A Christmas Story: Trump’s America

Loud and obnoxious.

Those are the two words that define A Christmas Story. The kids are loud and obnoxious. In many ways they are the American stereotype loud, obnoxious and self-entitled. They also run away when their friends are in trouble, but hey that just seems to be this current administration.

This film felt like it was made on cocaine, as there was a lot of random scenes that didn’t make sense, they were almost cartoony which did not work within the film itself, it almost felt like Family Guy cut aways. Moreover, the level of consumerism that was rampant throughout the film was sickening, yes Christmas is a consumerist holiday, but that doesn’t mean we have to fetishize specific items, or that that should be encouraged in children.

There is also a really unpleasant domestic abuse undertone in this film, wherein the mother and the kids seem genuinely terrified of the father, this isn’t like normal discipline this is a child worrying that they would die if their father heard they had done something wrong and the film presenting this as a rational worry not a kid being ridiculous.

Overall, an unpleasant film that shows why foreigners have a never impression of America.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is not offensively bad

Cons.

It is obnoxious

The materialism

The domestic abuse vibe

It is depressing

It is weird tone wise

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Love Meghan At Christmas: A Fake Christmas At A Fake House

Summary

Meghan Markle is back to save Christmas.

Much like the Grinch here Meghan tries her best to seem affable to get guests to come around to her house and desperately appease her, but if they say something she doesn’t like she will steal their presents. You get this vibe when Prince Harry who you imagine has been kept forcibly locked under the stairs for the past season arrives in the final few minutes and thanks his wife ‘for having him’. I imagine his SS costume that he was going to get for Christmas will have gone missing now as Megrinch teaches him a lesson.

Jokes aside this is more of what Meghan does best hosting various Z list celebrities and having them speak wellness speak, as Meghan pretends that she is listening. All the while she is thinking about her campaign for President on the democratic nomination. The guests she has for the special are a mixture of cringe, quiet and pandering, they all make the same awkward small talk, some with more of a feeling of duress.

Meghan tries to pull out all the stops including wearing Christmas pyjamas and does manage to make it feel Christmassy, despite her being fake, not in her own house and with her kids off and out of sight.

The cringe never ends.

Overall, a funny experience if you watch it ironically and see how weird and out of touch Meghan is.

3/5

Pros.

It is funny not intentionally

It is short

The discomfort is real

Cons.

It is very fake feeling

It is more of the same

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Home Alone Three: Fighting Terrorists With Toys

Summary

We remove, Macaulay Culkin, we replace burglars with terrorists, and we have it so the child is only home alone whilst there mother nips to the office. Is it even still Home Alone?

For me personally I prefer the traps section in this film to either of the earlier efforts as it truly feels like this one went all out and gave us this idea taken to its fullest. Perhaps this is gimmicky but to me it worked.

The child is not as affable as Kevin and the family feel like an imitation but at least the traps are good. It was odd that the mother seemed almost modelled after Catherine O’Hara, but I suppose John Hughes did have a type.

I thought the parrot had a number of good moments and brought some levity to the film, though I must say that even it got to a point wherein I felt was becoming a bit of a crutch for the film ultimately.

Overall, there is still some charm to be had here particularly if you like the traps however, I would say that it is not as good as the other two films as films and feels like a made for streaming movie, though in its time it would more likely be a straight to video film.

2.5/5

Pros.

The traps

The parrot

A few funny moments

Cons.

The plot is worse

The terrorists stuff is ridiculous

It lacks the charm

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Diary Of A Wimpy Kid Christmas Cabin Fever: Worse Than Book Burnings

Summary

I returned to the Disney version of the Diary Of A Wimpy Kid franchise and was a bit sick.

So lets get one thing very clear, Greg is a good kid but also a fundamentally flawed one with his schemes often getting him into trouble, he is not the sort of kid to give away the present he most wants to help those in need, the idea was so American and sickening that I almost turned it off. This idea of the great moral virtuoso is fake kids don’t behave like that.

In addition this film above all others in the space made me hate current day animation and long to return to the two dimensional hand drawn kind of years prior. Everything about this was so ugly, the models how they moved around the space, the way they interacted with the environment, the environments themselves were hideous.

Moreover, Greg’s families personality was just one emotional state the entire film, there was no nuance or development for his family in anyway they started off the film one way and ended it the same.

Overall, this is some of the most soulless animation you might ever see.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

The animation is ugly

It feels fake and overly moral

The family has no personality

It is not funny or relatable

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Christmas Karma: London That Famous Latin Location

Summary

Raj from the Big Bang Theory gets political.

So this was the first film I have ever watched on Plex and I have to say it was a good system, better than some streaming services for sure. I am glad this did not come out in the cinemas where I am, as I cannot imagine sitting there and watching it all in one go. I had to take breaks to get over the cringe.

So a lefty luvvie filmmaker that can seemingly only make films about people from South East Asia, think she can reverse the populist rise in the UK by making a film about immigration. She repeats all of the left wing talking points you would expect, immigrants only immigrate due to forced displacement, ignoring economic migration, that the locals are always angry white people, rather than plenty of people who welcome immigrants and want to integrate with society. This is the sort of film that makes people become right wing, by over simplifying a complex topic and present a very basic moral argument between good and bad.

Also this film decided that A Christmas Carol really needed a latina ghost, really? This film is supposed to be set in the UK, why would there be a latina ghost? The number of Latin people in the UK is miniscule. What seemed like to me was an effort in box ticking, they needed to get every group they could think of ticked off the list, they even gave some token white representation by having Danny Dyer be a dumbed down goofy version of himself to go see white people we don’t hate all of you.

The plot is your standard play on A Christmas Carol with the above politics mixed in for flavour, the issue however, is that A Christmas Carol has been done to death and mixing in some race baiting elements isn’t what the film needs to feel fresh.

Overall, I am sure the group this film was made for will like it, but sadly I was not a part of that group. My takeaways from this experience is that Plex is great Christmas Karma not so much.

1/5

Pros.

It has some unintentional comedy

Cons.

It isn’t funny on purpose

It is preachy

It over simplifies things

The moral of it is so obvious throughout

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A Very Merry Pooh Year: Bring Back Hand Drawn Animation

Summary

Pooh and friends celebrate the holidays.

I needed a pallet cleanser after all of the horrible three dimensional animation I have seen recently for a project I was helping a friend with, so I thought some classic hand drawn animation was just the ticket. Seeing this makes me think about what we have lost, hand drawn animation has so much more heart and soul, even when it combines with three dimensional characters or elements.

I like that this is not just a Christmas film but rather a film that reflects the whole period, there are not many animated New Years films so that was a nice change. I thought that this special did a lot to not only make it feel like Christmas but show how each individual character interacts with the season. The Christmas magic really gave the sweetness of Pooh an extra something.

I would challenge you to watch this special and not even feel a little bit Christmassy, it shows the true meaning of the season and has a wonderful message that is relevant no matter who is watching it or when.

3.5/5

Pros.

It is sweet

It is novel

It is nice to see the different character interact with Christmas

The animation

Cons.

It is slow at times

It has almost a melancholy feel at times

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Merry Good Enough: Not Really Good Enough

Summary

A mother, Susan Gallagher, goes missing on Christmas.

So this is a holdover from my 2024 Christmas viewing season, as I am now writing about it in late January, it slipped through my net regarding posts to release and I had forgotten I had seen it for a while on top of that. That should say all we need to about the film leading in.

However, I imagine you want more. So basically this is a film about a mother who feels underappreciated and runs away both because she wants to escape her children but also because she wants to know they care. This bizarre dichotomy is made only the more strange by the fact that she does not live with her children so why does she need to escape them, one whom she quarrels with comes around every week but she still has the rest of her week to herself. Anyway logic aside.

The kids air family grievances and have to come to terms with the fact that there parents are not perfect people, a thing that most already know by their mid-teens, but hey these folks have to figure it out as adults as they are all clearly quite sheltered.

There is some charm and some relatability but ultimately you cannot form a bond with any of the characters as the writing is just so poor, they don’t feel like people but rather archetypes.

Overall, a fairly forgettable Christmas dramady.

2/5

Pros.

It is watchable

It has a few warm moments

Cons.

It is poorly paced

It is forgettable

The characters feel like characters

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Doctor Who Christmas Special: Dr Babe’s Trip Through The Looking Glass

Summary

Dr Babes is back and crying once again.

There was so little merry about this that I consider how they can even call it a Christmas special, surely that is some form of false advertising.

If you didn’t like the new Doctor’s first series you won’t like this it is much more of the same, him dancing, him saying babes, him being sassy and then being strong by crying. Who needs brains and a sonic screwdriver when you have interpretive dance and crying.

Him being joined by one of the stars of Bridgerton just feels like the BBC once again desperately trying to get in a youth audience that has never even heard of Doctor Who, she was entirely forgettable. Turning her into the Star Of Bethlehem from the Bible was an unexpected twist that manages to spoil a centuries old story, all to prop up the BBC’s failing IP.

Having a future version of the Doctor show up just feels like more messing with the cannon for the sake of trying to get a cheap thrill, it shows a lack of respect towards the series and towards those that enjoy it. However, I would expect nothing more from the current day BBC.

Overall, more garbage paid for by an archaic and unjust tax.

0.5/5

Pros.

It makes for a good thing to laugh at

Cons.

The guest star can’t act

The star twist is stupid and doesn’t fit

The future Doctor idea is lazy and disrespectful

It is cringe

It is too long

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Rare Exports: Refining The Santa Trade

Summary

A Finnish youngster, Onni Tommila, and his father, Jorma Tommila, find wild Santa Clauses and elves after a glacier is drilled and decide to make some money.

So despite the outlandishness of that premise this film is not a comedy, not really, it is more so an action horror film with a silliness to it. I found the film to have a number of scary moments, and I would say the action was strong in the last third of the film, hence I am happy to call it an action horror film. The jokes were few and far between so I wouldn’t say to watch this if you are looking for a laugh.

I found it interesting to see a Christmas film from outside the Anglosphere and to see how they approach it, I am relatively new to Finnish cinema but I must say that they have a way with vistas, between this and the other Finnish film I have seen of Sisu I have to say the Finnish really have an eye for cinematography.

I found the idea of evil Father Christmas/Elves to be refreshingly different and not go in the way I was expecting it too, so that’s a plus as well.

Overall, an interesting and fresh film, with some slight pacing issues.

4/5

Pros.

It is fresh

It has some good scares

The action is also good

The ending sets up interesting prospects for the future

Cons.

Pacing issues

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The Holdovers: Away At Christmas

Summary

Paul Giamatti plays a man obsessed with ancient Rome and who gets stuck watching some private school kids over Christmas.

Honestly I think this film was massively overrated. I saw why it won academy awards it feels like the sort of film that would win them, but should it have? For example, though Da’Vine Joy Randolph won for her role as a grieving mother, the only performance that stirred me towards feelings any kind of emotion was Giamatti. This final scene where his life has basically imploded is far more emotional that Randolph’s character who mopes and occasionally makes a sassy comment.

I think in many ways like a Pixar film this film was trying to manipulate you with its arc into feeling something into caring, all films do this to a degree, but when the kids father was in an asylum it was clear the film wanted to hit you in the feels. The issue with this artificial approach of course is that it feels disingenuous, it doesn’t feel real or authentic and as such it seems shallow within its emotional resonance.

Overall, a sad film and one that is not all that impressive.

2/5

Pros.

Giamatti

The score is fantastic

Cons.

It is emotionally manipulative in an obvious way

It is badly paced

It is overhyped

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