Red One: Santa Clause Runs Guantanamo Bay

Captain America and Black Adam save Christmas.

This film is everything a Christmas film should be fun, festive and silly. It never takes itself too seriously and that is only too it’s benefit.

It is questionable who this film is for as there are very adult moments such as when Chris Evans burns the side of a snowman’s face off, and also learning about Santa Claus and his team using enhanced interrogation techniques, however if you go with the weirdness there’s a lot of laughs to have. I would argue that is still safe for families.

The duo themselves have some charm I would say of all of Dwayne Johnson’s pairings this is quite middle of the road, he was better with Emily Blunt. The characters and their journeys are fairly stock and generic and you have seen all of this before, but you also not coming to this for great character work, you are coming to it to see Krampus arrive in the third act to save the day very much like an Avengers esque moment.

The choice of villain in Sabrina’s own Kiernan Shipka is odd. The idea of this teen girl bossing around men three times if not more her size is a little bit absurd however this is a film that has talking polar bears so maybe absurd is it’s bread and butter. When she reverts to her troll form at the end of the film then she is far more of a menacing threat.

Overall, a silly and fun Christmas film.

4.5/5

Pros.

It is fun

It is silly

It has great world building

It is imaginative

The duo are charming enough

Cons.

If you enjoyed this review, then please head over to my Patreon to support me, I offer personalized shoutouts, customised film recommendations to suit your personality and tastes, the ability for you to pick what I review next and full access to my Patreon exclusive game reviews. Check it out!

https://www.patreon.com/c/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Hellboy The Crooked Man: Rivaling del Toro

Summary

Hellboy, Jack Kesy, is back.

Despite this film coming and going and getting zero fanfare at all I actually rather enjoyed it. This film set itself apart from previous iterations of Hellboy in two key ways, firstly rather than being a fantasy action film this was straight horror, and secondly rather than focusing on Hellboy’s destiny as the right hand of doom it instead focused on his mother. Both of these things helped the film to feel fresh.

In terms of horror, this film’s low-fi feel add it to the horror by making it feel more gritty and real, the practical effects work also went a long way to giving the film an atmosphere and a more realistic edge. The film’s villain I would say is the most effective of all of the iterations and has some genuinely creepy moments.

My one complaint of the film would be that it felt like a sequel, by that I mean the film assumed a certain level of knowledge around Hellboy’s origins and back story, and starts you off in the middle of an adventure. Personally, I think for people unfamiliar with the character this could be quite confusing.

Overall, a novel new direction.

4/5

Pros.

The horror

The practical effects

The tone

It feels like a Hellboy adventure ripped straight out of the comic

Cons.

It is not very accessible for new watchers

https://www.patreon.com/c/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Legend Of The Tomb Raid: Series Overview

Summary

Haley Atwell’s turn as Lara Croft is a botch from top to bottom.

It is such a shame to say that Hayley Atwell who was a great fit for Croft, though I would have gone live action, is really wasted here. The series feels very generic and as thought it could be based on anything, the series doesn’t seem to understand the games at all.

Moreover, the physicality of Lara Croft with her looking jacked and pretty masculine doesn’t track either, in the games she doesn’t look like that, in no other fiction is she shown in such a way. That is also true for the fact that now Lara is BI a detail that again has no origin in anything other than it’s a Netflix show so of course she is now.

Crucially the series doesn’t have any of the heart or the fun of the games, raiding tombs doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom and action Lara does have a softer and funnier side, and that is actually shown in the games.

Overall, Netflix has done what it does with everything .

0.5/5

Pros.

It isn’t as bad as it could have been

Cons.

Netflix modernise it

It has nothing to do with the games or the character

It wastes Atwell

It has no fun or heart

It makes Lara look masculine

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Transformers One: A Film No One Wanted

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Transformers prequel no one needed.

Who wanted to see Optimus Prime, Voiced by Chris Hemsworth, and Megatron, voiced by Brian Tyree Henry, as slacker bros before becoming enemies? A grand total of no one. The idea of seeing them almost as spoofs of themselves entirely unserious on Cybertron does take away from them as character and seems frankly incredibly out of character.

Moreover, the fact that they can transform makes no sense as the earliest reference point had them scanning earth vehicles in order to assume disguises, yet now they just turn into cars for no reason, they don’t even have a reference point as they haven’t been to Earth yet.

