The Old Guard: Missing Something

The Old Guard is an action fantasy film directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood. The plot sees a group of immortal warriors get a new member. However, at the same time sinister forces gather to expose their existence to the world and use them for evil experiments.

I had such high hopes for this film, I had it on a few minutes after it dropped on Netflix and I have to say I have not been this disappointed for a film in a long time.

There were cool aspects to the film don’t get me wrong, but my issue with it is that it does not capitalise on these in any meaningful way and instead uses them for style over substance thrills. A good example of what I am talking about is the central mythology of these immortal beings, there are so many questions, so many implications and the explanation we get is incredibly lacklustre. This is most likely set up for a sequel.

Moreover, I enjoy seeing Charlize Theron in these very action heavy roles, she has a great physicality and is a very believable ass kicker, however I would have liked something more from her performance here. Much like a lot of other things in this film, it doesn’t matter if the character has motivation or is interesting as long as they’re constantly doing and saying cool things. It gets boring and repetitive fast.

Overall, this film let me down in a lot of different ways, it has its moments, but is severely missing something.

Pros.

Theron’s fighting prowess

It has interesting ideas

Cons.

It never builds on or does anything interesting with these ideas

Theron’s character lacks any kind of personality

It gets boring and samey quickly

1.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Beach House: Creatures From The Deep

The Beach House is a horror film directed by Jeffery A. Brown. The plot sees a young couple go to stay at a family member’s beach house, however, once they arrive they realise someone else is living there. Things only get weirder from there as strange creatures come from the sea, seemingly hell bent on taking over the coast.

This film comes so close to being good, but tragically falls short.

There are several good, unique and interesting ideas throughout, however the issue is that the film does not build on them at all, rather these good moments end and then you have to wade through monotony for about forty minutes before you get another good sequence.

In short the good aspects of this film represents about twenty minutes of the overall product, there simply isn’t enough interesting content to fill out the run time and it shows painfully at times. There are good tense sequences, but these are then let down by basically building to nothing.

The lead characters don’t help matters, they’re as bland as bland gets and honestly a few days after watching the film I can’t remember either of their names. They leave so little of an impression on you that saying you feel numb towards them is too much. They could live or die, and you just don’t care and crucially the film doesn’t make you.

Overall, this feels like cheap schlock, this film serves to remind us all just how overcrowded the horror genre is and also how many terribly average films there are within it.

Pros.

A few interesting ideas

An occasional tense sequence

Cons.

Building to nothing

Fails to capitalise on its ideas

Incredibly forgettable leads

A drag to get through

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

Midway: A Tribute To Those Lost

Midway is a historical epic directed by Roland Emmerich. The plot retells the monumental battle of Midway during WW2 and shows the sacrifice of all involved.

Normally I would stay away from this kind of film because it is usually a toned-down form of propaganda. It normally is very quick to say X country is great and X country is bad and leave out any nuance and grey area. An great example of what I am talking about can be seen when the Japanese commanders are having a meeting and one says something to the extent of what have we done we have awoken a sleeping giant and it is almost cringey in its pro American stance, I highly doubt the Japanese would have said such a thing. Though the film does slip several times into this cringey form of very forced feeling patriotism being projected on a world audience it for the most part the film doesn’t do it.

That said I enjoyed the epic feel of this film very much, I am not going to lie I had given up on Emmerich as a director after his last few efforts, but this gave me pause. I truly believe that this film manages to capture the sight and the scale of such an endeavour and treats the events with the hollowed reverence they deserve; in that vain I enjoyed the final shot of the film and the closing message.

The acting was all very strong, Ed Skein was a very believable leading man, I am genuinely surprised that he hasn’t had more leading roles as he has proven himself to be a very strong actor. However, the standout of the cast to me has to be Alexander Ludwig, though his on screen appearance is very short he gives a very strong emotional performance that will hit you like a sack of bricks.

Pro.

Treating the subject matter with respect

The performances

Especially Skein, Ludwig and Wilson

The grand scale of it all

Cons.

The raar raar cringey patriotism

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Scooby Doo And The Monster Of Mexico: South Of The Border

Scooby Doo And The Monster Of Mexico is an animated family film directed by Scott Jeralds. The plot sees Scooby (Frank Welker), and the gang head to Mexico for Day Of The Dead, however, once they arrive things start to go awry and of course a monster rears its head.

This is classic Scooby Doo, this to me is the Scooby Doo I grew up on; showing my age a bit there. No racing, no forced needless crossover, no Simon Cowell, just good old fashion mystery solving.

I thought the monster was a touch generic, they could and should have gone into the backstory and the legend of the monster more; that would have made it standout better in the wider Scooby Doo Universe. That said I enjoyed the Mexican twist on the classic Scooby Doo formula, I thought it gave it a nice sense of place and distinct personality.

Unfortunately that Mexican twist proves to be a double-edged sword. Though it has positive aspects, it also leads to the furthering of outdated stereotypes. This could have been a lot worse, but when it occurs on screen it does stick out, giving you pause. It certainly hasn’t aged well.

Overall, this is a fun Scooby Doo adventure that shows why the classic formula is so great, however it ages poorly and could do with further development in certain areas, these issues stop it from being perfect Scooby Doo ala The Witches Ghost.

Pros.

Classic Scooby Doo

A distinct sense of personality

Fun and entertaining

Cons.

The use of Mexican stereotypes

The monster is quite bland

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Anna: A New Start For Luc Besson

Anna is a spy film directed by Luc Besson. The plot sees Anna (Sasha Luss), forced into a world of calculating intelligence officers and kill or be killed mentalities.

The first half an hour of this film is brutal to sit through, honestly I need to say that now because if I didn’t and you went straight into it then you might turn it off before it gets good. Yes, that is right despite an incredibly dull opening half hour the other hour and a half is surprisingly strong.

The plot jumps around a lot in time which is normally a problem for me, but here I enjoyed it. Besson uses the time jumping narrative to show all of the backstabbing and double dealing, which builds a nice sense of tension and suspense throughout the film that expertly comes to a head in the film’s final act.

Luss is a memorable lead, she nails the physicality maybe even better than Theron in Atomic Blond and is a very believable assassin. However, where her character suffers is in the personality department, in that she doesn’t really have one she is quite bland and charmless. In terms of charm her performance is blown out of the water without question by Cillian Murphy as the charismatic head of the CIA. Murphy as well as Helen Mirren make this film what is it.

Overall, if you can get past a diabolical first half an hour you will find a very enjoyable spy thriller that has no reason to be as good as it is.

Pros.

Sasha Luss

Cillian Murphy

The time jumps

The action

Cons.

The awful first half hour

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Beach Bum: Proof Anything Can Get Made

The Beach Bum is a comedy film directed by Harmony Korine. The plot sees Moondog (Matthew McConaughey), live life on his own terms.

That description of the plot might seem brief, hell even sparse, but that is the best I could do because honestly there is no plot. It is just Moondog doing drugs and having sex with various people for an hour and a half. There is nothing more to it. Some say simplistic is a good thing, however here it proves to be mind-numbing.

I really respect McConaughey as an actor and think that most of his recent output has been top notch, but this is beneath him. McConaughey is doing his best Johnny Depp impression and just playing a strange oddball and in that respect he nails the part perfectly. The issue arises from the fact that his character does nothing, has no real motivation beyond learning to find a place in the real world, the writing just isn’t there and that is not McConaughey’s fault.

Moreover, no to come off prudish, but there is sex nearly all the time in this film, I understand its use as showing Moondog as basically an eccentric playboy and it does set up that character trait, but then it carries on and carries on to a point of stagnation. It just feels very needless.

Overall, this is trash, I am surprised it even got made and that they managed to get McConaughey to sign on for it.

Pros.

Matthew McConaughey seems to be having fun

Cons.

It is boring, tedious and incredibly repetitive

The sex feels excessive

The writing is terrible

The plot is non-existent

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

Desperados: The Dead Heart Of The Rom-Com Genre Beats Again

Desperados is a romantic comedy film directed by LP. The plot sees unlucky in love Wesley (Nasim Pedrad), head to Mexico to break into the hotel room of a man she has feelings for so that she can delete a drunken email she sent that might jeopardise their whole burgeoning relationship.

I had a lot of fun with this film, more than I have had with any film in a while. Yes, the premise is ridiculous and makes no sense and the more you think about it the dumber it is. Yes, the final reveal of Wesley realising the man she has been perusing all film isn’t right for her and instead that Sean (Lamorne Morris), the guy who has been by her side through it all, is the one for her is painfully obvious and reeks of cliché. However, if you just turn you brain off, this film has a lot of charm.

