Haunted Mansion: Danny Devito Goes Full Conspiracy Theorist

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Another film about a Disney park attraction this time sans Eddie Murphy.

This film got slaughtered in a competitive summer season and would have been much better if Disney had waited and released it on Disney + for Halloween, but hey I’m not Bob Iger.

I thought that this film was better than some have said it is, I think the main cast have great chemistry, even if you have some problematic actors in Haddish and the leading man, and mostly play off each other well. I would say that once again Owen Wilson is used perfectly in a small supporting role, I think he is really finding a new niche for himself in these more considered roles like Mobius in Loki.

Again the horror of the film was fair good for a family setting, it had its moments and wasn’t as comedic as they could have made it. Going In I was worried they would have the ghosts be a threat but also be cracking jokes every few minutes to reduce it but no the film did manage to sustain a level of spooky atmosphere throughout.

I would say that the villain was quite weak and the CGI used for him even more so, as I have said in other reviews and articles I am starting to get sick of third acts that boil down to one big CGI battle again I think it just reflects poor writing and how these writers don’t know how to wrap things up in a satisfying way and so the creatives regurgitate CGI colours all over you to try and make you forget.

Overall, an entertaining film that won’t be winning any awards

3/5

Good atmosphere

The cast work well together

I thought the emotional beats hit where they should

Cons.

The CGI

It has pacing issues

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The Current State Of Cinema 2023

Written by Luke Barnes

This piece will be my first annual state of cinema address, a feature that if popular and I remember I will try and do every year going forward. In it I’ll be talking about the festering state of franchise films, the struggles of the global box office to recover in a post pandemic sense, the possible hopeful return of the mid budget film and of course the idea of the message and how film studios are finally starting to realise that not everyone is an activist.  Buckle up as cinema is in a turbulent time.

With The Marvels, Antman, Mission Impossible, Indiana Jones and the slate of DCEU films all performing badly and being poorly received one has to ask is superhero fatigue real? Is franchise fatigue real? Though these are questions that have been asked to death I think we need to cover it here, yes is the answer by the by. I think that audiences are wising up and being more choosey, for the reason we will get into later, and as such are only turning out for films they think look good whereas in times gone by they may be more likely to take a risk on something. This is partially because of streaming culture though I think far more likely it is because audiences are finally starting to reject the slop that studios serve up time after time. I think that the day of the CGI fest blockbuster with no soul is coming to an end and that the reason a film like Guardians three did well whereas the other two Marvel films didn’t is because it had a heart and a care that audiences connected with, it is not a hollow CGI fest. Studio’s need to put more time into crafting stories and worlds and not just taking audience for granted because I think if this year in cinema has shown anything it is that the audiences aren’t coming anymore.

Now why is that? Where did the audience go? I believe as I have said before in other pieces that the reason why the box office can’t recover in the post covid sphere in the way some expected it would is because of a trio of factors: streaming, a lack of interest, and also money and I think it is the final factor that is key. Whilst there have been a few run away successes this year it is nothing compared to the number of success stories pre pandemic and yes you can point to how audiences are no more willing to wait until a film hits streaming but in my mind the real reason why it hasn’t recovered is because cinema’s have put up prices to try and make more money post covid and that move is mortal self-harm for them. Why has a film like Wish flopped, besides being trash, well that is because if you and your partner had two kids and the four of you wanted to go and watch the film as a family it would cost you with food well over fifty pounds, I don’t know the dollars translation, and for many these days that is just too much. Add on top of that that a family can instead just buy Disney plus for a fraction of that and wait for the film to come out in about 5 months, if not less, and bang it simply isn’t worth it any more.

One thing that is good that has come out of all this is that I think that the way studios will respond to this year will be to scale back budgets on both their franchise and non-franchise films. This is a good thing for two reasons, firstly it will bring back the mid budget movie to a degree for far too long it has either been these massive multi million dollar franchises or indie fare, the mid budget movie is in need of a comeback, also with smaller budgets studios will be more willing to take risks which again is always a good thing.

However, I think the most important issue facing contemporary cinema and something that will and is bringing a reckoning all its own is this idea of preaching. Hollywood for the most part is a very liberal and left wing place, and that has always been the case, however, at some point within the last decade celebrities and creatives started getting far more preachy and putting it into their films, again maybe it’s because of generation activist, but increasingly going to the cinema now is just being preached to by millionaires on how the world should be. What makes this worse is that these same creatives have taken to creating divides in their own franchises and fan bases telling fans that these films or this series isn’t for them anymore. Look at what happened with The Rings Of Power and how badly Amazon abused the Lotr community, and who showed up for that show? By Amazon’s own metrics not many people at all. Again studios are starting to get the message now saying they will put telling good stories ahead of the message again, which is how it should have always been and are seeing that audiences are voting against being preached to with their wallets. Look at Wish a film that might as well have been a PSA on social justice talking points who came out for it?……. No one. Audiences won’t be told how to live by millionaire liberals who are so out of touch with average moviegoers they might as well be living on another planet.

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The Last Voyage Of The Demeter: Dracula’s Untold Journey

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The untold story of Dracula’s voyage to the UK.

I was looking forward to this film for a while, and in my opinion this film got a really unfair roll of the dice. Again it was a shame what happened to the production company but it really undercut this film’s ability to really find an audience. However, it did reach me, and I will be its cheerleader.

Yes in a sense this is a creature feature in the way you would expect, that is not a compliment, in that it is a group of people getting picked off by a monster one by one, but I found that outside of this the film did enough to lift up its fairly generic premise.  Chiefly, this film does a good job at establishing atmosphere and making the confines of the ship feel even more claustrophobic then they otherwise would. On top of this when you do see Dracula, particularly at the end, the creature effects look well done and distinctive.

Overall, the best Dracula film in a while

4/5

Pros.

The atmosphere

The creature design

The scares

The pacing

Cons.

The acting is a little patchy at times

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Blue Beetle: Another Flop For The DCEU

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Jamie Reyes, played by Xolo Maridueňa, gets the power of the scarab in the latest troubled chapter in the DCEU.

So I will give this film props Maridueňa makes for a likeable lead and his goofy sort of nerdy energy does help this film to avoid a lot of the issues that some of the other DCEU films have with being overly serious. Again I found Jamie as a character to be very relatable, his journey was one I feel a lot of the audience could be on board with: trying to find your place in the world, get your crush to like you, be seen well in the eyes of your family etc, all of these things made the character work.

The wider focus on family as a theme also added a lot to the film, and it is humorous that in the same year we had Shazam Fury Of The Gods a film that wants to be all about family but that forgets what it means pretty early on and instead takes things in a much more obnoxious direction. Here I felt like the family Reyes felt real they felt like a normal family and I bought there interactions a lot more than in the Shazam sequel.

The superhero stuff was where this film fell down for me, this is an origin story you have all seen before sure not in the context of Blue Beetle but with other superheroes and it just came off to me at least like a knock off Spider-Man. Regular guy gets powers and then finds himself in over his head and having to protect his loved ones, the only difference is a spider bite to a sort of technological symbiote.

The evil villain being some blood thirsty corporate shark/arms dealer was again incredibly cliché, there might have been some supposed commentary in this decision but honestly I just didn’t care about this section of the film at all, and it was pretty clear Susan Sarandon was only there for the money.

Overall, it was okay Jamie and his family worked well and I would like to see more of their world but none of it matters as it will all be cleaned away by the reboot, and yes they said oh Blue Beetle is a part of the new DCU, but after the box office it pulled it is as dead as the dodos.    

3.5/5

Pros.

Jamie

His family

The relatability

The humour

Cons.

The superhero stuff is boring

The villain is super weak

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The Dive: The Depths Of The Abyss

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two sisters, played by Sophie Lowe and Louisa Krause, go on a diving trip and then get stuck deep underwater.

This film did not go where I thought it was going to go, I thought it would follow in the footsteps of other recent survival films and be more action thriller in terms of tone but no, this film really is a drama. Yes there is some thriller aspects with the sisters battling for survival but for the most part it is a deep and quite depressing reflection over the sister’s lives, childhood and bond. It is important to bare this in mind before you go into it as it certainly won’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

Personally, I thought the film worked quite well as an atmospheric drama with the vast emptiness of the sea an apt setting for these weighty themes and ideas. Certainly by setting so much of the film in this incredibly isolating space it really helps to hit home these ideas of loneliness and how the sisters have drifted apart. My point is that the central metaphor of the film works very well.

I thought both Lowe and Krause gave good performances, I would edge it to Lowe as I think she shows the greater range of emotions over the course of the film, but Krause can pull of the intensity her character needs well.

I would say the highlight of the film for me was the ascension scene at the end, as there is a real tension there, you can feel that sense of dread and threat and really do fear that the characters will meet an untimely end through the bends.

Overall, an interesting film that does a lot with themes of isolation and abandonment but one that is perhaps too dark at times and that will put a lot of people off.

3/5

Pros.

Both of the leads

The ending

The themes

Cons.

It is not for everyone

It is at times too depressing

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Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning Part One: It Is The Hobbit All Over Again

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Ethan Hunt, played by Tom Cruise, is back for another go around the sun.

This was disappointing, not majorly hence the score but I just thought it could have been so much more. I think the decision to split the film into two parts was a bad idea and led to this one being far too light. What I mean by that is that if this was a tighter narrative and crucially one film then a lot of what happened would have been much quicker and less drawn out. As it stands there are scenes like the one set in an airport for example, that first introduces us to Hayley Atwell’s character, that just drag on. To be tighter and better these scenes could have been cut in half.

Moreover, whilst I liked the plot of the film and the idea of them facing off against a rogue AI and people from Hunt’s past I thought that the decision to overlook a lot of the franchise’s recurring character’s in favour of Hayley Atwell’s newcomer was a poor decision. Don’t get me wrong Atwell’s new character was fine, but we barely got to see any scenes with Hunt and his side men or find out really what had been going on with them between films. I think the  biggest missed opportunity on this front was Ilsa, played by Rebecca Ferguson. We do get some insight into what she had been doing and she is in a sense pivotal to the plot, but I just feel like we barely get any time with her before she is killed off, this very act cost the film a point form me because within the last two films she had been the most interesting character so to see her die midway into the big two part finale was a bad decision.

The action was good and what you would expect, the stunts I would say were a little lacklustre when compared to the previous films in the franchise but again they had written themselves into a corner, there are only so many things they can feasibly do and there has been a lot of these films at this point.

Overall, it sets an interesting tone for going into what I assume to be the final film, however by ignoring its side characters and out and out killing Ilsa the film left me disappointed.

3/5

Pros.

The action

It is serviceable

The plot has a few interesting dimensions and sets up for an interesting finale

Cons.

Ilsa

The pacing is awful

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Wish: Disney Wanted This To Bomb

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Disney fires a massive blast on their side of the culture war, sadly it has blown back on them in a big way.

I went to see this opening day, there were three other people there that is the strength of the Disney brand these days. Anyway, where to begin with this film that made me turn to my girlfriend and go no more Disney animations ever again.

Firstly the plot is beyond simplistic, like really there is no plot beyond an incredibly ham-fisted social message that everyone is special and unique and if life is ever even slightly unfair it is your duty to totally Karen out about it and that only through revolution can anything ever be achieved.

I mean I may be reading it wrong, but personally seeing how two of the only white male characters were evil and how it was the duty of everyone else to punish them it just felt like yet more preaching and like I was being told this film was not for me. If they had made the King look exactly like Donald Trump I would not have been surprised as that as clearly what they were going for, and this might play in America but outside of America audience’s don’t care for their social justice messages. As you all well know, if you have read my reviews for some time, I don’t mind a progressive message at all but when they decide to lecture and force it down the audience’s throat then it becomes clawing quickly.

The songs were not great either, which seems like an easy thing they could have gotten right, the only one that was catchy was Chris Pine’s song about how ungrateful people are. The rest aren’t terrible but they all come off feeling the same which is fine but it doesn’t do anything to sell the film.

I had heard that the ending of the film basically set up a Disney animated films shared universe, and after having seen it I question whether I was lied to. There is some implication of it but I thought it would be clearly shown, that was half of the appeal to me.

One thing I did like about the film that I will give it a half point for was the absurdity with the chickens that was a lot of fun, but sadly that was all the fun on offer in the entire hour and a half ish runtime.

Overall, another lecture from Disney

0.5/5

Pros.

The chickens

Cons

It is preachy

The real world parallel is right there for all to see and it’s irritating

The songs bar one aren’t good

It isn’t fun to watch

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Oppenheimer: The Man Behind The Bomb

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The life of Robert Oppenheimer played by Cillian Murphy, and the people who destroyed him.

This film is not one for the faint of heart, it is long and very exposition heavy. However, if historical epics are your kind of thing you will find more than enough to like here.

The film did a very good job at making you invested in Oppenheimer’s life and connecting to and understanding his stresses and his shortcomings, the film didn’t sugar coat any aspects of his life and rather showed the good with the bad which is always nice to see from an epic/biopic.

The cast across the board were strong, Murphy anchored the film well but I think the supporting cast really brought this film to life with terrific turns from Emily Blunt and Florence Pugh as the loves of Oppenheimer’s life and very much highlighted the personal destruction of the man himself.

It was an interesting choice to give more focus and screen time to the quasi legal battle between Oppenheimer and Robert Downey Jr’s character, then the journey to the bomb, but I think it is one that pays off.

4/5

Pros.

Murphy, Blunt and Pugh

The emotions

The man himself and the focus on his inner demons

It is excellently paced

Cons.

It has too many characters

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Barbie: Ken Meets the Manosphere

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Barbie, played by Margot Robbie, comes to the real world and learns about the manosphere.

I was excited for this film for months before it came out and I have to say it delivered in every way I could ever have wanted it to. This is probably my film of the summer if not film of the year.

I think this film did everything right it was funny but also soulful, it was very timely and relevant but also not overly preachy, though plenty will disagree with that, it had the idea of Barbie be silly but also mean something in terms of the world of the film. In terms of tonal balance this film was sublime.

I thought the trip to the real world was inspired, and I thought seeing Barbie have to deal with becoming in a sense defective and seeking out a journey of self-exploration was a very relatable concept for a lot of people. I liked the sheer horror that Barbie had when she came to the real world and saw how women are treated and had her naivety shattered, the manosphere stuff with Ken, played by Ryan Gosling, was perhaps the film at its most grating but even then it saved it with good jokes and commentary. I do believe that the Andew Tate esque manosphere stuff will age the film horribly in years to come, but I can excuse it as it worked really well to give the film a villain that felt earned rather than doing oh the evil toy company is now going to invade Barbie land and enslave them or some contrived thing like that.

Overall, I genuinely think this was a treat of cinema this year.

5/5

Pros.

It is funny

It is timely

It is surprisingly deep

Robbie is fantastic

It is well paced

Cons.

None

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The Blackening: The Racist History Of The Board Games Industry

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of friends come across a racist board game when they meet at a cabin for a friends reunited weekend.

I was looking forward to this film and after having seen it I can say that it was fine…. Well perhaps a little better than that as far as horror comedies go, which as you know I have very mixed feelings on, it was serviceable but it was certainly nothing to write home about.

The cast do work well together and have a number of good moments, but I found there was far too much backstory and interpersonal drama and that distracted away from the main story. I wanted to hear more about this game and see other people it had hurt not learn about two of the characters’ strained relationship.

The comedy had its moments, but these are far too few and far between to be considered a strong point of the film. The horror does play on a number of interesting themes and does a lot to address the tiresome tropes surrounding black characters within horror cinema, this is probably the film’s greatest strength. I would, however, say that the game itself, central to the film’s horror, is underdeveloped and could do with more to bulk out the idea.

Overall, mildly entertaining but soon to be forgotten.

3/5

Pros.

It has a few funny moments

It does a lot to buck tropes and stereotypes

It has a good pace

Cons.

Quite a number of misses from the joke department

Again the central horror idea is very underdeveloped

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