The Death Of Cinemas

This piece will talk about how cinemas are putting themselves out of business and how the coming downfall could have been prevented.

So as some of you who follow me on X will know this cinema issues article is inspired by something that happened to me recently. I have a cinema card meaning I can go as often as I like for a monthly fee, and I had booked to see a film at the start of the week which I had to miss due to an emergency of sorts and go later on that same day at the end of the week. Now remember as I had to get another lot of tickets they got more of my money not less, yet the next day I got an email telling me that I was getting a strike for missing a film and if I get three of them there will be some arbitrary consequences. I challenged them on this and they said it was done to make sure the most amount of customers could view the films. Know I am not an expert on what audiences will do but I don’t think in either of the screenings I booked it would have been sold out, and I don’t think there is that mad a rush to go to the cinema anymore that there is ever a chance a screening will sell out. Which gets me down to the brass tax of what this policy is, it is a means for cinemas to attack some of their most loyal customers as in there misguided and deluded way they think that is the problem.

Cinema attendance is rapidly falling, check any number of stats and data elsewhere for proof of it, it dropped off in the pandemic and hasn’t returned, the one two three four punch of rising ticket prices, preaching, streaming and the ever increasing popularity of anime meant more and more people are staying home. Now what are cinemas to do in order to keep the lights on? They think they can sell themselves as premium luxury destinations serving food and cocktails as a means to stay afloat, if people couldn’t afford five pounds for a cinema ticket, more like eight dollars American, how can they afford to wine and dine? They think they can sell the fact that oh they have the best tech, it is the way the filmmaker wanted you to see it, no one other than the purists care about that and a lot of people have good home cinema setups now so again that isn’t getting folks in the door. They can try another tirade against piracy which won’t change or effect anything as with VPN’s its easier than ever to pirate any film you like. They are trying to police those that still come as though they are expecting a mad rush to suddenly come in as one of the cinema owners goes back in time to assassinate the founders of Netflix in utero therefore preventing the streaming future, yet all there policing does is make me not want to go to the cinema anymore. They can put on better films cater more towards anime films or niche interests that might result in new people coming or large groups for an event film, but ultimately they can’t control what gets made.

There is only one logical thing they can do, but they won’t do it. They need to lower costs, I saw something the other day from a exhibitor who said that they should charge the same prices for cinema tickets as they do live sports or concerts, raising cinema prices into thirty to six pounds a go, add about three quarters of the overall amount to that to work out the dollar price, this would kill cinema dead. Concerts and live sports are in the moment events that cannot be replicated again you can rewatch a film at home, moreover these events have a sense of community and fandom in a way the cinema doesn’t, these are activities that are milestones are major events in people’s lives, going and watching the latest Melissa McCarthy film where she poos herself falls over and it smears down her face isn’t that and it never will be.

Yes, if they lowered costs they might initially lose money however, once going to the cinema became more affordable for families or individuals they would be more likely to go more often to get the kids out of the house, they would be more likely to try new films, they would be more likely to be in the building so you could sell them some merch or food. Ultimately whether we can agree on the cause or not cinema is dying, and by that I mean audiences going to the cinema to watch films, the idea that things might one day go back to pre-pandemic levels is increasingly proving unlikely, and the one thing that won’t save cinema is to hike up ticket prices.

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Spy X Family: Season One Overview

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A spy, an assassin and a telepath pretend to be a happy family.

This is one of the best animes I have watched in a while, and easily replaced some of my favourite animes in my all-time ranking. I would put it up there with Way of the Househusband, and Demon Slayer for sure.

I think what works so well about the first season of Spy X Family is how wholesome and sweet it is, but rather than have it be so soft that there are no stakes and nothing to care about and move the story forward, you have the action and the comedy elements as well which provide for a nice contrast. I think the three areas mesh well together as the healing aspects, action and comedy work together to create a well rounded package that does have something for everyone.

My one criticism of the first season would be that some of the B stories drag. Often you get an episode with an A and B story that both work well together and that provides the contrast I was talking about earlier, but sometimes you just get a random tacked on feeling B story that doesn’t add much and just feels like a way to pad out an episode which can then hamper even the most well done A plot.

Overall, a delightful time and an anime that I would say truly for everyone.

4/5

Pros.

The wholesomeness

The action

The comedy

The character work

Cons.

Some weak B-Plots

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Ghostbusters Frozen Empire: Now With Added Ghost Romance

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The family from the legacy sequel that some call Afterlife move into the fire house and take over the Ghostbusters mantle.

My immediate reaction to this film is that there is a kernel of goodness in it. Don’t get me wrong this film isn’t perfect and we’ll get to that shortly I just wanted to say that this film does do some things right, such as its ending that feels like the perfect note to end the series on with new respected Ghostbusters ready to carry on the legacy, quit whilst you’re ahead. Another thing it gets right is how integrated the original cast is and how the film gives each of them a moment to shine and shows them the proper reverence.

However, this film also does a lot wrong. I’ll break this down into three key areas. Firstly you have the fact that Carrie Coon who is a tremendous actor is barely featured in the film at all, she gets one scene early on busting a ghost with a drone and that is it. That’s a massive waste. The film also does the same thing with Finn Wolfhard but he is a less good actor, by a fairly massive factor so that isn’t much of a shame. Secondly, McKenna Grace is much more insufferable here, she is written as Hollywood writes all teenagers she knows better, she thinks she’s always right and then she screws up, and I think therein lies the problem we have seen this type of character before if anything it is a fairly hacky cliché. Worse yet the film bloats itself giving her a quasi-love story with a ghost, but the film doesn’t go far enough with this concept and actually commit. I think this was done to keep the culture war around this film to a minimum as people would freak out over a ghost lesbian relationship ‘the globalists are pushing their LGBTQ+ agenda but now with added occultism’ they would scream at their family who at this point tune them out. Personally, I think they should have either explored the idea of a ghost relationship more or just not included it as it stands it feels half baked.

Thirdly, there is far too much going on in this film in terms of characters. There are a lot of new characters and returning characters and in an effort to try and give everyone their moment the film doesn’t give some of the central family members things to do, see above complaint, and that to me just seems like such a glaring oversight. The concept of less is more clearly didn’t register with anyone over at Sony as they looked over the script.

Overall, a step back from Afterlife, but an okay note to end on.

3/5

Pros.

It does write by the old characters

There are some laughs to be had

It is a good time

Cons.

The cast is overstuffed and wasted

The ghost love arc

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Flying Witch: Anime Overview

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A new witch moves to town and gets lost frequently along the way.

I discovered this series as I was looking for a replacement after Way Of The Househusband and this fulfilled the same sort of wholesome and at times comedic sensibility. I would argue it is far more wholesome than comedic and more often than not it is just a good show to watch if you are feeling down as the relentless positivity will make you feel better.

I liked most of the characters though I would say the lead herself is quite bland. I think blandness on the whole is an issue for this show as though it is very wholesome and that is nice the problem arises from the fact that there are no real stakes or drama or threat of any kind and that doesn’t lead to the most interesting of stories.

However, something this series does well is its worldbuilding which feel unique and special in a way I have not seen from other animes. There is such a sense of wonder here as the supernatural crosses over with the regular that it is a shame the show didn’t get picked up for more seasons as there is far more exploring to be done in this world, ah well that’s what the manga is for.

Overall, wholesome and inoffensive but lacking enough punch to keep you engaged.

3/5

Pros.

It is wholesome and sweet

The wider cast of characters are quite entertaining

The worldbuilding is well done

Cons.

The lead is bland

There are no real stakes and that makes caring about things hard

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem: A Mash Up Of Someone Being Sick

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Hello fellow children, a group of 40 year old guys reinvent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for Gen Z and it uses all the buzz words you would expect but does that make up for the glaring issues? No.

I liked Splinter, voiced by the Communist Parties’ own Jackie Chan, and both his role as more of a goofy dad and also his whole arc about learning to trust humans again. I thought both were well done and got you to care about the character. I also thought that the animation style worked well and that during the fight scenes it really popped.

However, that is where my praise ends and my criticism of this film comes in four directions, the turtles themselves, April, the cringe lingo and the horribly and I mean horribly overstuffed cast.

So the turtles themselves bothered me as by having kids voice them it gave them a nasal quality at times that I found made them grating. Moreover, I didn’t like the whole oh they just want to go to high school thing it felt very contrived and out of character for them. When I watched the TMNT cartoon’s as a kid they wanted to be accepted sure but at the same time they want to be ninjas in the shadows not high school students.

April, voiced by Ayo Edebiri, is irritating not because of the race swap or what they did with her character design, but because her character really has no purpose other than to comment on the turtles and go ‘man that’s crazy’, which gets real old real soon. Oh and that’s almost forgetting her side story about sick which they reference again and again in a gross out sort of way to try and give her some character development which doesn’t really work.

The cringe lingo is seeing words like ‘sus’ which unless you are of a certain age or under a certain age you won’t know what that means. Again it is 40 something writers trying to seem hip and write how they think kids today talk. Moreover, the dialogue between the brothers is also quite grating, so I get that it is supposed to be what teenage banter between brothers would actually be like but again it just sounds like kids talking over each other a lot of the time and from a sound mixing point of view that was not great. Perhaps I am just comparing this to the version of the animated show I remember from childhood.

Finally there are just too many characters here, whilst yes some if not all of them are classic TMNT characters they were not all needed here by any means, it also means you have limited scope for villains in the future if they are all pally now. It tries to do too much.

Overall, okay with some redeeming moments but by and large this tries to modernise the turtles and makes them almost unrecognizable.

2.5/5

Pros.

Splinter

Some of the jokes

There is fun to be had

Cons.

The cringey slang

Too many characters

The turtle voices

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Kung Fu Panda 4: The Battle Against Irrelevance

Written by Luke Barnes

Po, voiced by Jack Black, is back and like every modern movie he needs to pass the torch onto a new dragon warrior.

So for the most part I thought this was fine, it was watchable enough and not particularly offensive in anyway. I think this was probably the worst written of the series and had the weakest plot and also emotional stakes, though I did like the moment Tai Lung, voiced by Ian McShane, gave Po his respect at the end of the film.

The successor narrative is one that Hollywood seems to be obsessed with recently, all of our beloved heroes need to pass the mantle to keep the franchise going as the creators don’t realise that there is a reason that Batman has stuck around for decades and hasn’t been retired just recast. My point is that rather than recast and move on they should keep Jack Black front and centre as he is who people are coming to see, people don’t want a new Dragon Warrior.

In terms of other narrative elements I thought Awkwafina’s new character was weak as hell, it was obvious she was a baddie who would turn it around and I didn’t buy the relationship between her and Po the film tries to set up. I understand that animation is often seen as for children but that doesn’t mean they can just serve dumb churned out slop. Moreover, the two dads, yes they do that joke a lot, b plot has some laughs but they mostly exist to kill time as the film quickly gets to its end point and then goes wait a minute we need to kill some more time what can we add.

The new villain is easily the worst of the series, for two key reason’s firstly she has no emotional backstory or personality you can engage with again she has a few jokes but that is it. Secondly, rather than have her own fighting style or anything like that they just have her use past villains moves, it is like creatively they are bankrupt so they decided to go instead of creating a new villain let’s just remix all the old ones within a bland new shell.

Also the lack of the Furious Five is a glaring omission.

Overall, a disappointing and unnecessary new entry.

2/5

Pros.

A few funny jokes

It has a good set piece battle on a cliff edge

Cons.

The villain is weak

The new Dragon Warrior is bland

The missing Furious Five

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Immaculate: Sydney Sweeney Dressing Up As A Nun

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Syndey Sweeny becomes a nun.

I truly think that Hollywood needs to stop it with the nun film at this point. The whole plot of this film was so predictable not only from previous nun horror films but also from other films about evil pregnancies, there was more than a little Rosemary’s Baby here. Maybe the creatives think they can get away with it thinking the audience is too young to have watched that film so not see the lifted elements.

The scares on the whole were a mixed bag they tried to do some atmospheric stuff and have it not all be jump scares which I appreciated, but they couldn’t manage it. Whenever they tried to go for a more thoughtful scare it just came off as pretentious and the jump scares were obvious but effective in this case.

Sweeny was fine, her profile is getting raised a little too much if you ask me, it was more of what we have seen from her before she plays the innocent all American girl and then starts to realise things are bad. Honestly be in here, in Madame Web, or in Reality it is all just the same performance, which worked for people like Will Ferrel or Jack Black so I am sure it will for her as well however I don’t believe she should be held up as this great actor when it is just one performance replicated.

The one thing I will give this film credit for is the scene in which the baby is killed, I think that it is highly effective and I am glad they featured it even though it will no doubt get backlash especially in places like the US. Personally I would have shown the baby as being clearly demonic or monstrous then had her smash it and gone the whole hog in showing it for the shock value of it, think of how much attention it would have got for the film, but even though it didn’t go as far as I’d like it to it still did enough to impress me.

Overall, a fairly generic nun horror movie.

2/5

Pros

The ending

A few good if obvious jump scares

It is well paced

Cons

It is pretentious at times

Not all of the scares work

Sweeney

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Love Lies Bleeding: Thelma And Louise Did It Better

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Kind of like Thelma And Louise.

So this film was not going to be for everyone, that was kind of the point. However, I like crime films so I thought I would give it a try, even if the trailers left me cold. This was a mistake.

So the film wasn’t terrible and does have good stakes and a mostly compelling story, but I think that in many senses this film tries too hard to be different and in doing that isn’t really what anyone wants it to be. Mainly this is evidenced as the film has shifts in tone, one minute they’ll be something very intense going on and then a few minutes later it’ll be something more trippy and light hearted, or as light-hearted as you can get in a crime film. My point is that the film does not have one consistent tone throughout, which as everyone knows is a detriment to any film.

Another thing that will be off putting to potential viewers is that this film is smug and seems to think that it is deeper and more ground breaking than it actually is. In my opinion the reason the film suffers from this is because we mythologise directors particularly when they come from the indie circuit, look at the hype an Eggers or Aster could get for a project, as such and after the massive amount of praise and in a sense fandom Rose Glass got after Saint Maud there was no way she was not going into this with a high ego. Hence, she has bought her own hype thinking this film is some important trend-setting thing when as I said above Thelma and Louise kind of already did a lot of this stuff a long time ago.

Finally I didn’t buy the chemistry between the leads. I thought both did a fine job as there characters, however, I didn’t believe they were a couple or had feelings for each other or really anything like that. What makes this so much worse is the fact that it is a big part of the films narrative and it is important to the film working as a whole.

Overall, a film that suffers from a lack of charm, tonal consistency and an overinflated sense of self. Though to some this may become a cult classic.

Pros.

It has an interesting premise

The style of the film works well

Cons.

The central romantic pairing doesn’t feel believable

It has a smugness to it

The tone is a mess

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Godzilla X Kong: I Miss The Time Before CGI

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

They still haven’t learn the lesson of, if you are making a monster-verse film ditch the humans.

So I think that to perfectly encapsulate this film I’ll describe the first 10-15 minutes of it for you, Kong is fighting some creatures and is hurt there is something happening in the hollow earth, there is practically no dialogue at all during this section instead it is just Kong making various noises.

If that sounds appealing to you then probably leave now as this review is from the point of view that found that tedious. I like monster movies where it is just them having a crazy battle and there isn’t much more to it then that, when Godzilla thinks he’s won there is Rodan and it all kicks up a notch. I don’t think we need the monsters to have emotional arcs, I don’t think we need Kong searching for a family. Personally I just want to see Kong smash not be broody but hey that’s me.

Moreover, the humans are dull, you have some bland chosen girl storyline and a mum, Rebecca Hall, whose only two defining characteristics are that she is smart and that she is worried about losing her child, she is nothing more than that and has no further personality. In many senses you could see this was written by men who struggle to write either female characters or meaningful ones at least as Hall is given nothing to work with here. Brian Tyree Henry comes back from King Of The Monsters which could have been good but they just make him the comedic support, which honestly feels a little racist. A prominent POC character who has no personality, again like Hall’s character, outside of oh he’s a podcast nerd, and they make him into a joke to be mocked by all the other characters.

Finally when you get to the moment you were looking forward too, after looking at your phone at least 3 times to see if it was almost over, there is no soul. When Godzilla and Kong team up to fight the Monkey with the whip, again very little development or backstory, and Godzilla in a white camo, even less development and backstory, it just descends into a bland CGI fest that makes you fondly remember the older Japanese Godzilla films and think does CGI actually make third acts better.

Overall, bland and mostly in offensive with one or two good moments.

2/5

Pros.

Mothra gets proper attention

One or two moments where you care

Cons.

It is bland for the most part particularly the third act

The human characters shouldn’t be there

There are a lot of caricatures and not a lot of characters

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Civil War: Guess Who The Bad Guy Is

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A civil war breaks out in the US but the thing that will kill you is not the air strikes or the bullets but the incredibly obvious message that is being beaten into your face until it’s a pulp.

What shocks me the most about this film is that it was made by a British director, normally it is the American’s that put their politics front and centre and think that the Red vs Blue struggle makes for interesting viewing for those far from their shores, it doesn’t we don’t care, but no here it was a Brit.

Alex Garland as far as I am concerned is a hack, Ex Machina was okay but really nothing to write home about, then came his messy and pretentious foray with Netflix, then Men another statement film that came and went without anyone caring about it and now this. There is talk that he is going to give up directing after this and all I can say is thank God.

Before I get into it, can you guess what the message was, go on I’ll give you a minute though you won’t need it……………

If you guess that the clear Trump stand in right wing American’s are bad for the sheer fact of existing, and that it is as much a comment on how divided America is right now as it is that the right wing should just go away and everything will be better. Believe me I am no fan of Trump, I am as a non-American who has no interest in US politics thought the guy was a bad joke that shows what happens when you underfund your schools, but this strawman argument is beyond ridiculous. The whole point of the film is to be controversial but not in the sense that it is going to take shots at the left and the right, no in the sense that it goes oh look at how extreme the MAGA crowd is boy aren’t they bad, an obvious statement to make, and then takes a victory lap to bask in how profound that message is.

Overall, the film industry will be a better place without Alex Garland in it.

1/5

Pros.

The action is interesting

Cons.

The message is so obvious

It is pretentious and smug

It is incredibly obvious

No one cares about an election that happened 4 years ago now serving as the very obvious inspiration for a film

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