Minecraft: The Best Videogame Movie?

A group of people are brought into the game world of Minecraft.

For me this may have been one of the best films of the year, It had the perfect combination of heart, nostalgia and homage. It felt like a love letter to the game without feeling like a tick box list of hey remember this remember that, and the things it did include were incorporated in a way that made sense to the film.

I enjoyed seeing the Nether, although I would have left if for the sequel, I thought it felt as well realised as the actual main Minecraft world itself as well as the Overworld, regular Earth. I do wonder where they will go with a sequel perhaps to the Ender with the sequel villain being the dragon that guards it, who knows.

The only part of the film I was not into was the repeated gag of having Jennifer Coolidge be dating a villager, Matt Berry, whilst I am a Berry fan I thought that this gag went on for far too long and really was never funny, it should have been cut.

Overall, a lovely video game adaption that has respect for its source material and great performances across the board.

4.5/5

Pros.

The references

How well realised it is

It is funny

Great performances

It is pure fun

Cons.

The villager side plot

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With Love, Meghan: Meghan Spends Her Man’s Money On A Fruit Plate You Could Only Dream Of Peasant

Summary

Possibly the best thing Meghan Markle has ever done, but not for the reasons she or Netflix would want.

Let it be known that I am no fan of the Dutchess, I believe she’s a gold digger, and I believe her cries for privacy are made to look laughable when she turns up to the site of school shootings as a disaster tourist ready to snap a photo for the gram.

However, this was great, it was unintentionally hilarious. Whether it was Meghan shooting the whole thing in a house that is clearly not her own, yet she never says that, or one of the many horribly awkward mash-ups she does with random guests. My favourite was when she reminded Mindy Kailing, famous Hollywood hack, of her last name, but rather than say Windsor as would be her actual marital last name if she took Harry’s name, she instead says Sussex which was a title. It is hilarious as not only does she look like the ultimate Karen but she still gets it wrong.

Moreover, there are also the recipes which for the most part Meghan uses to show that she is down to Earth and just like you, yet when she makes a fruit salad for a kids party, she must use well over $40 of fruit, as any regular working mum can do. It is moments like this where you can see just how out of touch she is, there are also other moments where you can see the rage bubbling inside of her which give a lot of credence to the Palace rumours that she was a bully.

Overall, this is one of the funniest things Netflix has released in a long time.

3/5

Pros.

It is hilarious

It is the right level of good cringe

You can see the anger and entitlement right there on screen.

Cons.

It goes on a bit too long

She has some stilted delivery

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Snow White: Disney’s Most Obvious Attempt To Court China Yet

Summary

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, it is off to the Congress of Soviets we go.

So where to begin with this.

Firstly, I think the backlash to Gal Gadot being Israeli and having served in the IDF, as all Israeli’s have to do, is anti-Semitic and wrong. To make matters worse the disgusting and terrorist supporting comments made by her co-star Rachel Zegler, no doubt made the film set harder to be at for Gadot, as such not only should we support her but we should openly condemn Zegler. However, if there is any justice this film will flop and with it, after all the reports of how difficult she, Zegler won’t work again.

Secondly, what this film did to the Dwarfs, making them caricatures of themselves and making them look horribly uncanny, will be a badge of shame not just for Disney but for Peter Dinklage for the rest of his career. Remember they could have hired real actors that looked the parts, but because of Dinklage’s comments we got what we got.

Thirdly, this film hates the original and its message of hope, and replaces it with narcissism, divisiveness and some good old fashioned Disney approved communist propaganda, how else will it sell in China? The love story from the original is paired back, as is a lot of the songs that were tied to it, Snow White, Zegler, is now a rebel leader leading the oppressed workers against the evil rich factory owners, Gadot. If you thought Disney were done shoving political messages down your kids throats as you pay them to do it, then think again.

The film thinks it can distract from these glaring issues by adding cute animals to every scene, they can not.

Overall, in the glorious class struggle for liberation from tyranny the megalithic corporation wants you to think it is on your side, it is not.

0.5/5

Pros.

It has some unintentional hilarity

Cons.

Zegler’s open support of terrorists and terror sympathisers

The destruction of the hope and optimism of the original

The communist messaging

The bloat

The Dwarfs

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Dog Man: Ahead Of The Pack

Summary

Dog Man cleans up crime.

So I was not aware that this was based on a book going in, I was not aware it was related to Captain Underpants either. I just thought it was a kids animated film, and I would say you can watch it as that, there was not any references to anything else that you wouldn’t get.

I thought that the dynamic between Dogman, Petey, Pete Davidson, and Little Petey was sweet and had a nice wholesome message. I found myself getting a little emotional at the end I have to say, it definitely had the feelings in the bag.

I would say however, that stylistically the film dropped the ball, maybe this is part of it and I am not aware but the editing was really strange like a lot of things would just randomly happen without much rhyme or reason. It had a feeling of okay now the next thing to it that I found a little off putting. There was also a lot of meta jokes and comments on it being a film which became a little bit grating over time.

Overall, a slightly above average kids film brought up by its wholesomeness.

Pros.

The wholesomeness

Ricky Gervais

A few good jokes

Cons.

The editing

The pacing

The meta commentary

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Sonic Three: The Quest For Meaningful Stakes

Summary

Sonic, voiced by Ben Schwartz, is back.

Going into the latter half of the year and looking at a pretty dire slate this was one of the few films that kept that small ember of optimism alive in me. However, after seeing it I have to say I was disappointed. I really don’t want to be writing that but it is the truth.

My issue with the film is pretty clear cut, whilst I liked Knuckles it did feel very much like a small story idea wrapped in goofiness and filler that was acceptable as it was a streaming show and not a mainline film. This film was far more Knuckles than the previous two films, rather than having some earnest heart, and having some epic moments or deeper worldbuilding, this film instead decided to have lots of goofy nonsense, such as a musical dance number, Eggman, Jim Carrey’s, obsession with telenovelas and a long drawn out race sequence in the films first act.

They have Krysten Ritter as the new director of GUN yet they give her one line and that is it, it is such a waste. I would have rather had more scenes that debated the ethical nature of GUN and made Sonic and co question whether they could trust them. As far as Shadow, voiced by Keanu Reeves, goes I was again disappointed. Shadow is my favourite character in Sonic lore yet they just give him a pretty bog standard revenge arc here before making him team up with Sonic at the end. I would have liked to see more of Shadow being an anti-hero, rather than him just getting the Knuckles in Sonic Two treatment where he is a villains henchman turned hero. It would have been better to have him and Sonic both trying to fix a problem say GUN did something bad in the past, but Shadow’s ways are too extreme and that puts him at odds with Sonic, rather than Sonic and Shadow both realise GUN did something bad so Shadow is going to destroy them for revenge, this seem over the top for Shadow who is an antihero, to kill lots of innocent people, and yes he isn’t fully aware of the weapons potential but still.

Overall, I would hope for the next film they could have less goofy silly stuff and a little more stakes and tension. It is never going to be super serious but some worldbuilding and some deeper character work would be nice. What I would like out of the next film is a for Amy-Rose to take team Sonic, including Shadow off world and for it to be a galaxy hopping adventure to stop a mass wave of Metal Sonics from destroying Earth to get to Sonic, this journey would explore Sonic’s origins and be large scale and epic. We wouldn’t have any goofy sing alongs dancing or anything else like that, we would have character growth and stakes.

Overall, good but a bit too silly and without the heart of the previous films.

3/5

Pros.

The end credits

It is cool to see Shadow even if they don’t do much with him

Jim Carrey is entertaining

Cons.

It is too goofy

It wastes new actors like Ritter

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Wallace and Gromit Vengeance Most Fowl: Keep Out Of Yorkshire

Summary

Wallace, voiced by Benjamin Whitehead, and Gromit are back and this time they are dealing with smart technology.

So I like Aardman, and I think the studio is talented but I really think it depends on the project, for example all of the Wallace and Gromit films are good, as is Robin Robin and the first Chicken Run, however things like Early Man, The Netflix Chicken Run, Shaun The Sheep and their segment for the second season of Star Wars Visions are bad. It is a mixed bag.

With this film I would argue it is watchable and has its moments but isn’t as strong as any of the other film films in the series particularly Wererabbit. I just found the inciting incident to be a little bit gimmicky, the smart gnomes felt a bit like taking a franchise that felt like it was set in the past, by design and that added to it, and then forcing in modern tech in a desperate attempt to seem trendy.

Bringing back Feathers McGraw was a good decision and the ending fight atop a train bridge was a lot of fun, as was him escaping to Yorkshire. It was a joke that only certain people may have gotten but it landed for me, I would have liked to have seen more of him throughout the film rather than wasting so much time with the gnomes.

Overall, good but not a patch on Wererabbit

3/5

Pros.

It is watchable

There is still a charm there

The ending

Cons.

It wastes too much time

The smart gnome feels gimmicky

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Monster House: The Greatest Love Story Ever Told

Summary

A possessed house is eating people.

So this is a classic of yesteryear often appearing on a lot of most underrated animated films lists. For me growing up this was a regular staple, I watched this film a lot, and watching it now I still think it holds up.

Whilst the animation is quite ugly it never strays too far into the uncanny valley, so unlike something like the Jim Carry Christmas Carol you are never left feeling disconcerted. I would also argue that despite this animation issue the film manages to be quite deep and effecting.

The love story at the heart of the film, I won’t spoil anything, is well done and quite a novel take on that sort of storyline. It helps you to empathise with the house and to feel a lot of emotion at the end of the film. I wouldn’t say it is an emotional gut punch in the way some animated films are, but I would say there is more than enough to get you a little misty eyed.

Overall, an animated classic that you really should check out if you haven’t already.

3.5/5

Pros.

It has a beautiful love story

It is well written

It has engaging characters

The ending is bittersweet

Cons.

The animation is a little rough

The sidekick kid can be annoying

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That Christmas: An Epitaph To The Sorry State Of Modern Britain

Summary

Richard Curtis should retire and Netflix should issue a public apology.

Where to start with That Christmas? There are so many things wrong with it that I honestly don’t know.

First and foremost it doesn’t understand the UK, it was written by an Englishman and yet it depicts a south coastal city in the winter as having knee deep snow and having frozen ponds and bodies of water. For those of you not familiar with UK weather that is incredibly unlikely unless maybe you were at high altitude or it was particularly cold but otherwise it is nonsense.

Then you have all of your horrible and dating ‘modern day tropes’ one of the characters is really into militant veganism and so releases all of the Turkey’s to die or later be recaptured, another goes off on multiple climate change lectures and of course has all the answers despite being a child. Then there is the fetishisation of the NHS, our free public health service here in the UK if you’re unfamiliar, with their being a whole subplot about a single mother, voiced by Jodie Whittaker, being selfless and working on Christmas Day and needing to be treated like a queen when she returns home. It has the sickening and fake over sentimentality of when people were banging pots and pans in Tribute to the NHS during the pandemic. She is doing her job, and arguably being a bad parent, yet we are supposed to give her some applause? Of course every different race imaginable is depicted as it’s a Netflix film and they don’t seem to understand that not every part of every country is the same as what they see on the streets of LA, especially not the monied parts of southern England.

Finally, it struggles as a Christmas film without a message. All good Christmas films have a message as well as being entertaining, but what does this film have to say? Communities should come together? Christmas is about the people and not the presents? Old people caused global warming and so are evil? All of these things have been said before, more intelligently and with more depth, by trying so hard to appeal to a modern audience the film is left saying nothing.

Overall, Netflix spits in your face and tells you it is Christmas snow.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

It doesn’t understand the UK at all

It is horribly dated

It is cringe

It feels the need to lecture

It has nothing new to say

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A Christmas Carol: Jim Carry Does A Yorkshire Accent

Summary

A Christmas Carol is animated and Jim Carrey attempts to do a Yorkshire accent.

As a child this was my favourite version of the Dicken’s classic, however, now watching it all these years later I find it has rather lost its charm. In many senses this suffers from the same sort of problem as The Polar Express and that is to say that the animation leans a little too closely into the uncanny valley and comes off as quite menacing and upsetting at times.

I appreciated Carrey’s performance and thought it was a high point of the film for sure, even his questionable Yorkshire accent for the Ghost of Christmas Present. His Scrooge really does feel the part in a way that a lot of the other on screen depictions just don’t.

I would argue that the ending needs a bit of work as when the transformation happens and Scrooge becomes nice rather than this feeling happy and like a personality shifted, it comes across a little bit manic here and a little as though Scrooge is having a breakdown. I would have said a positive but more subdued performance would have worked better here than a louder and more over the top one.

Overall, though a novel idea to animated the classic Christmas tale it is not without its issues.

2.5/5

Pros.

Carrey

Some impressive visuals

It is entertaining

Cons.

The animation can be too uncanny valley

The ending is a little too manic

It has pacing issues

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Spellbound: Rachel Zegler Is Banned From The Press Tour

Summary

Kids learn about the wonders of divorce from an early age.

So the plot of this film is that a royal couple argue a lot and it turns them into monsters and only when they realise that they cannot be together any more can they turn back into their old selves. Is that message on the nose enough for you? Or does it need to reach into your living room and clip you around the ears?

Moreover, the film stars one of the most unlikeable people in Hollywood right now in Rachel Zegler, who is an overly opinionated young person who thinks she knows better than people twice her age. The question is am I talking about Zegler the person or her character in the film? It’s a trick question, the answer is both.

Furthermore, even with all of that aside the film has no charm, when you consider that the director is the same person who directed the original Shrek one of the most charming animated films ever, you are left to question what happened?

Overall, Skydance animation really need to overhaul their approach because so far they have been making dud after dud and surely they can’t afford to keep that going forever.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons

Zegler

The message

It is generic

It is badly paced

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