Nerve: I Dare You To Not Watch This Film

Nerve is a social media themed adventure film directed by Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman. The plot sees Vee (Emma Roberts), a shy quiet girl, take a more active role in her life by playing a social media craze; said craze sees the player being dared to do things by the watchers for various sums of cash, as you can imagine things quickly get out of control.

This is one of the vapidest, lame, needless films I have ever seen. Right from the beginning you get a sense that this film thinks it is great; not only great, but also deep and that it has something meaningful to say about our social media society. It does not. The ham-fisted messages and taking points that this film regurgitate are the same sort of things that any child could tell you, or that you might see written on the Facebook page of your elderly family member who is deeply out of touch with the ‘youth’.

I am almost certain that this film was written by people who don’t understand how teens interact. The main group of teens the film follows behave nothing like any teen I have ever met and are just a collection of out of touch stereotypes, that are also strangely inconsistent. As I was writing this review, I found out that this garbage fire was based on a book, this film proves that not ever teen novel needs an adaption Hollywood if you’re reading.

Roberts and Dave Franco, that plays her beefy onscreen love interest, are just passable enough to not be called out for accepting the role for a cheap pay day, however in the way of charm and charisma they are devoid of anything resembling either and both are the definition the term blackhole of charisma. These sorts of performances are the reason why the Razzies were invented.

Overall, this film feels incredibly out of touch, the characters range from forgettable to hate inducing, this is an hour and a half of your life you will not get back, so please don’t waste your time.

Pros.

The concept is interesting enough, for about 10 minutes.

Cons.

It is boring.

It is repetitive.

All the performances are terrible, the actors should be ashamed.

It is the most out of touch film I have seen in recent memory.

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

Gretel And Hansel: The Most Polarising Film Of 2020

Gretel and Hansel is a dark fantasy horror film directed by Oz Perkins. It serves as a darker, more in line with the original tale, version of the Brother Grimm’s Hansel and Gretel. The version of the story that this film explores focuses more on a wider surrounding evil, as well as Gretel (Sophia Lillis), coming into her own both as a woman and a witch.

I have mixed feelings about this film, there are some things it does really well, but there are also a lot of things it does wrong. It seems to be proving divisive amongst people online, as such I find it hard to recommend this film, but I also wouldn’t say don’t watch it.

Firstly the good. The film has a beautifully unique visual style, which is both incredibly from a technical point of view and also horrifying and striking. All of the unsettlingly good aspects of this film come from this. Also, the oppressive atmosphere of the film leads it to have some great scares especially late in the game.

However, therein lies the problem with this film. Many criticise the likes of Aster and Eggers for having slow burning horror films, that some would describe as ‘boring’, if you’re one of those people don’t watch this! This film makes Midsommar look snappy and make the Witch look like a romp; I love both of those films by the way. This film is hard to get through, it is slow, and a lot of its scenes drag out, however, unlike other films that unintentionally do this because they are poorly written/paced this film seems to be doing it deliberately.

If you stick with it until the end, you’re given an ending that much like everything else in this film proves polarising. The ending sees Gretel send Hansel (Samuel Leakey), off so she can start her life as a witch, which makes you question her morals, but this idea of others, mainly men, standing in a young woman’s way and needing to be removed is a central tenant of the film.

Lillis’ performance here, much like it was in the recent IT films is passable, but in no way impressive. I found she didn’t bring much to the role and was often out acted, it makes me question why she got the role when there are lots of other arguably, more talented young actors out there.

Overall, this isn’t a good film, this isn’t a bad film, this isn’t an average film, it is simply an incredibly, incredibly niche film.

Pros.

The horror.

The visuals.

The Witch.

Cons.

It is very hard to watch; it seems to want you to give up.

It is not going to be to many people’s taste.

Sophia Lillis is bland.

