The Witcher Season Two: The Grey Tide Of Netflix’s Efforts Into Fantasy, How Not To Adapt.

In a break from my reviewing tradition I want to take a minute today to talk about season two of the Witcher on Netflix, and why I couldn’t make it to the end of it despite being a fan of the books and the games.

So straight off the bat we have to debate whether this show even is the Witcher, like it is called that and has characters which bare the same names as those who appear in the books and the games but in most other ways it is devoid of the wider franchise and feels far closer to generic fantasy. Whether it is the fact that show choose to cut out so, so much from the books or the fact it changes so much of what it does keep there is just something about this show that just doesn’t feel like the Witcher to me.

Clearly this show is hell bent on appealing to the Twitter brigade, we all know who I am talking about, they have race swapped a number of key characters and are constantly queer baiting a relationship between Geralt, played by Henry Cavil, and Jaskier, played by Joey Batey. I am surprised more people aren’t annoyed about the queer baiting on this show as it is quite obviously leading to nothing and is a poor stand in for any real LGBTQ+ representation on the show. Moreover, the race swaps could have been used well, maybe even played some sort of role in the new story the show wants to tell, but no, they were done for no reason other than for the people behind the show to preach about how diverse their cast is. Yikes.

In addition, the effects are often quite poor, yes every now and again they get one sequence where the effects come together well but more often then not it doesn’t work. This might sound bias against Netflix, which is humorous as many people have called me a Netflix shill in the past, but there is a hue of their trademark cheapness to this show that really shows up more often than it should.

The scene that finally killed this show for me was when Eskel, played by Basil Eidenbenz, was turned into a monster and killed just for the random shock value of it despite only just being introduced and being important in the wider lore. They could have handled this scene in any number of better ways but they did it to prove their independence from the successful books the show is based on and show how there is no element of Sapkowski’s universe that this show won’t ruin.

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The Last Witch Hunter: Diesel’s Greatest Performance Was Convincing Us He Was Into Fantasy

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Vin Diesel tries desperately to set up a new franchise so that when the Fast And The Furious ends he still gets some acting roles.

Deary me, what went wrong here?

I think this might have been the most miscast Diesel has ever been, I know he says that he is into dungeons and dragons and role play and all of that but his love for the fantasy genre does not come out here, he is just playing the same character he always does…. Himself.

The only reason this film gets a 1 from me is because of Rose Leslie, she tries hard and it is sad that her career never took off after Game Of Thrones in the same way other people’s did. Ultimately though with a lead as flat as Diesel this film was never going anywhere and it is a shame she hitched herself to it.

Moreover, I understand that the budget for this film was a little on the lower side for a ‘blockbuster’, but what was with the terrible special effects? Honestly they were some of the worst effects I have seen in a long while.

Overall, this film makes Gods Of Egypt look good.

Pros

Leslie

Cons.

Diesel can’t act

The special effects are god awful

It has horrible pacing

It feels very bland

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Halo: Contact

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Master Chief, played by Pablo Schreiber, breaks into TV.

This first episode was a mixed bag for me, certainly not as good as I was hoping it would be, but also not as bad as some out there would have you believe, simply by existing this won’t destroy all copies of the games and novels and won’t forever change the Halo universe for the worse.

My main issue with this show was how much like The Mandalorian it felt, straight down to the stoic lead taking on a younger sidekick who then forces them to confront their views on life; doesn’t sound much like Halo does it? In many ways Master Chief is side-lined, with Kwan, played by Yerin Ha, being the real lead, if this continues to be the case throughout the series I doubt I’ll make it till the end.

I also did not like how the show seems more interested in rebellion against the UNSC, then it does with the war against the Covenant, but hey only one can stand in as a thinly vailed comment on real world injustice right? We all know every show that comes out now has to feature it in some way, escapism is dead.

Chief taking off his helmet for quite a long stretch near the end doesn’t really bother me too much, neither does the fact that this show spits all over the series lore as I was not particularly invested in the property before watching this.

The things I did enjoy about it were twofold. Firstly, I appreciated the fact that this series actually looks like it had some money spent on it, yes I am looking at you Cad Bane in The Book Of Boba Fett, by that I mean this series boasts some fairly well done visuals and the effects mostly hold up across this first episode.

Secondly, this opening chapter featured some nice well shot action which I also enjoyed, hopefully as the series goes on we will get more of that.

Overall, a redeemable if troubled start.

Pros.

The action

The effects

Schreiber

Cons.

