The Silver Surfer No One Asked For

This piece will talk about Marvel and the recent Fantastic Four casting news. A moment before we get into it, I know the female version of the Silver Surfer exists in the comics, minorly, and I know this is not in the main universe but rather an alternative timeline. Neither thing changes my point.

Remember a month or so ago when Bob Iger said that Disney was going to do a pivot and focus a little bit less on the message, or something like that, I remember it and I met it with cautious optimism, but now I am beginning to question whether I was dreaming that and if it ever happened. The news that inspired the current piece is that Julia Garner is playing a female version of the Silver Surfer in the upcoming Fantastic Four film, not gender flipped.

What bothers me about this is not the fact that even with CGI the actor looks nothing like the character from the comics she is far too small for it, but rather that this is what Marvel are leading with. Why couldn’t they just give us the Fantastic Four as they normally are with the regular Silver Surfer and Galactus and then bring her in later. Why did they have to present the news as if she was the Silver Surfer, with a suggested gender flip. I think the answer is obvious.

At the risk of sounding cynical Kevin Feige doesn’t get it, many people thought when Victoria Alonso stepped back the gender/race swaps and the subversions of classic stories would stop, but no. Personally I believe that this is bigger than Alonso and I think it is Feige himself pushing this through because you have to believe Bob Iger doesn’t want this especially with the way it went down online.

I think two things are at play here, firstly Feige or someone high up at Marvel studios didn’t like how male skewing the team was, as they have always been and been popular as, so they decided they needed to add another woman to the cast in order to make sure no one called them an ist or so such like that. Secondly, I think Marvel are aware how this will go down and are trying to hate farm it for attention, with the idea that all publicity is good publicity as even with the casting announcements I have not seen anyone talking about this film online. Maybe they thought they would bring it back in some way, the outrage would get interest. I don’t know but I will say this there is a reason they didn’t lead with the well known and well liked version of the Surfer that fans wanted, they may try and say that they are saving him for something or that oh you’ll get both but I personally think the way they announced it was a clear attempt to hate farm and get attention with an unpopular announcement. It looks like it worked.

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Drive Away Dolls: Incredibly Sexualised Lesbians

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two young women, Geraldine Viswanathan and Margaret Qualley, travel across the States to find themselves and deliver a rather compromising package.

I want to preface this review by saying that I have never been a fan of the Cohen Brothers, though their films are lauded I only ever liked Inside Llewyn Davis. Here we only get one half of the directing duo and I have to say that is a deeply average film.

At the risk of offending, this film makes lesbians, both of the lead characters are, out to be sex crazed. Whilst a lot of films have done this with men over the years, so why not women is a valid point, but I would say that it is reductive. In the case of Viswanathan’s character they try and do more with her and develop more of who she is, her backstory and her hopes and dreams, whereas with Qualley’s character sex is all she is. I am a sex positive person and have no issue with any character being sexual but Qualley’s character is nothing more than that. Watch the film and tell me any character detail about her other than she likes sex, go on I’ll wait. She opens the film doing it, travels cross country doing it at every stop and then engages in sex with her friend turned girlfriend at the end of the film. I just think it would have been nice to get to know the character with her clothes on and as more than just a sexual object for the lesbian gaze. I think that the characterisation of the leads will make for an interesting research paper one day.

That said I think this film can get quite political at times, as you would probably expect. I think as with a lot of cases in modern Hollywood it is surface level, its commentary lacks any kind of wit or deeper engagement, its just yes right wing politicians are bad and its up to liberals to punish them and take them down. It is so nuanced that you would have to read copiously on the topic to be able to understand just a tenth of what they are saying, not.

The main pro I will give this film is that it has a good sense of humour. Beanie Feldstein has a decent number of humorous moments which make the film more bearable.

Overall, a paper thin film that struggles to entertain or be relevant.

Pros.

A few funny moment

It is short

Cons.

It over sexualises Qualley’s character

The political commentary is thin

It is boring and fairly predictable

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Fire Kathleen Kennedy

Written by Luke Barnes

This piece will talk about Star Wars and the clear differences between Star Wars from a John Favreau and Dave Filoni view and Star Wars under Kathleen Kennedy’s purview. Yes I am aware that she signs off on everything as studio head but I am referring to the Filloniverse as it is known vs everything else.

To get to the brass tax of it this article was inspired after catching up with the first few episodes of the new season of The Bad Batch and then reading an article online about the Acolyte. In both of these things two very different things are being done, on the one hand you have characters that fans have come to know over a long period of time and lots of appearance from well liked characters and on the other hand you have something very new without known characters. Now a few prefaces, I am not saying in John and Dave’s stuff there isn’t new characters there are, there are simply a lot of returning ones as well, and I am not saying outside of the John and Dave stuff there is no recurring characters in the rest of the shows there are, just these feel more forced, I am also not saying there shouldn’t be entirely original stories.

I personally think of these two approaches the one favoured by John and Dave is the right way forward as it expands Star Wars and gives us new characters but does so in a way that feels like they care about the characters they already have and care that fans like them. Whereas outside of John and Dave Kathleen and co seem to want to wipe away everything the fans care about killing off fan favourite characters and wanting to move to entirely new periods in cannon, not to tell interesting new tales but so they aren’t shackled by cannon and so they can stuff the cast with as much diversity as possible. There is a sense that John and Dave understand that Star Wars is for everyone and have strong male and female characters, look at Dinn and Bo-Katan, whereas Kathleen wants only women to watch and so pushes Rey over all the other characters in the sequel trilogy, makes Reva the main focus of the Obi-Wan show and cast the Acolyte tobasically be all women. It couldn’t be clearer to see that Kathleen and her ilk and Lucasfilm hate the male fans who make up the majority of the Star Wars fan base and most likely thinks of them as some unwashed bigots who they can try and take money from whilst calling them names. However, it is clear to see that this isn’t working. The Acolyte is already hated, Obi-Wan didn’t make the numbers in the way they wanted it to and the sequels…. Well there is a reason we haven’t had a numbered film in a goodly while.

Whereas again in the John and Dave sphere The Mandalorian has been Disney plus’s flagship show, The Bad Batch has a dedicated fan base and Ahsoka often trended on X, people want their shows whilst looking at things like the Acolyte and just seeing more of the same messaging and fan hate that ruined the sequel trilogy. Who knows maybe the Acolyte will become another Andor a breakout hit despite who is producing it but somehow I doubt it and I think it will be another round of blaming the racist fans, even though the majority aren’t, for not mindlessly consuming a bad product they didn’t ask for. It is funny how it is never that the product was bad anymore it is always oh the toxic fans.

Ultimately I think Star Wars needs to see the back of Kathleen Kennedy her politics is ruining many a good idea and I think someone who is actually a fan, I don’t believe she has ever watched any of these films of TV shows, should be in charge.

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Ruby Gillman Teenage Kracken: The Tik Tok Generation Through The Lens Of Complete Misunderstanding

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Some creatives from DreamWorks who are all probably approaching middle age decide that they know what kids like based of watching one Tik Tok video once and so make this a film that speaks to only one group of people.

This film is made for terminally online teens the kind you would find with dyed hair and who have a series of different flags and causes in their bio, that is what this film thinks teens are. It cannot and will not understand that teens are more than just this crowd. If you need to see proof of my claims then see Ruby’s group of friends and how they talk and interact it is the most cringe thing you will ever see and feels in no way real or even human, maybe that was the point.

The message of be yourself has been told so many times that I question if it has any meaning anymore, surely kids don’t need to be told this lesson by every animated film that comes out every year in order to learn individualism surely they aren’t that dumb.

I struggled to care about any of the characters as I found them clawing stereotypes of what people view Gen Z and Millennials like, and in that sense I just found them more and more irritating as the film went on to such a point where I debated turning it off a few times and if I hadn’t been watching it for review I probably would have.

Overall, this is what happens when 40-50 year olds try to write something for kids they don’t understand.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is a neat concept

It had about two funny jokes

Cons.

It is cringe

It is mostly painfully unfunny

The characters are awful

It feels like a bargain basement version of Turning Red

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Anyone But You: When In Doubt Throw Yourself In The Harbour

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After a misunderstanding a pair of people who hate each other must pretend to be a couple in order to not ruin a wedding.

A plot that has been done so many times I have lost count, originality is not one of this films special skills. You know where this is going, they pretend to be a couple then they become a couple and then they break up and then they have a big run to the airport moment reunite and the films over.

I think where this film shines is with the chemistry between the leads Sydney Sweeny and Glen Powell, both of them do a really good job with it and have a strong back and forth and that makes this better than your standard rom-com.

I think a lot of the wider cast are just unnecessary and leave you feeling irritated when they are on screen as the film does nothing to make you care about them even slightly.

Overall, there isn’t much to say about this one, it is on the better side of average.

3/5

Pros.

The chemistry

A few funny jokes

A sweet singing scene

Cons.

It is predictable

The rest of the cast are wasted

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Imaginary: The Opposite Of A World Of Pure Imagination

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A kid, a teddy, and a monster of some sort. Settle down it’s only the same old Blumhouse formula.

Once upon a time Blumhouse used to make some of the best horror films out there, they were your prime cuts of horror meat, but then slowly over time they started abandoning smarter ideas and in many senses adults and started appealing primarily to teens, turning it into slurry that is not even fit for sick animals.

As such this film has a needless teen romance arc as all the best films do. Why can’t the creatives over a Blumhouse see that some of the best horror films of all time have not had teen angst in them, even when they featured teen characters, people don’t want the CW’s writing showing up in their horror films.

Here we have a writer, DeWanda Wise, that has to use her imagination to be able to kill her childhood imaginary friend that has now come for her step daughter. When the film actually gets into the mythology of imaginary friends and talks about how kids go missing all the time as they can’t accept that they aren’t real and so leave home to be with them then the film actually starts to get scary. However, when you see the creature at the end of the film, and see those black eye effects then you are quickly brought out of any fear you felt and feel like you are watching a film made on the cheap, and I do not mean that in a good and charming way.

I will give the film that I liked the twist wherein only the step mom and the little girl could see the bear but before that point in the film we had all just assumed everyone could see it, that was neat and I didn’t see it coming.

Overall, Blumhouse continues a negative trend downwards

Pros.

The twist

The mythology

Cons.

The acting

The angst

The monster

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Dune Part 2: The True Messiah

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Gear up for another trip to Arrakis, or as the locals call it Dune.

I think this is easily the best film of the year so far, I have watched it thrice in cinemas now, and have continued on with the series in book form currently reading God Emperor.

In many ways this film is perfection be it with the effects or the visuals, or in the way the world is so perfectly realised, there are a lot of areas in which this film deserves praise. It takes what worked so well in the first film and builds upon it to give you a perhaps even better experience. I would say that this film is helped by the fact that more happens herein and it feels far more action centric whereas the first was less so, but that is what you get when you needlessly split up a book.

There are a number of changes from the books here so work and some don’t. I liked the ending which sees the Great Houses reject Paul, Timothy Chalamet’s, ascension and as such it will be war. This will make Messiah more interesting as in the books Paul pretty much had firm control over the Empire once the second book came around, this is a good thing as Messiah is far more about political intrigue than action, which after the last two films the general audience may turn their nose up at. The major change I didn’t like was Chani, Zendaya. In the books Chani was Paul’s concubine and love as well as a warrior she believed in him and that was it, here she is angry with him every step of the way and thinks that the Messiah should be one of their own and ignores all the signs Paul is the Messiah to the point of being blind. I understand what they were going for here they wanted to push Frank Herbert’s original message to not trust charismatic leaders, but in execution it just came across as if she was constantly arguing with Paul over everything, this quickly became annoying. In many senses it felt like they needed to update the narrative for a modern audience and inject some girl boss tropes in their and some post-colonial preaching even though this is in space and they could easily have a very different morality to those of us who dwell for abnormal amounts of time on X discussing activism. Also at the end of the film Chani leaves, and I don’t know how they are going to fix that as she needs to have Paul’s kids in Messiah it is an important part of the plot, but I guess that is an issue for another time.

Overall, easily the best science fiction film of the decade and the best film of the year so far.

4.5/5

Pros.

The visuals

The effects

How realised the world is

The cast

The ending

Cons.

Chani and the way they took her character

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Rebel Moon: Stop Giving Zack Snyder Creative Control

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Netflix doubles down on the 21^st century’s most over-hyped director, Zack Snyder.

Zack Snyder can’t seem to string a story together to save his life, maybe he is one of the few directors that works better under tight studio control, as such here we see some sort of rip-off of Star Wars and the Magnificent Seven/Seven Samurai that has no soul or personality. It is Bayian, a term I am coining to refer to the works of Michael Bay, in that it is all style and flash but underneath it is just nothing.

The decision to split this into two parts reeks of Netflix and Zack thinking this was going to be bigger than it was, as it stands it is just a film without an ending, reflecting my earlier point that Snyder can’t put a story together and is an awful writer.

Worse yet Sofia Boutella, who actually is a good actor she just chooses to star in flop after flop as she has the most unlucky agent in Hollywood, clearly has taken inspiration from the Alaqua Cox school of acting and plays her central role with the same look of I am a badass and I’m pissed off for the whole film. There is no attempt to give her character anything more than that, but that can be said also for the other characters who are so thin that you struggle to even call them caricatures.

Then you have the distinct lack of gore, what were they thinking there. Was this supposed to be child friendly, if so who thought that was a good idea considering most of Snyder’s fanbase are angry men, who whilst they may act like children are in fact not.

Overall, a woeful dud for Netflix

1/5

Pros.

It has some good visuals

Cons.

It’s boring

Sofia Boutella is awful

It is far too long

Snyder cannot write

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Star Wars: The Quest To Lose Half The Audience To Get A Quarter

Written by Luke Barnes

This piece will talk about Star Wars and the continued mismanagement of the once beloved franchise. As a lot of you will know I have written a cinema issues piece before about Star Wars and Kathleen Kennedy, but here I want to talk more about the upcoming Acolyte show and how the metrics show that what certain sections of Lucasfilm are trying to do won’t work.

So before we get into it a few disclaimers, firstly I think the shows and soon to be movies under John and Dave’s watchful eye have been mostly good bar Book of Bobba Fett¸ secondly the Acolyte may well be good I could be wrong about it. With that said let’s get into it.

Men and women alike for many decades have both liked Star Wars, however, in terms of traditional gender norms it was always seen as more of a boy brand, rightly or wrongly, than a girl brand. Personally, I think people can like what they like regardless of gender, but this was how the franchise was perceived. Anyway in recent years Disney has tried to make the brand into a girl brand with the idea that the male audience would stick around and they could grow the audience even more, and maybe in a sense they could have done this. However, rather than create new stories that had male and female strong characters in it that could encourage both sides of the audience to stick around new projects like the Acolyte don’t value or want the male audience around, so only focus on creating female characters with the idea that male fans have had it too good for too long. No doubt they will cry that this isn’t for male fans or call them ists and phobes as they often do, again because Lucasfilm wants to keep the male audience around, sarcasm.

Moreover, look at something like Madame Web that thought it could take its male audience for granted and went full force into the idea of tokenistic cynical female empowerment and then got closer to having women being fifty percent of the audience but at the same time lost a massive chunk of their male audience and bombed. If I ran Star Wars that would bother me, and I would know as the research suggests that most of my audience was male so I would question will this show work for them.

I am not saying that men can’t relate to female characters of course they can look at the popularity of Buffy but when you create a show that seems to be from the off, with how the creatives have spoken about it, being fairly antagonistic to a large part of your viewing audience, you can’t really be surprised when this does flop or underperform or just doesn’t get picked up for a second season.

What I want is for common sense to return, for the pendulum to swing back to the middle. You can make a show that is for everyone, that doesn’t have creatives that hate their audience and tells them this show isn’t for them, you can have a show that appeals to men and women, you don’t need to prioritise the female audience over the male audience you can do both. Why does it have to be one way or the other at the moment. You know why something like Dune did really well because it appealed to men and women, the director didn’t do an Instagram post in a car looking like he hasn’t shaved in a few too many years and tell fans that the film isn’t for them it is just for a small section of vocal activists on X who probably don’t even care about the IP.

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Stan Culture: Lonely Souls, Cult Like Fanatics Or Dumb People Who Can’t Think For Themselves

Written by Luke Barnes

This piece will talk about stan culture and how it is ruining film discourse. So for those of you unfamiliar, a stan or fan account on social media is a person who devotes themselves entirely to another person or a franchise and spends hours a day constantly tweeting out about them or using fan cams, repetitive streams of pictures or video clips, to prove their devotion.

I have read some pieces about these people saying they are lonely and look to these parasocial relationships with stars as a means of finding community. However, where that becomes challenging is with the dogmatic way in which they act, these people act like they are in a cult, if the object of their eye does something bad they will still defend them blindly and attack any naysayers, which is fairly typical cult like behaviour.

What is even more troubling that they though you could say they do it to have a purpose and have a community, they also devote themselves to people they don’t know. They act like these celebrities are their friends, their family, their lovers and this is unhealthy as it reeks of obsession. A para-social bond between a viewer and an actor or a listener and a singer is normal and often its encouraged, though here it can be seen to be going too far and going into that realm of viewing the singer or actor as a part of them not as a separate person, they view an attack on one as a personal attack on them.

Moreover these people also carry out the silencing activities of a cult, and will come after anyone who speaks ill of their obsession sometimes threatening them with violence or false accusations in order to try and get them to be quiet and to distract from the criticism. This makes honest and valued criticism harder and harder to find as these groups and to an extent both extremes of the political divide cling so hard to their tribalism that they feel that anyone outside of them needs harassing. How are you supposed to say such an actor is stiff and wooden if a few hundred odd balls with too much time on their hands will spam you for days with death threats.

I believe that people need to carry on despite the stans and keep saying what they want to say, but more so I think something needs to be done about the stans from a societal viewpoint this isn’t healthy for them and they are only making cyberbullying online worse as well. In a sense it is a form of extremism not in the bombs and kidnappings sort of way but in a sense of extreme cliques of people where group think rules the roost and that outsiders need to be punished, it highlights the dangers of the internet and how increasingly it is becoming apparent that it needs to be policed better and with a much firmer hand.

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