Five Nights At Freddy’s Two: Blumhouse Actually Managed To Make A Horror Film

Blumhouse actually managed to make a horror film.

I thought the first Five Nights At Freddy’s was bad, this one I find almost good, they really managed to turn it around.

They managed to fix the tone issues of the first film and have it be actually scary throughout no building forts to happy music. The horror is very by the numbers, there are one or two effective jump scares, but it is more of what you would expect. The marionette was a cool addition and had the right aesthetic.

The story itself I found interesting, I am glad we weren’t returning too much to the first location, however, there is a number of contrivances throughout the film which set up the ending. So at the end of the first film Mike and Vanessa were basically a couple, yet here they walk that back and have this whole weird arc of Mike being angry at her and saying he can’t trust her, now this happens so she can get possessed at the end of the film and become the baddie for the next one, but makes no sense. The fact the writers need to break the logical throughline of their relationship just so they could set up a cliff hanger ending speaks to how bad the writing team is here.

Overall, the film is a step up from the first film, but the writing is still a fundamental issue.

3/5

Pros

It is more horror focused

It is engaging

It has one good jump scare

Cons.

The ending

The writing

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Silent Hill: Tip Toe Through The Fog

Summary

A forgotten gem.

There is something so video gamey about this film, but that is actually a compliment. Now of course you can enjoy this film without having played the game with which it shares a name, the first time I saw it I had not played it. However, if you have played the game there is a lot to enjoy here, lots of little nods.

It is very early noughties in how it presents yet I find that quite charming, moreover, much like the games it draws very heavily on J-Horror and there are narrative elements that reflect this and which become apparent if you are a fan of those sort of films. The same can be said for the horror, which I found to be quite effective.

The only downside is that the acting isn’t very good giving this film a so bad it is good kind of quality, and if you like that then you’ll get a lot out of this film.

Overall, it is very much a videogame film in much the same way the Paul W.S Anderson Resident Evil films are and you’ll either love it or think it is naff.

3.5/5

Pros.

The scares

The J-Horror influence

The videogame nods

The story

Cons.

The acting is bad

The pacing needs work

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The Last Of Us Season Two Overview: The Flaws Of Bella Ramsey

Summary

We return to the fungal zombie apocalypse.

So as someone who has played the games I knew what was coming and I will give the show props from not shying away from it. The death of Joel, Pedro Pascal, was controversial when the games came out and I knew it would be just the same here. Looking at the shows plunging ratings it is pretty clear that a number of people have checked out but I think if the show had saved it for the end of the season it would only have been worse.

I think the thing that has become glaringly clear in this second season is that Bella Ramsey is not a very strong actress and is struggling to carry the show on her own. They are becoming more and more reliant on Joel flashbacks and will no doubt have him appear as sort of grief induced visions over the third season to keep Pedro around. I think last season Ramsey’s inabilities were not so on view as they are here, but it is becoming ever more clear she was the wrong choice to play the character.

Moreover, I feel the pacing this time around feels slow, in many senses it feels like they are trying to stretch out the second game into three seasons to try and take it for all it is worth. I understand the idea to have one season from each of the girl’s points of view, but it does reek of filler. I wonder what the ratings will be like when it does come back.

Overall, very much like the game it started off well and then fell off a cliff.

2/5

Pros.

A few good scenes

It is interesting to learn more about the world

Cons.

Ramsey

It is using Joel too much as a crutch

The pacing

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Minecraft: The Best Videogame Movie?

Summary

A group of people are brought into the game world of Minecraft.

For me this may have been one of the best films of the year, It had the perfect combination of heart, nostalgia and homage. It felt like a love letter to the game without feeling like a tick box list of hey remember this remember that, and the things it did include were incorporated in a way that made sense to the film.

I enjoyed seeing the Nether, although I would have left if for the sequel, I thought it felt as well realised as the actual main Minecraft world itself as well as the Overworld, regular Earth. I do wonder where they will go with a sequel perhaps to the Ender with the sequel villain being the dragon that guards it, who knows.

The only part of the film I was not into was the repeated gag of having Jennifer Coolidge be dating a villager, Matt Berry, whilst I am a Berry fan I thought that this gag went on for far too long and really was never funny, it should have been cut.

Overall, a lovely video game adaption that has respect for its source material and great performances across the board.

4.5/5

Pros.

The references

How well realised it is

It is funny

Great performances

It is pure fun

Cons.

The villager side plot

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Cinema Issues: The Death Of Joel [The Last Of Us Season Two]

In this edition of Cinema Issues we will be discussing The Last Of Us and its future.

Well folks I thought they would push it to nearer the end of the season and have this season and the newly announced season three be the second game’s story, but no, they did it in episode two which was pretty bold of them.

The it I am referring to is the death of Joel, Pedro Pascal, the central character of the show. In the games this shocking subversion was met with outrage, as was the following journey to get vengeance on Abby. This is mainly because Joel is both the main character and also in this case he is played by Pedro Pascal and a lot of people like him, in both instances it caught people off guard and felt out of left field.

The fact remains that with Pedro leaving the show, he’ll be around for flashbacks but he will be stepping back for the most part, there will be audience members who leave. The question I am asking in this Cinema Issues article is how much of an effect will this have on the popularity of the show and will the discourse become as angry as it did surrounding the second game?

It is curious that the show decided to depict the scene in the same way the game did as other aspects of the second game have been changed, mainly that Abby, Kaitlyn Dever, is not the musclebound presence she is in the game. I thought perhaps they would tone it down a little bit so that it might be less off putting for people, but no.

I think the question really becomes is Ellie, Bella Ramsey, enough of a draw to get people to watch, and is Ramsey herself a good enough actress to centre the show around? Both of these questions are up in the air right now and time will tell, however, if enough of the audience do check out over the death of Joel it could be a massive blow to the show, possibly a mortal one.

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Sonic Three: The Quest For Meaningful Stakes

Summary

Sonic, voiced by Ben Schwartz, is back.

Going into the latter half of the year and looking at a pretty dire slate this was one of the few films that kept that small ember of optimism alive in me. However, after seeing it I have to say I was disappointed. I really don’t want to be writing that but it is the truth.

My issue with the film is pretty clear cut, whilst I liked Knuckles it did feel very much like a small story idea wrapped in goofiness and filler that was acceptable as it was a streaming show and not a mainline film. This film was far more Knuckles than the previous two films, rather than having some earnest heart, and having some epic moments or deeper worldbuilding, this film instead decided to have lots of goofy nonsense, such as a musical dance number, Eggman, Jim Carrey’s, obsession with telenovelas and a long drawn out race sequence in the films first act.

They have Krysten Ritter as the new director of GUN yet they give her one line and that is it, it is such a waste. I would have rather had more scenes that debated the ethical nature of GUN and made Sonic and co question whether they could trust them. As far as Shadow, voiced by Keanu Reeves, goes I was again disappointed. Shadow is my favourite character in Sonic lore yet they just give him a pretty bog standard revenge arc here before making him team up with Sonic at the end. I would have liked to see more of Shadow being an anti-hero, rather than him just getting the Knuckles in Sonic Two treatment where he is a villains henchman turned hero. It would have been better to have him and Sonic both trying to fix a problem say GUN did something bad in the past, but Shadow’s ways are too extreme and that puts him at odds with Sonic, rather than Sonic and Shadow both realise GUN did something bad so Shadow is going to destroy them for revenge, this seem over the top for Shadow who is an antihero, to kill lots of innocent people, and yes he isn’t fully aware of the weapons potential but still.

Overall, I would hope for the next film they could have less goofy silly stuff and a little more stakes and tension. It is never going to be super serious but some worldbuilding and some deeper character work would be nice. What I would like out of the next film is a for Amy-Rose to take team Sonic, including Shadow off world and for it to be a galaxy hopping adventure to stop a mass wave of Metal Sonics from destroying Earth to get to Sonic, this journey would explore Sonic’s origins and be large scale and epic. We wouldn’t have any goofy sing alongs dancing or anything else like that, we would have character growth and stakes.

Overall, good but a bit too silly and without the heart of the previous films.

3/5

Pros.

The end credits

It is cool to see Shadow even if they don’t do much with him

Jim Carrey is entertaining

Cons.

It is too goofy

It wastes new actors like Ritter

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Borderlands: How Not To Adapt A Videogame

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A popular game series is turned into a film by someone who has never played the games before.

Who didn’t see this coming? I think right from the moment the public was first introduced to this film red flags began to appear everywhere. From stunt or joke casting to the way it ripped off what Guardians does with music and the score, there were clear indicators that this film was going to be bad. However, after watching it I can say that it is not offensively bad nor is it terrible, for the most part it is just boring and cheaply made.

I found the action and the games references to at least be somewhat entertaining even if they were incredibly hollow, it was very much look kids there is something from the game remember sans any of the emotional attachment or enjoyment of it. They got in a lot of references but did precious little with each one.

Moreover, the fact that they made it a 12 here in the UK, so a PG 13 if you’re American, was a terrible move. Not the least because most of those who grew up playing the game are now adults and so are ready to see the blood and gore of the games replicated but don’t get it, but also with the fact that the kids this film is aimed are not even old enough to play the games legally.

It is also quite odd that Roth and co decided to have all of the women in the film be about two decades older than their games counterparts? Was this done to bring in older women to watch it , I wouldn’t think it would be there sort of thing. Cate Blanchett was not very convincing during her action scenes and I must say it wasn’t helped by the terrible wig they had her wear.

Overall, there is no point making a film like this if you don’t have a passion for the game and clearly no one involved with this project had any passion for the games.

1.5/5

Pros.

Some funny lines

The action was okay

Cons.

Cate Blanchett, Hart and Lee-Curtis were badly miscast

It wasn’t funny

The lack of gore was disappointing

It was incredibly average

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Knuckles: Life In The Fast Lane

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Knuckles, voiced by Idris Elba, is back and this time he is patching up father son relationships, or trying to at least.

I was really, really looking forward to this and possibly I went in expecting a bit too much. I thought this was going to be the next chapter in the Sonic universe, I was expecting much more in the way of cameos and maybe even some more games characters being introduced that were more Knuckles centric. Alas we didn’t get that, and maybe I expected too much, this was an incredibly self-contained show and without the opening credits, the villains being vaguely tied to Robotnik, and a brief first episode cameo, you could watch this and not even realise it was related to the wider Sonic universe.

Another odd choice was that the main character of this series isn’t Knuckles, but rather Wade Whipple, Adam Pally. Now there is nothing wrong with Wade he is quite a funny character and you can easily relate to and root for him, but he isn’t the show’s namesake. I expected far more time to learn who Knuckles as a character was, learn more of his back story, maybe through flashbacks to before the Owls attacked, but again no. We don’t learn much more about Knuckles from this show other than he likes grapes. That said I did like Wade’s quest to become a warrior and to defeat his dad, Cary Elwes, who was comically evil.

I also thought the bond between Wade and Knuckles was quite endearing, they genuinely seemed to care about each other, in a sort of human pet way, or maybe even a father and son way.

The humour of the show was good and it was mostly funny, there were a couple of times were they let a joke drag on for too long or repeated an unfunny joke but for the most part it was funny.

A final word I would like to say that no doubt will get me hate, but hey I am not going to stop, is that I liked that this show gave an upfront portrayal of the Jewish Shabat dinner and had a lot of good Jewish representation without reducing the characters to stereotypes or having it be all they are. I think in these politically divided times, I am writing this in May 2024, where antisemitism is on the rise and more and more people seemingly hate Jews, for something that is not their fault, they are not responsible for state policy, it is nice to see positive representation, it shouldn’t be needed to combat all the hate as the hate shouldn’t exist but that is the world we live in.

Overall, a nice, fun self-contained series but one that left me a little disappointed

3.5/5

It is funny

Wade and Knuckles

It provides much needed representation

It sets up new adventures

Cons.

It is not as big in scope as I would have liked it to be

It repeats a few unfunny jokes

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Fallout: Good Actors Locked Underground In A Vault Of Bad Writing

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Lucy, Ella Purnell, emerges from an underground vault to find the world is quite different after a nuclear apocalypse.

For the record I have played several of the Fallout games over the years, so I am very familiar with the franchise. Whilst I wouldn’t consider myself a massive fan I do have some regard for the game series, and so went into this sceptically.

In many senses this is an Amazon series in everything you would think that entails, you have the tokenistic diversity, which could add an interesting lens if it was not just done to tick off a box, the overtly left wing political themes, and of course the quasi feminist stans of the lead with elements of all the modern tropes of both the quirky girl and also the girl boss. It goes without saying that you can have a compelling lead in a TV series that is empowered and a feminist without having to use these tropes see Delores in Nolan’s other show Westworld. No in contemporary Hollywood there are pre-sets for a feminist and empowered woman, and they can only be that and if they aren’t then its sexist. It’s dumb.

It is a shame as Lucy is an interesting character who you do care about and want to go on this journey with, however, her characterisation is just widely off as she flits back and forth between the girl boss trope and the quirky I am so random girl trope as well. In many senses I view this writing as a disservice to Purnell who was great on Yellowjackets, but here she is reduced to acting out tropes. Not too go too off topic but have you noticed that when female directors and writers handle empowered female leads there is much more nuance to them they aren’t tropes, at least not often, and they are allowed to exist as they are. Whereas when its men writing them or directing them no no they can only be girl bosses or quirky I am so random type of girls, not always but most of the time, it is almost as though they are worried if they don’t show women in what they view a correct light they will be called sexist and cancelled. However, by reducing female characters to tropes they are still being sexist without wanting to appear sexist as they don’t take proper time to write them.Apparently a female writer handled some of the episodes but if that is the case then she again is propagating outdated tropes and cliches and limiting her own female lead, perhaps suggesting she has some internal sexism going on.

Anyway moving on, Walton Goggins is also terrific as the rodeo star turned ghoul who has lost his family, you really buy his lack of humanity and how this world has shaped him. As always Goggins does a great job with the material and brings a certain level of gravitas to the role that is sorely needed across the board here. The Brotherhood of Steel guy, Aaron Clifford Moten, is weak and feminised to such a point that at times he seems kind of pathetic, I understand the show wants us to root for him so it has to present him as being someone you root for but this isn’t the way. They try and be like oh what are his motivations what does he want and set up some moral ambiguity there but there really isn’t, it is perfectly clear the character is just self-serving. The key difference between him and Goggin’s character is that Goggin’s character is bad morally as he has been corrupted by the world, however, due to the opening sequence you can still see his humanity and root for him, whereas with Moten’s character there is never a scene that makes you root for or care for the character in anyway.

Finally, if you are a fan of the games then don’t watch this. It is at times wildly out of synch with any of the lore, and it doesn’t care about that which in an off itself is a problem. Many praise this show for caring so much about the games but if it did then it would have stuck to the lore, it has set dressing to pay lip service to the games and to get that praise but where it counts this series doesn’t care about them at all. The general road movie let’s explore the world style plot to the series narrative is fine it goes exactly how you would expect it too and unlike the first season of Westworld there are no real twists, there are a few things that it thinks are twists such as the raiders leader actually being misunderstood, but in contemporary Hollywood you could see those sort of reveals coming from the opening minutes of the series.

Overall, Purnell and Goggin’s try their best to elevate what is otherwise a very hollow adaption of a game series. For season two they need new writers.

1.5/5

Pros.

Purnell

Goggins

Cons.

It is preachy

Maximus is awful

The plot is stupid and obvious

It doesn’t care about the lore

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The Super Mario Bros. Movie: Bring On The Luigi’s Mansion Spin-Off

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two Italian-American plumbers, voiced by Chris Pratt and Charlie Day, fall through a magical sewer pipe and end up in the Mushroom Kingdom. Adventure awaits.

So the initial bad reviews of this film seemed to want it to be something it was never going to be, it was always going to be silly and with a fairly predictable story that reflected a lot of game elements and that is exactly what this film is.

Yes there are some jarring elements like Chris Pratt’s accent, which drifts in and out over the course of the film, and the random song mid-way through, but on the whole there is nothing bad here. In many ways it is a very serviceable and accessible entry into the world of Mario and has a number of memorable moments and characters.

Funnily enough Mario himself was probably the least interesting character here, as he was a fairly standard main character out to prove himself, prove his father wrong and get the girl. However, said girl Princess Peach to be exact, voiced by Anya-Taylor Joy, Donkey Kong, voiced by Seth Rogen and Luigi, voiced by Charlie Day, are all terrific. I like that the film expands each one as a character and tries to dig deeper into them rather than just presenting them in fairly obvious archetypal roles. A confusing move the film makes is having Mario and Donkey Kong be friends, which then negates Donkey Kong as a Mario antagonist later down the road, as he was in the games, though a heel turn is always possible.

I would definitely say that if you are a fan of the games you will get more out of this film, as though it is not incredibly reference heavy there are a number of nods and background character appearances that fans of the game can enjoy and which sometimes hint at future things to come in the inevitable sequel.

Overall, fun, but not perfect.

3/5

Pros.

Day, Taylor-Joy and Rogen

Expanding on the supporting characters in interesting ways

The references and nods to the games

Cons.

Pratt and his inconsistent accent

It is badly paced.

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