Star Trek Strange New Worlds: All Those Who Wander

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Star Trek crosses over with Alien, not really but you could easily believe so.

I think this episode, much like the one before it, was a step back. I think widely that this show has promise and is clearly the best of the modern Star Trek show line-up, however, it is far from strong a lot of the time and has a lot of issues that hopefully it will work out in later seasons.

I think the major issue here was just how uninspired the Gorn were, this is of could compounded by the fact that we have been hearing about them all season, as when we do come to meet them they are a xenomorph knock-off. The writers of this episode couldn’t even be bothered to cover up their copying, with the Gorn also laying eggs in people and having their offspring burst out resulting in death to the host, truly it was a case of the plagiarist holding up their copied work to the teachers face self-assuredly thinking they can’t be caught out. How wrong they were.

The only reason I don’t give this episode lower is because I really like what they did with La’an, played by Christina Chong, here. I thought the focus on her throughout the episode gave us a good look into her character and nicely fleshed out her relationship with the Gorn. The ending wherein she decides to leave the crew for a while to help tend to the refugees felt very fitting and in-keeping with the character we have come to know.

Overall, bar the good character work with La’an this is copied and pasted from better material.

Pros.

La’an

A few tense moments

It is watchable

Cons.

It feels copied and pasted

A lot of the twists and turns are fairly obvious

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28 Days Later: The Walking Dead Before The Walking Dead

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

One of the most definitive zombie films of all time. Also the film that really gave us the running zombie.

I really do think this film holds up. I would even be so bold as to say that it is up there with Romero’s Night Of The Living Dead in terms of importance within wider zombie cannon. I think so many shots from this film have become synonymous with the image of the zombie film and in that you can see the films titan like status.

I think the film does a really good job of keeping up the threat throughout the film, and no point in the films runtime do you feel perfectly comfortable as you never know when things are going to turn bad. I would classify this film more as a thriller film than as a horror as I feel it is more tense than scary, but that is just my personal taste.

The performances across the board are really strong, from a young Cillian Murphy to a deranged Christopher Eccleston and back to born survivor Naomie Harris. You will be hard pressed to find a bad performance here as even the child actor of the cast manages to be somewhat decent and not let the side down. Boyle really does a good job of picking a talented symbiotic cast that all play off each other really well.

My only issue with the film would be that after a point the zombies somewhat fade into the background and the remaining soldiers become the real villains of the piece. I think that the zombies should always be front and centre in these sort of films and that the soldiers should have a smaller presence in the film.

Overall, for the most part a classic that still holds up.

Pros.

The tension

The cast

The ending

The gore

Cons.

The soldiers get far too much focus

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Man VS Bee: How To Completely Destroy A House In A Matter Of Days

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A novice house sitter, played by Rowan Atkinson, goes to war with a bee.

I thought this had moments of wholesome light entertainment but ultimately felt let down by a lack of clear plot progression and by a lack of character growth. I understand that this program seemed to want to mimic the older dynamics of something like Tom And Jerry and as such the show couldn’t have ended the man and bee learning to get along, yet I think it would have been better if the series had ended with a peace between the two and an unlikely friendship. As it stands Atkinson’s lead doesn’t grow at all from the first episode to the final, which in my mind is an issue, but maybe I am asking too much.

However, something I will commend this show for is the episode length. I think that often Netflix series can run on for far too long and become tedious by the end, but this show tries to get around that by having its episodes on for little over ten minutes in most cases adding to the binge effect of the show and creating a nice breezy pace.

Moreover, it is nice seeing Atkinson back on screens he is always very welcome and brings a great deal of heart and humour to the series. His character is very easy to warm to.

Overall, fun to a degree but the writing stops it from ever being truly great.

Pros.

The episode length

Atkinson

The wholesome fun

Cons.

The ending

It reaches a point where it feels repetitive

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Only Murders In The Building: Framed

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The mystery continues but honestly I am starting to lose interest.

I am not saying this is a terrible episode, as by all accounts it is watchable. However, it is also far from good.

As I mentioned in the previous review of this latest season the mystery is feeling more and more needless and forced and this episode did nothing to change my mind on that front. All of this jazz around the painting just feels like clutching at straws to try and give this season a purpose. Moreover, Amy Schumer is once again forced into the episode as even though she is just a guest character they have to get her overly involved the plot as the producers of this show seem to be the only people on earth to not understand how unpopular and disliked she is.

However, it is not all doom and gloom. Much like the first episode had the Brazzos’ remake, this episode explores Mabel, played by Selena Gomez, and her artistic side. I think it is apparent that Cara Delevingne’s character will be the villain of the season, however, despite this rather obvious direction I am glad to see that this season is exploring Mabel more as she is the most interesting of the three characters by a long stretch and also the one we know the least about.

Overall, not without some enjoyable aspects but the mystery really needs to get into gear, and they need to get rid of Amy Schumer if they want to keep me around.

Pros.

Exploring Mabel’s character

It is watchable

There is still some fun to be had

Cons.

It is still struggling to justify its existence

Schumer

The mystery is boring

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The Black Phone: Ethan Hawke Takes Off His Belt

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After being abducted a young boy, played by Mason Thames, must fight to escape armed only with the past experiences of his abductor’s other dead victims.

What is it with Scott Derrickson and dead kids? Whether its Sinister, Deliver Us From Evil or this, the director seems to use dead children as his main horror gimmick, however, I am not complaining they work incredibly well in a creepy sense. I would say the horror here is a mixture of supernatural elements along with the obvious fear surrounding a man abducting and killing kids and for the most part it works well and is incredibly effective. Moreover, for once I didn’t see the jump scares coming and the few that this film does employ made me jump each time.

I think the performance from Ethan Hawke is terrific, despite only being in the film for a short amount of time his character’s impact is felt in all areas and Hawke really does a good job of bringing The Grabber to life and rounding him out as a character. I also think Thames does a good job as the lead, which is saying something as usually child actors give distractingly bad performances, however, that was not the case here.

My only complaint would be that the sub-plot surrounding the Sister, played by Madeline McGraw, and her prophetic dreams feels a bit too filler like for my tastes. I suppose it does bare fruit in the end as it results in the police finding the boy, however, all the scenes of her on her knees calling out to Jesus feel almost a little silly.

Overall, a very enjoyable horror film boosted to no end by Hawke.

Pros.

Hawke

Thames

The scares

The ending

Cons.

The sub-plot with the sister feels like filler

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Watcher: The Moral Of The Story Is Don’t Wave To People Who Watch You Randomly

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young woman, played by Maika Monroe, and her partner, played by Karl Glusman, move to Romania after the latter gets a job offer. However, during their time their women start getting killed and the lead finds herself facing more and more danger.

Other than her partner not being evil, despite being a dick, this film has little surprises in store. For the most part everything happens as you would expect it to in a thriller film and the mystery of what is going on is not much of one as it is incredibly obvious. The film does try and throw a few jump scares at you especially towards the end but they don’t land as they are blatantly signposted.

However, despite being obvious I do think this film has merit. It is incredibly tense and gripping and you can’t look away throughout it, It is always nice when a film can keep my attention. Moreover, Monroe continues to highlight what an unsung talent she is here landing another great and strongly compelling lead performance. I think the pros for this film just about outweigh the cons.

Overall, a fine thriller film made better by solid tension and a great lead performance from Monroe.

Pros.

The tension and suspense throughout

Monroe gives a really strong performance and conveys the stress and fear the character would be feeling in that situation in a very realistic way

The ending feels therapeutic

Cons.

It feels very familiar at times

Most the twists and reveals feel blatant and obvious.

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The Smurfs: Why Sony Pictures Animation Will Never Be Respected

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Sony decided to waste some money and bring back the Smurfs.

Where to start with this film. I will admit I went in with low expectations knowing full well that the film would most likely be bad, a Netflix driven act of viewing self-harm, and yet this film was more boring than bad. Truly there isn’t enough here to make it so bad it is good, or even to make it laughably bad. It is just lazy and uninspired.

My biggest question would be if Sony was going to waste the money trying to bring the Smurfs back why not do it well? The animation is some of the worst I have ever seen, worse than a Disney channel original movie, furthermore, I don’t think the poor quality can be blamed on the year this film came out as it was not that long ago: in all honesty I think Sony just went cheap with it.