The leads have both proven themselves to be great comedic talents in my book, so when I put this on I knew they were going to entertain me, and I wasn’t wrong. Pedrad is super likeable and easy to root for and has many funny lines, but the real reason why her character works so well is the chemistry she has with Lamorne Morris. Morris himself is a delight and this film proved him as a strong romantic leading man.

Overall, this is quite the delightful watch, yes it has its problems, but for the most part it is a lot of fun.

Pros.

The comedy

Pedrad

Morris

The romantic chemistry

Cons

It wastes time on setting upside characters

Robbie Amell is wooden

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Last Boy Scout: Back When Bruce Willis Cared

The Last Boy Scout is an action movie directed by Tony Scott. The plot follows disgraced secret serviceman Joe (Bruce Willis), as he uncovers a conspiracy that covers everything from professional football to the Government.

This film reminded me what a Bruce Willis action movie could be, he has such a great presence and can play the hardboiled hero character better than anyone else. The amount of chemistry he has with Damon Wayne’s cant be stressed enough either, they’re a great duo. The sad thing is though that this film reminded me just how far Willis has fallen.

Outside of the acting this film is a mixed bag for me, there are plenty of great action moments that are super cool and instantly epic, but there are also a lot of moments that just come across as needless, vulgar and frankly off-putting. I won’t harp on about it for too long as I know the 90’s was a different time, but there is some quite unpleasant stuff in this.

Overall, if dumb action is what you want then look no further, it is a spectacle of explosions, loud noises and witty one liners, I was entertained for the most part and I am sure you will be too. However, if you’re looking for something deeper this film won’t be for you, I only watched it a few nights ago and the plot is so weak I have almost entirely forgotten it, also the language used is quite tasteless at times so if you’re easy offended then again look away.

Pros.

Great action

The Willis Wayne dynamic

The one liners

Cons.

Very outdated

The plot is non-existent

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Zootopia: A Reflection Of Our World?

Zootopia is an animated film directed by Byron Howard, Rich Moore and Jared Bush. The plot imagines an andromorphic world of animals where the predators and the prey have come together to forge a shaky society. Enter protagonist Judy Hopps (Ginnifer Goodwin), a young rabbit from a small town who dreams of being a police officer. She must overcome her own prejudices to rise to the occasion and prevent the breakdown of their society.

I can’t really review this film without talking about the social commentary aspect of it. Never since Animal Farm have I seen a film like this, clearly this film is talking about race/class-based issues in our society but is using animal stand-ins to make it family friendly. On the whole I go back and forth with whether I liked it, there were times when I thought the film was smart maybe even insightful and other times when they used the obvious themes for nothing more than cheap jokes; so I am undecided.

I enjoyed the lead performance; I think the character of Judy grew on me more over time. The partnership between Judy and a fox named Nick (Jason Bateman), is done well and I found myself really enjoying their dynamic I thought they played off against each other well. The supporting cast is also quite good, with Idris Elba being the one I would single out for praise.

Overall, a surprisingly real film that doesn’t shy away from talking about our reality.

Pros.

Judy and Nick

The world

The premise

Cons.

The social commentary felt heavy handed at times

Judy only becomes likeable midway through

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Mickey Blue Eyes: Sleazey

Mickey Blue Eyes is a romantic comedy with a crime twist directed by Kelly Makin. The plot follows auctioneer Michael (Hugh Grant), who finds out his fiancé’s family is heavily involved in the Mafia, he then becomes tangled in a web of lies and half-truths which culminates in a shooting at his wedding.

I enjoyed the premise of this film, I thought it had a lot of good potential and to a degree I was right, but there is also a lot wrong with this film, including said premise losing its charm after about twenty minutes in.

So, one thing I loved about this film was the number of cameos from Sopranos actors, I took great delight in pointing out each one as they came on the screen. In my mind I like to think the film is set in the same universe as the show, it makes it a hell of a lot better.

The big issue with this film at least to me is that it is a Hugh Grant rom com, but Grant doesn’t have any of that bumbling British charm that made him so popular. Not only does Grant not have any kind of charm, but his character is often downright dislikeable and to be honest by the end of the film you really aren’t rooting for him anymore.

I feel like that is the problem, this is more trying to put rom-com star Hugh Grant in a crime film than it is trying to put crime elements into a rom-com. The two tones don’t work and what you’re left with is a forgettable mess.

Overall, this film has no charm.

Pros.

The cameos

The premise

Cons.

It doesn’t make the most of the premise

Hugh Grant is charmless

The two tones don’t work well together

2/5

Reviewed by Luke