Side-lining Chief

Copying the Mandalorian

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The Adam Project: Possibly Ryan Reynold’s Best Performance

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Pilot Adam Reed, played by Ryan Reynolds, goes back in time to stop the invention of time travel, along the way he encounters his younger self, played by Walker Scobell.

I thought this was the best Ryan Reynolds performance I have seen in a long time, mainly this was due to the fact that he distances himself from his Deadpool-era quips and plays the role in a mostly straight, earnest way. There is a very believable emotional depth to Reynolds’ performance here that really resonates with you.

In that vein, I think the biggest strength of this film is the fact that it wears its heart on it’s sleeve and focuses on family dynamics and emotions between the characters. There are various different dimensions that the film approaches this from such as father-son relations as well as mother-son relations, which is refreshingly modern and fresh. There is also quite a lot of nuance and complexity to the relationship between the two Adams.

The only area wherein I would criticise this film is that its science fiction narrative feels very generic and uninspired, we have all seen this before and as such it remains unsurprising.

Overall, a very sweet and earnest film that is in some ways held back by its science fiction premise.

Pros.

Reynolds

Garner

Ruffalo

The emotion

Cons.

Pacing issues

The premise is fairly been there, done that.

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Jurassic World: The Heels That Sparked A Conversation Around The World

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

Summary

No franchise is ever allowed to end anymore, as such it was only a matter of time before the Jurassic Park franchise got the soft-reboot treatment.

I remember I watched this a few times when it first came out at the cinema, I am by no means a big Jurassic Park fan, but I do find the films to be good popcorn fare. They aren’t challenging, but they never needed to be.

There is always something exciting about watching a CGI dinosaur cause havoc, however, that is offset when you force in human characters that are so bland that you can’t remember their names seconds after the credits roll.

Chris Pratt is just playing his usual cool guy action role and doing nothing even remotely close to acting, and though Bryce Dallas Howard fares slightly better her character is ridiculous in all the wrong ways, the decision to have the character run in heels is still baffling to me.

Overall, it is easier to watch and less objectionable than its sequel but it is never more than forgettable.

Pros.

It is watchable

There is fun to be had

The spectacle

Cons.

The human characters

It is very forgettable

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The Batman: Trying Desperately To Replicate Nolan

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A new emotional Batman, played by Robert Pattinson, is born. Is this Nolan? Not quite.

I will admit I liked this film more than I thought I was going to based on the trailers, there are a number of things that work here and a few major things that don’t, but to the positive first.

Jeffery Wright, Zoe Kravitz and Paul Dano are all terrific. Wright and Kravitz totally make the characters of Gordon and Kyle their own to such an extent that you can’t think about anyone else in the role. Yes, I do think these may become the definitive versions of these characters. Moreover, Dano is magnetic as Riddler and really makes the character come alive in a threatening, unstable way that has never been done on the big screen before, Dano’s Riddler is easily the star of the show.

Another positive is the world. This Gotham City feels very comics accurate; the deprivation and the despair are clear to see and inform the wider narrative of the film. Reeves very accurately captures the world of Gotham as it appears in the comics.

Now onto my issues with the film.

This film really suffers pacing wise, I did say when it was announced that the film was going to be on for close to 3 hours that it was going to be an issue and I was proven quite right. After a while the film starts to drag and even becomes boring, this obviously hurts it tremendously.

Additionally, the film is clearly trying very hard to mimic Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy and as such goes hard with the uber realism and grit. However, unlike Nolan’s films this really doesn’t land and comes across as silly, baffling or simply not as intended. Examples of what I am talking about can be seen as Batman rarely talks to people instead he just stairs, this might have seemed like a cool idea but doesn’t work, moreover, whenever Batman walks anywhere he does it so slowly that anyone could easily just run away, a lot of the time it is not even slow motion he is just barely strolling along. Though Reeves thinks this makes for an intense on-screen presence it actually instead becomes a recurring joke.

Lastly, the emo hot topic Batman played by Robert Pattinson certainly won’t be to everyone’s taste, he wears copious amounts of eye makeup and acts like an angsty teen which at times does become grating, some of the lines are incredibly on the nose in this regard. Furthermore, I don’t think anyone will be coming away from this film saying what a great actor Pattinson is as he is really quite monotone throughout.

Overall, on the better side of fine, but not approaching truly good.

Pros.

Wright

Kravitz

Dano

Cons.

Emo Batman

The pacing

It tries to hard to copy what Nolan did

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Blacklight: The Battle Against Retirement

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Liam Neeson continues to refuse to retire and stars in yet another disappointing action film.

Folks we are a long way from the days of Taken.

I remember when a Liam Neeson action film used to be a sight to see, there was a time when almost all of the films Neeson, wherein he was staring, were golden. Sadly those days seem long over. I admit as a Neeson fan there was still a little of that old Neeson charm to be found here, but it is wearing thin. That said if this film didn’t star Neeson I would have turned it off early and not reviewed it, he was the one thing that kept me going.

The plot of this film is deeply generic and familiar to the point of parody. All of the threads have been well tread by other better films, and the attempts at social commentary never seem to come together, it can’t seem to decide what it wants to say.

The rest of the cast outside of Neeson might as well not exist as they are given so little to do it would have made more sense to simply have Neeson just doing things and not interacting with anyone for the length of the film as they add nothing.

Overall, it is sad to see Neeson reduced to this.

Pros.

Neeson

It is watchable

Cons.

The plot

The wider supporting cast

It is boring and generic

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Peacemaker: It’s Cow Or Never

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The season finale sees Peacemaker, played by John Cena, and the gang go on one final do or die mission to defeat the butterflies.

This may have been one of the strongest seasons of TV I have seen in a long time, for the most part the series was pretty great, there were a couple of mistakes and slips here or there but widely it was near perfect, this is quite rare.

I thought the finale was able to deliver on everything it was setting up, it gave us crazy action and sweet character moments in just the right amount, whilst also teasing out some unresolved issues for season 2, I am glad the show is giving itself a reason to keep Robert Patrick around.

My one downside would be that the episode feels a little rushed and could have done with being about half an hour longer, I just feel like if it had some extra time could have really nailed every single emotional moment and given us more time during the big fight scene.

Overall, a damn near perfect season finale, season 2 has big shoes to fill.

Pros.

Cena

The emotions

The battle

The use of the theme song

The set up

Cons.

It could have done with more time

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Peacemaker: Stop Dragon My Heart Around

5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

With enemies closing in, the team must decide who they are fighting for and unite in order to defeat the butterflies.

I think this episode was perfect, it was clearly everything the series has been building towards, even the stuff I didn’t like and criticised at the time. All of the emotional through lines converge here and we finally get to see Peacemaker, played by John Cena, and his dad, played by Robert Patrick, come to blows with it being an emotionally charged scene nailed perfectly by Cena.

Moreover, we also get to see Harcourt, played by Jennifer Holland, become team leader in a magnificent slow motion sequence. I think this is well deserved and is the culmination of Harcourt’s arc as she finally feels part of the team, in terms of emotional pay offs this one certainly feels satisfying.

I appreciate that this show is able to balance both really silly and crass moments with emotional intensity and never have the two negatively impact each other, it is a sure sign of good writing. I thought in this regard the Peacemaker flashback was particularly effecting.

All of this sets up one hell of a finale in the next episode, I really hope Gunn can nail the landing.

Overall, easily the best episode of the show yet.

Pros.

Harcourt finally getting what she deserves

Peacemakers’ childhood flashback

The emotion

Cena

What it sets up for next time

Cons.

None

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Battleship: Rihanna Won’t Be Winning An Oscar Any Time Soon.

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Aliens invade and of course it is down to the US Navy to save us all.

I will give this film props for actually making a full fledge film out of a board game, though the story is nothing new or novel it is serviceable and it gives me hope for future films being based on boardgames, of which there are many.

Moreover, this film features one of my favourite actors Taylor Kitsch, who has never been given the recognition he deserves which is a shame as he is genuinely good a lot of the time. Here is no exception, Kitsch brings a lot of energy to the part and perfectly captures the everyman hero vibe.

Sadly, that is were the praise ends. For the most part the wider supporting cast is wasted and reduced to stereotypes, however that is not the case for Rihanna’s Cora Raikes, who is featured prominently especially towards the end of the film, by the end of it you realise what a mistake that is as Rihanna is a very poor actor. To me this just felt like an ego trip for Rihanna, she wanted to be an actor so her star-power bought her a role, this is a shame as a less famous but much more talented actor could have done a lot with the part.

Furthermore, the aliens themselves look awful. The CGI is not just bad but also overused resulting in a horrifying and upsetting spectacle.

Overall, Kitsch is good and there is some fun to be had but really there was no need to make a film based on the boardgame Battleship and this film proves that.

Pros.

Kitsch

Some fun to be had

Cons.

Rihanna

The aliens

It is generic and dull

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