Next on the agenda, why is Gargamel, played by Hank Azaria, such an incredibly anti-semitic character? Almost everything about the portrayal reeks of old fashioned and frankly dangerous Jewish stereotypes, are we not past that? Honestly how that character in that shape ever made it into the film is baffling.

Finally, Katy Perry isn’t a good voice actor. I didn’t really think that needed saying but hey musicians aren’t always great at everything, even if you cynically throw them into a film during the hight of their popularity to try and boost audience numbers.

Overall, how was this film successful?

Pros.

Neil Patrick Harris is always great

It is watchable if you are prepared to look past the more outdated elements

Cons.

The antisemitism

Perry

The animation is awful

It is incredibly generic

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Father Of The Bride: Really This Again

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A Latinx remake of Father Of The Bride. It is exactly what you would expect it to be for the most part.

A few things I will praise this film for, firstly Andy Garcia is terrific he perfectly captures the neurotic personality that Martin had in his take on the character, but also adds his own distinct flair to it. Moreover, I like that in a few small areas this film doesn’t follow the tried and tested story and does its own thing, sadly these sections were few and far between and the film as a whole could have benefited a lot more from trying to break away from and subvert our expectations rather than just giving us the same old same old.

I think in a lot of ways therein lies the main problem with this film, it is boring. It is the same story with the same characters that you have seen before. I understand that Hollywood is creatively bankrupt but do they think that can just keep remaking the same old collection of films over and over again and people will be happy and accept that? I think they need to do better.

Overall, Garcia is trying and the film is very watchable but ultimately this film lacks any kind of new ideas and just trots out the same worn plot beats and character journeys.

Pros.

Garcia

It is very watchable

Isabela Merced

Cons.

It is deeply generic

It relies heavily on cliches for its character types

It is tired and worn out in the extreme

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Only Murders In The Building: Persons Of Interest

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After being hauled in for murder the trio try and prove their innocence and begin to find themselves staring down another mystery.

I find this show to be good comfort viewing, you aren’t really watching it to see something you have never seen before or to be challenged you are just watching it to be casually entertained. In that view I enjoyed this first episode well enough it was very easy to watch and the central trio all had great chemistry, as they did last season.

My question for this season which the first episode made very more crystal clear, is why did it need a second season, where is there to go from here? Honestly, I feel like the mystery this time around feels a little forced, but who knows maybe they will go somewhere interesting with it and justify why the show needed to come back for a second season.

I liked that the Charles, played by Steve Martin, storyline had him return to his former role as Brazzo’s, and in doing so pointed out and made fun of the idea of legacy sequels wherein the previous main character is only kept around for nostalgias sake and the show or film usually tries to reinvent itself to mixed results.

I won’t spend long talking about the Amy Schumer cameo as a lot of you will know my thoughts on Schumer, though I will say here scene sucked all of the life out of the sequence and certainly was a low point of the episode. The fact some of the characters are in awe of seeing Amy Schumer in a lift is laughably up her arse, also if it was true to life she would be angry for being recognised.

Overall, an enjoyable first episode but not one that justifies why this show needed to come back for season two.

Pros.

It is watchable

The leads all still have great chemistry

I like the meta commentary on legacy sequels

Cons.

Schumer

It doesn’t justify its existence

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Abandoned: Straight Up Slop, Hard And Lacking Nourishment

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Yet another horror thriller film about post-partum depression.

How many times are we going to be served the same slop? Is there supernatural goings on or does the lead character have post-partum depression, and or is the baby possessed or does the lead have post-partum. We have seen it so many times before and frankly I am becoming agitated with the generic storylines that keep making it into horror cinema, the Babadook did the idea well and all the films that have come after it have been bargain basement knockoffs at best.

What’s more I am beginning to question whether Emma Roberts can act or whether she simply gets roles because of who her aunt is. We have all seen and enjoyed Wild Child, Adult World and American Horror Story but outside of those productions Roberts seems to be phoning it in, unable to communicate any kind of emotion at all in any of her performances.

The mystery here isn’t a mystery if you have ever watched a horror film or a thriller before, it is just mind-numbingly obvious.

Overall, Roberts is slumming it for an easy pay check.

Pros.

It is watchable, it is not offensively bad.

Cons.

Roberts is awful

The mystery is entirely predictable

You have seen this film before

It is not scary or thrilling

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