The Sheep Detectives: Why Make This?

Summary: a group of sheep try and figure out their shepard’s murder.

One must question who this was for, the talking sheep themselves and their innocence seemed to point towards kids. Yet the subplots about sheep being forced to fight dogs and animal cruelty who seem to suggest adults.

The central premise of this film rests on how interesting the who dunnit is, and honestly the answer is not very. The answer is somewhat unsatisfactory, as it feels convoluted.

The cast both in terms of the sheep and also the human characters is a who’s who of actors sadly none of them are very memorable.

Overall, a bad idea for a film turns into a badly made film.

1.5/5

Pros.

A few funny jokes

It’s short

Cons.

The tone is off

The cast is wasted

The horrible subplot

The mystery is dull

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A Knight Of The Seven Kingdoms Series Overview: Lighter Game Of Thrones

Summary, a hedge knight tries to make a way for himself in the world.

In many ways this has a lot of interesting stuff around it, such as Summerhall, the Blackfyre Rebellion etc. However the issue centrally with the show is that Dunk’s journey isn’t all that interesting. It gets better when you have the accusations and the trail but the first few episodes are slow.

The comedy or the lighter aspects are what stood out for all the wrong reasons however, Game of Thrones and Westeros as a whole is a serious place. Yes there are sillier elements and yes the Dunk and Egg side of things explore them but having a shot of Dunk pooing within the first episode just feels try hard and juvenile.

Tonally a lighter show could work but it needs to read the room a bit more and to be able to take itself seriously at times too.

The idea at the end of the show that Dunk thinks he just brings bad luck and gets people killed and as such is sad, doesn’t work when he’s only known he’s people for about 5 minutes in some cases.

Overall, an interesting idea that needs a tighter execution.

3/5

Pros.

The world

The trial

The things it sets up

Cons.

The comedy

The slowness

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The Magic Faraway Tree: The Most Unlikable Character Ever Put To Film

So when they announced an adaptation of The Magic Far Away Tree, the hunt began to search for the modern audience slop. You knew it would be there, and whilst there is some race swapping for the most part you’d argue it is mostly free of it. That’s a win.

The film for the most part is fun and family friendly, they waste Rebecca Ferguson as the villain but other than that the film is escapist family fun.

However, there is one person who ruins the film and every scene she is in, and that is the eldest daughter who is just horrible. The way she speaks to people and her entitled attitude are often so bad that you think the film is trying to show her off as the villain, she also causes two of the major negative events in the film out of her own selfishness. She is the proto typical, I am offended type and feels like she would be out marching on a weekend. Even at the end of the film when she has supposedly learnt her lesson she hasn’t really she’s still similar.

Overall, a fun film that could have been better if they had not written the eldest child to be a terrible human being.

3/5

Pros

It’s fun

It’s well paced

It manages whimsy well

Cons.

The eldest child is awful

They waste Rebecca Ferguson

Project Hail Mary: Grogu 2.0

A school teacher helps his government and then is drugged and forcibly sent on a suicide mission.

This was a flawed film, in that it could comfortably have been 2 hours, there was no need for it to be as long as it was and a hell of a lot of it was filler scenes.

Rocky is easily the heart of the film and all of the scenes with him make the film, including the emotional payoffs. One would say that Rocky upstages Ryan Gosling across the course of the film repeatedly, and Rocky does at times have that sort of Baby Yoga energy.

In terms of being a hard science fiction film, the Martian is a lot better as it has a tighter focus and is less meandering, Interstellar is better as well. However, there is some appeal in that aspect here, it simply isn’t better than some of the other films in the space.

Overall, a competent film but nothing that will knock your socks off. Rocky will be a fan favourite.

3/5

Pros.

Rocky

The ending

It has appeal as a hard/realistic science fiction film

Cons.

The pacing is bad

It has been done better before

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Wuthering Heights: Hollywierd

Summary where to start with this

So before we get into it, let’s point out two things this film does firstly, it normalizes and fetishizes abusive relationships, and secondly it decided to promote itself by implying an affair between the two leads despite Robbie having a husband and small child. Already deeply toxic.

The first scene of the film, which was not in the book, is a man being hung with an erection and Robbie’s character and her friends being noticeably turned on by it. So in the first scene we are seeing men being objectified even in death and a nod to necrophilia.

Not to be outdone Cathy then watches a BDSM party in the barn and then masturbates. Do you remember that being in the books? No because it wasn’t. It is more of this Fifty Shades depravity, yes women are sexual, yes women masturbate but this is just crude smut. It reads as a fan fiction porn version of the original book.

In the book Heathcliff psychologically abuses Isabella and rapes her, here that is normalised saying that they are in a BDSM relationship. Which again shows you the twisted morality at the core of this film.

Honestly there is nothing wrong with sex in films, there is nothing wrong with films being erotic but when they are encouraging necrophilia, watching people have sex without their consent, and normalising abuse through BDSM, you have to have a series of questions about have things gone too far.

Very much a film for the female gaze, but remember if a film was released where a man was turned on by the dying body of a woman and masturbated watching people have sex, folks would call it sick and demand it’s removal. It is not okay just because it is a woman.

Overall, this is depraved smut for the over 40s bored housewife who needs extremes to feel anything anymore.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

This isn’t a book adaption

It encourages and normalises deeply problematic behaviour such as watching people have sex without their consent and necrophilia

It normalises abusive relationships

It uses sex for shock value

It has pacing issues

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IT Welcome To Derry Season Overview: Forgetting Who The Star Is

Summary: Years before the Losers club do battle with Pennywise a different group of kids are targeted.

In the great war between this and the finale season of Stranger Things I would say this is comfortably the winner. This was far more engaging and better done from a production stand point.

I would say the issue that the two have in common was the need for filler, there is a lot in the last season of Strangers Things that could be cut and likewise here they try and have lots of different stories going at once, which dilutes things.

I think bringing in Pennywise full in his clown form only near the end of the show was a mistake as that is who a large portion of the audience are watching for. I liked that the show dived deeper into Pennywise’s backstory even if it does lead to continuity issues. For example where were the native americans when IT reawakens in the 80s, yes some of them may have left the area at the end of the series but not all.

Secondly I think seeing the destruction of the Black Spot was cool but I might have saved it for the next season as it is one of the defining moments in Pennywise’s history.

I thought the inclusion of Halloran was a mixed bag, it was cool to see references to other King projects within the show, but also he got far too much focus for a side character.

Overall, a good if imperfect show.

4/5

Pros.

Pennywise’s backstory

Connections to other King projects

Engaging characters

Good gore and horror

Cons.

Not using more of Pennywise

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The Running Man: The Pretend Horrors Of Trump’s America

Summary

A kernel of punk rock wrapped in layers of modern day progressive nonsense.

This was a weird one for me to see, that being because I was unsure when it was coming out for me, you see as I have said elsewhere I have moved to Belgium, and unlike other things that mostly come out around the same time as they do in other territories, this film had a split release date. It was coming out in some parts of Belgium this weekend and some next weekend, luckily for me it came out in my part on the former. Maybe this is a common occurrence that I will get used to, but for me coming from the UK with one standard release date for things it was a little odd.

So that personal anecdote aside lets get into it. So firstly, let’s get a few things clear this is a woke movie, in every sense of the word, it parodies the right’s ideas of poor people just not working hard enough, it has the lead be a hero for leaking information to his union, it has the lead in an interracial relationship, as that is the only way you can make a white leading man acceptable anymore. As well as of course all the villains are white men. If you need a little more proof, everyone who helps the lead along the way would be a target voting base for a left wing party, effeminate men, urban minorities, and college educated women. Do you feel preached at yet?

The film does have some good action scenes and a cool anti-establishment feel at times but then it will ruin it by having a line like, I am from the half of the country that gives a damn about people, once again do you get it yet? The style and the vibe you would argue are the best thing about the film. The idea itself in execution works like a neutered John Wick, in the sense of when he is hunted down by assassins, however, rather than intense gun battles you get Glen Powell nude from behind, which access critic Grace Randolph had as one of the main points of her positive review. The desperation and thirstiness is strong folks.

For me personally the best bit of the film was Michael Cera’s character and his Home Alone esque murder house, that was a lot of fun, but the sequence was relatively short.

Overall, all the people who are calling this so timely, need to actually seriously question whether they are delusional and have a look around them, no one is dying on your reality tv shows. Shut up. Yes that does mean you Patton.

1.5/5

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The Long Walk: Stephen King Slop

Summary

A group of boys go for a walk.

So the easiest way to describe this is to call it Stephen King slop. In that frame I mean if this film was not based on a short story by King it would not have been made, it is very forgettable and there is nothing novel about the premise.

Basically it is a forced march, people die if they stop walking. It is a comment on dystopia’s and authoritarian states, I must say I am thankful that I have not seen lots and lots of online comments going oh this is modern day America, however, it seems very likely that the people who made it wanted those sort of comments.

The characters each have one defining characteristic to them and they are not much beyond that, all very one dimensional. Moreover, there are lots of things that happen that you just have to turn your brain off to and ignore as if you thought about it too much your brain would explode as they make no sense. The fact that the kid that wins the overall walk doesn’t sleep and doesn’t need to due to the fact that he has had a tough life and is an orphan is one such thing you will notice over the course of the film.

Overall, deep unneeded.

1.5/5

Pros.

A few funny moments, unintentional.

It is short

Cons.

It is dull

The characters are one dimensional

You have seen things like this before

The ending is predictable

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The Secret Life Of Chuck: A Surprising Amount Of Dancing

Summary

A man, Tom Hiddleston, learns to seize the day.

This may be one of the best releases of this summer. Not only is it an effective story in the sense that it is both emotionally uplifting but it also manages to disconcert and have just enough under the skin to give you a chill on the way out.

I was not prepared for the number of dance sequences that were going to be in this film, surprisingly there were several long sequences, however, don’t let that put you off the science fiction mystery of what is going on and what is real and what isn’t is more than enough to give film life. In a sense this film reminded me a lot of The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty, and I do mean that to be a positive comparison.

Overall this is a weird and strange film, it is not a comedy, nor is it a horror film, it has science fiction elements but also long dance sequences it is an eclectic film and one that will no doubt have a Marmite like appeal, for our US friends that means you’ll either love it or you’ll hate it.

4/5

Pros.

The mystery

It is fun

You care about the characters

The world is fantastic and dense

Cons.

It makes things too blunt a little more ambiguity would have been better

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Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part Two: The End

Summary

The final battle.

So this the better one of the two-parter. They throw everything they have into the Battle of Hogwarts effects wise and that makes for some great action. I would have liked things to be a little more inventive, like these are wizards and witches who can conjure things out of thin air. Hagrid, Robbie Coltrane could have let lose her collection of magical creatures with a number of pay offs to previous films, but no.

I enjoyed that this film took things away the central trio and tried to give other characters moments this helped to make it feel less like another round of teen angst. I did not like seeing the flashforward at the end and seeing where all the characters ended up as I thought that it was underdeveloped and once again ignored world building to focus on the three characters.

Overall, a much better second half but not one that is perfect

3.5/5

Pros.

The battle

Giving other characters some spotlight

The tone

The pacing

Cons.

They could have done more

The flashforward is not explored enough

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