Black Christmas (2019): The Nightmare Before Christmas

‘Black Christmas’ is a slasher horror film, serving as the second remake of the 1970’s original. The plot follows a group of sorority sisters as they’re preyed upon by an unknown stalker.

I will say this before I get into my full review I hated this film, It may well be my worst film of the year.

My first issue with this film is that it is not a slasher film, it is misleading to call it that this is a social commentary film that has about 15 minutes of slashing in it. The film serves as a look into abuse culture, especially as it pertains to American fraternities and Universities in general.

The sexual abuse theme in this film is uncomfortable if it was handled with the slightest amount of subtly or, taste then ‘Black Christmas’ could really have advanced a much-needed conversation, but that is just it this film lacks any kind of subtly and, the way it chooses to handle this topic serves to make you uncomfortable and, want to leave.

What’smore I never have an issue with political agenda in film, but it is so offensively intrusive here that it can’t help but turn you off the film. It seems like every other line one of the paper-thin characters are saying something political and, feminist, which again would be completely fine if handled tastefully, but it is not. These lines of dialogue feel forced in for the sake of it without actually having anything to say, which if anything serves to weaken the ideas behind what they are saying. A lot of the time it is as though they are just shouting out talking points from the news which really take you out of the film.

The issue with the script is that it feels like a first draft, by that I mean it doesn’t feel like it has been refined at all, the needless politicalness isn’t as clever, or as poignant as the filmmakers clearly think it is; as I said before if anything films like this are doing a disservice to the causes and, the issues they’re trying to champion.

Blumhouse really needs to rethink its approach, they use to be one of the strongest forces in horror, but now they are putting out bomb after bomb, a lot of the recent Blumhouse films feel like they’re trying too hard to be relevant and, because it is so obvious it is offputting.

Ultimately this film feels like it needed more time in development it needed someone to rein in the creatives and, be like maybe don’t do that, but the worst thing about this film is it is misleading, it isn’t a slasher film and, if I had known what it was actually about I wouldn’t have gone to see this; let this be a lesson for Blumhouse.

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Knight Before Christmas: The Knight We Deserve!

‘The Knight Before Christmas’ is a Christmas comedy film the plot follows Sir Cole, (Josh Whitehouse), a 14th-century knight who arrives in modern times to fulfill his life’s quest, what that is he doesn’t know. In present-day Cole meets Brooke, (Vanessa Hudgens), a woman who has given up on the chance of ever finding her happily ever after, she takes him in after accidentally hitting him with her car and, sparks fly.

I had heard nothing good about Netflix’s holiday rom-coms and, after seeing ‘Let it Snow’, which was awful, I was expecting the worst. However, I was pleasantly surprised by ‘The Knight Before Christmas’, it was sweet and, lovable, and yes it might not reinvent the wheel or, be something that hasn’t been done 100 times before, but it leaves you with a pure smile on your face at the end of the film, and that is more than I can say for a lot of other films.

The plot is the standard ‘fish out of water’ story line, all the beats are there, the ending is Cole having to choose between returning to his own time, or staying in 2019 with Brooke; there are quite a few good laughs thrown in across the runtime that make the characters warm and, it makes you as the audience care about them. By the end of the film, you want Cole and Brooke to get together. There are moments that are laughably ridiculous, like a scene where Cole saves a young girl from falling into a frozen lake; these scenes are good goofy fun though and, help to sell this as a larger than life popcorn movie: because ultimately this film knows what it is, it is very aware of it and, it revels in it.

It is nice to see Vanessa Hudgens back on- screen the last thing I think I saw her in was ‘Spring Breakers’, in that regard this is a return to form. She plays the sweet innocent characters, basically the Disney esque characters really well and, she is fantastic here.
After watching this film, I can see why Netflix spent a lot of money to sign her to a multi-picture deal, she is a very good audience surrogate and, it is almost impossible not to root for her.
Whitehouse has some good moments and, he is believable as a 14th-century knight in 2019 however, he is greatly upstaged by his female co-star but, both do a great job anyway.

I hope very much like the ‘A Christmas Prince’ films, that ‘The Knight Before Christmas’ can become a yearly Netflix Christmas tradition, this film is far better than it has any right to be, and I would say it is a Christmas must-watch. Turn your brain off, settle down on the sofa with a nice cup of something warm and, enjoy this festive treat!

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Destination Wedding: Keanu Goes To A Wedding

‘Destination Wedding’ is a romantic comedy-drama film about two very messed up people, who find out they’re attending the same wedding. The premise may seem simple and, cliche enough but, there is something about this film, a charm, a heart, that kept me smiling throughout and, made me laugh out loud several times; this film is far better than it had any right to be.

First off it is nice to see Winona Ryder, (Lindsey) and Keanu Reeves, (Frank) on-screen together, it has been too long, they have always had great on-screen chemistry together and, this film proves that it is still here all these years later. Both give utterly fantastic performances Reeves made me laugh out loud multiple times, this film shows just how well he does comedy. While, Ryder is also fantastic she is so relatable and, very endearing, you understand that her character and Reeves have been through a lot and, both want to be happy however, they’re too afraid or, stubborn to take a chance, both actors give wonderfully vulnerable performances.

The best thing about ‘Destination Wedding’ is that it doesn’t feel like a rom-com would normally feel; there are times where it feels like the opposite. I love romantic comedies a lot, but I am glad to see this film try and, have its own spin on the genre to do something new, the originality of this film is refreshing. This film gave me notes of The Favourite I think it was something to do with the style and, the comedy of the film, both seemed familiar to me.

The romance of the film is heartwarming as you can see these two very inwardly protective people slowly start to open up, bit by bit, to each other. There is something about the way both actors play it that makes it seem almost real in a sense, needless to say by the end of the film, you will be clamouring, just as I was, to see these two embrace the love they have for each other and, become a couple. Another thing I will tip my hat to is that this film doesn’t show them become a couple, it is not straightforward like that, the way the film chooses to end is filled with ambiguity and, you are left thinking after the credits roll; will they stay together, will they be happy.

Overall I think this film is a gem, I think it was incredibly overlooked when it came out in 2018 and, that it deserves far far more love than it got, there is something special about this film and, if you give it a chance I promise you won’t be disappointed, in every aspect this film is superb.

5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Layer Cake: James Bond Use To Deal Drugs

‘Layer Cake’ is a British Crime film, focusing on the exploits of London based criminal XXXX, (Daniel Craig), as he tries to leave the drug business. This is the first film directed by Matthew Vaughn, of Kingman fame, and serves as one of Daniel Craig’s breakout roles.

The plot of the film is nothing new, drug dealer wants to retire, but then finds out he is too valuable to the boss; so said boss is decidedly not in favour of letting him go. The subplots of the film revolve around XXXX trying to stop a Serbian hitman from killing him and, his colleagues after a drug deal goes bad and, XXXX trying to find a girl who has gone missing. The culmination of all of these plots coming together make for an incredibly interesting watch, gripping through and, through. However, at times the plot does become a little messy, I think one of the subplots could have been dropped and, the film would still be incredibly engaging.

The style that has made Vaughn so famous is on full display in this his debut film, the editing and, cinematography of the film feel very Guy Ritchie esque, but lovingly like a homage to a contemporary rather than a blatant copy. Also to my joy, this film steers well away from a lot of the pacing and, plot issues that plague some of Ritchie’s work, especially in something like Revolver.

Another thing that makes this film so good is it’s leading man Craig is charming and charismatic throughout, he carries this film. There are moments in this film that are reminiscent of his later role as Bond, literally shot for shot the same; you can see where the Bond filmmakers looked to when they were casting. Outside of this year’s Knives Out this might be Craig’s finest performance to date, this is definitely a star-making turn for him.

‘Layer Cake’ is one of the best, and to an extent one of the last, big-budget, British gangster films, the genre that gave birth to such films as Lockstock and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch and The Business to name but a few. It is true to say that they don’t make films like this anymore, they’re very off their time, the late 90s early 2000s and, it is a shame that we don’t get these sort of films anymore. However, more recent films like Legend have carried on this tradition to a lesser degree, and are still excellent, speaking of Tom Hardy he is also in this film, albeit briefly.

Overall this is a superb film, a must-watch, and proof that Vaughn and, Craig are incredibly talented; I can’t recommend this film enough.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Klaus: Claus As You Have Never Seen Him Before

‘Klaus’ is an animated Christmas comedy film the plot follows a postman, the worst at the academy, called Jesper, (Jason Schwartzman, who is tasked with setting up a post office in Smeernsburg, a northern settlement that is torn between two rival families. While there Jesper befriends a reclusive old toymaker Klaus, (J.K Simmons), and the two of them join forces to try and, bring happiness to the children of the town.

The thing that this film does the best is its reinvention of the Santa Claus, or Father Christmas mythology. All of the traditional aspects are there the sleigh, the reindeer, the going to every house in one night, but they are all done in a new way. ‘Klaus’ explains away all the fantastical elements of Santa Claus, in fun and inventive ways. What the film does with the Mrs Claus character is not only touching and, sweet but, also helps to give Klaus as a character better motivation and serves to drive the plot forward.

Another thing I like about ‘Klaus’ is the friendship between Jesper and Margu, (Neda Margrethe Labba), a local Sami girl, the friendship between the two is deeply endearing and, it is nice to see The Sami community get more representation in film.

The animation style of ‘Klaus’ is beautiful as well, each scene seems like a painting, with vivid use of colour to a masterful degree. It is easily the best looking animated film I have seen all year, even surpassing the animation master class of last year’s ‘Into The Spiderverse’. The town of Smeernsburg is stunningly realised it has a distinctive look showcasing the slight beauty than can be found in a nightmarish hellscape. The character models are also really well done, Klaus himself has the gentle giant look down to a tee, and the members of the rival families are all very uniquely drawn each having a distinctive look.

The voice cast are all giving it their all, Schwartzman perfectly expresses Jesper’s character arc: as he goes from spoiled stuck up rich kid to a responsible caring young man, who genuinely cares about the kids he and Klaus are helping. J.K Simmons gives a reserved and, measured approach to Klaus himself, showcasing a man who is dealing with grief and, finding a way to carry one. Klaus may only say a few words throughout the runtime of the film, but he gives off so much emotion, and a lot of that is through the animation, that he doesn’t need to, easily becoming the highlight of the film.

Overall ‘Klaus’ is a thoughtful reinvention of the Santa Claus mythology, it has a good heart and, wears it on its sleeve. It is a testament to the power of animation and, a new Christmas classic. A must watch.

5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Polar Express: Catching The Midnight Express

‘The Polar Express’ is an animated adventure film, the plot follows a young boy named Hero Boy, (Daryl Sabara) who takes a trip onboard the Polar Express, a special train that takes children to see Santa Clause at the North Pole.

Rewatching ‘The Polar Express’ had the opposite effect on me that rewatching The Nightmare Before Christmas did, by that I mean when I originally watched ‘The Polar Express’ when I was a kid I thought it was horrifying, more on that later, but when I watched it again recently I found it to be quite the enjoyable romp.

The reason I thought it was terrifying as a kid is that the facial animation is off, I don’t know if that was by design or if the technology wasn’t there, but the faces of all the characters in the film have moments where they look like something found in the worst part of the uncanny valley. Upon rewatching it in 2019, I found it wasn’t as bad as I remembered it being however, it still remains an issue with the film.

One of the things that I like the most about this film is that despite being a happy children’s film, it has dark moments; a lot of these moments aren’t obvious, but when you think about them for a second you realise just what the film is implying. The story of ‘The Polar Express’ is it’s the biggest asset as it works on multiple levels it works as a Christmas film, with the usual message of all you need to do is believe and, the spirit of Christmas. It also works really well as an adventure film, the world and, the characters are all very well-formed, they’re both dense and detailed. The mythology of the train itself is fascinating as well and, all the sequences that feature it prominently are excellent.

The main reason why these sequences are excellent is a stellar performance by Tom Hanks. This is very much Tom Hank’s film, he plays Hero Boy’s dad, the Conductor of the Polar Express, The Hobo that gives Hero Boy advice, Santa Clause, The Scrouge Puppet and, the Narrator; as well as doing motion capture for Hero Boy. As a result of this long list of performances, this film was going to live or die based on Hank’s ability to make all of these characters feel not only real but, different from one another; he does this rather magnificently. At no point in the film do you think oh that’s Tom Hanks and, that’s Tom Hanks again you see these different characters and, you know they’re distinct and, different despite all looking facially like Hanks.

To conclude ‘The Polar Express’ is a wonderful Christmas film that has a great sense of imagination, this is boosted nicely by Hanks’ multilayered performance and, a wonderful message as well. A Christmas must watch.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Nightmare Before Christmas: Nightmare Indeed!

‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ is a stop-motion animated musical dark fantasy film, the plot follows The Pumpkin King himself Jack Skellington as he grows tired of his role as King and yearns for something different; then after a trip to Christmas town decides that he wants to spread joy rather than chills and, scares.

‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ is a film I remember being enamoured with when I was a kid, however, revisiting it ten years later I found it was not in any way how I remembered it; very much in a bad way. Yes in this review I will be saying why I don’t like ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’, which to some is Christmas heresy.

Before I get to that though I want to talk about the stop-motion animation, which is of course wonderfully unique and, very nice to see; as there really aren’t many films like this anymore. The character models, however, are off-putting, I understand that is the point to some extent, but other than Jack, (Chris Sarandon) and, Sally, (Catherine O’ Hara) I found a lot of the other characters very hard to look at for long periods.

Despite not being directed by Tim Burton this is very much one of his films, the style and, the characters are all very much the same if you have ever seen something like Beetlejuice or, for an animated example the Corpse Bride then you know what you’re getting. After watching this film and, thinking back to Burton’s other works I have come away with the conclusion that as a filmmaker he is very hit or miss you either love his style or, you hate it.

The other thing I strongly dislike about this film is the constant singing, yes I know it’s a musical, it seems like every 5 seconds they are bursting into song. I like the odd musical here and there, they are not my genre for sure, but where I think something like Frozen, which is also a musical, gets right is that it uses its songs sparingly which makes them memorable. Whereas ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ seems to operate by a policy of how many songs can I fit into the runtime of this film.

The songs themselves are all fine, with a few standouts amongst them, but I found many of the songs went on for too long and, negatively affected the pacing of the film, sometimes making me want to turn the film off as a result as I was quickly losing interest.

Ultimately this film did not live up to how I remembered it from my childhood, I found the characters off-putting, the constant singing annoying and, though there was some Burton charm to be found it was well hidden. I like the Corpse Bride more.

1.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Jingle All The Way: Those Are My Cookies, Bad Relations Between Neighbors

‘Jingle All The Way’ is a family comedy Christmas film, focusing on the battle to get a Turbo Man action figure for each of their child’s Christmas present, between two rival fathers; Howard, (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and, Myron, (Sinbad).

Jingle all the way surprised me in a lot of ways, mainly that Schwarzenegger lends himself well to comedy, before this point he was mainly seen as a serious macho action hero, so seeing him play against type and, play a bumbling but, well-intentioned suburban dad was interesting. He also does really well in this role being charming and, relatable; it is a strange duality as he plays the lovable misguided father well, but also the campy super dad/ superhero which makes for a larger than life performances.

Another surprising thing about this film is its plot, which often veers into strange and, wacky territory. In some ways, this film is almost like a live-action cartoon, a good example of this point would be there is a scene in the film where Sinbad’s character blows himself up with a postal bomb, you didn’t see that coming did you, but rather than have this be a serious bit of drama in the film it is played for laughs and, rather than be mangled from the blast Myron and, the other characters around him look like they have just been covered in soot. Though I suppose I am overthinking the plot of a children’s film.

‘Jingle All The Way’ also has an odd plotline where Howard’s neighbour Ted, (Phil Hartman), is trying to replace him and, steal his wife, this is a plotline the film keeps coming back to and, Ted is the real antagonist of the film. This is strange when you consider it is supposed to be about the rivalry between Howard and Myron and, the climax of the film is the fight between those two and, Ted is nowhere in sight. It almost feels like Sinbad’s Myron is bad into a secondary villain, as the plotline with Ted is constantly stressed over and, over again.

The climax of the film is basically a superhero showdown between Turbo Man, which is Howard dressed up and, Dementor, Turbo Man’s arch-enemy that Myron is dressed as; this is to me where I think the plot goes off the rails and, things happen without any real reason. Also, the CGI and visual effects during this sequence are horribly dated, but that adds to the campy fun.

Overall ‘Jingle All The Way’ could have been a very generic Christmas film, but by adding all these larger than life and, sometimes downright strange elements to the mix you have something truly memorable. Overall this film isn’t going to knock your socks off, but it is dumb campy fun.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Krampus: Wait that’s not Santa Claus

‘Krampus’ is a dark fantasy horror comedy film based on the infamous character from Bavarian and, Germanic folklore. The plot follows a family at Christmas that have lost the real meaning of the season and, when Max, (Emjay Anthony), says ‘he hates Christmas and his family’ and, tears up his letter to Santa Claus; they evoke Krampus’ wrath.

This film is from Micheal Dougherty the director behind Trick or, Treat, as such it features creative creatures and, monster; some of which are incredibly original while others are rather familiar to the horror genre. Krampus himself is menacing straddling the line between monstrous and campy at times; his look isn’t 100 per cent accurate to how he is depicted in most of the folklore surrounding him, but he is still scary despite this.

The scares are all pretty good, however ‘Krampus’ does lean on the humour over the scares a lot of the time; this is most definitely more of a comedy film than a horror. The issue with this is that the humour of the film is all pretty weak, it makes you smile a few times, but there are no laugh out loud moments; some of the jokes are even painful.

The acting is on the better side of average, most of the actors are serviceable if not memorable; these include our leading boy Emjay Antony. Adam Scott of Park and Recreation fame in this film as Max’s father Tom, he has some good moments and, a few strong jokes, the only ones of the film, however, he isn’t given much to do and, it feels like a waste of his considerable talents.

Toni Collette is also in this film this is before her game-changing role in Hereditary and, she gives a decent performance not a scene-stealer, but she does a good job with what she has to work with. Allison Tolman of Fargo fame is also in this, but just like everyone else in the cast doesn’t blow you away with her performance.

It is nice to see ‘Krampus’ remind people that Christmas can be scary, it carries the torch on from things like Gremlins, check out my review, and Black Christmas. These films will always serve as a reminder that horror does have a place at Christmas, also this scary bent helps these films stick out from all the other happy, mushy, Christmas fluff.

Overall this film isn’t my favourite Christmas horror film, but it is nice to see some variety in Christmas films that make it out and, despite the fact it doesn’t change the game it has some genuinely good scares and, is wonderfully unique. Check ‘Krampus’ out if you don’t like traditional Christmas films and, have a desire for something new.

4/5 simply for originality

Reviewed by Luke

Nativity: Time For The Annual Christmas Play

‘Nativity’ is a British Christmas Comedy film the plot follows Paul Maddens, (Martin Freeman), a failed actor who has now become a teacher; the story details his struggle as he tries to upstage his drama school rival Gordon Shakespeare, (Jason Watkins), who is also now a teacher at a private school, the two men go to great lengths to see who can produce the best nativity play.

The cast reads like a who’s who of B and, C list British celebrities of the time, with many famous faces making an appearance. However, despite a lot of celebrity cameos, the cast is mostly wasted and, underused; Freeman is the only one who’s performance borders on okay. The worst offender is Mr Poppy, (Marc Wootton), he is dumb and, annoying a lot of the time having a lot of energy but not much charm or, charisma; his inclusion is meant to appeal to kids as his humour is on their level. Poppy becomes a much bigger part of the series, yes there is a series of ‘Nativity’ films, however Wootton’s performance is much better in these later instalments.

Freeman is the best performer here as he captures the down on his luck but, well-intentioned lead to great effect. When he realises how much the kids care about him and, want him to be happy there is a genuinely great emotional moment; which I challenge you to say didn’t bring a tear to your eye. You can tell that Mr Maddens does genuinely care about the children and, it is all thanks to Freeman’s performance.

The children of St Bernadette’s are all suitably cute and, endearing and they play off Freeman’s character well; the relationship between them and him really help with Paul’s character development helping to show him in a more sympathetic light.

In terms of Christmas films, this is nice and inoffensive if you’re not very discerning then this is a great switch your brain off and enjoy kind of film. The message is very wholesome and, festive and, it is very nice to see Paul get back together with his ex-girlfriend who left to go to Hollywood; it does appeal to my romantic heart.

Overall this is great holiday junk food: generating that feel-good quality that a lot of these sort of films have. The sequences set during the actual nativity performance are well done, the songs are catchy and, the whole thing itself will be very relatable to anyone who has ever been in a Christmas play before. Overall this is fine but, it is far far from a Christmas classic like Home Alone or, Gremlins.

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

Ps. More Christmas film reviews are incoming.