Hearts Of Stone: Gal Gadot Is An Action Star

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Gal Gadot continues to be the best female action hero.

So a lot of people will dislike this film, because a lot of people dislike folks from Israel right now, antisemitism is rampant, but if you can put down your flags and your angry banners for a minute, then you’ll see this was actually a Netflix gem that far too many people slept on.

The plot is standard action fare, nothing much new, but Gadot approaches it with such charm and charisma that you remember why Wonder Woman worked so well. It is incredibly hard not to warm to her and root for her, moreover, unlike other wannabe action stars, looking at you Millie Bobby Brown, Gadot has the moves and the physicality to be able to pull off the fight scenes and make it look real.

I think that for an action film the pace was quite good, we didn’t waste time with too much exposition, we just got straight into it which was positive. From there we got some action, which I’d say it was a good, pretty great by Netflix standard, and then we were out. It made other Netflix action fare like Atlas look like sluggish messes.

Overall, Gal Gadot will always be an action hero.

3.5/5

Pros.

Gadot

The pace

The action

The charm

Cons.

The plot is dumb

The wider cast are mostly wasted

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Lord Of The Rings The Two Towers Extended Edition: An Old Man Gets Beat Up By A Tree

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Ents march and war comes to Helm’s Deep.

Personally, I found this to be the weakest of the trilogy, still damn good when compared to a lot of the trash Hollywood dolls out but it had more issues than either of the other films.

For me these issues are best described as pacing related. There are vast sections of the film that I find just go on for far too long, such as but not limited to the whole sequence before the Ents march, the many romances of Aragorn, Viggo Mortensen, and a lot of the early Rohirrim stuff was also incredibly slow. I admit I was watching the extended edition so maybe it wasn’t so bad in the normal edition.

Also one small nitpick before we get into the positives, I am also not a big fan of Gollum, Andy Serkis, and think that the franchise as a whole overuses him and as such seeing his much bigger presence here made me like the film a little bit less.

However, that aside I thought this film did a lot to expand the world in interesting and new ways, Treebeard and the Ents are a particular favourite of mine, when they actually march. I also thought that this film made Gandalf far more important and that really helps him to shine, quite literally as a character. When he returns that is a powerful scene but so is the scene in the halls of the Rohirrim, it really shows him off.

The battle at Helm’s Deep is strong, possibly the strongest of the series, though I think the battle that results in the death of the Witch King is perhaps ultimately just a bit better. I thought the action felt very real and visceral though I must say the scene with the skateboard was a bit cringe.

Overall, a decent follow up to fellowship, with some good battles, however, it is slowed down by some padding and bad pacing issues.

4/5

Pros.

It is epic

It builds the world well

The action

A lot of good Gandalf

Cons.

Too much Gollum

The pacing issues

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The Acolyte Episode 5: It Would Have Been Better If The Sith Had Killed Every Character

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A lot of characters die, the show wants you to care but frankly you’re happy to see them go.

So this was the big action episode with all the fights and the lightsabers that had been teased for a long time. If you are the kind of person who just seeing some lightsabers is enough to make you happy, then good news you’ll love this episode, however if you require more substance than I can safely say you will be disappointed. The action choreography was weak, they have clearly taken influence from martial arts films and what not and that is fine but some of the actors they have trying to pull off these moves look like there is no way in hell they actually could. The action is pretty fake looking at times too, it looks like something you might see on a better than average Youtube channel that recreates movie fights, not the sort of thing you expect for a show with 180 million dollar budget.

Moreover, as I said in the summary a bunch of characters die, and you either feel indifference or kind of want them to. The show and its terrible writing has done such a bad job of making you care about any of the Jedi, even at sometimes making you hate them for how not like Jedi they are, that when they die it has the wrong emotional effect. I also thought it was cringe as hell that it was only the Padawan that gave the Sith a fight, as the rest of the Jedi’s were easily chopped down and they were experienced Knights, but because the Padawan is a know it all girl boss, played by Dafne Keen, she could go toe to toe with the Sith fighter. It is silly and stupid and the perfect reflection of modern Star Wars

Oh the twist, the dude from The Good Place is the Sith, yes that’s right folks the most obvious and laziest choice is the correct one. Everyone guessed from the minute he showed up that he was and as the show has gone on people were like it can’t possibly be him that would be too obvious and yet the show gave you just that. The issue is people don’t seem to understand just how poor the writing actually is so of course they can’t misdirect you or give you a good twist it is far too hard for them.

Moreover, Mae, Amandla Stenberg, continues to be the most schizophrenic character in Star Wars history flipping between emotions every few seconds. In the flashbacks she cares about her sister, then she wants to kill her, she is on her mission to kill all the jedi, then suddenly gets bored and stops, she wants to escape and live with her sister then knocks her out and leaves her with a Sith who likes killing Jedis. This is not good writing, it is as though they cannot decide on how they want the character to be so they keep having her do different things that are entirely at odds with each other it is hard to follow. Moreover, the fact they had to strip the sister down so Mae could switch clothes with her feels like some odd pervy fan service, though there is no nudity you know that scene will feature heavily in deviant art for years to come.

Overall, though this episode is more interesting that last weeks I would say the baffling character decisions and the stupid writing makes it worse.

0.5/5

Pros.

The new Sith could be interesting

Cons.

Mae and her mood swings

The terrible writing

The reveal is obvious

You don’t care about any of the deaths

Girl boss X-23

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The Ballad Of Songbirds and Snakes: Rachel Zegler Before She Imploded Her Career

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A franchise that ran out of steam a decade ago is brought back because Hollywood is creatively bankrupt.

Why do we need to know more about the world of the Hunger Games it was a ripped off western Battle Royale with some added dystopian ideas. Honestly, I thought when they ended that franchise after its two part finale that it was dead, evidently not.

Where I think this film suffers when compared to the main saga is in the acting, on the one side you have a dude so bland and forgettable that you will find it hard to remember his face scene to scene let alone when the film ends. On the other hand you have the internet’s darling Rachel Zegler doing her best girl boss impression, by looking smug in every scene even when she is in danger. Clearly she was remembering how she alone is updating and bringing about world wide change with her new Snow White film and that is why she looks like that.

They name drop characters and ideas from the main series of films here, and you just feel like cool okay do you have anything else. Throwing a few oh remember this person or thing from the other films isn’t a substitute for good story telling or worldbuilding.

Overall, a pointless unneeded film.

2/5

Pros.

An interesting idea

It is relatively short

Cons.

The acting is awful

It is unnecessary

It uses cameos in place of world building

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The Acolyte Episode 4: Amandla Stenberg Is The Most Oppressed Person On The Planet

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We get another fun and needed episode of the Acolyte.

If you couldn’t tell I was being sarcastic. Now to address somethings before we begin, I had a few people ask me why do I cover this show if I don’t like it, and there’s two reasons for that and no it is not because I am going crazy, though the show makes me fee like that at times. Firstly, it is because I think bad writing and bad content deserves to be called out so that other people can see this and stay clear, a lot of people are seeing and engaging with these reviews, according to my stats, so I am providing a service. Secondly, because a lot of trolls out there tell me to shut up and call me names because I am critical of the show and I will not bow to pressure and stop.

That said lets carry on, so this week we get a slightly better time than last week but not by much. We get to see more of the Sith who is very obviously the twin’s mother, as Jodie Turner Smith is billed to be in more episodes. They try their best to make her scary or do much of anything with her but ultimately it just comes off as cheaply done character work that tries to set up this great mystery when in actuality it is all obvious.

Then there is the return of Ki-Adi-Mundi only 100 years before he was born. Now I am no Lord of the EU or Master of the Lore, but it just seems to me like they needed someone vaguely recognisable to put in here, they don’t have even the slightest regard that this breaks cannon or anything like that they just do it for the sake of it. Moreover, after that the show then changed the characters Wookipedia entry in real time in order to try and get around what they knew to be a lore destroying moment. Once again it just shows a level of disrespect that this show has towards the audience and the franchise as a whole.

The flip with have with Mae, Amandla Stenberg, finally deciding to give up her mission and to try and find her sister instead made little sense. Ultimately the show couldn’t answer the question of why now, why had she not done this before, why would she want to see her sister after threatening to kill her. It is just a heel turn for the point of plot. Speaking off as always Stenberg is a devotee of the Alaqua Cox school of acting and shows no emotion as Mae goes through this massive character shift. She is not a very good actor.

PS. I took an extra day writing this as whilst I was writing it Stenberg’s diss track to the fans dropped and I needed some time to process that. Not only does it show just how out of touch she is, calling herself oppressed when she and her family are millionaires, whilst also making a video about racism whilst constantly bragging and focusing the shot on her for maximum narcissism. However, the reason I wanted to include it is because it just shows you what the people making this show think of you the fan, yes there may be some racists and she may have suffered some abuse, but to make a video where she says that all Star Wars people are haters and want to oppress her and stuff like this is not the way to combat racism. All this does is make the fandom even more divided as non-racists are angry that she is lumping everyone in together.

Finally, we have an incredibly forced scene that I just want to draw your attention to as I think it highlights everything wrong with modern Star Wars. There is a scene in which the gang find a new alien character and rather than call it it as people would, they instead decided to debate its pronouns. Now this scene is bad for a couple of reasons, firstly there was no need for it, it was done so they could say oh look we are talking about pronouns on the show aren’t we diverse, but it just shows how shallow and forced in this message is and how they are just ticking things off a list. They don’t actually care about meaningful representation just the appearance of it. Secondly, the scene slows the whole episode down which makes it stick out even worse, the writing is so poor it makes you consider was it written by an AI.

Overall, though it wasn’t as bad as episode 3, it is still pretty terrible and makes you debate the difference between awful and god awful.

1/5

Pros.

It is more watchable than the last episode

Cons.

The destruction of the lore

The pronoun scene

Mae’s randomly shift in personality

They couldn’t be bothered to let us see the Wookie Jedi fight   

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Lord Of The Rings The Fellowship Of The Ring Extended Edition: There And Back Again

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A fellowship is born.

What can be said that hasn’t already about one of if not the greatest trilogy of films ever made.

For me personally, the first film is my favourite of the three, as it so perfectly establishes the world and the characters. The opening sequence in the Shire is so happy and playful and easily makes you care about the characters, which then juxtaposes really well when compared to the darker subject matter later in the film.

Moreover, the film really does give us a number of epic and instantly memorable moments, I’d say more so than the other two films but that is just me. I think the Weathertop fight and then Arwen’s, Liv Tyler, chase sequence are some of the best moments in the trilogy as it really puts into proportion the level of threat and the power of the dark lord, plus I am a huge Nazgul fan.

Of course the fight sequences here and the action are also very strong, whilst not being on the same par as Helms Deep, or the final battle, the forest battle sequence that ends off the film and kills Boromir, Sean Bean, is still very well done and adrenaline inducing.

Something I am quite surprised by with these films is how well they hold up in terms of visual effects, considering the CGI has to be coming up for 20 years old it looks a hell of a lot better than some of the effects shots we are seeing today.

Overall, to me this is maybe the best fantasy film ever made and is better than its sequels, with only the overly slow pacing at times slowing it down.

4.5/5

Pros.

The cast

The stakes

The world

The journey

Some many iconic book moments replicated

Cons.

Overly slow at times

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I.S.S: For All The Insomniacs Out There.

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Life in space.

This was one of the recent films that just came and went, did you even know it existed before this review? Maybe you did maybe you didn’t.

For me catching this film on streaming I just think to myself that when Hollywood wonders why no one is going to the cinema anymore it is because of films like this. Boring, forgettable films that have similar premises to others that have come out in the not too distant past and which you remember more fondly than this.

Honestly even after watching this mere hours ago I can barely remember any of the main story points about it, that is how much it stays in the mind. It is just deeply forgettable.

In terms of the acting they have a pretty mixed bag of a cast mostly new people who have yet to cut their teeth or older TV guys still trying to become leading men in actually big films. They are fine if forgettable.

Overall, forgettable dross that will clog up the Netflix algorithm.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is a good sleep aid

It has some unintentional laughs

Cons

It is unoriginal

The cast do nothing

It is boring

It is too self-serious

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The Hate U Give: A Dumb Persons Response To A Serious Issue

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Some teens experience police brutality.

This is one of the most whiney films I have ever watched, I understand that these characters go through a really awful experience yet the film doesn’t have anything new to say about this problem in American society, nor does it want to unpack the emotional toll of it, but rather than whine and appear virtuous whilst doing the bare minimum.

There was a person somewhere behind the scenes being like oh my film is needed it’s necessary it is doing something to change the world, but none of those things are true. This is as surface level as it gets, more over the message of the film is just asinine, police brutality is wrong, did anyone not already know that.

This film feels like it was made as the creatives thought audiences were dumb and needed to be told how to think, but once again everyone already knew what this film had to say.

Amandla Stenberg is also wooden as hell.

Overall, a shallow insipid mess that feels the need to lecture yet has nothing new to say.

1/5

Pros.

It had one good song in its soundtrack

Cons.

It is puddle deep

Stenberg is awful

It is badly paced

It feels like its constantly preaching

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Garfield The Movie: A Tale Of Two Kitties This Is Not

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Garfield, voiced by Chris Pratt, is back on the big screen.

So I am a big Garfield fan, I grew up watching the films and have watched every episode of Garfield and Friends many and I mean many times over. As such I was very excited for this film and it was the film I was the most excited to watch this year. Sadly, this wasn’t really a Garfield film.

Yes, you have John and Odie, him liking food and even his teddy, but really that is where it ends. Garfield may get into zany adventures but he is not some sort of heist/action character. Think about the films, in the first he took down someone who wanted to use Odie for evil, but he did it in a very Garfield way, lazy and sarcastic. In the second he saved a manor from being sold off, again he did this by teaching the animals about goofing off and eating. You see in both cases the problem is solved by him being himself, not him being something he isn’t. Here we see Garfield have to become a cat of action and learn to live in the real world and go on heists for some reason. Why is it that every film now must be about a heist.

There are some okay moments here don’t get me wrong I don’t think its awful, I just don’t think its Garfield.

The father and son stuff really for was whatever as we have seen it all before in other films, and you know exactly where each beat is going. They do nothing new with it.

My only positive for the film really is that the beginning stuff with kitten Garfield and how he first met John is adorable and heart-warming. That was a really good way to start the film it is just a shame the rest of it was so very eh.

Overall, fine but this is not a Garfield film.

2/5

Pros.

A few nice moments

A really strong beginning

Cons.

It isn’t Garfield

The father son stuff didn’t work

It was incredibly predictable

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Inside Out 2: The Increasingly Depressing Life Of Riley

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Riley, voiced by Kensington Tallman, is going through changes.

Please believe me that won’t be the only reference I make to Big Mouth during this review.

So  before we get into this I want to head off the complaint of ‘oh this film wasn’t for you’, films are made for everyone they are made for a mass audience, so yes it is. People of all ages can enjoy any film they want and take different things from it. My question is who was this film made for, because in the audience when I saw it there may have been one child but by and large it was an adult crowd.

Anyway moving along, I thought this was a decidedly average sort of film, it had a few good moments, namely whenever Pouchy showed up, and it had a number of odd choices and messages that I think ruined the film in a number of ways. Widely, both mostly cancel each other out, but I would say that this film is probably below average in terms of Pixar’s wider output.

I think the most baffling decision about this film is how it is not fun in anyway. Riley is going through a hard time and is sad in a lot of the film having to find a way to fit in, dealing with her friends leaving her, and the emotions are going on a quest to save the old pre-puberty Riley. However, as Big Mouth teaches us you cannot stop changes, you cannot go back to the happier and more innocent days of your childhood, and the emotions realise this over the course of the film with them having a heavy time of it. Joy, voiced by Amy Poehler, literally cries several times over the course of the film. A fun time at the movies for the whole family.

Speaking off Joy is quite irritating here, so the central conflict of the film happens as the new puberty emotions show up and take over with Joy and co sent away, she then goes on a quest to get the old Riley back. However, not only is this futile but has a terrible message, the film seems to suggest for the most part that one should not accept change and must always be a good person and be positive otherwise they are inherently bad. This makes little sense and lacks any idea of nuance. Though Anxiety, voiced by Maya Hawke, does go a little crazy by the end people need anxiety to get anywhere in life, having anxiety is normal. The film does try and have Joy learn a lesson and learn that she needs to be less of a control freak but it then rewards this by letting her be in charge again. Joy at times has a karen like mentality in how she treats almost all of the other emotions, which is to say badly.

Moreover, another thing I thought was weird was that the film spends a lot of time, and I mean a lot, showing how Riley wants to be a hockey player. Now this is normal however, whenever the film seems to think that Riley is being a bit too masculine, in a traditional gender norms sort of way, it has to go out of its way to make her goofy or silly. To me this is problematic, as what would be so wrong with her being tough and wanting to be a hockey player and doing it earnestly, why does she need to have all the goofy I’m a teen girl shenanigans unless they are worried about how she will present from a gender norms point of view. I could understand if these moments were supposed to be for comedy and that’s why she’s goofy but the whole rest of the film entirely neglects comedy for the most part so that doesn’t make sense. It felt very traditional in how it wanted to show gender norms and in some ways a bit patronising, as rather than let her be competitive and wanting to be the best hockey player there, it had to tie into a narrative of oh is she a good team player, what about her friends, oh it’s just girls having fun. One has to think if it was a male lead would it be the same or would they have allowed him to be competitive and want to be the best and not made it about him and his friends. In this sense the film can be seen to reinforce very traditional gender roles and be regressive towards female athletes.

Finally, and you know we couldn’t talk about current year Disney and not bring up the w word. For the most part this film is fairly devoid of the identity politics you would expect of current year Disney. However, there is one scene so cringe in this regard that I knew I had to include it in the review, during a part of the film where the emotions are going through a part of Riley’s mind showing dream jobs she had as a child one of them is a supreme court justice. This to me stood out because what kid is that politically aware, most kids want to be a dinosaur, a princess, an adventurer or some other sort of thing like that no kid has ever said they want to be a supreme court justice, I don’t believe that. The fact it was included in the film screams to me of the obsession that liberal women seem to have with RBG again not all liberal women but a lot of the Hollywood ones for sure. Look at the ham-fisted inclusion they did in Book Smart, again just because these Hollywood people are political they should not assume that teens or kids are, as most aren’t. It is just such an odd and out of touch sort of inclusion that it made me roll my eyes.

Overall, it is fine but not really an enjoyable trip to the cinema.

2/5

Pros.

Pouchy

It is not as woke as it could have been

Cons.

It does not let Riley be competitive or fully into hockey, it lessens it to not scare people off

The supreme court justice line

It is very sad

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