The Keeper: Osgood Perkins Is Not A Good Director

Osgood Perkins goes back to his art house roots.

So this is exactly what you would expect from art house horror, a lack of cohesive narrative, dressed up as surrealism, things randomly happening without any prior set up, presented as shocks or scares, deeply unlikeable characters, explained no doubt to represent the human amorality, very obvious themes once again masquerading as ‘oh what does he mean’.

The thing is this should not be a shock, Perkins’ first two films were all of these things in spades, however, his more straightforward turns with Long Legs and The Monkey made one think maybe he had left behind his pseudo-intellectual need to be seen as an artist. Yet clearly that is not the case.

A weird thing you will notice over the course of the film is how stilted the dialogue is, as in they do not talk in a way any normal human would talk and it makes you question if the film was written by AI. Two examples of this phenomenon for you, firstly the two central characters are lovers celebrating their first year anniversary yet neither seem to like the other at all and in fact seem to hate each other, yet the film says that at least Tatiana Maslany’s character is happy. To return to Maslany there are also random bits of dialogue that aren’t sad particularly but which she randomly starts tearing up at, even breaking into tears at points, this again does not make sense with the scene as we are having it presented to us.

Overall, it is art house slop made to be deep, whilst being incredibly shallow and without substance, which is seemingly also being rejected in a rare show of unity by both audiences and critics.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

It is pretentious

It is predictable

It feels like a million other art house projects

The characters are awful

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Curse of Frankenstein: The Original Hammer Horror

Summary

The age of Hammer Horror begins.

This is one of my holdovers from the Halloween period, that I am slotting in here in between major releases.

I thought this film had a cool vibe, and I liked that it did something different with the source material and though exploring Frankenstein’s madness, here played by Peter Cushing, was an interesting road to walk down. Seeing him do more and more evil things to bring the monster to life, losing his soul along the way, was a fascinating piece of juxtaposition for the later actions of the monster.

I would say that the film has pacing issues and could have done with a closer edit, there were scenes that went on for too long and others that could have been cut out entirely, this was somewhat offset by the strong framing of the man condemned to die at the beginning and then revisited at the end, but not enough.

Overall, the film certainly looked good and did something different with the source material but the pacing and some of the dialogue just held it back of being more than it is.

3/5

Pros.

The style

The new twist

Cushing

Cons.

The pacing

Weaker dialogue

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The Running Man: The Pretend Horrors Of Trump’s America

Summary

A kernel of punk rock wrapped in layers of modern day progressive nonsense.

This was a weird one for me to see, that being because I was unsure when it was coming out for me, you see as I have said elsewhere I have moved to Belgium, and unlike other things that mostly come out around the same time as they do in other territories, this film had a split release date. It was coming out in some parts of Belgium this weekend and some next weekend, luckily for me it came out in my part on the former. Maybe this is a common occurrence that I will get used to, but for me coming from the UK with one standard release date for things it was a little odd.

So that personal anecdote aside lets get into it. So firstly, let’s get a few things clear this is a woke movie, in every sense of the word, it parodies the right’s ideas of poor people just not working hard enough, it has the lead be a hero for leaking information to his union, it has the lead in an interracial relationship, as that is the only way you can make a white leading man acceptable anymore. As well as of course all the villains are white men. If you need a little more proof, everyone who helps the lead along the way would be a target voting base for a left wing party, effeminate men, urban minorities, and college educated women. Do you feel preached at yet?

The film does have some good action scenes and a cool anti-establishment feel at times but then it will ruin it by having a line like, I am from the half of the country that gives a damn about people, once again do you get it yet? The style and the vibe you would argue are the best thing about the film. The idea itself in execution works like a neutered John Wick, in the sense of when he is hunted down by assassins, however, rather than intense gun battles you get Glen Powell nude from behind, which access critic Grace Randolph had as one of the main points of her positive review. The desperation and thirstiness is strong folks.

For me personally the best bit of the film was Michael Cera’s character and his Home Alone esque murder house, that was a lot of fun, but the sequence was relatively short.

Overall, all the people who are calling this so timely, need to actually seriously question whether they are delusional and have a look around them, no one is dying on your reality tv shows. Shut up. Yes that does mean you Patton.

1.5/5

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Bruce Springsteen Deliver Me From Nowhere: Wallowing In Depression

Summary

Bruce Springsteen is depressed.

That description sums up the entire two hour plus runtime of the film. You don’t need to watch it or read up any further that sums it up.

It was always going to be difficult to do a drama biopic of the life of The Boss, as unlike someone like Kurt Cobain, or Amy Winehouse he did not have the same level of demons. Yes he had a troubled relationship with his father here played by Stephen Graham, but other than that he was relatively clean. So they needed something to play up, and boy did they.

This film barely features any of Springsteen’s songs as it is doggedly set in a short time period in his life, so don’t expect many bops. Do expect scene after scene of him looking on at his childhood home as he sits in his car. The film really plays up this sense of he is mentally troubled and feeling down to such a point where it beings to feel melodramatic.

This may have worked if it was about the wider life of the man, and this was simply one of the sequences in it, quickly cut away from with a new song or event, but no the film felt the need to fixate on this period of The Boss’ life and show how he let down the girl who loved him and her little girl.

Overall, if you like Bruce Springsteen or his music this may not be for you.

2/5

Pros.

It has a few good songs, but most are absent.

It is well paced

Cons.

It is depressing

It is melodramatic

It does not feature a lot of his music

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Bugonia: Life Is Out There

Summary

Emma Stone and Jessie Plemons team back up.

So this was a better film than Kinds Of Kindness I can tell you that, I would argue the main way that is true is the fact that it had a coherent story structure and tried to tell a linear start to finish narrative. There were elements that were surreal but for the most part it was all very straightforward.

I thought both Stone and Plemons did a great job as per usual, I didn’t doubt either of them and I thought the story was interesting throughout. I liked how the film kept you guessing about whether Stone’s character was an alien or not throughout, then gave you a satisfying and concrete answer.

For the most part I liked this film the only thing I did not like was how the characters abused a mentally disabled person throughout the film, I found this to be quite uncomfortable to watch. For example Plemons’ conspiracy minded character chemically castrates the fellow, and then Stone’s character convinces him that his friend, as in Plemons’ character, is dead leading to him killing himself. It is a very unpleasant thing to watch.

Overall, the story is good and interesting, it is simply how they treat the disabled fellow that holds the film back from being better.

4/5

Pros.

A coherent and interesting plot

Good performances

Well done, in terms of production

The ending

Cons.

The treatment of the mentally disabled fellow

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The Last Sacrifice: Rural England Is Really Pretty Wild

Summary

A documentary about a murder in rural England and its connections to the folk horror boom of the Seventies.

I had been interested in this documentary for some time, so to my delight when I looked and saw it had come out on digital I immediately gave it a watch.

I have to say I was disappointed with it, there are some interesting insights presented, and the final story about how the Teletubbies was connected to it is funny, but the documentary just doesn’t go deep enough for me.

In that I mean that a lot of the observations and comments made, strike you in the ‘yes obviously’ sort of range, these are all things that many people who know a lick about horror films and history already know. Whilst I can understand that this is made for a mass audience not someone who watches probably close to one hundred horror films a year, if you include rewatches, and who reads books on the genre space, I did find that it felt pedestrian.

Moreover, the film clearly cut a lot out, but what it leaves in raises ground for pause, as there are throw away segments and lines of inquiry that seem to go nowhere, and it makes you think the film should have been edited down even more to remove these loose ends, but as it stands it wasn’t.

Overall, if you are looking for something more casual or don’t know much about horror you will likely enjoy it, if you want a more thorough look I would recommend the folk horror documentary on Shudder.

3/5

Pros.

It has some interesting points

It feels like a love letter to folk horror

It sets up other better documentaries

Cons.

It does not go far enough

It has multiple dead ends

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Good Boy: Animal Abuse

Summary

A dog watches the haunting of its master.

This film is truly horrible, in many ways. The dog is mistreated by the owner and is in peril from the supernatural entity as well, whilst you could argue that the owner only does this as he knows he is getting sicker and sicker and is lashing out at the things around him, it is hard to watch.

Moreover, whilst the idea of having the film be from the dog’s viewpoint may seem novel, it quickly becomes a bunch of haunted house/possession sub-genre tropes that we have seen before, the fact it is from a different point of view does not change that.

The shorter than average run time helps somewhat to make this film more palatable as you don’t have to hear and see the dog’s distress for too long, but even then it is hard to get through.

Overall, as someone who likes animals I found this film to be incredibly hard to get through and if I wasn’t reviewing it would likely have left.

1.5/5

Pros.

It tries to do something new with the shifted perspective

The dog is wonderful

Cons.

It is upsetting

The owner treats the dog horribly

The ending is depressing

It repeats sub-genre tropes

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The Witches/Devil’s Own: Terror In The Home Counties

Summary

Witches in an English village , why I never thought I would see the day.