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

A Long Way Down: An Anti-FeelGood Comedy

A Long Way Down is a comedy drama film directed by Pascal Chaumeil. The film is based on a novel of the same name by Nick Hornby. The plot follows four people who were all going to kill themselves on New Years Eve, but because of the arrival of the others didn’t. They then all agree to a life pact, an opposite suicide pact and agree to stay alive until Valentines Day. Through their shared pains and new-found friendships they learn to heal and find new reasons to live.

This is the sort of the film you would expect it to be, it is mushy and overly emotional, it ends with all of the characters happy and moved on from their respective issues and two of the character get together; incredibly predictably. That is my issue with this film, everything that you think will happen does. Anyone who has ever seen a similar film before could easily tell you exactly the twists and turns of this film before they even watch this. Formulaic is a word that easily describes this film.

Another thing that bothered me about this film is that considering it is a feel good, mushy film it is not all that happy. A lot of this film is the opposite of inspiring and uplifting, it is depressing. I get that the point is to show them as having nothing left to live for and then turn it around over the course of the film, but rather than do this the film feels bleak until the final 5 minutes and then you get a manic burst of happiness all at once.

Furthermore, Pierce Brosnan’s character is a peado, there is no way around it, the reason he wants to kill himself is because prior to the events of the film his character has an affair with a girl he thought was 25, but it turned out she was 15. We are told this from the off and are then expected to cheer for him and be glad he doesn’t kill himself, but you feel icky the whole time when you think about it. It feels like a needless inclusion for him to be a peado, he could have just had an affair that ruined his life, she didn’t need to be a child.

Overall, this is a feel-good film that isn’t particularly feel good, it wants you to cheer on a sex offender and it is incredibly predictable, so…….

Pros.

The cast is solid.

Cons.

It is depressing.

He is a peado.

It is predictable.

It is painfully average.

1/5

500 Days Of Summer: You Never Know What Is Around The Corner

500 Days Of Summer is a romantic comedy drama directed by Marc Webb. The plot see hopeless romantic Tom (Joseph Gordon Levitt), fall for Summer (Zoey Deschanel) a girl who believes true love doesn’t exist.

The film details the events the lead up to their relationship, their relationship and then what happens after they break up.

In many ways, this is an anti rom com, the two leads don’t end up together at the end of the film, the both end up in relationships with other people. However, that is the whole point of this film, it knows what a rom com is, and it goes against genre stereotypes in near every way to try and make something that is entirely different.

This is an incredibly nuanced film. It portrays love as it really is with all the highs and lows making the cut rather than portraying it in the idolised over the top ways a lot of romantic comedies do, which simply isn’t how real life is like; Bridget Jones wouldn’t exist in the real life.

Both Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zoey Deschanel are fantastic, they have great onscreen chemistry and are both easily charming and charismatic. They both add a lot to this film’s quirky sensibilities which really set it apart from other parts and makes it feel unique and special.

What’s more as a hopeless romantic myself I love the ending, just when it seems like all hope has been lost and that maybe fate and true love don’t exist the revelation comes that Summer was all part of fate’s plan for Tom and then the love of his life is just round the corner. This film borrows a lot from the logic of How I Met Your Mother.

Overall, this is a romantic comedy unlike anything else, both of the leads are great, and the ending is uplifting. Defiantly something to get you through the hard times.

Pros.

The ending.

The quirkiness.

The two leads.

The non-linear time structure.

Cons.

Misleading for people wanting to see a rom com as this isn’t that.

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Crazy Rich Asians: How To Miscast Your Lead

Crazy Rich Asians is a romantic comedy film directed by Jon. M. Chu. It is based on the book of the same name. The plot follows economics lecturer Rachel (Constance Wu), as she travels to meet her boyfriend Nick’s (Henry Goldings), parents. Once she arrives in Singapore, she is shocked to find out that her boyfriend belongs to one of the richest families in the country.

I haven’t read the books, so my reaction is based only on the film. I thought that this was a fairly standard rom-com, I understand how it is important from a cinema diversity standpoint as this film features an almost entirely Asian cast which is something quite rare in Hollywood. However, as a rom-com this film left me going ‘eh’.

The love story between Rachel and Nick is as you would expect it to be, she feels out of place in this rich world, Nick’s mum Eleanor (Michelle Yeoh), doesn’t approve of their relationship, it all seems hopeless, they break-up, they realise none of that matters and then get back together in the end, this is pretty much your standard fish out of water rom-com plot line.

The far more interesting plot line is that of the failing marriage between Astrid (Gemma Chan), and Michael (Pierre Png). Michael is resentful that he doesn’t have any agency of his own as his business ventures keep failing, he also doesn’t like the fact this wife is rich from her own money, he is deeply insecure and it says a lot about relationship power dynamics and masculinity; it also works as a nice parallel for Rachel and Nick at the start of the film. This sub-plot between two supporting character is more interesting than the main story!

As for the main two characters, Henry Golding is as effortlessly charming as always, he has charisma for days and that is needed here, as his on-screen partner Constance Wu has none. It is very hard to root for Rachel as Wu does very little to make her warm or endearing, Wu seems to think that she herself is great and that is why you should care about any character she plays, she seems to refuse to shot scenes that make her appear even slightly vulnerable. This is true of her other projects as well and it just makes her come across as a very cold person, which is not want you want from the lead character in a rom-com. She is also outperformed by Awkwafina, who plays her sidekick/best friend in the film.

Overall, I wish this film had cast someone else as it’s leading lady, or at the very least had given Gemma Chan more screen time as she is by far the best actress on screen. Golding is charming, but that only carries the film so far.

Pros.

Gemma Chan.

Henry Golding.

A step forward for Hollywood.

Cons.

Deeply average.

Constance Wu is woefully miscast.

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Pet Sematary: Sometimes Dead Is Better.

Pet Sematary is a supernatural horror film directed by Kevin Kolsch; based on the Stephen King novel of the same name. The film revolves around a family that finds a graveyard behind their house, that allows things to come back from the dead, this could be animals, or it could be people, but when they come back, they come back changed.

First things first, I just need to say I had very high expectations when I went in to see this film, as I love the work of Stephen King, as well as the 1980 version of this film. As a result of that I was disappointed with it and thought that while the new version did have a few cool scenes, it wasn’t a patch on the original film.

For me the issues began with the casting of Jason Clarke as Louis Reed. I don’t like Clarke and I certainly don’t rate him as an actor. I don’t know if I just haven’t seen him in the right role, but it seems like whenever he turns up in a film, that film turns out to be bad; the list of films that prove this point is long, but some choice examples are Winchester, Terminator Genesis and Serenity, however he is the best of a bad bunch.

This film has John Lithgow in it, he plays the neighbour that tells Louis about the pet semetary in the first place, Lithgow does the best with what little he has, but he is truly wasted in this film and his best scene is a scene that involves a child slashing the tendons in the base of his leg. What a waste.

The horror of this film is also not as well done as the 80’s version. Yes, that film was campy and a bit silly, but the scenes of the sister who is bed-bound in the attic, were genuinely frightening and left an impact. However, those same scenes in the 2019 version lose a lot of there impact thanks to an over-reliance on jump scares. I have talked at length about the plague that is jump scares, so I won’t go on about it here.

Finally, and perhaps worst of all we have the ending, which is significantly different from the book and the 1980 film, this time we see that the whole family has become evil thanks to the semetary and is going to kill baby Gage and that is how the film ends, so effectively the bad guys win. This could be done in such a way where it felt natural and earned, it is not inherently a bad thing. However, the way this ending is presented to us, leaves us feeling unsatisfied and let down; which then leaves a sour taste in the mouth when thinking about this film.

Overall, yet another remake that never needed to be made, disappointing, dumb and downright boring at times, don’t waste your money, watch it on TV, or stream it on Netflix.

Pros.

John Lithgow tries.

The classic song is back, even if it is a cover.

Cons.

Stop casting Jason Clarke!

The jump scares.

The lack of anything new or interesting.

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Peter Rabbit: Stone Cold Killer

Peter Rabbit is a 3D live-action/computer-animated comedy film directed by Will Gluck. The plot of the film takes inspiration from the Beatrice Potter books of the same name and sees Peter and his family trying to steal from the garden of Thomas McGregor (Domhnall Gleeson), whilst also trying to stop the romance developing between him and the rabbits beloved Bea (Rose Byrne).

What can I say about this film? The only positive I will give this film is the fact that there is nothing else quite like it, it is bizarre in both a good way and a bad way. The good way is due to the fact that Beatrice Potter is interacting with the rabbits she created, so that worked for me in a meta way. However, in the bad way we have baffling decisions like having their be a cockerel character, who openly says things to the extent of, ‘he only had kids because he thought the world was going to end tomorrow and that now he is stuck looking after them’ and ‘he hates his life’. Fear not by the end of the film he loves his life as a single father, but my question is why was this put in? The cockerel is not a main character he is incredibly throw away, so who were his ‘jokes’ aimed at, they certainly weren’t child friendly, so maybe the parents? However, I doubt parents very much would like a lot of what he was saying.

Moreover, the film decides to make Peter evil. I get that he is having a fun war of escalation with McGregor, and McGregor tries to kill Peter, but he is the villain, so it is okay for him to do it. However, Peter (James Corden), who is the hero of the tale tries to kill McGregor both by trying to make him die of an allergic reaction as well as by torturing him with bear traps, it’s sounds like I am joking, but I am not. Why is the hero of a kid’s movie doing this, why?

Furthermore, this film is aggressively dumb and teaches kid’s bad lessons. One of peter’s sister constantly throws herself of things, breaking her ribs, but it’s okay because she has more ribs to break her fall the next time she does it. In no way should this be taught to kids because not only is it not true, but it is the sort of things they might see and try and imitate.

This review has already gone long, so I am not going to go on about James Corden and how the world should leave him behind, he isn’t as annoying as usual here, but it is safe to say that still means he is incredibly annoying.

Overall, the only reason to watch this film is out of morbid curiosity, there are some hilarious moments, not a single one of them is intentional. I wouldn’t let kids watch this because it has a lot of harmful messages and because it is just trash.

Pros.

Funny when it is not trying to be.

Freakishly bizarre.

Cons.

Peter Rabbit tries to murder people.

James Corden.

Who is this film for?

1.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Dumplin’: And The Winner Is

Dumplin’ is a coming of age comedy film directed by Anne Fletcher. The film sees Dolly Parton obsessed teen Willowdean (Danielle Macdonald), compete in a beauty pageant despite her mother’s strong disapproval. The film tackles a lot of issues surrounding the idea of what makes a person beautiful and self-worth.

I think in regard to how this film portrays weight issues it is a triumph. Dumplin’ is proud of how she is and wishes people would see her for her rather than how she looks, there is an important message of not judging a book by its cover and self-love that is at the core of this film and I think it is one we should all heed.

A lot of things about this film are quite stereotypical, they go the way many other romantic themed coming of age films go, Willowdean doesn’t win the pageant in the end, but it doesn’t matter as she has proven something to herself and her mother Rosie (Jennifer Aniston), thereby earning her approval. However, despite the lack of originality, these plot points still hit home they still feel impactful. As anyone who has ever tried to seek approval from their parents would tell you that moment when you get it, if you get it, is incredibly rewarding and you can feel that here.

The romantic sub-plot between Willowdean and some boy, I can’t remember his name, I could take or leave: it did very little for me and also drew attention away from the inner journey that Willowdean was on as well as the relationship between her and her mum, both of which I think were better done. I enjoyed the relationship between Willowdean, and her mum and I think Aniston did a really good job showing us this character whose whole world is conventional beauty and these pageants, coming to terms with a new way of thinking and being happy for her daughter rather than trying to change her.

Overall, despite being weak in some areas and contrived in others, this film still has an important message and one that I think will resonate with a lot of people. Both Macdonald and Aniston give good performance and I think it is worth watching for their relationship alone, fascinating.

Pros.

A good message.

The relationship between Mother and Daughter.

Aniston is terrific.

Cons.

Contrived sub-plots.

The story could have been tighter, did we really need the romance storyline?

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

When The Wind Blows: The End Of The World

When The Wind Blows is a British animated disaster film directed by Jimmy Murakami. The plot of the film revolves around an old married couple James and Hilda (John Mills and Peggy Ashcroft), who are trying to survive a nuclear war by building a bomb shelter in their front room. The film is incredibly dark and has themes of death, disease and hopelessness.

I had to watch this film for one of my University classes, so I didn’t really go in with much expectation, but I have to say this is a hauntingly beautiful film in many ways and it far exceeded my expectations.

The art design for this film is unlike anything I have ever seen before. It switches between different styles of animation quite often with each bringing a significantly different feel. From an artistic viewpoint, colour is used very specifically in this film for a variety of reasons, to show loss and devastation as well as to show hope. This colour symbolism is very on the nose, but it is that way by design, this film knows what it is and knows what its message is, and it wants to be very clear about it. When The Wind Blow is an anti-war film through and through.

This film is from the director of beloved Christmas hit The Snowman, but this is very unlike his previous work. Despite having a low age rating, this film is definitely not suited for kids to watch, it is disturbing and traumatic, but in reality, that is how nuclear war would be. The film ends and if you don’t want spoilers skip ahead, with both of the main characters dying of radiation poisoning, this is incredibly sad, but realistic. This film is almost educational as it shows the effects a nuclear war would have on people as both character get sicker and sicker across the film, it also encourages people to be critical free thinkers and question what they are told: because ultimately a big part of the film is that James believed every word the government said to him and that is what killed him.

Overall, this film won’t be for everyone, it is upsetting and depressing, but it is also important to see because it has a lot to say about war, about society and for that I will say it is a must see!

Pros.

The message.

The music.

The animation.

The ending.

Cons

It is incredibly bleak.

4/5

Justice League Dark: The Mystical Side Of DC

Justice League Dark is an animated science fantasy superhero film. The plot revolves around a team of DC Superheroes, the more mystical ones, who have to investigate a pattern of strange behavior that has turned fatal. The Justice League themselves can’t understand the problem, so it is down to Batman (Jason O’Mara), and his strange collection of allies to save the day.

*Justice League Dark is one of my favourite DC comics, I have read many runs of the team over the years, so when I heard about this project, I knew I had to check it out. I was disappointed, this was an incredibly average film, nothing more, nothing less.

I will admit it was nice to see the team of Constantine (Matt Ryan), Zatanna (Camilla Luddington), and Deadman (Nicholas Turturro), get together; furthermore, it was nice to see Matt Ryan return to play Constantine, he is fairly synonymous with the character to me. However, my issue was the overall story just felt flat. The best issues of the comic have strong horror elements, but I didn’t get that here, other than the shades and a few other things it was mainly without horror.

What’s more though I liked Constantine I felt that a lot of the other characters were short-changed so that he could have more screen time. An example of this would be Swamp Thing (Roger Cross), who has been a major part of the team before in the comics, here only gets a few lines. Worst of all after he gets defeated, he just goes away and we don’t see him again, which feels like a big unresolved plot thread.

As I said before, this film is everything I would expect from a Justice League Dark film, a group of the more mystical DC heroes fighting against a supernatural opponent, but that isn’t enough to sustain my interest across the film’s runtime, I wanted more. More depth to the characters, more scope to the narrative, I don’t know exactly what but, something that felt better than bog standard.

Overall, this film fell short my expectations, it didn’t wow me in anyway, in fact it annoyed me a lot of the time. I wish they had put more time and energy into the characters and the story overall, if they had this might have been something special.

Pros.

Matt Ryan.

It is nice to see all of the characters team up.

A solid foundation.

Cons.

Other than Constantine and Zatanna very weak characters.

How they handled Swamp Thing.

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke