American Horror Story: Winter Kills

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The vampire like monsters finally meet their comeuppance and the black pills go nationwide.

Why? Why do you kill off your most interesting characters, Belle, Frances Conroy, and Austin, Evan Peters, within the first half of the episode without even giving them one strong final scene? Moreover, why do you keep the boring and unlikable characters alive? It makes no sense. If it was not for Leslie Grossman I would have just turned this episode off.

This program doesn’t even feel like AHS anymore, it feels like a poor imitation. Where once the show had strong writing that all fit together nicely and worked to enrich the whole now we are given plot holes and throw away characters just for the sake of it.

It becomes strikingly apparent during the second half of the episode that other than Grossman none of the actors playing the characters left alive can really act and their wooden performances become all the more glaring thanks to extra screen time. In that vein, the child actor playing Alma is shockingly bad in her performance and becomes almost cartoonishly evil by the end of the episode in a scene that is more than a little bit dumb.

Overall, this first half of the season was a train wreck that has forever tarnished AHS.

Pros.

Grossman

A few interesting scenes

Cons.

The performances aren’t good

The child actor

The ending

It taints the legacy of the show

If you enjoyed this review, then please head over to my Patreon to support me, I offer personalized shoutouts, the ability for you to pick what I review next and full access to my Patreon exclusive game reviews. Check it out!

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Child’s Play: How Not To Do CGI

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Chucky is reborn in a new world of tech and online interactivity.

This film is a travesty on multiple levels.

To be bluntly honest with you it took me three sittings to finish this film as each time I watched it I couldn’t stand more than about half an hour of it.

The only reason this film has a 1 is because of Aubrey Plaza as the mum, she is great as always, but she could do so, so much better than this. Honestly this film is just so terrible that no matter how good a performance any of the actors give it is quickly overshadowed.

I strongly disliked the new high tech Chucky. I thought the idea of modernising him and drastically changing what his powerset is to be stupid. It felt like a jaded executive being like ‘oh what do young people like today? Lets make him do that’. I think this film truly sullies the character. Both in terms of personality, as they don’t bring back the original voice actor, and in terms of appearance as he now just looks like an awful CGI mess. Nothing against Hamill of course but he can’t hold a candle to Brad Dourif.

Overall, I am glad this film did poorly enough to kill any chances of spawning sequels, this version of Chucky should be taught in writers rooms so that people know what not to do with the character.

Pros.

Plaza

Cons.

The child actor

Everything about Chucky

The story is dumb and convoluted

It does not need to exist

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

We Need To Do Something: Ozzy Osbourne’s Breakthrough Performance

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A family find themselves trapped in a bathroom during a freak storm, or possibly a supernatural apocalypse, and have to find a way to escape and survive.

This was an unexpected treat. The reviews weren’t good, so I went into this with low expectations, but I have to say I was blown away. I actually found this film to be scary, which when you watch as many horror films as I do you become desensitised, so to be scared is a sure sign of quality. I found the hand licking scene with Ozzy Osbourne to be the best fright of the film and it stayed with me for days after viewing.

I enjoyed the family dynamic and seeing the characters interact on screen especially as relations began to breakdown and things got gradually to a fever pitch in which everyone was at each other’s throats. I thought all the actors gave good performances but the two I would like to highlight are Sierra McCormick and Pat Healy as they stood out particularly.

I thought the ending was genius as it left things ambiguous as to what was actually going on outside. Ending on the door finally opening and then screams was a masterstroke as it leaves it up to your imagination which is far more satisfying than giving you an answer which has the possibility to underwhelm.

Overall, a horror film that actually scared me, I highly recommend.

Pros.

Healy and McCormick

The ending

Ozzy Osbourne

The scares and the threat

Cons.

A few slow scenes

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

American Horror Story Double Feature: Blood Buffet

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

This episode explores the origins of the little black pills and shows how each of our titular vampire/monsters fell under their sway.

This was a better episode than the last, but not by a huge margin.

I thought this episode was better as it ditched the main family and focused on the characters that are actually interesting. In that respect Frances Conroy’s character proves to be a very compelling focus for the episode, watching her go from an abused housewife to a powerful woman not afraid to grab life by the reigns was an enjoyable experience and Conroy did a strong job throughout.

Evan Peters on the other hand……. Where to begin with the drag scene, honestly just why? There was no need for Peter’s character to be dressed as a woman, there was no need for him to badly lip sync a song, the whole sequence just felt off. To me it almost felt mocking to those who perform drag. The character hadn’t been stated in any previous point in the show to have done drag to pay the bills in his backstory before, so I wonder why it was forced in here. Honestly, the whole scene is just so poorly done that it is none stop cringe.

Macaulay Culkin gets some fun scenes, and I would say this is the best episode for his character so far as he is actually given something to do and has some agency of his own.

Overall, better but not by much.

Pros.

Culkin

Conroy

The origins storyline

Cons.

Peters

The bad cringe

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Villains: Please Stop Making Tables Turned Home Invasion Films, We Are Done With Them

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After a bank robbery a young couple find their way into a house with a child tied up in the basement, when they stick around to ask questions the homeowners return and take them prisoner.

When you watch horror/thriller films on the regular you begin to notice that there only seem to be about 5 original premises within the genre. The idea of bad people breaking into someone’s house only to find out that the homeowners are actually even worse than them and doing the clichéd ‘tables turned’ twist. This film has been done before and done better.

The generic nature of the premise sadly holds back the acting talent herein. Bill Skarsgard and Maika Monroe are both strong actors and have a number of good performances to their names to back that claim, however here they are given nothing to work with and though they might try their best their characters are ultimately doomed to be forgotten about.

My biggest issue with this film was that nothing shocked me about it. It went through a Don’t Breathe esque list of check boxes, to make sure it could fully tap into the flipped home invasion cliché, and did everything that you would expect, but added nothing new to spice things up or to keep the audience guessing. From the beginning to the end this film is entirely guessable.

Overall, generic and nothing new.

Pros.

The actors are trying

It is watchable

Cons.

It is stale

It is predictable

It is deeply forgettable

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

What If: Zombies?

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

This was easily the best episode yet. I say that both in terms of the concept and execution. I think many of the other episodes, not all but a large amount, have felt too similar usually because they try and adapt certain MCU films, however this feels entirely different and all the better for it.

I am a huge fan of Robert Kirkman’s Marvel Zombies run and I have been waiting for them to adapt it. This episode does justice to that storyline through and through and does not shy away from pulling some narly twists and reveals. I thought the Wanda reveal was especially good in this regard and I am surprised Disney allowed them to do it.

Moreover, I felt like this episode gave some much needed screen time to some of the smaller characters in the MCU. For all the focus Bruce Banner and Peter Parker get Hope Van Dyne also gets her moment in the sun. Hope has felt like a relatively separate MCU character confined to the Antman films and not given much to do outside of them, yet here she is leading the team and we get to see her interact with the other Avengers which makes for a number of heart-warming and emotional scenes. In that same regard I am glad we got to see more from Sharon Carter in this episode as well. The wider universe does not seem to know what to do with her character having her be a love interest in Winter Soldier and having her be a sub-villain in FTWS. Here they get her right however she is a badass spy and that is all she needs to be.

My only complaint would be that the episode feels too short and cuts off leaving us wanting more. Hopefully season two will come back to this universe.

Overall, the best episode yet.

Pros.

Marvel Zombies

The emotion

The darkness

Highlighting secondary, often forgotten about, characters

The fight scenes and tension

Cons.

We needed more

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Malignant: James Wan Sullies His Horror Master Reputation

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Maddie, Annabelle Wallis, begins to experience visons of grisly murders that seem linked to her early years- which she has now repressed.

Where to begin with this one? This film is hilarious, not because it is funny but because it is so dumb and ridiculous that laughing is the only way you can deal with this film. The biggest joke this film tells it’s audience is that it is a horror film, this is simply a lie. If I had to categories it I would say it was an action horror film with a clear B movie influence and elements of comedy. If you go into this expecting the next Insidious or Conjuring you are wasting your time.

Another fundamental error with this film is the casting of its lead. Annabelle Wallis can’t act. Have we not learnt that by now with The Mummy, Annabelle and King Arthur all being bad films and made worse by Wallis’ inability to be anything other than wooden. However, here Wallis embraces a different style of acting: overacting. It seems someone has pointed out to Wallis that in most of her film roles no matter what is going on her face stays pretty much the same throughout and she has now decided to dial everything up to a ridiculous degree. When her character screams it won’t just be a scream it will be several and she will probably throw herself around a bit for good measure, because that distracts from her poor acting ability right?

The people who wrote this film should have a hard look in the mirror because never in all my time watching films has there been so little logic or even basic sense in a film that I’ve seen. Nothing about this film makes sense, at first I thought the film was trying to be deliberately confusing to throw audiences off, but no it just does what it likes and doesn’t bother having it make sense. Even when we get an explanation of what the villain is, we are still never told how it has superhuman abilities…. It just does.

The villain in this film……… is laughable. It is in no way scary and the reveal is blindly obvious from about ten minutes in.

Overall, this shows what happens when the studios give creatives free reign- they make a mess.

Pros.

It is hilarious

It is watchable

Cons.

It is dumb

None of it makes sense

The ending is awful

Annabelle Wallis needs to stop acting

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

American Horror Story: Thirst

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Harry Gardner’s, Finn Wittrock, daughter turns out to have an insatiable desire for blood which becomes troublesome quickly. This is compounded by threats from the other vampires/sea monsters, the police chief, Adina Porter, showing up unannounced and Harry’s agent, Leslie Grossman, coming to investigate.

This episode was the worst so far by quite a large margin. It shows a lot of the issues with the show with striking accuracy and precision, almost as though the creatives are trying to physically show us how far the show has fallen from grace.

There are a lot of needless scenes here, and in the series as a whole. An example of this is the scene where Harry goes to get some blood for his daughter and his victims turn out to be rapist murderers who try to rape Harry. Now, the fact that the victims are this adds nothing to the episode as a whole, Harry kills them and moves on and I was left wondering why include them in the plot at all why not just have it be a random person? Yes there is the argument of oh he is only killing bad people so maybe he can still be redeemed, but in the same episode he kills another man/group of people who have done no wrong, thus defeating that argument. To me if feels like it was chosen for shock value, to be edgy because they could, not because it improved the episode at all.

Another big glaring issue this episode highlights is the fact that we are three episodes into the series and there is yet to be a single likeable character. Many people had issues with the last season, but at least it gave us characters to care about, here most of the characters are either written to be unlikable or are so bland, stupid and dull that you find yourself growing to dislike them. Even Evan Peters is not hugely charming here, his character just comes off as a dick and not an interesting one at that.

Overall, this was a poor episode, and the second half of the season is going to need to work very hard to bring this show back to form.

Pros.

It was watchable

Leslie Grossman is a delight

Cons.

The rape subplot

None of the characters are likeable

A lot of it feels just done because they could and not because they should

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

American Horror Story: Pale

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After taking the black pill Harry Gardner, Finn Wittrock, becomes widely successful as a screen writer however, it comes at a terrible cost.

I think this is certainly a stronger episode than the premiere, in multiple ways. We can fully roll into the vampire/sea monster shenanigans now and the episode feels far more engaging because of it. We get slightly more clarity around the rules for these new monsters, though there is still enough mystery there for it to keep you guessing.

Moreover, Evan Peters and Sarah Paulson have far more of a presence in this episode and that helps things along greatly. The two really are the shining lights of the show and each time they are on-screen they easily make the show. Peters is particularly terrific this time around and I love his over the top gothic playwright character.

The family dynamic of the Gardner’s is starting to become a little irritating and needs to be ditched. The kid is a brat and the nagging scared wife who doesn’t understand what is going on and just wants to leave feels like an easy stereotype that we have already seen before too many times.

Moreover, the origins of the pale creatures is not as dark and macabre as it could have been, but it is interesting none the less.

Overall, a stronger follow up episode.

Pros.

Peters

Paulson

We get the full vampire reveal

The origins of the pale creatures

Cons.

The family element is starting to get stale

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

American Horror Story: Cape Fear

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Failing screen writer Harry Gardner, Finn Wittrock, move his family to the coast for the winter in hopes of finding inspiration. However, what he finds is a town overrun by pale creatures that feast on human blood.

It has been a while since we last saw American Horror Story on our screens. Is this a return to form for the series after the so-so outing of the last season? Partially maybe, but it is not without its issues. I understand that this is a first episode, so it has a lot to set up, however, it is so slow it puts you to sleep. The pacing in this episode is way off, with the first forty minutes being fairly bland and then things livening up in the final ten or so minutes.

Another thing I think that is hurting the show somewhat this season, is that they are no leading with their strongest performers. Evan Peters and Sarah Paulson are only briefly in this episode is bit supporting parts, with the lead instead being Wittrock and Lilly Rabe. That is not to say they are bad, rather that they might have been better suited to supporting roles as they aren’t really compelling enough to act as leads.

I do like the rather obvious vampire influence over this season, though it is clear they won’t actually be vampires, instead they will be sea monsters as the theme is aliens and sea monsters for this season- at least going off the promotional art work. I think the origins of the pale creatures is set up to be interesting and I would like to see how they tie into the wider lore of the universe.

Overall, it has promise but as first episodes go this was a bit too slow.

Pros.

The pale creatures

The vampire influence

Paulson and Peters in the small doses we get of them

Cons.

The leads aren’t strong

The episode is poorly paced

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer