Kung Fu Panda 4: The Battle Against Irrelevance

Po, voiced by Jack Black, is back and like every modern movie he needs to pass the torch onto a new dragon warrior.

So for the most part I thought this was fine, it was watchable enough and not particularly offensive in anyway. I think this was probably the worst written of the series and had the weakest plot and also emotional stakes, though I did like the moment Tai Lung, voiced by Ian McShane, gave Po his respect at the end of the film.

The successor narrative is one that Hollywood seems to be obsessed with recently, all of our beloved heroes need to pass the mantle to keep the franchise going as the creators don’t realise that there is a reason that Batman has stuck around for decades and hasn’t been retired just recast. My point is that rather than recast and move on they should keep Jack Black front and centre as he is who people are coming to see, people don’t want a new Dragon Warrior.

In terms of other narrative elements I thought Awkwafina’s new character was weak as hell, it was obvious she was a baddie who would turn it around and I didn’t buy the relationship between her and Po the film tries to set up. I understand that animation is often seen as for children but that doesn’t mean they can just serve dumb churned out slop. Moreover, the two dads, yes they do that joke a lot, b plot has some laughs but they mostly exist to kill time as the film quickly gets to its end point and then goes wait a minute we need to kill some more time what can we add.

The new villain is easily the worst of the series, for two key reason’s firstly she has no emotional backstory or personality you can engage with again she has a few jokes but that is it. Secondly, rather than have her own fighting style or anything like that they just have her use past villains moves, it is like creatively they are bankrupt so they decided to go instead of creating a new villain let’s just remix all the old ones within a bland new shell.

Also the lack of the Furious Five is a glaring omission.

Overall, a disappointing and unnecessary new entry.

2/5

Pros.

A few funny jokes

It has a good set piece battle on a cliff edge

Cons.

The villain is weak

The new Dragon Warrior is bland

The missing Furious Five

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Drive Away Dolls: Incredibly Sexualised Lesbians

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two young women, Geraldine Viswanathan and Margaret Qualley, travel across the States to find themselves and deliver a rather compromising package.

I want to preface this review by saying that I have never been a fan of the Cohen Brothers, though their films are lauded I only ever liked Inside Llewyn Davis. Here we only get one half of the directing duo and I have to say that is a deeply average film.

At the risk of offending, this film makes lesbians, both of the lead characters are, out to be sex crazed. Whilst a lot of films have done this with men over the years, so why not women is a valid point, but I would say that it is reductive. In the case of Viswanathan’s character they try and do more with her and develop more of who she is, her backstory and her hopes and dreams, whereas with Qualley’s character sex is all she is. I am a sex positive person and have no issue with any character being sexual but Qualley’s character is nothing more than that. Watch the film and tell me any character detail about her other than she likes sex, go on I’ll wait. She opens the film doing it, travels cross country doing it at every stop and then engages in sex with her friend turned girlfriend at the end of the film. I just think it would have been nice to get to know the character with her clothes on and as more than just a sexual object for the lesbian gaze. I think that the characterisation of the leads will make for an interesting research paper one day.

That said I think this film can get quite political at times, as you would probably expect. I think as with a lot of cases in modern Hollywood it is surface level, its commentary lacks any kind of wit or deeper engagement, its just yes right wing politicians are bad and its up to liberals to punish them and take them down. It is so nuanced that you would have to read copiously on the topic to be able to understand just a tenth of what they are saying, not.

The main pro I will give this film is that it has a good sense of humour. Beanie Feldstein has a decent number of humorous moments which make the film more bearable.

Overall, a paper thin film that struggles to entertain or be relevant.

Pros.

A few funny moment

It is short

Cons.

It over sexualises Qualley’s character

The political commentary is thin

It is boring and fairly predictable

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Anyone But You: When In Doubt Throw Yourself In The Harbour

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After a misunderstanding a pair of people who hate each other must pretend to be a couple in order to not ruin a wedding.

A plot that has been done so many times I have lost count, originality is not one of this films special skills. You know where this is going, they pretend to be a couple then they become a couple and then they break up and then they have a big run to the airport moment reunite and the films over.

I think where this film shines is with the chemistry between the leads Sydney Sweeny and Glen Powell, both of them do a really good job with it and have a strong back and forth and that makes this better than your standard rom-com.

I think a lot of the wider cast are just unnecessary and leave you feeling irritated when they are on screen as the film does nothing to make you care about them even slightly.

Overall, there isn’t much to say about this one, it is on the better side of average.

3/5

Pros.

The chemistry

A few funny jokes

A sweet singing scene

Cons.

It is predictable

The rest of the cast are wasted

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The American Society Of Magical: Race Hate The Movie

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A film meant to stand up an archaic racist trope, becomes just as racist.

If a filmmaker made a film wherein the plot line said there was nothing worse than an upset or threatened man of colour and tried to release it in the contemporary market it would be rightly condemned as hugely racist. However, the idiotic idea that you cannot be racist towards white people is tested to the limit here and proven that you actually can. The way this film generalises about white people and uses blatant caricatures, even for the purpose of comedy, is racist there is no other way to describe it. If as I laid out at the beginning the tables where turned this film would not have been made, yet this film sees the light of day despite an almost pathological hatred of white people seeing them all as villains out to oppress the lead.

Racist humour exists of course one only needs to tune into an episode of Family Guy to see an outdated stereotype of some kind, yet there the difference is that the show doesn’t get up on a soapbox and tell you it is progressive and righteous, it knows it said a racist joke and rolls with it rightly or wrongly. Here however the film thinks it can be as racist as it likes towards white people, making them out to be lazy, stupid, violent and incapable of doing anything other than steal the hard work of those they oppress, and then wants to say it is progressive, when it is actually regressive and divisive.

The most stupid thing about this film is that it doesn’t understand the trope it is trying to comment on. Within films about said trope, it is in the title, the character has no agency other than to serve and help the white characters yet the characters here have no agency and only exist to serve, they don’t want to change the status quo. As such what is this film challenging? What is it updating? It is just repeating the trope again but saying ‘oh look guys we can see its wrong’, but do they do anything new with it? Nope, they just have a character point out how messed up the trope is something that everyone with a brain already knew.

Finally the lecture at the end of the film where the main character finally stands up for himself just feels like hate speech, it boils down to white people are bad, again sub out that for any other race and this film wouldn’t be made, but this film seems to have a bee in its bonnet.

Overall, there is a reason that this film has underperformed and been ravaged by critics it is race baiting plain and simple, the creatives clearly have some prejudice towards white people, in my opinion, and wants to inject that into the film seemingly unaware that it will alienate a large part of the audience. A well deserved flop that hopefully kills the careers of those involved with it.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

It is disgustingly racist

It hates its audience

It preaches and lectures rather than try to be entertaining

It is tonally all over the show

It doesn’t actually update the trope it just recycles it and goes yes we know its bad

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Wicked Letters: Naughty Words To Make Your Elder Relatives Blush

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A series of profanity laden letters cause havoc in a small town.

Comedy can be so subjective, in many cases you can think a film is brilliant if it matches your sensibilities but if it doesn’t it can come off as unfunny, boring or even depressing, and I find that in this case I am leaning towards the latter. Though there were funny moment in this film is was far more of a dramedy then the trailers suggested it to be and at times I found it to be very depressing indeed.

Jessie Buckley is the saving grace of the film and her character is likeable and easy to root for, over the course of the film you want to see her free and you want to see everyone that keeps punishing her for being a little different be put in their place. Luckily it is that sort of film and the ending does give you the resolution you were looking for. Without Buckley this would be a much worse film.

Olivia Coleman on the other hand, and I say this as a fan, needs to find a new schtick, she has played a mentally ill posh woman so many times now in almost every role that she has been type cast. Again I won’t spoil it for you but I will say it is super obvious very early on in the film who is writing the letters to Coleman’s characters and if it was a different actor in the role I don’t think it would be so obvious.

Overall, it is nice to see British cinema still has some life blood but this just wasn’t to my tastes.

2.5/5

Pros.

It has a few funny moments

Buckley

Spall

Cons.

Coleman

It is depressing

The tone is all over the show

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Argylle: The Matthew Vaughn Formula Has Gone Bad

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A best selling novelist, played by Bryce Dallas Howard, finds herself at the centre of a spy mystery.

I like Matthew Vaughn, his style, even his second Kingsman film, but I didn’t like this.

I had two major issues with the film. Firstly, I thought it felt tame, the violence was bloodless and secondly I thought the twist was incredibly obvious. I think for me the worst moment of the film was the big final battle at the end when rather than having a bloody shootout which is what you want out of an action film you have instead bright colours and smoke and they are dancing and shooting and you just go who is this for? Meanwhile the twist that Bryce Dallas Howard is in fact agent Argyll was so on the nose that you could have guessed it blind without having ever seen the trailer.

My pros of the film come with the fact that the cast is good and likeable and you do like the characters even if the story itself is played out and repetitive. I think Bryce Dallas Howard did a good job leading the film and that Sam Rockwell and Henry Cavill where good in their supporting roles.

Overall, this film deeply misunderstood its audience its all very well doing a spy spoof film but people still want to see bloody gory violence and not a colourful dance number.

2.5/5

Pros.

Howard

The wider supporting cast

It is very watchable

Cons.

The mystery is obvious

It has been done better before

It feels incredibly tame

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Christmas As Usual: A True Get Out Sequel

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A couple goes home for Christmas and then her family proceeds to be racist towards the incoming fiancé for the entire runtime of the film, only having a ‘man racism is bad’ moment right at the end of the film because the plot demands it, you can tell they still hate him even at the end.

I challenge you to watch this film and not be infuriated by the Norwegian family. They make no effort to embrace Jashan, Kanan Gill, and are racist to his face multiple times and you are still supposed to like them in the plot of the film. Then they get the daughter’s ex round, blonde hair blue eyes and try and set her up with him in front of Jashan. If this film was a Get Out sequel I could believe it.

I mentioned it briefly in the summary but basically the family is awful to Jashan across the film to a point where he leaves and breaks off the engagement, as he should as the girl is too ashamed to reveal the fact she is marrying a man of colour, they then have a come to Jesus moment and go ‘wait a minute are we the baddies’. This feels forced in for the plot and I would have preferred if that had been the end of it, if it had been a drama, make a point, have them be racist and unrepentant, that would have felt more authentic again there shift here felt contrived.

Overall, In many senses this film is a good outrage film, it makes you feel angry and sometimes that is what you want maybe not out of a Christmas rom-com though. I would say at times the film is almost in the so bad it is good category as the characters are so cartoonishly twisted and easy hate to hate them characters. If you want to find an anti-rom com for Christmas then here it is.

2.5/5

Pros.

It is laughably bad at times

It makes you angry it is a good hate film

Jashan has a few nice wholesome moments

Cons.

It is hard to watch at times

The shift is unconvincing

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Lisa Frankenstein: Necrophilia The Love Story

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A social outcast, Kathryn Newton, falls in love with a zombie, played by Cole Sprouse.

I was looking forward to this and it was pretty middling.

The main pro I can say for this film is that Kathryn Newton is great, she is very easy to root for and you really believe her character throughout. She might over act a little when the character fully embraces being a bad girl but that aside for the most part she gives a great performance easily the best in the film, though that isn’t hard considering her co-lead doesn’t talk.

I think on the negative side of things that this film is very confused about what it wants to be, and how it wants to go about telling the story it wants to tell. As at times it tries to be a comedy, a drama and sometimes it tries to go for horror but these disparate elements don’t jell well together at all and make the film feel disjointed and tonally at odds with itself.

Moreover, this film doesn’t really have anything new or fresh to say at all, I think Diablo Cody is a good writer yet this feels years out of date. The love story will be familiar to anyone who has even a cursory knowledge of the genre and it is far too familiar to films like Life After Beth just with the roles swapped. Also if you want to talk about ripping people off the whole aesthetic of the film could easily have come out of a Tim Burton film from a decade or so ago.

Overall, whilst Newton is charming this film doesn’t do anywhere near enough to make itself a fun watch.

1.5/5

Pros.

Newton

It has a few funny moments

Cons.

It has been done better before

It feels too familiar

The tonal mismatch

It feels flat

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Navigating Christmas: Where Is A Storm When You Need One

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A single mum, Chelsea Hobbs, in order to prove she is ‘fun’ takes her kid to a lighthouse for Christmas as you do.

Again another painfully by the numbers Christmas film, I think of the crappy Christmas films that stick to the standard script that I watched this year this was by far my least favourite. For the simple reason of the teen actor playing the main woman’s kid is awful. So the character is a cliché stereotype that acts like he’s five despite clearly being older than that, and blames his mum for everything in his life. The character is so off putting that it is easier to just skip over any scene he is in.

The romance between Hobbs character and the male lead is better and the romance aspect of the film makes it salvageable but honestly it is nothing you haven’t seen before.

Sadly there isn’t much more to say about this you have seen it before, the teen is irritating to a point of the film being hard to watch at times, watch something else.

Overall, an incredibly generic Christmas film

1.5/5

Pros.

The romance is okay

It is mindless

Cons.

The kid is irritating

You have seen this before

It is badly paced

It makes so real stupid leaps in logic

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Wonka: A Discount Chocolate Bar

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Willy Wonka, Timothy Chalamet, gets an origin story, outside of the one he already had in the Tim Burton film.

I enjoyed this film more than I thought I would, and whilst I still stand by the fact it didn’t need to exist and that in many ways is fairly generic, there is enough charm here to elevate this above the realm of average and bring it close to good.

There are some great performances from some of the best in British comedy here these are peppered in throughout an always feel enriching when they appear. The most present of these comedians is the trio of villains again each giving a hell of a performance and being both funny and menacing in equal measure. To counter that I will say that Wonka’s group of friends and supporters is incredibly bland and feel tacked on, none of them really have any kind of personality outside of Wonka and the little girl he takes under his wing is the most forgettable character you will likely ever see in a film. She is basically Matilda without the charm.

The odd eccentricities of this film help to give it a unique feel that many familiar with the Paddington films will be familiar with, however, I think the foray into musical was a bad idea and that the film should and could easily have left the songs out; it is not like any of them are good singers.

I want to take a moment to shoutout Hugh Grant as once again here he is the standout of the film, I think his Umpalumpa was a scene stealer in the scenes he appeared in.

Sadly it is highly likely this film is why Sally Hawkins won’t be Mrs Brown in Paddington 3 which I think is a shame they a largely waste her in flashbacks here anyway.

Overall, it is a better than average yet flawed film

3/5

Pros.

It has a charm

The collection of British greats

Hugh Grant

Cons.

The supporting cast are weak

It never really justifies it’s own existence

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