The fact that after this much time they can’t figure out how to make a crowd pleasing Transformers film is frankly baffling. Bring the cartoon, the original, to life have giant robots fighting and maybe a human side kick for good measure if you need to, they shouldn’t be lead, and the baddies should be bad, not this weak stuff.

Overall, a massive misstep.

1/5

Pros.

It has a few endearing moments

Cons.

It is unnecessary

It makes little sense

It ruins the lore of the series

It is dumb

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Borderlands: How Not To Adapt A Videogame

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A popular game series is turned into a film by someone who has never played the games before.

Who didn’t see this coming? I think right from the moment the public was first introduced to this film red flags began to appear everywhere. From stunt or joke casting to the way it ripped off what Guardians does with music and the score, there were clear indicators that this film was going to be bad. However, after watching it I can say that it is not offensively bad nor is it terrible, for the most part it is just boring and cheaply made.

I found the action and the games references to at least be somewhat entertaining even if they were incredibly hollow, it was very much look kids there is something from the game remember sans any of the emotional attachment or enjoyment of it. They got in a lot of references but did precious little with each one.

Moreover, the fact that they made it a 12 here in the UK, so a PG 13 if you’re American, was a terrible move. Not the least because most of those who grew up playing the game are now adults and so are ready to see the blood and gore of the games replicated but don’t get it, but also with the fact that the kids this film is aimed are not even old enough to play the games legally.

It is also quite odd that Roth and co decided to have all of the women in the film be about two decades older than their games counterparts? Was this done to bring in older women to watch it , I wouldn’t think it would be there sort of thing. Cate Blanchett was not very convincing during her action scenes and I must say it wasn’t helped by the terrible wig they had her wear.

Overall, there is no point making a film like this if you don’t have a passion for the game and clearly no one involved with this project had any passion for the games.

1.5/5

Pros.

Some funny lines

The action was okay

Cons.

Cate Blanchett, Hart and Lee-Curtis were badly miscast

It wasn’t funny

The lack of gore was disappointing

It was incredibly average

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

The Crow: The Remake From Hell

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Bill Skarsgard puts on some face paint and cosplays as Eric Draven.

This film was doomed from the off, there was jus too much of a bad taste associated with this remake in the light of Brandon Lee’s death. As I have said before if it had been set in the same universe but with other characters then it probably wouldn’t be as hated as it is, but alas here we are.

Another thing that horribly dates this film is the fact that rather than try to keep to the look from the first film here instead making Eric look like a hot topic reject. Even when the Crow makeup goes on it just looks like a cheap Youtube parody.

In a sense this is very true of the film as a whole, it reads as though it is trying to remake the original to stand alongside it, or maybe even best it, but rather than do any of those things it comes off as an overly serious parody film. I even question whether Skarsgard was miscast.

Overall, a terrible and incredibly unnecessary remake.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

The look is all wrong

It doesn’t seem to understand what made the first film popular

It feels at best like a parody

It is an insult to Brandon Lee’s legacy

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

The Crow: The Darkest Of Angels

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A true icon of 90 cinema.

Every day I think about the fact that they are remaking a film that never needed to be remade. Apologies for talking about the no doubt awful 2024 remake of The Crow, but after watching a re-release of this film recently I am now convinced but there is no hope for the remake and that it is ultimately disrespectful.

There is something so grimy so comic booky about this film that has just been lost in the modern comic book film landscape. The closest comparison point could be Sin City but those films are over a decade old now. In a sense this film reads more as a comic book come to life than anything else, it bleeds off the page, the rawness of the comic book which inspired this film helps to create the world and the emotion that drives it.

The styling and atmosphere of the film is instantly memorable and was the inspiration for goths and emos everywhere, as truly this character feels like an underdog that people can relate to, with the journey to avenge his late girlfriend truly being a thing of catharsis in the film. You are cheering him on every step of the way and can relate to him in an emotional sense that other more traditional superheroes don’t allow for.

There are a few scenes such as the rooftop guitar scene that come off by a modern sensibility as a little cheesy now, however despite the cheesiness being present it only serves to enhance the film overall and make it if anything more likeable. The film feels like the very best cross between action, horror and comic book films and in that sense there’s something there for everyone.

Perhaps I have a soft spot for the film as it was such an influential film for me growing up and one I watched many times, so perhaps I have a warmness to it that others may not. However, I believe that this is one of the best superhero/comic book films of the 1990s with the only competition being Blade.

