to read the comic and find out more about this story.

I found the mystery and plot to be engaging and interesting throughout. I enjoyed watching Batman try and figure out the mystery of the holiday killer, and I thought that it was fascinating to see this through the lens of a Batman who has not yet become the World’s Greatest Detective. I think this intrigue has been what a lot of recent DC animated films have been sorely lacking.

Moreover, I was pleased to see how many villains made an appearance here, and though there are quite a few the film does not feel overcrowded, rather each are given there moment to shine and then are quickly replaced with another threat.

Overall, a fun ride that reminded me why I care about Batman as a character.

Pros.

The plot and the intrigue

Batman and Catwoman

Joker

The tension

Cons.

A bit of a slow start

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Fast 9: Hobbs And Shaw Did It Better

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Buckle up, this is going to be a long one.

Before we get into the main review I just want to say that the actions of John Cena in the press tour for this film immediately make me like both him and this film less. For those that don’t know Cena said that Taiwan was a country, which it is, and then later retracted this and apologised to the Chinese market, more likely the Chinese government in Mandarin in perhaps the most grovelly way possible. Cena and the film itself lose a lot of respect from me for doing this.

My feelings on this film as a whole are deeply mixed. In truth I just don’t see why this franchise is around anymore it has lived long enough to jump the shark several times over by now and is certainly not getting better. This film feels particularly desperate as it brings back as many characters as it can in an effort to try and renew interest in the series, yet this seems an impossible task. Events like the return of Han would have had a bigger impact if it didn’t entirely destroy the lore of the series, but hey that’s overthinking it.

Another thing I want to draw attention to is the presence of the male gaze in these films. I understand these films are aimed at teenage boys, but the amount of butt and up the leg shots in this film is ridiculous. The film feels like it is trying to have its cake and eat it too by appealing to this teen audience in a pervy way, whilst also pushing home the strong independent women angle: the message is jarring and frankly more than a little insincere.

Honestly I don’t see where the series has to go from here, they literally go to space in this film there isn’t any way they can top that, unless the characters become superheroes as this film flirts with. Moreover, Charlize Theron’s Cypher was not a good villain in the last film so to see her brought back here, and then be implied to be coming back for the next film is infuriating as her character is ridiculously weak. Looks like the series will be going out with a whimper rather than a bang.

My only real enjoyment of this film came from laughing at how dumb it was, both intentionally and unintentionally. The real issue is that of the remaining cast few have the chemistry of a Dwayne Johnson or Jason Statham, and instead it is just Vin Diesel’s ego laid bare for around two and a half hours.

Overall, it is more of the same, yet the charm of the series is starting to wear out.

Pros.

The dumb fun

It is hilarious

Cons.

It doesn’t justify its existence

The male gaze

Far too many flash backs

It is on for way too long

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Loki: Lamentis

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I enjoyed this episode more than the last. I think it suffers from being a little too compact and could have done with another ten to twenty minutes to better flush out a few ideas, but that aside almost everything else is a homerun.

Firstly, the chemistry between Hiddleston’s Loki and Di Martino’s Sylvie is fantastic, and though this episode suffers a lack of Owen Wilson it does not suffer for it: as the back and forth between Hiddleston and Di Martino is easily as good if not better.

Secondly, this episode has huge ramifications not just for the wider series but for the MCU as a whole. There is a line in this episode, that I won’t say for spoilers sake, that will fundamentally alter how you see the TVA and that also recontextualises the whole series so far.

Thirdly, there are plenty of really good character moments here that remind you why you love these characters and this universe. My personal favourite of the episode was probably Loki’s drunken singing, but the dagger metaphor is strong to. There is a lot of excellent character work going on here that helps the series to be instantly memorable and likeable in a way that shows like TFTWS struggled with.

Overall, a very important episode that both put a smile on my face and changed my entire view of the show.

Pros.

The character moments

Loki and Sylvie’s back and forth

The line that changes everything

The ending

Cons.

The episode is too short and needed another ten minutes

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Infinite: Mark Wahlberg’s Audition Tape For The Role Of Neo In The Matrix

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I was not aware there was a new Mark Wahlberg action film coming out. Did anyone know about this film? I certainly didn’t.

I found the concept for the film quite interesting, these two warring immortal factions that keep all of their memories when they die and are locked in a never ending war about the meaning of their existence. Though this intriguing premise is countered by all the plot holes that litter the film, and the logic the film uses to try and create stakes.

Moreover, though I usually like Wahlberg action films I actually think he is one of the weaker parts about this film and can’t pull of the Neo charm, as this film is basically a reskinned Matrix, that this film needs. Funnily enough Wahlberg’s previous incarnation was played by Dylan O’ Brien, and he would have made for a much better lead in my opinion.

I also thought Sophie Cookson was the surprise breakout star of this film and had all the best scenes. Though I was aware of Cookson from The Crucifixion she really shined here, and easily had more charm and charisma than Wahlberg for most of the film. Did I care if Wahlberg’s character made it out of the final fight? Meh. Did I care if Cookson’s did? You better believe it. If they make a sequel make her the lead.

Overall, a passable science fiction action film that has enough dumb fun to keep you around, just don’t overthink it.

Pros.

Cookson

Mantzoukas

The premise

Cons.

Wahlberg

The plot holes

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Death In Texas: Perhaps The Dumbest Protagonist Ever

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I put this film on for one simple reason, Stephen Lang. I greatly misunderstood what the film was going to be about and what Lang’s role within it was going to be.

So firstly, this presents itself as an action film, maybe even a thriller, it is not. The majority of the screen time is the lead having conversations with his dying mother and him drinking in a bar; exciting I know. When we do get some action it is usually just the protagonist walking into a room shooting someone and leaving, it is not very exciting.

Lang, who is only really a minor character, is surprising playing more of a sweet, damaged character than the fighter/badass I was expecting. The film is definitely better for having him in it, yet the film doesn’t really do much with his character.

The ending makes less and less sense the more you think about it, but it is really just par for the course.

Pros.

Lang

A few tense scenes

Cons.

The ending

The amount of needless scenes

The lack of good solid action

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard: Ryan Reynolds Needs To Move On From Deadpool, This Is An Intervention

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I think the world’s love affair with Ryan Reynolds might be coming to and end. There was a time, when Reynolds was popping up in every film with his Deadpool esque zany comedy- that got old quick. Nowhere is that more true than in this film.

The Hitman’s Bodyguard is a perfectly fine film, not spectacular in anyway, really quite forgettable: it did not need a sequel. Yet for some reason the same jokes and cliches are forced back out of the woodwork again for this film. We get it Reynold’s character doesn’t like confrontation and is very into safety and Samuel Jackson’s character is the opposite, we get it. Yet the film feels like it needs to repeat this over and over again, to make matters worse it thinks this is funny.

Where this film differs from its predecessor is its focus on the wife, hence the name. Salma Hayek’s Sonya is the very loud wife of Samuel L Jackson’s Hitman, and though in the first film she had a few breakthrough moments here she is quickly rendered nothing more than a one note caricature. Sonya is probably the least annoying of the main three characters though she only has a few moments where she is anywhere near likeable. This is by no means a fault on Hayek’s acting, but rather a script that thinks yelling loudly in Spanish is both badass and hilarious at the same time; sidenote it is neither.

To return back to my earlier points about Reynolds, he really needs to come up with something fresh as he can’t keep riding the snarky Deadpool coat tails forever, this film is proof of that.

Overall, definitely not worth going back to the cinema for this film is made for the bargain bin.

Pros.

Salma Hayek has a few moments of good acting that connect

The cringe humour made me laugh a good few times, though I don’t think it was deliberate on the film’s part.

Cons.

It is loud in the worst sense of the word

It is not funny at all

It is incredibly poorly written

It is repetitive

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer