The Hottie And The Nottie: Perhaps The Most Toxic Film Ever Made

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Paris Hilton can’t act as such she never gets any acting roles, and the only ones she can get are when she just has to play herself an entitled ego maniac that thinks everyone wants to date her. That is very true here yet the film also revolves around her friend, played by Christine Larkin, who can’t get a date because she is ugly. As a whole the film is a toxic mess.

The obvious reason why this film is terrible is because it encourages people to be shallow. Yes, the ending goes in a different direction and has the shallow character grow, but that is after we have spent a whole film laughing at these character for being ugly. It teaches bad values and praises looking a certain way above all else, which is fairly twisted and fosters self-hatred.

Moreover, Hilton is a terrible romantic lead though I won’t belabour the point as I think everyone is already aware at this point that she can’t act. Her character in this film is so utterly up herself that I can’t see why any one would ever want to be with her. Perhaps being one of the most unlikeable rom-com protagonists ever.

Overall, a film constructed out of two things nepotism and putting people down based on how they look.

Pros.

It borders on so bad it is funny at times

Cons.

Its values and message

The characters are loathsome

It has a horrible pace

Paris Hilton can’t act

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The Royal Treatment: This Is Why Your Subscriber Numbers Are Stagnating Netflix

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A prince, played by Mena Massoud, from yet another made up fictional place comes to America to meet his future bride, played by Chelsie Preston-Crayford, however, once there he meets sassy and street smart hairdresser Isabelle, played by Laura Marano, and he just can’t get enough of her entitled, obnoxious personality.

My, my how did Massoud go from Aladdin and the hights of super stardom to this? This film really isn’t worthy of him at all, and though he is the best thing in it and the only reason it has received half marks it makes me sad that this is the sort of role he is being offered.

Marano’s character fails so much as a romantic lead that she dooms the film. Now, this isn’t necessarily Marano’s fault, the writing certainly doesn’t do her any favours by giving her one of the worst personalities to come out of a Netflix film recently. She embodies American Exceptionalism and thinks that she can decide how to help the people of a foreign country better than their government, because she’s American and knows better?

Moreover, her relationship with Massoud’s prince character isn’t very healthy, she controls him and bends him to her will from the start of the film. In one of the first scenes the two share together on screen she tells him off for not sticking up for one of his servants after she gets told off by other staff for doing something wrong. Maybe he doesn’t like conflict, maybe he is worried him intervening will make things worse, no he’s bad because he isn’t constantly looking for opportunities to fight societal injustice and he needs a controlling woman to push him to do it. The more you think about it the worse it becomes.

Overall, yet another bad Netflix film.

Pros.

Massoud

A few good jokes

Cons.

Marano

The romance is troubled

The message of American Exceptionalism

The ending  

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Home Team: Adam Sandler Is Even Bringing His Kids Into His Films Now, Will The Nepotism Ever End?

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Adam Sandler’s dependence star in a true story about a disgraced NFL coach, played by Kevin James, who ends up coaching his son’s peewee football team.

This sports film just rehashes cliches, honestly there isn’t much more to say; I could end the review there. To expand, the plot of this film is not just overly familiar it is almost plagiaristic. The beats and forced emotion it is going for, but crucially never achieves, have been done so much better before elsewhere.

Moreover, I get him and Sandler are pals but whoever thought James was a good leading man? Does Sandler? Is that why he gets cast in the lead role in so many of Happy Madison’s productions? To answer some of those questions for you, nepotism is the only way James can get these roles as his talent just isn’t there. Whether playing happy, sad or quizzical James comes across with all the emotional range of a shopping bag.

Overall, it is fine, technically there is nothing wrong with it, however, if you want more than deeply forgettable then you will be left cold and disappointed.

Pros.

It is watchable

Taylor Lautner returns

Cons.

James

It is boring

It is generic

The nepotism is blatant

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Keith Lemon The Movie: The Pinnacle Of The British Film Industry

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

ITV tries to make some more money by stretching out the deeply unfunny and talentless persona of Keith Lemon to a feature film, the result a rare zero percent on rotten tomatoes.

I will preface this review by saying the only reason this film has a 1 is because it makes for a good drinking game, one takes a drink whenever any of the characters are being annoying, which is most of the time, and you end up good and drunk before the film has even reached the end of the first act- you are then spared the rest.

This might be one of the worst films I have ever seen. It certainly is the most desperate. A character and a concept that are the lowest common denominator, and that hide in the darkest corners of ITV2 are forced onto our film screens in what I can only describe as a perverse display of poor taste. Truly this film will only be funny to you if you are a young teenager. Even then it might struggle. None of its jokes are funny, but it tries too hard at every turn to be which just makes it even more desperate. It aims for edgy shock humour a lot of the time which only adds to this.

Most of the celebrities involved with it are British C-D listers that clearly need the money and it shows by how far they are willing to debase themselves by being in this.

Overall, stay as far away from this film as you can.

Pros.

Make it into a drinking game and make it bearable

Cons.

It is not funny

It is edgy for the sake of it

It is desperate

It has no reason to exist  

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The Karen Abroad: Flawed American Exceptionalism And The Use Of Regressive Stereotypes As Shown In Emily In Paris

Written by Luke Barnes

This will be a slightly different post to the ones I normally write. I want to write this as more of an in-depth look at what I think is a major issue within entertainment. American Exceptionalism abroad. Of course I am using the lens of Netflix’s Emily In Paris, a show about an American woman, played by Lilly Collins, who goes to France for a fashion job and the series charts her life there. I am not the first to make these points or come to these conclusions, but Emily In Paris is the embodiment of the faux idea of American Exceptionalism, the examples I give can also be referenced in hundreds of other shows and movies as well.

Upon the end of the show’s first season Emily In Paris got a lot of criticism for some of the issues I am going to bring up, the show then tried to address and change this in the second season which has just aired, but rather than actually fix things it seems like the show has just doubled down on all the things people hate and has flipped the audience off in the process.

To get to my first example from the show, when Emily first arrives in Paris she decides that everything her French co-workers have done is wrong and that only her American way can save the company. One can draw some comparisons to a white saviour narrative arc here however here it is not about race but nationality, this is the American saviour. Of course the natives, The French, are resistance to Emily’s American brilliance but of course she is shown to be right and they are all shown to be incompetent. This backs up the outdated world view that nowhere is as successful or as creative as America and that no company can achieve true success without an American’s help, which is widely insulting, but also embodies American Exceptionalism.

Secondly, Emily makes no effort to learn French or to respect local traditions or customs, this is somewhat remedied  in season two as they make a big point out of showing her trying to learn French. However, even in this capitulation the show is two faced. In the beginning the narrative suggests that Emily doesn’t need to learn French as those around her need to come to her and need to speak English, as by not they are being rude even though it is not an English speaking country. This furthers the entitled air of the show. With the second season having her learning French it is the bare minimum yet the show wants us to worship Emily and revere her for doing it, this shouldn’t be encouraged this should just be a standard, but no, in the world of Emily In Paris if a character doesn’t capitulate to Emily, thereby to America, they are in the wrong.

My final example and perhaps what some might call my smoking gun is the show’s use of stereotypes for the French and later Ukrainian characters. Many America shows carry with them somewhat of a xenophobia perspective, this idea of the American characters being normal and everyone outside of their country being off, bad, or somehow lesser to them. Nowhere is this better shown then in the use of stereotyping, you might see this when American shows portray the Irish as alcoholics, the English as having bad teeth or in the case of Emily In Paris the French as being rude, philanders who can’t keep to Emily’s own moral values. Many French critics have called out this show for its depiction of French people and French culture, as it has been highlighted as damaging and unenlightened. The way the show portrays French people is done as a means to lessen them in the eyes of an American audience, here we have Emily just trying to be nice and the mean foreigner is ignoring her.

Moreover, don’t even get me started on how the show tries to sexually shame the French people by showing them as constantly sleeping around, which of course karen Emily judges, only to later show highly questionable sexual behaviour herself. She sleeps with a minor and the show brushes it off as a joke and even has it be recurring. The hypocrisy is not lost.

In the second season the show changes it target after being called out too much for its depiction of the French and goes after Ukrainian’s, creating a new character who is a walking cliché shown as being a thief and terrified of being deported; if I were Ukrainian I would find that highly insulting. However, you see dear reader that it doesn’t matter where the foreign character is from they have to be brought low so that Emily and by default America can feel good about itself, because at the end of the day that is what American Exceptionalism, as flawed as it is, is all about. A vain effort to ignore all of the systematic issues of their own country by projecting themselves as the best people on the planet, with everyone else left as a stereotype.

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Bruno: Does Anyone Find This Funny?

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Austrian fashion journalist Bruno, played by Sasha Baron Cohen, travels to America to make it as a big Hollywood celebrity.

I think this is the worst of all Sasha Baron Cohen’s comedy films. All the most obnoxious and irritating elements are turned up to beyond the max here in a desperate attempt to be funny. Even then it still fails. I didn’t find myself laughing once whilst watching this.

Many praise this film for how it presented Bruno’s sexuality. However, though this film may have subverted some homosexual stereotypes in its depiction it also made new ones which were just as bad as those before it. It still often used Bruno’s sexuality as the butt of the joke, which coming from a straight actor seems a little poor show and homophobic.

I also thought that despite being under an hour and a half this film felt like it was on for at least three hours, such was its terrible pacing. It truly was a slog to get through.

Overall, not funny, irritating and mildly homophobic.

Pros.

Some of the celebrities that have been ‘caught unaware’ give funny reactions

Cons.

It isn’t funny when it tries to be

It is awfully paced

It creates new homophobic stereotypes

Most of the characters feel very one note

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Cool Runnings: A Winter Olmypics You Can Enjoy

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Everyone’s favourite bobsled team takes the Olympics by storm.

This film really does hold up. It is just as good now as when I first saw it, happy, wholesome and inspirational; the perfect film to watch during the bleak month of January.

Sadly the film is tinged with sadness by the fact that John Candy isn’t with us anymore, as his is one of the best characters here, only really beaten out by Rawle D. Lewis’s Junior. Though having said that there isn’t a bad performance from anyone in this film, everyone is compelling and helps to bring the story to life.

I thought the ending of this film is one of the best of any sports movie, as not only does it have a good message, it is not about winning but instead about doing right by yourselves, it also has all the feel good beats you would want from a sports film with even the adversarial characters becoming friends and supporters by the end.

The pacing is good and the film knows when to end, two things that a lot of modern films don’t understand. I liked that this film kept it tight and used all the screen time it has effectively, I didn’t become bored once whilst watching.

Overall, a near perfect sports film.

Pros.

The message

The feel good factor

The characters and the performances

The ending

Cons.

The humour didn’t click with me

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How I Met Your Father: Pilot

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A gender swapped version of How I Met Your Mother.

This was rancid, so much so that I won’t be reviewing any of the other episodes. One was enough for me to check out. Maybe the show will pick up, or maybe it will continue in this vein and if so I am glad I have already given up.

Right from the new cover version of the original How I Met Your Mother theme song red flags are going off, firstly because this theme is not good and secondly because it feels a bit too nostalgia baity. Little did I know that nostalgia bait is the key driving force of this show, as it references and outrightly shows various things from HIMYM in an effort to trigger the member berries in what may be the most desperate way I have seen yet.

Moreover, this film was written by a group of ageing, almost certainly white men, who don’t understand anything about how young people now interact beyond what they see trending on twitter as such this episode is constantly cringe, and not a one of the jokes work. Somewhere after our first tinder mention I started to realise this show wasn’t for me.

Finally, and perhaps most obnoxious of all is the flashforward. Yes, very much like HIMYM this show has a future sequence, where they make terrible jokes about how Alexa’s get things wrong and that older women can be sexual too? Is this funny? This section was so painful it made me want to turn the episode off and honestly I wish I did.

Overall, absolutely terrible.

Pros.

Hillary Duff is trying her best

Cons.

It isn’t funny

It is cringe

It relies too heavily on nostalgia

The new cover song theme song

There is no need for this to exist  

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Sex Appeal: Why Are The Kids Today So Damn Cringe?

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young overachiever, played by Mika Abdalla, must enlist the help of her friend Larson, played by Jake Short, in order to get herself ready for her first time with her long distance boyfriend.

If that doesn’t sound like one of the most generic premises you have ever heard, then honestly I am worried about you. I feel like I have seen about fifty other films with that same premise at least. I am getting so sick of this smart girl breaking bad narrative, it worked well in Booksmart it doesn’t mean you need to copy it relentlessly Hollywood. It is also reductive to the cause as it implies that women can’t be both smart and sexually liberated and adventurous, it has to be one or the other.

The young cast are all incredibly unlikeable, and push the boundaries of cringe honestly some of the things they say and do feel so cringey that I almost had to turn the film off. It feels several years out of date to say the least, now I don’t know any American teens so maybe they do carry on like this but dear God I hope not. It feels more likely to just be old executives thinking this is how teens act.

This film did not need to be made, the money used to construct it could have been used for one hundred superior projects or even just given to charity and it would have made the world better, this film enriches nothing and no one, showing the most desperate side of the industry.

Overall, it is depressing that this film was made.

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

It is cringe

It isn’t funny

It is painfully derivative

It has no reason to exist

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The Interview: Aren’t We All Getting Too Old For This Weak Form Of Comedy?

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The film sees Seth Rogen and James Franco play aspiring journalists sent out to interview Kim Jong-un, played by Randall Park, once in country the objective of their mission changes.

I will tackle the elephant in the room before we proceed, yes James Franco has faced abuse allegations, which he has paid off, yes that makes me not want to watch any films with him in, but for the purposes of this review I tried to place that to one side and view the film without thinking about Franco’s sordid personal life.

However, even with that to one side my view of this film is negative. I found both ‘funny men’ to not be all that funny at all instead I found both to just be churning out the same old shtick they always do and in a particularly unlikeable way here. There was nothing about either of the two heroes that made me feel anything towards them other than mild annoyance.

Randall Park on the other hand fares better and actually managed to make me laugh several times, Park really is an underappreciated hard worker in the Hollywood comedy scene he often delivers the laughs but rarely gets the praise for it.

Park aside I found the comedy to mostly be lifeless and overly reliant on cliches, stereotypes and the exceptional sense of American superiority and smugness anywhere outside their borders. I rarely found myself laughing instead I was often bored.

Overall, watchable in a pinch but fairly subpar.

Pros.

Park

It is watchable

Cons.

Rogen and Franco are annoying

It isn’t funny

It relies too hard on cliches and stereotypes

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