Moreover, Brandon Lee manages to make the character both are force of nature in terms of action but also one that has a comedic side and a sentimental side allowing for a character to read as three dimensional.

Overall, this film is a cult classic for a reason and it still holds up now.

4.5/5

Pros.

The action

The world

The relatability

The ending

The aesthetic

Cons.

The cheesier moments won’t be for all tastes

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Furiosa: Summer 2024’s Most Obvious Flop

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We return for a prequel almost a decade after the film it is proceeding.

Whilst I can see what WBD wanted to do here in keeping the Mad Max brand alive, this was not the way to go about it.

I think the biggest crime of this film was that it came out so long after it would have been relevant. The issue with long awaited sequels and prequels is that they have to do more to justify not just their existence but to explain why a contemporary audience should care. In my mind it is that failing which is why this film is so maligned.

In terms of the wider Hollywood culture this film is not a girl boss film, in fact it is quite the opposite. The character is not a Mary Sue as she has to go through quite the trial to get to where she is and has to be taught how to be badass rather than it just coming innately to her. I think Anya Taylor-Joy is an action star in the making as I did think she was very believable here and I would dare say that her version of Furiosa eclipsed that of Theron.

The story is good, if overly long, the idea of a war between the main factions of the wasteland is a good idea. I would say that they could have done more with it and shown a larger amount of the battles on screen but that was clearly not the story they wanted to tell.

Overall, I think it is a good film with a few issues namely relevancy and pacing.

3.5/5

Pros.

Taylor-Joy

The idea of a wasteland war is interesting

Some good set pieces

Engaging characters

Cons.

The pacing is brutal

It is not really relevant anymore

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Hearts Of Stone: Gal Gadot Is An Action Star

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Gal Gadot continues to be the best female action hero.

So a lot of people will dislike this film, because a lot of people dislike folks from Israel right now, antisemitism is rampant, but if you can put down your flags and your angry banners for a minute, then you’ll see this was actually a Netflix gem that far too many people slept on.

The plot is standard action fare, nothing much new, but Gadot approaches it with such charm and charisma that you remember why Wonder Woman worked so well. It is incredibly hard not to warm to her and root for her, moreover, unlike other wannabe action stars, looking at you Millie Bobby Brown, Gadot has the moves and the physicality to be able to pull off the fight scenes and make it look real.

I think that for an action film the pace was quite good, we didn’t waste time with too much exposition, we just got straight into it which was positive. From there we got some action, which I’d say it was a good, pretty great by Netflix standard, and then we were out. It made other Netflix action fare like Atlas look like sluggish messes.

Overall, Gal Gadot will always be an action hero.

3.5/5

Pros.

Gadot

The pace

The action

The charm

Cons.

The plot is dumb

The wider cast are mostly wasted

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Bad Boys 4: Keep My Captain’s Name Out Your Damn Mouth

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Will Smith and his partner are back fighting crime and slapping men who make jokes about their wives.

Honestly this is Smith’s first major role post slap and I was wondering if they were going to address it, I thought he might defeat the villain by slapping him and then he looks into the camera and nods so that in that moment the audience and Smith are on the same page. No such luck I am afraid.

Personally maybe this is just me, but with everything we know about Smith’s personal life now I find it hard to take him seriously as an action star. I understand this is supposed to be comedy action but I just find it hard to see him in the same light post the smack and since all the stuff with his wife’s affair.

I feel like this film is in a weird sort of limbo as it acts very much like the last film, and is basically just more of the same, but at the same time it seems to know things are different than they were when the last one came out culturally in relation to Smith. I think that if you liked the last film you will like this.

In many senses this film doesn’t feel like it needs to exist it is more just there. The story is okay and it is interesting to consider them as fugitives rather than cops, but it all just feels very done before. Ultimately you know it will end with them defeating the bad guy and clearing themselves and as such there are no real stakes here.

Some of the jokes are funny and there is some fun to be had, but there are also some really unfunny ones and the film repeats these over and over.

Overall, fine nothing more nothing less. Wait till streaming.

2.5/5

Pros.

It is funny

It is watchable

It has some good moments

Cons.

Will Smith isn’t really an action star any more

It repeats unfunny jokes

It doesn’t need to exist

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer