SpongeBob Search For Square Pants: Laying Brickwork

I was a fan of SpongeBob when I was younger but have to admit I have lost touch with it a bit as I’ve aged. I didn’t know if I would just be able to watch this, or if I wouldn’t get it. Turns out it fit like an old glove.

I always wanted more of a focus on the Flying Dutchman back in the classic era so I really enjoyed that he got his moment here. I would have liked to know how he became the Flying Dutchman but I thought the amount of new information we got about him was great.

For the most part it was funny and enjoyable SpongeBob that reminded me why I liked it as a kid, however there were a number of off colour and oddly sexual jokes that I found to be uncomfortable in a kids movie. SpongeBob and Patrick got their asses out too often as well which was also uncomfortable.

Overall, I liked the SpongeBob Mr Crabs storyline and thought it was good we finally got to see more of the Flying Dutchman, but some of the jokes made me feel a little uncomfortable.

3/5

Pros.

SpongeBob and Mr Crabs bond

The focus on the Flying Dutchman

Genuinely funny moments

Cons.

The weird sexual humour

It has pacing issues

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Cinema Issues: Betting Against James Cameron

In this edition of Cinema Issues we will be talking about the box office for Avatar Fire and Ash

Let’s get a few things clear before we start, films need to make 2.5x their budget to break even as per standard box office analysis, Avatar Fire and Ash had a stated budget of 400 million meaning it needed at least 1 billion to break even. It has now crossed that and broken even.

Let’s also clear up adjusting for inflation, so Avatar 1 made 2.9 billion and Avatar 2 made 2.3 billion, I am going to keep those figures as they are for this piece but know that 2.9 billion in 2009 money is not the same as 2.9 billion in 2025 money by a long shot and if translated to current value would be a lot more.

Additionally let’s say that Avatar and Avatar 2 have had the benefit of being re-released increasing their totals over time.

That said let’s look at the facts.

We have just finished the third box office weekend of Avatar 3’s run and it has just broken a billion dollar mark and is somewhere in the 1-1,2 billion mark. If you compare this to the first 3 weeks of the other two films you may start to see a pattern.

Analysts who study the box office for a living see Fire and Ash ending it’s run at somewhere between 1.5-1.7 billion dollars, this is significantly off where the other films ended their cinematic runs.

These two things suggest a worrying precedent for fans of Pandora. The number of people coming out to watch these films is getting smaller, audience interest is waning as the health of the franchise looks bad. The franchise has entered quite clearly into a spiral of diminished returns, which whilst still being profitable makes the assignment of big budgets, such as the 400 million Avatar commands, hard to come by. There is a real chance that if Avatar 4 is greenlit, that it may struggle to break 1 billion and may end up diminished again and come in around the 1.1 billion dollar mark.

There will be those of you reading going oh only 1.1 billion, as we have established if a film has a 400 million dollar budget it needs 1 billion just to break even, as such it would only make 100 million in profit which for a film of that scale would be a massive disappointment and a bad ROI.

No, even with PVOD, theme park ticket sales, and merch the equation won’t change meaningfully.

All of this leads to my point, I don’t think the Avatar franchise is dead. I think that it needs drastically scaling back and for James Cameron to be brought to heel, he doesn’t need the film to be on for 4 hours with countless filler scenes, they should give him a tight budget and a tight runtime. 250 million dollars is still a large budget, though it is nearly half what Fire and Ash had, however that would be far more suitable for a film that may make in the 1.1 billion range. Disney will be seeing the box office and know that the franchise needs to be brought more in line with the financial reality.

I do not believe that the film will have a second wind in the forth or fifth week of release and do imagine it will hit Disney + by February, I think the estimates are likely and it will run out of steam around the 1.5 billion mark.

None of this is to say that Fire and Ash hasn’t made money simply that in terms of franchise health the box office isn’t a good sign as it is a significant departure from previous films.

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Anaconda: A Surprisingly Insightful Meta Comedy About Hollywood

So straight off the bat this film is not a laugh a minute sort of film, there were a few moments that did make me laugh out loud, but they were few and far between.

What I enjoyed was the commentary on what it’s like trying to get into Hollywood, or being a creative who wants to chase their dream yet life or circumstances gets in the way, I thought this was very relatable and showed the film had heart. The meta industry comedy as well was also quite insightful, and showed just for a moment that some people in Hollywood can be self aware.

The cameos from Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez were funny and handled well, they were each given their moment without upstaging things from the new cast.

The main issue with it is that it tries to focus on too many things at once and the pace of the film suffers as a result it would have been better if it got rid of the illegal mining stuff which serves very little point.

Overall, whilst not the funniest film in the world there is enough charm and personality here to make it worth seeing.

3.5/5

Pros.

A few good laughs

Relatable protagonists

The cameos

The meta commentary

Cons.

The pacing

Some of the emotional plot beats don’t land

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Meet Me In St Louis: What Appears To Be A Creepy Age Gap

As I was watching this film I had to look up the age difference between Judy Garland and the male lead as he looked multiple decades older than her and it was distracting in an uncomfortable way, however, upon checking it turns out that it’s only a few years apart.

I think the greatest strength of this film is the characters and the believable stakes of the film, everyone can relate to having to move when you don’t want to, and how your parents don’t care about what you want as a kid or a young person. The character struggles are believable because of that and it helps you to relate to the characters. A lot of modern films aim away from believability or relatable stakes much to their detriment.

The songs are terrific and a good number of them are instant classics, which you will without even having watched the film. I knew of them before I had watched the film and then when I heard them in the film I realised this was where they originated from.

A negative is that this film really isn’t a Christmas film, it was sold to me as one, however it features really only during a tiny portion of the film and as such the labelling is questionable.

In addition the pacing is quite off at times, and does slow down to a point wherein you may begin to lose interest.

Overall, a fun musical.

3.5/5

Pros

The Songs

The reliability

It is fun

It is somewhat Christmassy

Cons.

The pacing

Some of the more old fashioned elements

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Man VS Baby: Putting The Christ Back Into Christmas

Summary

Rowan Attinkson puts the Christ back into Christmas.

I mean that in several ways, he calls the Baby Jesus, this show features a school nativity plot line, and also it has moral lessons about helping the less fortunate at Christmas. This is a million miles away from other recent TV heroes such as LGBTQ+ rapist Carol on Pluribus, or the sea of other morally grey protagonists.

This short series is the short of slapstick you would expect of Atkinson and some times it does get a bit long in the tooth it is quite true particularly as it starts to escalate with the introduction of a dog later on in the run, however, for the most part it lands. Atkinson here, much to his personal chagrin, is probably one of his nicest and most self-less characters and goes out of his way to befriend and be nice to nearly everyone he meets, as referenced by the end feast scene.

Whilst this is more of what you would expect from Atkinson it is a nice winter warmer and does a lot to restore your sense of hope in your fellow man, and gives you a nice positive glow that few shows these days do. Just think of what Netflix could achieve if they made more things like this and less CGI slop about gay kids and monsters.

Overall, one of the better Christmas programs from the season.

4/5

Pros.

It is watchable

It is funny

It has charm

It has old school appeal

Cons.

It gets a bit repetitive in the end

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The Choral: Another Depressing Film About The War

Summary

A choir sing songs in Yorkshire during the War.

So I like to support the British film industry, but this just didn’t seem to be coming out in my region anytime soon, so I decided to simply use a VPN and watch it on streaming.

I probably would have resent paying a cinema ticket price for this, mainly because it is depressing. It is the usual Oscar bait sort of film, there is a lot of diversity, it is sad, and there is some sort of allegory. The issue with it is that these sort of films are ten a penny and so this is nothing remarkable.

There is also a horrible scene wherein a character who is presented to you as sympathetic throughout the film coerces his ex into a sexual act when she is now with someone else. This then makes the fact that this does not get mentioned again or cause any further conflict in the film seem odd, the fact the film still wants you to root for him thereafter seems like a moral failings.

Overall, another depressing film about the War.

2/5

Pros.

It is well shot

The period feels real

Cons.

It is Oscar bait

It is depressing

The assault

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All’s Fair: Ryan Murphy Shouldn’t Be Allowed In Hollywood Anymore

Summary

For a while I have been on the precipice of cancelling Disney +, but this show pushed me over the edge.

So you have a girlboss show about female divorce lawyers, who all of course have messy person lives. Because in the year of our Lord 2026, we need Hollywood to show us that women can be anything, even though this was already established years ago by Legally Blonde with regards to the Law.

It is very clear this series was created by Ryan Murphy as it feels like his sort of incredibly vapid writing, that reflects how no one really talks. Murphy seems to have a real issue writing for women and really doesn’t seem to understand them, the way the heroines? Behave herein makes them instantly dislikable from the off and over the course of the show you actively root against them.

I don’t know why Murphy is trying to force Kim Kardashian on us as an actor, but I will say she gave a better performance in the ‘leaked’ sex tape than she does in any of the projects Murphy tries to stick her in. In many ways Kardashian is like a black hole, her inability to act also ruins the performances of people who actually can act like Naomi Watts.

Overall, who is this for?

0.5/5

Pros.

It helped me fall asleep

Cons.

The characters are dislikable

The writing is awful

It is cringe

Kim Kardashian

It is slop designed to destroy your brain

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Stranger Things: The Final Episode

It is a shame we didn’t get more of this across the season. It would have been nice to have had this set up better, rather than have a 30 monitor Will coming out scene.

The action was good and the scope was good, for the first hour, it was fun seeing the gang fighting the military and Vecna, although the latter didn’t get to do much. Having Eleven’s friend die gave us some stakes. It is a real shame more characters didn’t die to give the finale a more final feeling rather than just to be continued.

I had issues with the ending, it makes no sense that Sarah Hamilton would just let them go, it makes no sense that the show wants you to believe that even with an 18 month time jump Nancy and Robin are good friends despite never sharing a scene together, it is also horribly paced and the ending wrap up takes longer than it does to beat Vecna.

I am glad they didn’t go down the road of oh Vecna was actually a goodie all along or try and redeem him, the scene of Joyce cutting his head off was earned. I really hated that we had to have a follow up scene to Will’s coming out between him and Mike that just added to the needless subplot, but hey they didn’t have him kill Vecna with a rainbow so that’s progress. Also I really hated the Jonathan and Steve scene wherein they set up Jonathan saving him hence why they have been quarreling all season.

It is also incredibly telling they gave Mr Wheeler nothing to do and made Hopper incompetent meanwhile Nancy was a deadeye.

Overall, it was better than the rest of the season but not hugely, they also forgot that Demegorgoans exist in the finale battle.

2/5

Pros.

It had some epic moments

It brought it to an neat end (this won’t be the end they’ll do a sequel series)

Cons.

The Will’s gay plotline went nowhere

Vecna didn’t have much to do

The plot holes

Cinema Issues: Netflix’s Doom

In this edition of Cinema Issues we will be talking about is the unsure future for Netflix in the aftermath of Stranger Things.

Netflix had three big shows that people cared about in the current year, they were Wednesday, Stranger Things and Squid Game. Two of those three programs have since ended. The issue becomes what is the value proposition for Netflix going forward, what do they have. Their only remaining, franchise, is you want to call it that which they can keep spamming out new seasons of is Wednesday now. They need new hits, there is an argument that can be made well they are about to get WBD so they will have lots of new content in the medium term, and that may be so, but I am talking about the short term after Stranger Things ends. You can imagine on the second of January masses of people all around the world cancelling Netflix, this is an immediate short term problem.

The issue has been for Netflix for quite some time that they are making slop for second screen viewing, a lot of Netflix originals have flopped after one season and been cancelled, there has been few truly good productions that has lasted the test of the time particularly in the modern era. Early Netflix had shows like House of Cards, Orange Is The New Black, Arrested Development etc, but modern Netflix just can’t seem to generate any more mega hits. This really is due to a focus on virality and the need to be the dominant thing online as opposed to quality. One only needs to look at the output of competitor Apple TV to see that Netflix is making a choice in putting internet clout chasing over quality.

Some people will say that Netflix has diversified and that it will be okay due to ventures in sports and gaming, however, the former may get someone to subscribe for a month to watch a game and then leave, but the latter hasn’t shown any potential to get people to come in at all, so the idea that this can make up for the lack of sure fire hits that litter Netflix’s future is lacking.

We could be awakening to a future wherein Netflix is no longer the big dog and has more direct competition, it may even lose some of its market share. These issues could be remedied in the medium term if they get WBD but in the short term there could be a good chance that Apple TV, Prime and Disney could gain ground.

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Ella McCay: A Lisa Simpson Issues Episode

Summary

A Lisa issues episode of the Simpsons stretched for over an hour.

So I want Hollywood to learn, most people outside the US don’t care at all about their government, or seeing their officials have to negotiate themselves out of law breaking. You, US reader, may care, but the rest of us don’t. This is a film about an elected official who breaks the law and has to find their way out of it which flopped, to no one’s surprise.

Really the only redeeming thing I can say for this film is that Emma Mackey is great, she has a real energy throughout the film. You care about her character and want her to be okay. That is about it.

The side plots about the womanising father or the brother and his ex-girlfriend kill time but do very little else. Jamie Lee Curtis plays a version of the same character she has been playing for the last twenty years, and is quite unbearable at times.

I would argue if this was a quirky sardonic sort of film done in the style of The Thick of It then maybe it could have been good, but American’s don’t understand subtlety so that was never going to happen.

2/5

Emma Mackey

It is watchable

Cons.

The side stories add nothing

No one cares about US politics outside the US

It is predictable

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