Companion: You Can Guess The Ending

A loser, Jack Quaid, builds a sex robot, Sophie Thatcher, who then goes on to kill him.

I don’t know about you but I’m starting to get bored of social horror, social horror is a subgenre of horror that comments on social issues film such as Get Out are examples of it. Herein the commentary is on relationships and toxic behaviour, as one could assume from simply looking at the poster, yes it really is not deep, the message of the film is do not treat your girlfriend like a slave otherwise she might kill you, insightful. In terms of social horror and writing, this film is incredibly predictable and has nothing at all new to say, it is all recycled platitudes dumbed down.

Sophie Thatcher is good, she has a few funny moments, but is giving the same performance you have seen from her in other projects. I assume she is aiming to be a scream queens for the 2020s. Jack Quaid is similarly one note, you can tell from the beginning even without watching any of the trailers or marketing material that he is bad news, he has strong incel vibes, but then again that is what the film is going for. The fact they did not try and give his character any depth beyond that again speaks volumes to the quality of the writing for this film. Rupert Friend does get to have some fun doing a silly and over the top Russian accent, this is comically bad, it remains to be seen whether it was intentional or unintentionally so.

Overall, an interesting concept is ruined by poor writing that does not think beyond basic archetypes.

2.5/5

Pros.

It is watchable

There are some funny moments unintentional and intentional

It has some good tense scenes

Cons.

The characters are paper thin

It’s message is at best recycled

It is badly paced

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Kinda Pregnant: Motherhood Does Not Mature People

Summary

Amy Schumer shows that even after becoming someone’s mother she still prepared to debase herself and embarrassed them in the desperate hope of being a movie star.

Seeing Netflix make films like this makes me want to cancel my subscription, remember when Netflix used to make good quality programming and not lowest common denominator drek, I sure do.

Schumer is just as unfunny as ever, it is funny to see her play a woman so insecure and pathetic that she has to pretend to be pregnant for attention that is very on brand for her. It gets to a point in the film where you almost start to feel bad for her and go how much lower can she sink.

Most of the comedy if you can call it that is clawing and mean spirited, Schumer thinks that by making a few negative remarks about herself that it absolves all the punching down but it really doesn’t in anyway.

The film drags on for far too long and then ends, allowing you to feel the sweet relief of not having to watch it anymore, which is the greatest gift.

Overall, none of Schumers films are good but this one makes you at least feel somewhat bad for how low she is prepared to go to be seen as relevant.

0.5/5

Pros.

You almost pity Schumer at times

Cons.

It is not funny

It is boring

It is too long

It tries far too hard to be trendy

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Dirty Angles: Who Needs Men?

Summary

The last gasp of the girlboss

So just when you think Hollywood is learning, when mary sues and girlbosses seem to be on the wane you get this.

The film follows a girl’s school that is taken over during the Afghanistan withdrawal and after a failed attempt by Delta Force to retake it, bah men what can they do, the US government decides to send in a team of women, who easily fix the problem.

My issues with this film is that it doesn’t even try to be anything other than a girlboss film, it feels more like it wants to give a lecture on how capable women can be, something we already knew, rather than be serviceable as either a war or action film. It is curious that the film went this road considering who the main demographic is for these sort of films.

Another thing that haunts the girlboss, dare I call it sub-genre, is the fact that it is always skinny frail looking women that these films expect us to believable can take men three times their size in hand to hand combat it is just silly.

Overall, this is the sort of film Hollywood needs to stop making if they want to make money.

1/5

Pros.

You get a few good laughs out of it

Cons.

It is cringe

The acting is terrible

More girlbosses

It is badly paced

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The Damned: An Ode To Those Lost At Sea

Summary

A fishing team based on the coast of Iceland comes into some supernatural trouble.

Whilst the idea of a group of people being hunted down one by one by some supernatural entity is hardly new, this at least tries to add a lick of new paint to it by drawing inspiration from Scandinavian folklore rather than the same old well of monsters.

The twist at the end of the film, is one that I think is fairly played out, I didn’t see it coming, but when it hits it is somewhat of a damp squib, I would say the film would work better without it.

I appreciated that the film gave a lot of attention towards creating an atmosphere rather than just relying on cheap jump scares that become formulaic after a while. Particularly in that regard I found the use of the scenery and location to be effectively used to create a sense of isolation that really scores the entire film.

Overall, a January gem that should not be missed.

4/5

Pros.

It has a great atmosphere

The location is used to great effect

Interesting mythology

It is smart

Cons.

The twist

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Bridget Jones Mad About The Boy: Later In Life Dating

Summary

Bridget Jones, Renee Zellweger, is back.

I think this is probably the film of the year so far. In many ways this is a near perfect film, the only thing that I didn’t like was the creepy sort of age play relationship sub plot- I didn’t like it as it felt icky plus you can guarantee that if such a storyline was done with a man and a younger women these days people would be up in arms.

That aside I thought this film was just the right amount of old notes brought back to play homage to previous film and also new ideas. It was fun to see the family dynamic of seeing Bridget with kids, it was nice to see the dysfunctional single mother be played without the judgement, she cared about her kids deeply and was there for them whilst also having her own thing. Take note Hollywood that is how single mothers should be.

I thought how they handled the passing of Colin Firth’s character was both beautiful and sad, there was a real melancholy there, but the film handled it in a mature and grown up way. I think the final time we see the ghost of Firth’s character at the school play is a fantastic moment and one in which it is hard not to shed a tear.

Overall, a wonderful send off for the franchise.

4.5/5

Pros.

It is sweet

It gives the characters a good send off

It merges the old and the new well

It is well paced

It is funny

Cons.

The icky relationship

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The Cleaner: Daisy Ridley Somehow Manages To Out Girlboss Her Performance As Rey

Summary

Rey from Star Wars is given the short hair maam treatment and is turned into girlboss personified.

So, Daisy Ridley seemingly only has a career as Kathleen Kennedy wants to keep her relevant, you have to assume she is getting these roles as folks behind the scenes are pulling strings for her as it certainly isn’t her acting chops.

This film wants you to suspend your disbelief to such a degree that you are left wondering if you are having a breakdown. The idea that stick thin Ridley can take down men multiple times bigger than her is frankly laughable, even all the training the world can’t make that maths check out.

Plot wise it is a die hard clone, minus the fun. It Ridley is able to be charming or crack a joke she does not show it here. Maybe if she was playing more against type, and being less of the her-o girl boss she often leans towards this would have been better.

Overall, an incredibly forgettable action film with a Ridley performance so bad it would be an understament to call it wooden.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

Ridley is horribly miscast

You don’t believe her in this role

It lacks any kind of charm

The girlboss stuff is pretty egregious

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Lost Dogs: Finding Your Way Home

Summary

A dog sitter, Brianne Buishas, fails.

Whilst at first appearances this film feels rather breezy and light on stakes, within minutes it grips you. Not only is the protagonist incredibly human and relatable, reminding you of times in your life when you had to do jobs you might not want to, might be over qualified for, might not be your dream but did as you needed the money, but once the dog goes missing then things really open up dramatically and the tension begins.

I was on the edge of my seat worrying about what might happen to the dog and was hoping it was not going to be the kind of drama film wherein the dog wouldn’t be found or it would be dead at the end. Luckily it is not, the film is more a meditation on what it means to grow up and become an adult, and I don’t mean the shift from child to adult, but rather the shift from being a student or being in your early twenties to maturity.

By dealing with issues and themes that are commonly effecting most people and a wider sense of the fear of failure this film manages to be both instantly relatable but also get under your skin and stick with you far after watching it, as it makes you question your own life to an extent.

Overall, a relatable and thought provoking exercise.

4/5

Pros.

It is relatable

There is a warmth there

It is transformative

It sticks with you

Cons.

Some of the supporting cast are a little underused

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Captain America Brave New World: Tokenism Personified

Summary

So as some of you know I said I was not going to cover this, unless I could do so in a way that would not allow Disney to get my money, luckily an opportunity sailed my way, so I decided to disrupt the printing presses and force this, and my commentary on Bond, in here early to stay relevant, and then we’ll get back to regularly scheduled programming on Tuesday.

So I went into this with incredibly low expectations, and for the most part it met them. I didn’t find anything massively egregious with it but nor did I find anything redeeming. I still think that the idea of reducing the Falcon mantle to essentially being nothing, and something Sam happily shed is a little weird, he is very eager to pick up a white mans old title and assume the role. To me this felt odd in terms of the point of that, as would it not be more impactful for black viewers to see Falcon leading the Avengers and have a mantle he created and built himself be worthwhile, rather than saying yeah none of that matters and now he is important because he is a black man spin on a white mantle.

In addition the writing was awful, I know some of the same team from Falcon and the Winter Soldier came over for this, I don’t know if it was the same writer, but regardless the writer here is not bringing their a game. For example why did they almost go to war with Japan, why did everyone know it was a Celestial despite no one in the film supposedly having that knowledge, where are the Skrulls that were out to colonise the planet in Secret Invasion. Etc. However, it is probably best to not think of this film in that way and just turn the brain off.

Another odd thing with this film is how wedded it is to a film from almost twenty years ago. So in many ways this is a sequel to The Incredible Hulk, it brings back The Leader, Betsy Ross, General Ross etc. Now what makes it weird is that this is happening in a Captain America/Falcon film and not in a Hulk film, what makes it stranger too is that most people don’t remember or like The Incredible Hulk so it seems odd to draw from that well. Of all the films to use characters from it is bizarre to have it be that one.

The idea that Sam, Anthony Mackie, can go toe to toe with a Hulk without the serum is stupid, it is even more so when Red Hulk, who is only in the film for 5 minutes despite what the marketing promised you, and Sam manage to tire each other out fighting when in reality Sam would be dead. Oh also the fact Bucky is barely in this is stupid and badly thought out as again the film needed him desperately.

Overall, it felt like a long episode of a Disney + show which is to say disappointing, cheap and rushed out to fill space.

1.5/5

Pros.

They reduced it from two and a half hours

It had one funny moment

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Wolfman: The Dark Universe Takes Another Blow

Summary

The domestic abuser shared universe is added to.

It is odd now that in two film based on classic Universal monsters that there has been an undercurrent of domestic abuse, if they make a Frankenstein film where he attacks the Bride then it will be even more deliberate.

The ideas behind this film are so played out and trite that you consider if it was written by AI bringing back other werewolf films, the werewolf does not want to harm his family yet is ultimately a threat to them, cue cringe metaphors about inner conflict.

Julia Garner was okay on Ozarks but she really doesn’t suit the role she is cast in here, the idea of her as a mother is a little silly, she also has next to no on screen chemistry with Chrisopher Abbot. Seeing their happy family scenes at the beginning which presages almost all Blumhouse films comes across as two people who are strangers to each but who are trying to pretend to be in a relationship.

The werewolf form also looks awful, but I won’t spoil it too much for you

Overall, a flop for Blumhouse to start the year off right

1.5/5

Pros.

It is watchable

It is not the worst thing Blumhouse has ever made

Cons.

The transformation and werewolf form

Garner

The writing

The lack of chemistry

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Emily Perez: Drug Cartels Are Selena Gomez’s People

Summary

Yikes. That sums up the film nicely. Do we really need to say more?

So as many of you know this film has been in the headlines recently for all the wrong reasons, what it should be getting attention for is pushing questionable gender science, having course and vulgar songs that make WAP look like a children’s nursery rhyme and of course softening Mexican drug cartels that kill thousands of people every year.

It is quite funny to see the situation that critics have gotten themselves into on this one, as of course they have to support the film with a trans lead, but now as more and more things about said lead are starting to come out, these left wing critics are starting to have to say things that they may once have said was transphobic.

For me the biggest issues with this film is taste, there are a number of moments and choices in the film that feel in bad taste, simply put. To make a musical about the cartels is simply insensitive and at worst wrong. Worse yet this decision makes the tone of the film feel at times schizophrenic to the subject matter.

Overall, a bad decision all round.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is laughably bad

Cons.

The songs

It pushes bad science

The acting is awful

It has tonal problems

The pace is off

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