American Horror Stories: The Naughty List

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of Youtube influencers, who are almost certainly supposed to be stand-ins for Team 10/ The Paul Brothers, find themselves on the wrong side of a demented mall Santa Claus who hunts them down after they publicly embarrass him.

So……….. What to say about this episode? Well it certainly wasn’t the strong episode of either this series or AHS in general and is in fact probably one of the worst. The gimmick of this episode, ‘man aren’t influencers annoying’, is funny and mildly interesting for all of a few minutes and then it starts to become grating.

Moreover, the episode spends far, far too much time dealing with the Youtube drama before the killer even shows up to hunt them down, essentially about a quarter of this episode is pointless filler where you get to see the guys worry over losing followers as a result of their bad behaviour- who cares?

Furthermore, when the always excellent Danny Trejo shows up to kill them it has no impact, this is because the characters are so deeply unlikeable that you don’t care if they get killed, in fact a part of you is probably gleeful about it after they have stolen so much of your time.

The worst thing about this episode is the fact that it is Trejo’s introduction to the series and the universe. Trejo is always great, and he is a personal favourite of mine, what’s sad is that this will be the episode of AHS he is remembered for, if the series was going to use him they should have given him so much more to work with and do. Ultimately they waste him and his talent and that is the biggest crime of this episode.

Overall, we get it influencers are annoying.

Pros.

Trejo

The gore

Cons.

They waste Trejo and give him nothing to do

The gimmick quickly becomes played out

It is annoying

It has some of the worst dialogue I have ever heard

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The Incredible Hulk: The Black Sheep Of The MCU

2.5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Bruce Banner, Edward Norton, is on a quest to calm the beast inside whilst being perused by the US government who is keen to experiment on him.

Yes, I finally got around to watching this.

For many it is a toss up between this film and Thor The Dark World for worst film in the MCU, with some even going so far as to want this be made noncanonical and though I think that is a slight over reaction I can see where they are coming from.

Now though this film is not terrible, it is also by no means good. It lacks a lot of the things that make a Marvel film good, the heart, the likeable characters, the cameos. These missing elements are only made worse by the fact the every time the Hulk is on-screen you are horrified by how poor the effects look.

It is not the worst film I have ever seen and there are even moments where the film is watchable, but these are too few and far between. I liked seeing Hulk on the run, but then we just get bombarded with scene after lifeless scene of Hulk fighting generic army tropes throughout the film and it doesn’t get any more interesting if anything it goes the other way.

Overall, a lesser quality to what came before and after.

Pros.

It is watchable

The fight Hulk fight scene is interesting and cool and then after that it all just becomes more of the same

Cons.

It is boring

None of the characters are hugely likeable

Plot holes on top of plot holes

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13 Going On 30: Taking Advantage

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young uncool teen wishes themselves into the body of a thirty year old so that they can finally have the life they always wanted.

The premise of this film is icky as hell. This film places this girl in the body of a woman in many sexual situations where she is uncomfortable and does not know what to do and then plays it off as a joke. Worse yet it gives her a romance arc, where the thirty year old version of her friend who has a crush on her, pursues a romantic relationship with her, despite her being the younger version of herself: and the film wants us to cheer for this……..

How exactly is this film supposed to be a classic?

I think these glaring issues are made all the worse by the fact that Jennifer Garner plays the character with such a sense of childlike innocents and naivety, which only compounds the problematic elements further.

The only reason this film doesn’t get lower from me is the fact that there are a few funny lines, albeit unintentionally. I found myself laughing quite a few times during the film which helped me get through the horror show that the rest of it is. A very poorly thought out idea.

Overall, troublesome.

Pros.

Unintentionally funny

Cons.

It is problematic

The central romance is icky and weird

The ending

Garner

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The Bad Batch: War Mantle

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Batch go on a rescue mission, to horrific results.

This was a sad episode on multiple fronts, but also one that feels like it has real stakes.

My first thought after finishing the episode is that it is good they finally have Hunter and Crosshair in the same location with no way out. The confrontation between the two characters has been needed for some time, it feels very much that since the first episode the Batch has pretty much turned their backs on their former brother, even when they realised that he was being mind controlled: as such there always needed to be an explanation for why Hunter and co acted this way- and it looks like we will get it next episode.

Moreover, the Clone rebellions are starting to feel more and more like something we will see on the show, as we are now being shown the Empire phasing out its Clone forces in favor of Storm Troopers. I am excited by this prospect and would like to see what is going to happen to all the captive clones, will the Empire wipe them out, will they escape, will they start a doomed rebellion: these are all questions that the series could and should answer.

I thought for the most part the story of this episode was tight and interesting however I could have done without the cut back to Omega and Wrecker where she complains that she is worried about the other members of the group and he makes a joke. This scene does nothing for the episode, but kill time, the joke is not needed and undoes the well built up tension and Omega once again adds nothing to the episode. I feel like unless the writers have some big endgame for her character she should just be written off as clearly they are struggling on a weekly basis to find things for her to do.

Overall, a strong episode with good tension and an intriguing ending.

Pros.

The ending

Setting up the Clone Rebellions

Where will the series go from here?

The tension

Cons.

The Omega cut away

The slow start, with the first five minutes being dull

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Guardians Of The Galaxy: The Quest For The Ultimate Mix Tape

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Peter Quill, Chris Pratt, is abducted as a child and taken into space. Years later he has become a rogue of the galaxy going by the name Star Lord, this all changes when his quest for an infinity stone brings him into contact with a group of people who would go on to become his family.

I think the often complained about, even by myself, Marvel sense of humour really helps these films on a rewatch. This is my first time rewatching Guardians Of The Galaxy since I first saw it in the cinema all those years ago, and you know what it actually holds up fairly well.

I think the strongest element of the film is certainly the family dynamic between the characters with each having key emotional moments along the way that really help to open them up as characters and help us the audience relate to them. Each character is loveable in their own way, each has the potential to easily be someone’s favourite.

Sadly however, the same can’t be said for the films antagonists who are left fairly cookie cutter generic. I don’t think anyone will ever say that Ronan is their favourite Marvel villain because he just has no personality beyond being evil and wanting to commit genocide. The oversimplification of the villain’s motivations really is the issue here and with a lot of early Marvel films. To have an interesting film you need an interesting and compelling villain.

The jokes I thought worked mostly well here, though I would say the film isn’t as funny as something like Antman, certainly there were more misses here and a few scenes that should have been played for laughs really weren’t.

Overall, a good Marvel film though one let down my a poor villain and not always hilarious jokes.

Pros.

The emotion

The family dynamic

Yondu

The soundtrack

Cons.

A weak villain

Inconsistent jokes

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The Suicide Squad: Rats Save The Day

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Taskforce X are back with another suicide mission to shave some time off their prison sentences, this time looking to destroy a research project being conducted by a non US friendly Southern American Country.

Some out there on the internet are trying to create a moral outcry about this film, whilst others are loving it, so, where do I fall? Closer to the latter but with notes.

Firstly and lets just get this out of the way, this is not a family film, this is not a film you can watch at a family party or all gathered round the TV; the age rating really should have given that away. Many people online seem shocked by what they are hearing about the content in this film, and clearly they have never red a Suicide Squad comic book in their lives.

Yes, this film is very true to the comics featuring all the death, gore and general unpleasantness that you would expect. However, in my mind it does go too far but only in one respect: that is of course the birds. This film does not like birds, in the opening scene we see one mashed with a ball and then later on we see a bunch of them set on fire, now obviously this is all fake, but still as someone who likes animals this was a little uncomfortable to watch and I felt like the film lingered on it for a bit too long each time.

In terms of characters Daniela Melchior as Ratcatcher 2 was my favourite, I thought she perfectly embodied the hopeful silliness of the film down to the bone. Moreover, I liked the relationship between her and Idris Elba’s Bloodsport. I thought the surrogate father daughter dynamic worked well and helped to push both of their character arcs along nicely. Margot Robbie’s Harley Quinn is better here, and less obnoxiously all over the place as she was in Birds Of Prey, I do think Harley works best as part of a team, rather than being the centre of basically a solo film.

Overall, a good film and certainly one of DC’s best, it would have been getting five from me if it weren’t for the birds; but that is a personal thing to me.

Pros.

Melchior

The jokes

The character moments/ growth

The violence

Cons.

I don’t like seeing a bird mushed by a ball and then having the shot linger on it

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iCarly: iMLM

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Carly and co become obsessed with a a new miracle product called sand, which can help with things like courage, calmness and feeling emotion.

This might be the funniest episode of the revival so far; it was not a laugh a minute or anything but there were a good few solid jokes that actually made me laugh out loud.

This episode has further convinced me that Freddie, Nathan Kress, is the best and most well written character on the show, as his character seemingly gets character work in nearly every episode and we know far more, and care far more about him and his life because of it. I think Carly, Miranda Cosgrove, could do with some more character work in the rest of the season as so far all we have learnt about who she is now, post revival, is someone who is scared of celebrating her birthday and that’s about it.

I enjoyed the gimmick of sand and thought the reveal of what it actually is was well done and actually smart in the context of the episode. Furthermore, I like that the show finally gave Harper, Laci Mosley, something to do. She gets to be the one that doesn’t fall for what turns out to be a scam and eventually expose it, which feels very true for her character and in keeping with the personality established.

Overall, a strong episode.

Pros.

It is funny

They finally give Harper something meaningful to do

Freddie

Cons.

Carley as a character needs fleshing out more, she is staring to become a secondary character on her own show

Not all the jokes land

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Gates: A Stroll Through The Kentish Countryside

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Estranged sisters reconnect during a trip through the Kentish countryside, all the while the spector of past trauma stalks them from the shadows.

I found this film to be deeply moving. I thought the bond between the sisters and how it grows over the course of the film is life affirming, serving to remind you that no matter how bad a situation seems it can always improve. Furthermore, the pair are very convincing in their roles with both Iona Champain and Lily Walbeoffe delivering solid performances that have you fully believing in them as sisters.

I think the biggest pro of this film is it’s ability to connect with the audience on a personal level and be reflective of the human experience, the struggles and the pain. This is beautifully paired and reflected by the Kentish countryside. The pathetic fallacy is strong here and each scene has a message reflected in the setting, which adds to the second meaning of the film when red on a deeper level.

My only critique of the film is that it has pacing issues. Despite a relatively short run time this film feels longer, and it really shouldn’t. Most of this film feels very needed and is well paced and structured however, a few scenes carry on longer than they should, and it is in these moments where the pacing issues become apparent.

Overall, an emotionally powerful film.

Pros.

The performances

The use of setting

The dialogue

The ending

Cons.

A few pacing issues and overly bloated scenes

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Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy: A Circus In Pandemonium

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

There is a mole somewhere in British intelligence and a veteran intelligence officer is brought out of retirement to find out who it is.

This film is basically a who’s who of older British leading men they are all there and are all excellent. I thought it was nice to see Colin Firth and Mark Strong share the screen together, several years before they would do so superbly in the first Kingsman film, they have great chemistry. I think Gary Oldman ends up stealing the show with this performance, though it is a very close race as there is a lot of talent on display here.

I found the mystery to be engaging and surprisingly well structured, it kept me guessing right up until the end, I did not figure it out. I thought the reveal we got was satisfying in the end, though I thought the tease we got throughout the film of who could it be, With each agent looking guilty at different times was equally as enjoyable.

I found the film to be paced well for the most part with the mystery being enough to keep me engaged throughout, with the reveals and revelations being spread out enough for each section of the film to feel like it matters. The one thing I would say is that there are a few dialogue scenes in the midsection of the film that do run a bit long in terms of keeping you, or at least me, interested, they could have done with being shortened.

Overall, a strong British spy mystery film.

Pros.

The acting

The mystery

The pacing

Oldman steals the show

Cons.

A few slow dialogue scenes

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American Horror Stories: Drive In

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The screening of a rare, and supposedly cursed, film turns the audience into black eyed demonic murderers.

The premise of this episode felt a little familiar I felt like I had seen it somewhere before, but I can’t quite put my finger on it……… Oh wait Demons in 1986. Yes in many ways this film is a carbon copy of the Lamberto Bava film with only the slight difference of the fact that the character here aren’t implied or called demons.

Moreover, unlike Bava’s film the ending to this is easy, far too easy. It ends when the main couple survives and kills the director of the film supposedly ending the curse only to then have the film pop up on Netflix and wreck the world anyway. It lacks any kind of personality or soul and just feels like a cliff-hanger for the sake of it.

I thought the horror on display here was quite good and the drive in setting added a claustrophobic element to it which enhanced it. There were quite a few good scares present, though some were a bit too obvious and clearly telegraphed; yes I am talking about the blow job scene.

I thought this episode suffered from a weak cast. Compared to the Rubber Woman two part opener, this episode really showed itself up in the acting department. Other than the AHS veteran John Carrol Lynch, this episode is devoid of good performances and it often becomes painful to watch especially when the leads are trying to have a serious moment and their inability deeply weakens the scene.

Overall, a step back from the opening two parter but there are still some solid scares here.

Pros.

The scares

John Carroll Lynch

The comments on classic Hollywood

Cons.

The rest of the cast are awful

It is a blatant rip-off of Lamberto Bava’s Demons

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