Karate Kid Two: Daniel In Okinawa

Daniel, Ralph Macchio, goes to Japan.

In many ways I feel similarly about this film as I do the third film in the franchise, really it didn’t need to exist. In many ways it would have been better to have gotten a Karate Kid prequel about a young Mr Miyagi, Pat Mortia, learning Karate in Japan then this.

We see the beginnings of brat Daniel here as well, when he is a whiny little prima donna. There is still some good training sequences wherein he is learning new moves and his interest in Japanese culture is nice to see. However, in how he treats Mr Miyagi and those around him it is clear to see which way the character is heading.

There is some rather outdated and offensive depictions of Japanese culture which feels quite jarring on the rewatch, and the villain of the film imbibes a lot of these qualities and feels almost cartoonish at times. The ending of the film really feels like a natural end point for Daniel’s story.

Overall, it is interesting to have a focus on the background lore of the first film and to explore what Japan looks like in this world, however, more needed to be done to justify this films existence and Daniel is incredibly annoying at times.

2.5/5

Pros.

The focus on the life and lore of Mr Miyagi

Going to a new location

The training sequences

Cons.

Daniel is irritating

It doesn’t need to exist

It is badly paced

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The Fountain Of Youth: Indiana Jones For Beta Males

Summary

John Krasinski does his best Indiana Jones impression.

I don’t understand why Apple TV thought we needed a new globetrotting Indiana Jones esque adventure movie. The last Indie film should have been proof enough against that concept.

Moreover, where films like Indiana Jones and National Treasure were commanded by having a strong lead who was believable in the role, here if anything Krasinski is too soft. He doesn’t have the gruff toughness you would want out of this role, he seems far too affable and silly. He simply reads wrong for the part.

As for the adventure itself it is fairly generic nothing you have not seen before, it is a globe trotting adventure for a magical artifact that in the end they don’t end up taking home as it is too dangerous and needs to be left alone. There is nothing particularly new here, it reads as very low effort adventure fare.

The wider cast are a mixed bag, Eiza Gonzalez is there she has some good fights and has reasonably decent chemistry with Krasinski, Natalie Portman is playing Natalie Portman and is taking an easy pay check. The rest of the cast slip my mind.

Overall, this film shows you why you need a good script and crucially a good idea before you go into filming, simply saying oh they are popular and people like Adventure films, a debatable claim at the moment, is not enough.

2/5

Pros.

Gonzales tries her best

There are a few unintentionally funny moments

Cons.

It is badly paced

It is generic

Krasinski is miscast

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The Sound Of Music: The Best Musical?

Summary

The hills are alive.

I am not a huge musical person I like Sweeny Todd and the Greatest Showman and a lot of the rest such as Grease leave me cold. However, I have to say after years of having only watched parts of this film, that I actually really enjoyed it.

Sure would I have liked more time focusing on the rise of the Nazis and the family having to flee instead of a needless love triangle, of course, but for what it is there is a lot of fun to be had. The songs are all catchy and instantly memorable, I am sure you already know a lot of them, and as such it is hard not to sing along here.

Julie Andrews is infectiously positive herein, and her heroine is nigh on impossible not to root for. She really does inject heart and soul to this film and truly sinks into the character, Maria feels not like some cartoonishly positive person that could only exist in media but like a real person who simply sees the best in the world and wants to help people.

This film is the sort of film one needs to reaffirm their sense of hope every once in a while. It is the very definition of comfort viewing and one that you simply must try if you have not already seen it.

Overall, a wonderful bit of escapist fun.

4.5/5

Pros.

It is fun

The songs are great

It is well paced

Julie Andrews

Cons.

I would have liked more focus to be placed on the rising Nazi threat

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Karate Kid Three: The Kids Just Want To Grow Miniature Tress

Summary

Daniel, Ralph Macchio, hits his most unlikeable here.

I think this is probably the worst of the Daniel starring Karate Kid films, it is not as bad as the Jaden Smith Karate Kid but few things are as bad as that effort in CCP propaganda. I think the central reason why this film is so bad is because Daniel is incredibly unlikeable here. He goes against Mr Miyagi, Pat Morita, in several key ways, including taking his prized Bonsai tree from where he planted it, because he thinks he knows better and can sell it for some quick cash. He wants to use this cash to keep alive the Bonsai tree shop that he and Miyagi have opened and which Daniel insists is Mr Miyagi’s dream, despite the fact that Mr Miyagi has never talked about it before. Daniel is a teen with an attitude herein and as we all know that does not make for a likeable protagonist.

Moreover, the whole idea of the Bonsai tree shop is just such a nothing plot line that goes nowhere. It was clear that when they were trying to come up with ideas for this film they didn’t have anything, as this idea feels so badly thought through. It feels like the very worst kind of filler.

Additionally, the fact the villain is a rich man who wants to dedicate weeks of his time to ruining the life of a teen is odd and more than a little creepy. The idea that oh he was friends with one of the previous villains and therein is his motivation doesn’t work. If you’re a rich man you likely care about remaining rich and so dedicating weeks of your time to not doing the thing that makes you money and behaving illegally does not make any logical sense.

I think really the Daniel trilogy should have maybe been one or two films tops I think this film was the height of unnecessary.

Overall, The second worst of the franchise.

1/5

Pros.

There are some moments that set things up for Cobra Kai

Cons.

Daniel

The writing

It doesn’t need to exist

It is tedious at times

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Red Sonia: The Last Gasp f The Girlboss

Summary

Red Sonia the famous swords and sandals comic is brought to life in the worst possible fashion.

So this is as the trailer suggested a girl boss Red Sonia film. In many ways this film hates the source material it is based on and those who read those comic books. The Conan esque adventure vibes are replaced with a victim narrative that has Sonia herself seemingly constantly in a state of annoyance.

I won’t dwell on this too long, but the actress who is playing Sonia, Matilda Lutz, looks nothing like the Amazonian physique of comics Sonia and instead looks like a gust of wind could knock her over. If you were going to commit to doing a Red Sonia adaptation getting someone who looks the part is incredibly important.

The story is fairly generic, which is also quite shocking considering that they had decades of past comics runs to draw from. However, this seems to have been made by people who have never read an issue. They were vaguely aware of the IP and so thought they would make a very mid girl boss film and use the IP’s name to sell it rather than actually make a good Red Sonia film that is faithful to the source material.

Overall, a terrible waste of an IP made by people who hate it.

0.5/5

Pros.

Hannah John-Karmen is good

Cons.

It is boring

The lead doesn’t look the part

It hates the source material

It is badly paced

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Eyes Of Wakanda: Ryan Coogler Seems To Hate Black People

Summary

We get to find out more about the wonderful citizenry of Wakanda.

I am starting to wonder if Ryan Coogler is secretly a white supremacist, both this and Iron Heart are so chocked-full of harmful Black stereotypes that it certainly points that way.

In this mini series we learnt that Wakanda interferes constantly in the outside world, despite hiding its existence from its African neighbours and allows them to starve. Moreover, despite Shuri’s line in Black Panther about the white man being a coloniser, here we see that exiles from Wakanda, then go on to do just that. So everyone is the coloniser?

Why do they do this? They do it to protect their artefacts which they hide away and lock in a vault as they are much too powerful for anyone to use, even though they were invented for a reason. This all ends when a girlboss YASS Quueen of future Wakanda shows up in the last episode to tell the silly men that the artifacts don’t matter and that they need to stop hording them and stop hiding from the outside world. Meaning all the murder, all the working with bad people so you can steal your artefacts back from them whilst ignoring what they are doing to those around them, was for nothing.

It also made Michael B Jordan’s line in the first film about the African artifacts in the British Museum sound hollow and be out of touch with the new Wakandan philosophy on artefact hording.

There is also a female Asian Iron Fist for some reason and she mops the floor with multiple highly trained Wakandan soldiers with ease.

Overall, I want Marvel to go away.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is unintentionally funny sometimes

Cons.

The stereotypes

The moral messaging behind it

It makes the films actively worse

It doesn’t need to exist

There are no memorable new characters

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One Battle After Another: Left Wing Hollywood Is Radicalizing People

Summary

Leo joins Antifa.

Who thought this was a good idea in the current landscape? Charlie Kirk has just been killed in front of his family in broad day light, and you have a narrative about a group of left wing radicals bombing immigration centres to free the immigrants, with these being presented as heroic actions. You couldn’t make it up.

Not only are the characters detestable, but it makes you question Paul Thomas Anderson as a director and what he is trying to say here, as one could argue it falls into the category of inciting hatred.

On a lighter note we have the fulfilment of the left wing vision for how reality should be, wherein we have a heavily pregnant woman of colour running into a gun fight with the white man and acting like she is not only not at a huge physical disadvantage but also somehow winning. This is what the kids call delulu.

What this film feels like to me is the last gasps of the progressives in Hollywood trying to resist the cultural shift, they will nominate it for awards and call it stunning and brave, but no one will watch it and ultimately it will be studied in years to come as a what not to do in making something that dates itself and comes across as hating most of the cinema going audience.

0/5

Pros.

There are none

Cons.

It is hateful

It should have been pushed back and reshot

You are laughing at it and not with it

The message is horrible

It is badly paced and never seems to want to end

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With Love Meghan Season Two: Prince Harry Is Too Afraid To Appear On Screen

Summary

Meghan Merkle is back in her fake house to show you her authentic life.

So this time around there is still some good cringe, but it is toned back, there isn’t the clear frictions of the first season. Meghan has an awkward moment with Chrissy Teigen wherein the latter looks unsettled at the thought of having to spend the night at Meghan’s house as a craft project finishes, only for Meghan to whip out one she made earlier, with Teigen looking relieved. There are still some good cringe moments but they are fewer and far between.

For the most part this season is easier on Meghan herself and only feeds her acolytes, including one couple who thank her well over ten times. Moreover, this is more of a royalist season, I know Meghan warriors, the horror, but Meghan has the chef from her royal wedding over, she talks more about her time with the Royals and mentions Harry a lot. Though he is conspicuously absent throughout the whole season.

If you liked the content of the first season, the elaborate crafts and the meals no one really eats then you will like this as for the most part it is exactly the same. I would say if we have a third adventure into the world of crafts and cooking with Meghan I would prefer some better guests.

Overall, still some good cringe to be had.

3/5

Pros.

Some good cringe

A few unintentionally funny moments

It is nice escapism

Cons.

The guests take it easy on her

Prince Harry sits in the other room with John Legend

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