Kung Fu Panda 4: The Battle Against Irrelevance

Po, voiced by Jack Black, is back and like every modern movie he needs to pass the torch onto a new dragon warrior.

So for the most part I thought this was fine, it was watchable enough and not particularly offensive in anyway. I think this was probably the worst written of the series and had the weakest plot and also emotional stakes, though I did like the moment Tai Lung, voiced by Ian McShane, gave Po his respect at the end of the film.

The successor narrative is one that Hollywood seems to be obsessed with recently, all of our beloved heroes need to pass the mantle to keep the franchise going as the creators don’t realise that there is a reason that Batman has stuck around for decades and hasn’t been retired just recast. My point is that rather than recast and move on they should keep Jack Black front and centre as he is who people are coming to see, people don’t want a new Dragon Warrior.

In terms of other narrative elements I thought Awkwafina’s new character was weak as hell, it was obvious she was a baddie who would turn it around and I didn’t buy the relationship between her and Po the film tries to set up. I understand that animation is often seen as for children but that doesn’t mean they can just serve dumb churned out slop. Moreover, the two dads, yes they do that joke a lot, b plot has some laughs but they mostly exist to kill time as the film quickly gets to its end point and then goes wait a minute we need to kill some more time what can we add.

The new villain is easily the worst of the series, for two key reason’s firstly she has no emotional backstory or personality you can engage with again she has a few jokes but that is it. Secondly, rather than have her own fighting style or anything like that they just have her use past villains moves, it is like creatively they are bankrupt so they decided to go instead of creating a new villain let’s just remix all the old ones within a bland new shell.

Also the lack of the Furious Five is a glaring omission.

Overall, a disappointing and unnecessary new entry.

2/5

Pros.

A few funny jokes

It has a good set piece battle on a cliff edge

Cons.

The villain is weak

The new Dragon Warrior is bland

The missing Furious Five

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Immaculate: Sydney Sweeney Dressing Up As A Nun

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Syndey Sweeny becomes a nun.

I truly think that Hollywood needs to stop it with the nun film at this point. The whole plot of this film was so predictable not only from previous nun horror films but also from other films about evil pregnancies, there was more than a little Rosemary’s Baby here. Maybe the creatives think they can get away with it thinking the audience is too young to have watched that film so not see the lifted elements.

The scares on the whole were a mixed bag they tried to do some atmospheric stuff and have it not all be jump scares which I appreciated, but they couldn’t manage it. Whenever they tried to go for a more thoughtful scare it just came off as pretentious and the jump scares were obvious but effective in this case.

Sweeny was fine, her profile is getting raised a little too much if you ask me, it was more of what we have seen from her before she plays the innocent all American girl and then starts to realise things are bad. Honestly be in here, in Madame Web, or in Reality it is all just the same performance, which worked for people like Will Ferrel or Jack Black so I am sure it will for her as well however I don’t believe she should be held up as this great actor when it is just one performance replicated.

The one thing I will give this film credit for is the scene in which the baby is killed, I think that it is highly effective and I am glad they featured it even though it will no doubt get backlash especially in places like the US. Personally I would have shown the baby as being clearly demonic or monstrous then had her smash it and gone the whole hog in showing it for the shock value of it, think of how much attention it would have got for the film, but even though it didn’t go as far as I’d like it to it still did enough to impress me.

Overall, a fairly generic nun horror movie.

2/5

Pros

The ending

A few good if obvious jump scares

It is well paced

Cons

It is pretentious at times

Not all of the scares work

Sweeney

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Love Lies Bleeding: Thelma And Louise Did It Better

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Kind of like Thelma And Louise.

So this film was not going to be for everyone, that was kind of the point. However, I like crime films so I thought I would give it a try, even if the trailers left me cold. This was a mistake.

So the film wasn’t terrible and does have good stakes and a mostly compelling story, but I think that in many senses this film tries too hard to be different and in doing that isn’t really what anyone wants it to be. Mainly this is evidenced as the film has shifts in tone, one minute they’ll be something very intense going on and then a few minutes later it’ll be something more trippy and light hearted, or as light-hearted as you can get in a crime film. My point is that the film does not have one consistent tone throughout, which as everyone knows is a detriment to any film.

Another thing that will be off putting to potential viewers is that this film is smug and seems to think that it is deeper and more ground breaking than it actually is. In my opinion the reason the film suffers from this is because we mythologise directors particularly when they come from the indie circuit, look at the hype an Eggers or Aster could get for a project, as such and after the massive amount of praise and in a sense fandom Rose Glass got after Saint Maud there was no way she was not going into this with a high ego. Hence, she has bought her own hype thinking this film is some important trend-setting thing when as I said above Thelma and Louise kind of already did a lot of this stuff a long time ago.

Finally I didn’t buy the chemistry between the leads. I thought both did a fine job as there characters, however, I didn’t believe they were a couple or had feelings for each other or really anything like that. What makes this so much worse is the fact that it is a big part of the films narrative and it is important to the film working as a whole.

Overall, a film that suffers from a lack of charm, tonal consistency and an overinflated sense of self. Though to some this may become a cult classic.

Pros.

It has an interesting premise

The style of the film works well

Cons.

The central romantic pairing doesn’t feel believable

It has a smugness to it

The tone is a mess

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Civil War: Guess Who The Bad Guy Is

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A civil war breaks out in the US but the thing that will kill you is not the air strikes or the bullets but the incredibly obvious message that is being beaten into your face until it’s a pulp.

What shocks me the most about this film is that it was made by a British director, normally it is the American’s that put their politics front and centre and think that the Red vs Blue struggle makes for interesting viewing for those far from their shores, it doesn’t we don’t care, but no here it was a Brit.

Alex Garland as far as I am concerned is a hack, Ex Machina was okay but really nothing to write home about, then came his messy and pretentious foray with Netflix, then Men another statement film that came and went without anyone caring about it and now this. There is talk that he is going to give up directing after this and all I can say is thank God.

Before I get into it, can you guess what the message was, go on I’ll give you a minute though you won’t need it……………

If you guess that the clear Trump stand in right wing American’s are bad for the sheer fact of existing, and that it is as much a comment on how divided America is right now as it is that the right wing should just go away and everything will be better. Believe me I am no fan of Trump, I am as a non-American who has no interest in US politics thought the guy was a bad joke that shows what happens when you underfund your schools, but this strawman argument is beyond ridiculous. The whole point of the film is to be controversial but not in the sense that it is going to take shots at the left and the right, no in the sense that it goes oh look at how extreme the MAGA crowd is boy aren’t they bad, an obvious statement to make, and then takes a victory lap to bask in how profound that message is.

Overall, the film industry will be a better place without Alex Garland in it.

1/5

Pros.

The action is interesting

Cons.

The message is so obvious

It is pretentious and smug

It is incredibly obvious

No one cares about an election that happened 4 years ago now serving as the very obvious inspiration for a film

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Drive Away Dolls: Incredibly Sexualised Lesbians

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two young women, Geraldine Viswanathan and Margaret Qualley, travel across the States to find themselves and deliver a rather compromising package.

I want to preface this review by saying that I have never been a fan of the Cohen Brothers, though their films are lauded I only ever liked Inside Llewyn Davis. Here we only get one half of the directing duo and I have to say that is a deeply average film.

At the risk of offending, this film makes lesbians, both of the lead characters are, out to be sex crazed. Whilst a lot of films have done this with men over the years, so why not women is a valid point, but I would say that it is reductive. In the case of Viswanathan’s character they try and do more with her and develop more of who she is, her backstory and her hopes and dreams, whereas with Qualley’s character sex is all she is. I am a sex positive person and have no issue with any character being sexual but Qualley’s character is nothing more than that. Watch the film and tell me any character detail about her other than she likes sex, go on I’ll wait. She opens the film doing it, travels cross country doing it at every stop and then engages in sex with her friend turned girlfriend at the end of the film. I just think it would have been nice to get to know the character with her clothes on and as more than just a sexual object for the lesbian gaze. I think that the characterisation of the leads will make for an interesting research paper one day.

That said I think this film can get quite political at times, as you would probably expect. I think as with a lot of cases in modern Hollywood it is surface level, its commentary lacks any kind of wit or deeper engagement, its just yes right wing politicians are bad and its up to liberals to punish them and take them down. It is so nuanced that you would have to read copiously on the topic to be able to understand just a tenth of what they are saying, not.

The main pro I will give this film is that it has a good sense of humour. Beanie Feldstein has a decent number of humorous moments which make the film more bearable.

Overall, a paper thin film that struggles to entertain or be relevant.

Pros.

A few funny moment

It is short

Cons.

It over sexualises Qualley’s character

The political commentary is thin

It is boring and fairly predictable

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Ruby Gillman Teenage Kracken: The Tik Tok Generation Through The Lens Of Complete Misunderstanding

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Some creatives from DreamWorks who are all probably approaching middle age decide that they know what kids like based of watching one Tik Tok video once and so make this a film that speaks to only one group of people.

This film is made for terminally online teens the kind you would find with dyed hair and who have a series of different flags and causes in their bio, that is what this film thinks teens are. It cannot and will not understand that teens are more than just this crowd. If you need to see proof of my claims then see Ruby’s group of friends and how they talk and interact it is the most cringe thing you will ever see and feels in no way real or even human, maybe that was the point.

The message of be yourself has been told so many times that I question if it has any meaning anymore, surely kids don’t need to be told this lesson by every animated film that comes out every year in order to learn individualism surely they aren’t that dumb.

I struggled to care about any of the characters as I found them clawing stereotypes of what people view Gen Z and Millennials like, and in that sense I just found them more and more irritating as the film went on to such a point where I debated turning it off a few times and if I hadn’t been watching it for review I probably would have.

Overall, this is what happens when 40-50 year olds try to write something for kids they don’t understand.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is a neat concept

It had about two funny jokes

Cons.

It is cringe

It is mostly painfully unfunny

The characters are awful

It feels like a bargain basement version of Turning Red

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Anyone But You: When In Doubt Throw Yourself In The Harbour

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After a misunderstanding a pair of people who hate each other must pretend to be a couple in order to not ruin a wedding.

A plot that has been done so many times I have lost count, originality is not one of this films special skills. You know where this is going, they pretend to be a couple then they become a couple and then they break up and then they have a big run to the airport moment reunite and the films over.

I think where this film shines is with the chemistry between the leads Sydney Sweeny and Glen Powell, both of them do a really good job with it and have a strong back and forth and that makes this better than your standard rom-com.

I think a lot of the wider cast are just unnecessary and leave you feeling irritated when they are on screen as the film does nothing to make you care about them even slightly.

Overall, there isn’t much to say about this one, it is on the better side of average.

3/5

Pros.

The chemistry

A few funny jokes

A sweet singing scene

Cons.

It is predictable

The rest of the cast are wasted

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Imaginary: The Opposite Of A World Of Pure Imagination

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A kid, a teddy, and a monster of some sort. Settle down it’s only the same old Blumhouse formula.

Once upon a time Blumhouse used to make some of the best horror films out there, they were your prime cuts of horror meat, but then slowly over time they started abandoning smarter ideas and in many senses adults and started appealing primarily to teens, turning it into slurry that is not even fit for sick animals.

As such this film has a needless teen romance arc as all the best films do. Why can’t the creatives over a Blumhouse see that some of the best horror films of all time have not had teen angst in them, even when they featured teen characters, people don’t want the CW’s writing showing up in their horror films.

Here we have a writer, DeWanda Wise, that has to use her imagination to be able to kill her childhood imaginary friend that has now come for her step daughter. When the film actually gets into the mythology of imaginary friends and talks about how kids go missing all the time as they can’t accept that they aren’t real and so leave home to be with them then the film actually starts to get scary. However, when you see the creature at the end of the film, and see those black eye effects then you are quickly brought out of any fear you felt and feel like you are watching a film made on the cheap, and I do not mean that in a good and charming way.

I will give the film that I liked the twist wherein only the step mom and the little girl could see the bear but before that point in the film we had all just assumed everyone could see it, that was neat and I didn’t see it coming.

Overall, Blumhouse continues a negative trend downwards

Pros.

The twist

The mythology

Cons.

The acting

The angst

The monster

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Dune Part 2: The True Messiah

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Gear up for another trip to Arrakis, or as the locals call it Dune.

I think this is easily the best film of the year so far, I have watched it thrice in cinemas now, and have continued on with the series in book form currently reading God Emperor.

In many ways this film is perfection be it with the effects or the visuals, or in the way the world is so perfectly realised, there are a lot of areas in which this film deserves praise. It takes what worked so well in the first film and builds upon it to give you a perhaps even better experience. I would say that this film is helped by the fact that more happens herein and it feels far more action centric whereas the first was less so, but that is what you get when you needlessly split up a book.

There are a number of changes from the books here so work and some don’t. I liked the ending which sees the Great Houses reject Paul, Timothy Chalamet’s, ascension and as such it will be war. This will make Messiah more interesting as in the books Paul pretty much had firm control over the Empire once the second book came around, this is a good thing as Messiah is far more about political intrigue than action, which after the last two films the general audience may turn their nose up at. The major change I didn’t like was Chani, Zendaya. In the books Chani was Paul’s concubine and love as well as a warrior she believed in him and that was it, here she is angry with him every step of the way and thinks that the Messiah should be one of their own and ignores all the signs Paul is the Messiah to the point of being blind. I understand what they were going for here they wanted to push Frank Herbert’s original message to not trust charismatic leaders, but in execution it just came across as if she was constantly arguing with Paul over everything, this quickly became annoying. In many senses it felt like they needed to update the narrative for a modern audience and inject some girl boss tropes in their and some post-colonial preaching even though this is in space and they could easily have a very different morality to those of us who dwell for abnormal amounts of time on X discussing activism. Also at the end of the film Chani leaves, and I don’t know how they are going to fix that as she needs to have Paul’s kids in Messiah it is an important part of the plot, but I guess that is an issue for another time.

Overall, easily the best science fiction film of the decade and the best film of the year so far.

4.5/5

Pros.

The visuals

The effects

How realised the world is

The cast

The ending

Cons.

Chani and the way they took her character

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Rebel Moon: Stop Giving Zack Snyder Creative Control

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Netflix doubles down on the 21^st century’s most over-hyped director, Zack Snyder.

Zack Snyder can’t seem to string a story together to save his life, maybe he is one of the few directors that works better under tight studio control, as such here we see some sort of rip-off of Star Wars and the Magnificent Seven/Seven Samurai that has no soul or personality. It is Bayian, a term I am coining to refer to the works of Michael Bay, in that it is all style and flash but underneath it is just nothing.

The decision to split this into two parts reeks of Netflix and Zack thinking this was going to be bigger than it was, as it stands it is just a film without an ending, reflecting my earlier point that Snyder can’t put a story together and is an awful writer.

Worse yet Sofia Boutella, who actually is a good actor she just chooses to star in flop after flop as she has the most unlucky agent in Hollywood, clearly has taken inspiration from the Alaqua Cox school of acting and plays her central role with the same look of I am a badass and I’m pissed off for the whole film. There is no attempt to give her character anything more than that, but that can be said also for the other characters who are so thin that you struggle to even call them caricatures.

Then you have the distinct lack of gore, what were they thinking there. Was this supposed to be child friendly, if so who thought that was a good idea considering most of Snyder’s fanbase are angry men, who whilst they may act like children are in fact not.

Overall, a woeful dud for Netflix

1/5

Pros.

It has some good visuals

Cons.

It’s boring

Sofia Boutella is awful

It is far too long

Snyder cannot write

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