Children Of The Corn: Now With Added GMOs

Summary

Children of the Corn is remade in the era of GMOs and climate activism.

This film was one of the worst I have watched in a long time. It makes me question if the writer knows anything about youth culture other than what they see on social media, I would guess not. The teen characters, which by the rules of the original story would likely have been killed but clearly they aren’t sticking to things, only exist to lecture their parents on their evils, even going so far as to put them on trial because they do something they don’t like, so far so bratty. Then the little kids are even worse, they are like oh we get a say in our own future then they follow it up by killing their parents again for not any real reason. It feels like the worst corners of twitter, the whiny types who have to have everything there way and who have to constantly campaign for different causes in order to have a soul/personality turned up to the max.

Couple this with the fact that this film in no way even tries to follow the original or books story and doesn’t even bother to kill off the adults into mid-way into the film, and you will start to see just how bad it is. Worse yet, unlike the original film with Linda Hamilton, wherein the He Would Walks is not shown but instead illuded to, much scarier, here we show him in all this CGI terribleness and honestly it removes any kind of fear factor out of the story and instead almost becomes comedic.

Overall, before watching this I had heard it was bad, but it was worse than I was expecting it to be.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

The writer’s only interaction with young people is clearly those they see on Twitter

The social commentary is unneeded and not handled well

It is not scary

They ruin any kind of mystery or tension with the crop creature

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Winnie The Pooh Blood And Honey: A Straight To DVD Film In The Truest Sense

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The 100 acre wood gang go feral.

You have probably heard people talking about this film and how it is so shocking and controversial, as it takes beloved children’s characters and makes them murderers. However, it really isn’t shocking, it is a quite clear effort to be provocative and edgy in order to get attention and sell what would otherwise probably be a straight to DVD affair.

In many senses this attempt to be edgy falls flat, as it doesn’t go far enough. When you look at another independent horror film in Terrifier and you compare the two you can see just what I am saying. In many senses this film just feels like a generic slasher film, even when it is trying to be gory and shocking it pales in comparison to other films like Terrifier

Another thing I disliked about this film was how bad the writing was and through that how stupid the characters were. I will give you one example of my point there is a scene in a room with a swimming pool wherein the victim is stood on the side of the pool and the killer is advancing towards her, yet rather than run around the otherside of the pool which she totally could do and maybe even get away she instead jumps into the pool in fright. It is baffling decisions like this that make rooting for any of the characters in the picture hard.

I do think the premise is strong and the idea does have merit undeniably but the execution is beyond lacking.

Overall, try hardy and boring in the worst way.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is an interesting idea

The opening inspires confidence

Cons.

It is boring

It is not as edgy or as shocking as the marketing presents it

It is generic

The characters are dumb and unlikeable

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The Mandalorian: The Convert

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A long pointless aside from the story you are actually interested in.

So when I first turned on the episode and noticed the hefty runtime I was rubbing my hands with glee thinking I was going to get more time this week with Din, Played by Pedro Pascal, Grogu and Bo-Katan, played by Katee Sackoff, but no it was mostly all dedicated to a forgettable secondary villain character from the earlier seasons that you likely won’t even remember.

What makes this so bad in my opinion is that the opening that sees Din and Bo running away from Remnant Imperial troops is then thrown off course for this glorified side story. This then trades in all the tension and energy the story had from this opening and for what? The story itself about how the New Republic treats those Imperials who are still around is not one I had ever really wondered about or wanted to know.

The episode tries hard to get you to care about these mostly new characters but I just didn’t. It felt weird and forced in, if they don’t have the material to cover the full number of episodes promised then they should have promised less. If this had been in Andor then it would have felt more in place, though not be the right time period, but for the Mandalorian it doesn’t fit at all.

Overall, easily the worst episode of the new season so far.

2/5

Pros.

The opening

An Imperial warlord

Cons.

A needless aside

I don’t care about the new characters

It is dull and drags on

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Star Wars The Bad Batch: Pabu

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Clone Force 99 finally get some peace.

This was not a good week for Star Wars between the long needless aside on the Mandalorian and then this episode of The Bad Batch, I haven’t been so bored watching Star Wars in a long time. I think what makes this episode so much the worse is the fact that last week’s episode ended on a cliff hanger for Crosshair, which not only wasn’t addressed here but we got an incredibly filler episode about the Batch finding a home and letting Omega be a kid for a while.

I think it is pretty clear that this peace will be short lived, but I have to say there was very little actual peril in the episode at all, yes you had the threat from the sea but that was incredibly low bar. I just think that with the excellent run of episodes up until this one that teased some pretty major things to come this massive step back was not only a misstep but also a move that entirely ruined the momentum the series had been accruing.

The best thing this episode did was have Sid finally go fully villainess, it was a long time coming and I am glad that with her betrayal of the Batch likely quickly incoming that it means she won’t be in the show for much longer as she has long, long outstayed her welcome on the show.

Overall, an incredibly slow episode that ruined a lot of the momentum the show had going for it.

2/5

Pros.

Sid’s turn to villainy

It was watchable

Cons.

It is far too slow

It feels like filler

There is no sense of threat

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The Last Of Us: Look For The Lights

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Joel, played by Pedro Pascal, and Ellie, played by Bella Ramsey, reach the end of their journey.

So this episode wasn’t shocking for me as I knew it was coming, when Ramsey took to social media to say the final would be divisive I was expecting something shocking but in reality it was just the ending of the game most people picked, to save Ellie.

When Joel goes on his rampage and guns down most of the fireflies in order to get Ellie out the show clearly wants to frame it through the lens of look at what a brutal, and possibly even unjust, thing he is doing, however, this doesn’t work for me as I agree with Joel and picked this ending in the game. A parent would watch the world burn as long as their child was safe.

I also question the merit in having the season finale be one of the shortest episodes of the show, if not the shortest. I think the episode does have somewhat of a rushed feel to it and could have gone into more of the life of Ellie’s mother, played by Ashley Johnson, or could have shown more of Joel and Ellie in the aftermath of the hospital bloodbath as they deal with what happened.

Overall, whilst still good this was probably one of the weakest episodes of the show.

PS. I think this might be where I leave the show, as if they do a second season that adapts the second game I don’t want to watch it unless they make some pretty major changes.

3.5/5

Pros.

Joel rampage

The emotions

Pascal’s acting throughout

Saving Ellie

Cons.

It was too short

I disagreed with how the show framed things

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Shazam Fury Of The Gods: Gal Gadot’s Best Performance Yet

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Billy Batson, played by Asher Angel, and his family do battle with evil Greek Gods.

So this film has got quite a mixed response from audiences but honestly I don’t think it is all that bad. Yes there are some obvious issues with the film such as the dialogue, which is nothing short of appalling at times, and of course the skittles product placement sequence, but there are also things to enjoy.

I liked the wider moral lesson of letting go that this film went for, I thought it was quite deep and inspired. Moreover, though this film didn’t tug on my heartstrings in the same way the first film did there was a number of moments wherein I found myself caring about these characters and feeling things.

The cast across the board was very good, Zachery Levi was a clear standout for praise as he once again manages to capture that childhood naivety whilst also seemingly like a capable superhero force. However, I would say he is outshined very, very surprisingly by Gal Gadot. Now you all know my thoughts on Gadot’s acting ability, she can’t, but here her brief scene at the end of the film is a complete scene stealer and quite probably the best of the film.

One thing I will note is that this film much like Ant-Man last month made me miss street level heroes and superhero films that weren’t so CGI heavy. There were a number of moments in this film that reminded me of the classic early Raimi Spider-Man films, which whilst having CGI in them, were no where near the total CGI overload of today’s superhero films and therein lies the problem, I was being reminded of these better less CGI heavy films whilst watching and that went against the film.

Overall, fun but certainly not a must see.

3/5

Pros.

It’s fun

A few good jokes

Gadot

Cons.

The dialogue

Too much CGI

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Interview With Director/Writer Jamison M. LoCascio: 7×7

Written by Luke Barnes

I recently had the chance to interview Writer/ Director Jamison M. LoCascio about their new anthology film 7×7, which depicts a series of disasters and dark moments and the tales of survival and hope which exist within them. In this interview we discuss, the human spirit, hopefulness and the genuine sense of panic that comes about when you think you might miss your train.I hope you enjoy.

What was the thought behind making this film?

JML: We had done 8-12 years of short film work and we were starting to see a striking similarity between the headlines of today and the work we had done years ago. We realize that sometimes the short film format can be limited so we decided to bring them together into one feature length (82 minute) collection called 7×7, the unifying element being the human condition or connection between these characters in crisis.

What was the message you wanted to get across?

JML: Each film has its own message but mainly it was to try to tell a truthful story about normal people in difficult and sometimes unbelievable circumstances.

When focusing on such dark events how do you manage tone to not have the film feel bleak or depressing?

JML: It is ultimately up to you as a filmmaker to leave people satisfied and entertained, in the end every single audience member sees the story differently so you cannot hope to have everyone on the same page. The idea then is to try to tell a story that feels satisfying from start to finish for you as the filmmaker and people will join the camp of supporting that feeling or not.

Your film suggests that even in the darkest of times there is always some form of hope, do you agree with that and would you describe this film as fundamentally optimistic?

JML: I think there is always a sense of hope in our films though sometimes it is harder to define but we feel that is true to life.

How did you decide on the anthology approach?

JML: It was the hard work of many people over 12 years, these short films specifically needed to be further seen. Now, with a company called FILM HUB, who encouraged us to make 7×7, they had that new opportunity to be seen by people-so we delivered them!

Do you have any funny stories from production?

JML: There are tons but the best one is probably on “Track 3” the entire shoot was done in between people rushing to their trains and with announcements coming over the loudspeaker- every 20 minutes or less! Wow! Some people out of focus in the background look like they are panicking due to the scripted Pandemic in the film but the true story…they were just late for their trains!

What is your favorite moment from the film?

JML: The resolution at the end of Midnight Catch is an important moment in the movie and my favorite in some ways because it was my first film and it is the last film in this anthology. I am proud it was chosen to be there in that final position after all the years since I have made and learned to make better films. It was kind of like the producers had decided that I was on “the right track” all along and in the filmmaking business of insanity and uncertainty, those little things add up to be positive moments for you as a filmmaker.

8. Future plans/ what comes next for you?

JML: We are already working on a new feature film screenplay in the horror genre and Adam Ambrosio and myself are about to release a book called “The Script is Not Enough” about how we made our first four feature films and the lessons new filmmakers can take from them, I hope it can help somebody!

9. Do you have any words for aspiring filmmakers who might be reading this?

JML: Stay with it and don’t get too caught up on one “big” movie idea, it is easier to wait too long and fail this way. Instead, make as many films as possible and learn from each one, even if you fail along the way, people will admire your courage to persist onwards in your craft. After that, people will graciously lend you a hand and want to be a part of your momentum forward, making that process easier and ultimately closer to what you originally wanted it to be. One day, suddenly your body of work becomes “valuable” or maybe even “inspiring” to some as tough, painful, and slow as it may be, but really your expectations mainly need adjustment, always be grateful you have the opportunity to make any film ever, it is a rare gift and I’ve decided to never lose sight of that fact myself. The truth is that you can always take a blank page and write/finance/shoot/deliver a feature film that is well within anyone’s budget – just look at things differently, don’t worry about Hollywood’s rules but instead make the best films you can with the hand you’ve been given. Study the craft, study films you love, try to find the joy in every bit of it because it is at the end of the day, it is very challenging but worthwhile in the end. It is important to remember that no one will hand you anything. You must go out and create the films you want to make and see for yourself, you need to find a way to make your films come into existence or develop the kinds of films that can be more easily made, stop worrying about how you are perceived in terms of budget, cast, etc and instead – make the best damn film you can. People will notice this type of passionate work much more so, you can feel a person’s passion for something translate to their results, I believe especially in filmmaking.

If you would like to check out 7X7 for yourself it is currently out now on Tubi https://tubitv.com/movies/722406/7×7

If you enjoyed this interview, then please head over to my Patreon to support me, I offer personalized shoutouts, the ability for you to pick what I review next and full access to my Patreon exclusive game reviews. Check it out!

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7X7: Tales From The Darkness

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Stories of survival told during some of the darkest times imaginable.

As many of you will know, my thoughts on anthology films are often mixed, when the narrative is split between a lot of different stories and characters there tends to be an issue with over stretching and becoming convoluted, this is coupled with the fact that one bad story can sink an anthology easily. I want to say that these issues don’t happen here but that would be untrue, at least to a small degree.

The latter doesn’t occur, all of the stories are good and make you feel deeply but when looked at more closely even some of the best stories start to become increasingly hollow with too many characters that you know very little about. This creates quite a catch 22 as though the emotional writing is good it is offset by a dull and sparse feeling world.

The actors do there best to try and breathe some life into these rather shallow characters, and for the most part do manage to improve them with their performances but I think it still isn’t enough.

Overall, not a bad film by any means and with a strong core of emotional writing, however by trying to be everywhere and tell every story the film quickly begins neglecting its characters which feel at best like an afterthought.

3.5/5

Pros.

The premise

The emotions

The actors are trying their best

The pacing is okay

Cons.

The characters and world feel undeveloped

It tries to do too much

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Cocaine Bear: Animal Abuse?

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A bear does cocaine.

I had very low expectations going into this and to be frank with you it met them.

Now this isn’t the worst film I have ever seen by any means it was just incredibly dull and forgettable. If you compare it to another recent creature feature like Crawl or Beast then this film looks far worse by comparison.

The main reason for this is that the film doesn’t know what it wants to be between a goofy comedy and a grizzly creature feature. The tone is all over the place in one frame you will have the characters saying something dumb and goofy and then in the next the bear will be tearing off one of their arms, these two tones don’t go together well. There is no sense of tension or danger because the comedy ruins any chance of it and likewise the overly serious bear scenes take away from any kind of goofy charm the film could have.

Additionally, the characters are written to be so forgettable and shallow that really all they become is bear chow and the film wants you to see them that way not as people. I would say that Keri Russell and O’Shea Jackson Jr are trying to prop this film up with their sheer magnetisms alone but they are both clearly struggling to hold this film together. The Florida Project’s Brooklyn Prince has a strong showing as well but sadly the film just forgets about her for most of its runtime.

Overall, incredibly by the numbers but hey at least it isn’t as bad as Elizabeth Bank’s last directorial effort.

2.5/5

Pros.

It is better than Charlie’s Angels a small mercy

It is watchable

Russell and Jackson Jr are doing their best

Cons.

The tone is all wrong

A lot of the cast are wasted

The pacing is harsh even at a relatively short runtime

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The Ridiculous Six: Not Even Trying To Hide The Racism

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Adam Sandler plays a Native American.

Yikes. There was a time when I considered myself a Sandler die hard, I watched all of his films and thought he could do no wrong, then came Jack and Jill and his move to Netflix.

This film feels like it is trying to be edgy, not because the film thinks it is funny, or to own the libs or any other whiney platitude, but rather as a last gasp, as these old timers know that if they aren’t making gross out jokes and objectifying women then people might realise they are wasted up and not funny anymore. Many people can already see that.

I won’t rant at you about the meanspirited nature of this film, or the racial lines it crosses, and believe me this film could easily be labelled racist, but I will say that it is sad to see Sandler and co relegated to this. To me it screams of a group of guys who have given up on themselves and their careers and have realised that their heyday is long since over. It is sad.

I can’t see why anyone would find this film funny, it is just pathetic. It makes even the worst most lazy jokes on current year Family Guy look like comedy masterstrokes, it is just bad. However, maybe that is the point, maybe Sandler and co are just trying to ride the gravy train until they hit forgotten relic status. Sandler at least can save himself with some of the more dramatic work he is doing recently, but some of these guys like Anti-Vaxx ranter Rob Schneider are done.

Overall, Netflix never did get the memo on quality over quantity.

1/5

Pros.

It makes for a good way to entertain your pets when you have to go out for a bit.

Cons.

It is deeply not funny

It is sad to see Sandler reduced so low

It is quite creepy at times, and also racist

It is pathetic in more ways than one

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