Burn: There Is No Need To Panic

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The film follows a child, played by Matti Kolirin, born into an unkind world with themes of national panic and personal tragedy.

I found this to be a surprisingly affecting horror film for a number of reasons, firstly the film does a good job in making us care about the child, their experiences, and how they are growing up, so therefore as things begin to happen you care about the fate of the character. Secondly there is more than enough of our modern times reflected in the film, even though it was made a number of years ago, maybe I am reading into it but I saw a lot of home truths reflective of our current hyper panicked world.

I thought the performances across the board were all strong, I believed the family bond and thought each of the actors played off each other well. I was thoroughly convinced.

My only real criticism of the film would be that there were some pacing issues especially towards the start that really slowed the film down, if it weren’t for them this film could be sweeping full marks

Overall, I related to this film quite a lot and found myself moved by it as well as a little disconcerted.

Pros.

The performances

The ending

The emotion

The relatability

Cons.

Pacing issues

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Pirates Of The Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales: It Is Sad To See The Series Go Out Like This

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Jack, played by Johnny Depp, takes seemingly one last jaunt around the Caribbean for no real reason at all.

It now seems like this is the last film in the Pirates Of The Caribbean series, yes there is talk of doing some kind of spin-off with Margot Robbie but no one wants that, and if it ever does come out no doubt it will kill the series off for good, or at least until they reboot it. With that it is sad to reflect that it has come to this.

Depp seems like he is going through the motions here, not really able to tap back into the Captain Jack we all knew and loved, instead becoming an imitator of his former self. I think in many ways here Jack is upstaged by those around him, particularly by Kaya Scodelario’s Carina who is most likely the shining star of the film, Scodelario is doing her best to save this mess.

Moreover, whoever thought that audiences wanted to see a de-aged Johnny Depp looking every bit as well done as a videogame cut scene from a decade ago was sorely mistaken. Another baffling decision comes in the form of the film’s villains which are a rather blatant copy of the first film’s ghost pirates which further show the desperation on display here.

Overall, it is sad to see a once great franchise go out like this.

PS. Don’t stay for the end credits scene, it is just desperate.

Pros.

Scodelario

It is watchable

Cons.

The villains

The de-aged Jack Sparrow

Depp

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He’s All That: Influencers Aren’t Actors

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A gender swapped version of She’s All That, the forgotten nineties film, this time with a random TikTok influencer because Netflix are cringe and seemingly more and more incapable of making good original content.

Whoever is in charge of original content development, or if one can call them that the film head, needs to be fired. The recent baffling stream of terrible content being churned out by Netflix would be enough to make anyone else in the space blush, but Netflix doesn’t seem to care because they don’t try and make good films they try and make ones that everyone will watch at least the first few minutes of.

The fact that this film stars and is about a TikTok star just speak to how desperate this film is to appeal to Gen Z, but guess what even Gen Z can see what a turd this film is. This film reads to me as though it was made by a group of out of touch old white guys who realised the kids liked TikTok so decided to base a film around it, whilst not really understanding what it is.

Moreover, Addison Rae has no business being in this film. She can’t act, isn’t funny and barely seems to have any on screen training at all. Whenever she said a line it was so painfully delivered that it took me straight out of the film and reminded me that the price of Netflix keeps going up and made me ask why am I still paying it?

Overall, if the quality of Netflix’s originals don’t start improving I will most likely cancel my subscription.

Pros.

It is unintentionally funny

Cons.

Rae

The TikTok focus

It has no reason to exist

When it is trying to be funny it is painfully unfunny

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Scream 2022: Death Brings New Life

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Ghostface is back this time playing by the rules of legacy sequels.

Spoilers

In many respects this film is the best in the Scream series, it nails the tone between scares and laughs and manages to do both fairly well, it has interesting new characters that you end up caring about, and it does something meaningful with the legacy characters.

However, then you get to the third act and the film loses its way and loses several points from me. My first issue with the final was that it is incredibly obvious from the jump who the killers are, the film does little to subvert that and it all plays out exactly how you imagined it would. Secondly, the motivation for why the killer kills, that of them being basically an incel fan who can’t cope with changes to the franchise and so has to try and make his own film, the series of murders, in order to set it right felt insulting to me. I understand it may have been tongue in cheek but to me it came across as the film flashing the fans the finger, which shouldn’t be something the new franchise reviver film sets out to do.

If you put the third act in a box and ignore it then the film is much better. I enjoyed how the film developed Dewey, played by David Arquette, and gave him a fitting heroes’ death, though I think Gale, played by Courtney Cox, would have been a better fit for that plot beat. Speaking off this was the first time in the series I really bought the emotional connection between Gale and Dewey and I thought both actors brought a lot to their respective performances.

Overall, I would say a nice end for the franchise but we all know it won’t be the last film.

Pros.

Bringing back Skeet Ulrich

Dewey

The new characters

Managing to be both funny and scary

Cons.

The incel fan motivation

It is too obvious

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The Book Of Boba Fett: The Streets Of Mos Espa

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Boba Fett, played by Temuera Morrison, hangs out with some poorly designed cosplayers, gets beat up whilst in his underwear and the Pikes invade.

My, my just when I thought the series was heading in the right direction we get this.

So the Tusken Raider plot line ends very abruptly and with no real closure…. What was the point of building it up so much over the last few episodes if you were just going to have them massacred off screen? I suppose it is leading to some kind of showdown between Boba and their killers but honestly it just feels like it took a moment that could have been really emotionally important for the show and chose to cut it out.

Moreover, everything about the new rainbow vespa gang that Boba Fett befriends this episode is embarrassing. Their design is awful, they don’t look like they fit in the universe, they don’t advance the plot, the CGI used for them isn’t up to snuff, I could go on. It just seems like these characters were forced in so Boba could have underlings and as an incredibly cynical and cheap attempt to boost the shows diversity.

I have written at length about how this show is far too family friendly and is seemingly scared to have Boba Fett actually behave like himself and fight back or even kill, he is only allowed to kill monsters by this show’s rules, and this episode proves that to a tee. Not only is Boba depowered here, we watch this master of hand to hand combat get whooped in his underpants needing to be saved by his new cyber punk friends and honestly it makes the character some what of a joke.

Don’t get me started on the emotional support rancor.

The only reason this episode isn’t getting lower is because I am interested in the Pike war to come and I like the tease of that.

Overall, this show is really starting to show its cracks.

Pros.

The Pikes both in the past and present

The tease for what is to come

Cons.

It almost character assassinates Boba Fett

It wastes the build up of the Tusken storyline

The cyberpunk cosplay biker gang

It has pacing issues and is again too short

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The Electrical Life Of Louis Wain: Cats Becoming People.

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

From watching the trailers for this film I didn’t really know what to expect. It looked strange and abstract and it is and in that is the films’ greatest success. This is indeed a quirky and an odd film and one that you aren’t likely to see again this year, and by doing that it becomes memorable.

This film is a who’s who of British acting talent and has more than a few familiar faces, everyone does a good job and the acting across the board is strong. Cumberbatch is a superb leading man and from his portrayal you really buy the eccentricity of Wain and also the suffering and the loss. Cumberbatch’s performance is transportive. Likewise Claire Foy is also excellent here and her and Cumberbatch have really strong chemistry that really helps to propel the early parts of the film.

My main negative of the film was that it was incredibly depressing and hard to watch at times. Yes, I know this film was based on Wain’s real life and there is nothing you can do to change that or how it was. It being sad and depressing is true to life. However, it is in that where for me at least the film became hard to watch. The trailers which made the film look feel good were almost certainly misleading, this film is upsetting.

Overall, a quirky film with oodles of personality but one that some might find too sad to watch.

Pros.

Foy

Cumberbatch

The personality and charm of the film

Cons.

It is very sad

Pacing issues

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Click: You Can’t Fast Forward Through The Brown Face Quick Enough

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

All round terrible person, husband and father Michael Newman, played by Adam Sandler, is given a magical remote control that allows him to pause, skip and rewind reality; naturally he uses it to skip conversations with loved ones and just generally be a dick.

Films like this prove what so many people don’t like about Adam Sandler. He is obnoxious, rude and frankly just deeply unlikeable yet the film asks us to root for him, relate to him and to view his behaviour as normal. This is an almost impossible ask. The character is so deeply unlikeable that it makes the film hard to watch.

Moreover, this film features the ever so male fantasy esque role play of having a model looking wife paired off with some shlub, who treats her poorly. Not only are the two poorly suited for one another Sandler’s character is also deeply unpleasant to her throughout, even when supposedly reformed. His wife is played by Kate Beckinsale here, in a film I bet she deeply regrets doing. To summarise how this film uses Kate Beckinsale there is a scene where Michael has paused time and discusses with Christopher Walken’s character what a ‘rocking bod’ she has. Yes, that’s right. Yikes.

The sexism and racism and many other isms are all on full display here, Sandler faithful Rob Schneider is in brown face playing a foreign prince which honestly he should be made to apologise for because it is both deeply unfunny as well as widely offensive.

By the end of the film where it tries to hit you with its grand moral philosophy on life and love and in doing so tries to redeem Sandler’s character it fails miserably as by that point you hate Sandler’s character and want to see him lose.

Overall, I’m glad that Sandler seems to have learnt in recent years that him just being a dick to everyone around him doesn’t make for a good comedy film.

Pros.

Walken has a few funny lines

The premise has promise

Cons.

Sandler

Beckinsale is treated as a piece of meat throughout

It is deeply sexist and racist

Pacing issues

Scream 4: A Reboot To Mock Reboots

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Sidney Prescott, played by Neve Campbell, is now on a book tour trying to help other victims of violence when of course there is yet another Ghostface copycat, this time one obsessed with reboots.

I think of the four films so far this one is my favourite. I thought much like the last film in the series this one manages to nail both the comedy/spoof elements and the slasher horror well. I found myself laughing at the comedy for the first time in the series which was nice as to this point it either left me indifferent or annoyed.

I thought this film finally redeemed Gale, played by Courtney Cox, and finished the character work the last film set up. For so long in the series Cox had the short end of the stick as she was cast as a character who was annoying at best trite at worst, and here she finally becomes the star of the show and probably the best character in the film. Though that honour is contested as there are a number of young stars that give Cox a run for her money, mainly Hayden Panettiere’s Kirby who stole the show in nearly every scene she was in.

In terms of negatives I didn’t like that the film continued the annoying random first kill trope, but not only continued it expanded it out, made it last longer and was even more smug with it. I don’t find this bit funny, rather I find it tedious and it makes me want to skip through until it is over.

Furthermore, Emma Roberts is really quite uninspired here, she plays the same character she always plays the sassy outsider, who normally turns out to have a heart of gold but here turns out to be the killer. She doesn’t seem like she is trying and honestly her character gets way too much screen time for how poor of a job she is doing.

Overall, again the franchise continues to get better.

Pros.

Some good jokes

I liked the ending

Gale is finally fully redeemed

Panettiere

Cons.

The opening stab montage

Roberts

Pacing issues

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Scream 3: Leave Sidney’s Mum Alone

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A new Ghostface emerges on the set of a film about the Woodsboro murders, and of course the gang has come back together to deal with it.

I actually think of the trilogy this is the best. Mainly this is because the film finally seems able to manage its meta commentary and genre stand ups, with good tension and even frightening moments. No longer does the film feel like a parody film.

I also like the character progression here. Neve Campbell’s Sidney finally seems to have learnt something from her previous run ins with killers and is now a deadly force in her own right, I particularly like the scene where it looked like she died but it was a fake out and for a moment she became the slasher. I thought the second film really let Sidney down as it did not advance her character very much at all, however this film does a good job of it. In addition Gale, played by Courtney Cox, has finally seemed to learn the consequences of using people and is humbled here. Again I think this film does a nice job of showing her character growth and her ending feels earned.

Despite the good character work the film also did a number of things I didn’t like. Firstly it continues the trend of featuring a meaningless first kill that is always really drawn out and features a deeply forgettable character trying to mimic Drew Barrymore in the first film. Secondly it introduces these strange trippy elements regarding who Sidney’s mum was and, because of course, her secret life, to me this just felt like desperate padding to find something new they could do with the franchise.

Overall, better but it still has a ways to go.

Pros.

The character work

A fitting end

Sidney the Slasher

Cons.

Everything to do with Sidney’s mum

The drawn out opening kill

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The Tender Bar: An Earnest An Emotional Performance From Ben Affleck Saves The Day

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young boy, played by Daniel Ranieri as a boy and Tye Sheridan as a young man, turns to his surly uncle, played by Ben Affleck, for life advise in place of his absentee father, played by Max Martini.

Not too long ago in a review I was saying about how actors who then become directors don’t usually end up becoming good at it, I even gave George Clooney, the director of this film, as an example and whilst this film doesn’t prove me wrong it does show a nice upswing for Clooney’s filmography and suggests that maybe there is hope for the actor turned director.

That is not to say this film is perfect, it really isn’t. From a structural point of view there aren’t any stakes, things just happen and then it is on to the next thing. I understand it is supposed to be autobiographical to some extent and life isn’t like a film there often aren’t great stakes and battles to be won, but this film’s narrative needed that. As it stands it’s just one thing then the next, happening one after another without any real consequence.

Furthermore, Sheridan was probably the wrong actor to cast for this role as he seems incapable of emoting. Mud was a good film, but Sheridan wasn’t the main focus there, however in everything that has followed wherein he is the lead he seems incredibly one note and like he is pulling the same face throughout regardless of what is happening on screen- this is true here, painfully so.

However, rather surprisingly this film is saved by an incredibly emotional and earnest performance from Ben Affleck. There are several moments in this film where I would say Affleck’s performance is worthy of awards consideration, one that springs to mind is the emotion on his face during his final scene in the film as he watches his nephew, who is basically a son to him, drive away into the sunset: his face is so full of emotion, happiness and sadness, pride and loss it is quite moving. Sadly, it also points out just how poor of a job Sheridan is doing.

Overall, there might be hope for Clooney yet if he keeps working with Affleck.

Pros.

The emotion

Affleck

It was well paced

Cons.

No stakes, things just sort of happen and then are moved on from

Sheridan

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