After a very unnecessary and confusing segment in Africa, Joan Fontaine’s quiet teacher ends up working in an English village and wouldn’t you know there is witchcraft. In many ways this film feels like a forbearer for films like the Wickerman or Virgin Witch that would come later, but unlike them it did not go as far as they would go, in either the shocks department or in exploring the subject matter.

There are some interesting moments wherein you see certain aspects of witchcraft such as the stuff with the dolls, which is like voodoo but different enough, however, the film fails to explore them in much depth. This is particularly true of the African witchcraft elements the start of the film introduces.

My issue with this film is the pacing, whilst there are entertaining parts of the film, the pace was so glacial slow at other times that you started to lose interest and that really hurts the film.

Overall, if you are a fan of folk horror you will get something out of this, otherwise the dryness of it might be a bit off putting.

3/5

Pros.

The weirdness

The proto folk vibes

The performances

Cons.

It doesn’t explore its mythology enough

The opening is really not needed

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Animal Farm: Netflix Is Almost Fully Slop At This Point

Summary

Animal Farm for the TikTok generation.

Let’s not pretend that many of the people this film was aimed at had ever even read the book, one needs to say that many of the mindless drones who watched this film are a different farm animal from the ones primarily focused on in the film and that is sheep.

The fact the film featured a TikTok inspired dance sequence and shopping sequence shows you the sickening lack of subtly this film was going to approach the themes of the seminal book with. If you cannot tell yet this was not made for intellectual people.

Then they cast Seth Rogen in the role of Napolean, now Rogen is detestable for a few reasons, he is a self-hating Jewish person who spends an awful lot of his time apologising for being what he is, he has questionable involvement in the alleged crimes of James Franco, and also is the acceptable male buffoon character, whenever one of these left wing comedy tv shows/films are made. It is okay to laugh at him the show/film wants you to see how much of a loser he is as he debases himself. Rant over, whoever thought casting him here was a good idea needs firing, the central role of Napolean calls for someone with range who can convey the journey that the character is going on, perhaps a Shakespearean actor who can feel truly menacing, not Rogen who feels about as menacing as Shaggy from Scooby Doo. To say he lacks dramatic range is the understatement of the year.

They also cast a man to play the male role of Snowball, though of course this is done in the modern parlance wherein this is a man who thinks of himself as a woman, and Netflix thinks they are pushing boundaries by casting him, in a male role. This is stunt casting and little else.

On top of all that horrendousness you have the fact that the animation is the kind of horrible sterile CGI animation that everything is these days, the sort that makes you feel like it is made by robots rather than people.

Overall, everything about this endeavour feels soul crushing.

1/5

Pros.

You can use the noise of it to make sure you haven’t suddenly gone deaf.

Cons.

The animation

Rogen

It is brash garish and horrible

The political statement it makes

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Predator Badlands: Baby’s First Predator Film

Summary

A new Predator arises.

There was so much about this film that felt promising but it was just ruined by a series of elements that just don’t fit the franchise.

Firstly it was nice to see more of their culture, and have their family/clan dynamics explored more. However, the way they interacted was far too human for my liking, it needed to feel more alien. Moreover, the final shot of the film that had the Predator’s mother show up was lame as hell and an awful way to end on.

Secondly, the combat was fun and well done for the most part. This was probably the most important part to get right, it was interesting to see how the Predator fights as in other films we don’t get to see it so much. However, this was offset by the comedic sidekick. Personally I like Elle Fanning, I think she is an interesting actress and I like seeing the project she picks, she has great range. Although it must be said neither of the character’s she played here worked. On the one hand you had the quirky, overly talkative, positive robot, which made jokes throughout the film and killed any tension, and on the other hand you had another synthetic that also looked like her that was the stern, no feelings, girlboss which they at least turned into a villain. Personally I don’t think comedy has any place in a Predator film.

The cute animal sidekicks also felt like very current day Disney, they use these creatures to try and lure in women who might be otherwise put off by the science fiction or the violence. Once again Predator as a franchise is heavily male leaning so it should not have done this as it contributed, along with the humour, to this not feeling like a Predator film.

Then you have the fact the film constantly makes the Predator weak and ineffective and tries to lessen him. This again feels very current day Disney, again in their culture they train to hunt from the moment of birth so some of the mistakes he makes are not only stupid but break the lore.

Overall, a deeply mixed film.

2.5/5

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