Mission Impossible The Final Reckoning: The Geriatric Stuntman

Ethan hunt is back for one final adventure.

There is nothing final about this film, the idea this is the last Mission Impossible film is a fallacy. This film is terrified of doing anything that has a whiff of ending to it. Killing off characters? Nah, Having people retire at the end? Nah. Actually properly wrapping up the plot? Nah.

There are ridiculous scenes such as where Hunt, Tom Cruise, is falling without a parachute to certain death and yet he magically manages to find one in the next shot. Or when Benji, Simon Pegg, is shot and looks like he is going to die yet lives thanks to some simple medical hack, who knew getting shot was so easy to walk off. The only person they do kill is Luther, Ving Rhames, and even then I would not be surprised if he came back in another film. Honestly the plot armour is so thick here it gets to the point where even if everyone fired off their nuclear arsenals Hunt and co would be just fine.

Then you have the long self-indulgent bloat, the film is on for an ungodly amount of time and why? Does it put it to good use? No it does it to cram in as much pointless nostalgia as possible, remember the security guard from one of the earlier films? No well you are going to meet him and spend a bunch of time with his family. This feels like one of those times where you needed a cruel studio executive to force through cuts and get the film into better shape.

Overall, reheated slop that needs to die off as a franchise. It has had its time, it is over.

2/5

Pros.

Some dumb fun

Pom Klementieff is a great addition

Cons.

It is too scared for meaningful character death

It is bloated

It is boring at times

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The CCP Kid

Summary

The Smith family have found something they like more than open relationships, and it’s the CCP.

So as a kid and before I was franchise literate I watched this film and liked it, however, after Cobra Kai ended I went back and rewatched all the Karate Kid films and found that this one is likely the worst.

There are two key reasons why this film sticks out for all the wrong reasons. Firstly, it is a shot for shot remake of the original film at times, yes sometimes they try and riff on it and do something different with certain shots, but for the most part it is shot for shot the same. This isn’t a loving homage its damn near plagiarism.

The second is the fact that this film is so in love with the Chinese Communist Party, a party that harvests prisoner’s organs without consent, a party that commits genocide against its minorities, a party that locks away anyone who speaks out of turn. The fact that this whole film feels like its trying to be a visit China advertising campaign makes me feel a little sick.

Overall, a Temu rip off of an American IP.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

The plagiarism

How in love with the Chinese state it is

Smith is bratty right the way through the film

It is boring

Mr Han is no Mr Miyagi

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Karate Kid Legends: New Blood?

Summary

A new Karate Kid is chosen.

So this was a fairly charming film. I was a fan of Cobra Kai and when I heard about this film I was unsure, especially when it was murky whether it would even mention any of the events from the show, however, I have to say the final stinger of the film with Miyagi-Dough made me cheer a little bit inside.

This is a reverse Jaden Smith Karate Kid and has a Chinese boy, Ben Wang, come to America which was interesting. Personally I think the Smith starring film is easily the worst in the franchise so I was not super hyped about the return of Mr Han, Jackie Chan, though he did have a few funny scenes. It is such a shame that Chan has become a whore for the Chinese Communist Party, and all they have done, I used to like him but him being in this makes it hard for me to watch.

Seeing Daniel, Ralph Macchio, was a highlight and I loved how they honoured the legacy of Mr Miyagi, Pat Morita, and managed to bring together the two schools of Kung Fu and Karate.

Was it a bit formulaic? Yes. Did it repeat plot beats from the franchise? For sure. However, there was enough here to make this special and charming.

Overall, probably the best action film of the summer.

4.5/5

Pros.

Daniel

How they honoured Mr Miyagi

The stinger at the end

It was charming

The action was pretty good

Cons.

It was a bit familiar at times

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G20: The Fantasy World Wherein Old Ladies Can Beat Up Men Twice There Size

Summary

A geriatric woman, Viola Davis, beats up men half her age in a film that is the director’s direct response to mean comments they’ve had online. 20

Thank God Jennifer Salke is out at Amazon, in decades past this film would have been played as a comedy, the idea of an old woman being an action hero is inherently hilarious, however here they play it straight. God knows why.

This film feels responsive in all the wrong ways, it is a fragile left wing person’s response to YouTube channels they don’t like. Not only do they did pick these evil youtubers as bigoted but also position them as terrorists, it speaks to an incredibly fragile person as the creative force behind this film.

Davis is a terrible lead as one would assume her to be, she is not a good action hero she isn’t convincing, her terrible one liners will always make you groan, and frankly I can’t wait for the casting of Viola Davis trend to be over. Here’s hoping the Waller show gets cancelled.

Overall, yet another film from Hollywood where you are the bad guy.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is laughably bad at times

Cons.

It hates the audience

It is the product of a fragile person with hurt feeling

Davis is a terrible action lead

There is nothing empowering about it

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Dirty Angles: Who Needs Men?

Summary

The last gasp of the girlboss

So just when you think Hollywood is learning, when mary sues and girlbosses seem to be on the wane you get this.

The film follows a girl’s school that is taken over during the Afghanistan withdrawal and after a failed attempt by Delta Force to retake it, bah men what can they do, the US government decides to send in a team of women, who easily fix the problem.

My issues with this film is that it doesn’t even try to be anything other than a girlboss film, it feels more like it wants to give a lecture on how capable women can be, something we already knew, rather than be serviceable as either a war or action film. It is curious that the film went this road considering who the main demographic is for these sort of films.

Another thing that haunts the girlboss, dare I call it sub-genre, is the fact that it is always skinny frail looking women that these films expect us to believable can take men three times their size in hand to hand combat it is just silly.

Overall, this is the sort of film Hollywood needs to stop making if they want to make money.

1/5

Pros.

You get a few good laughs out of it

Cons.

It is cringe

The acting is terrible

More girlbosses

It is badly paced

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The Cleaner: Daisy Ridley Somehow Manages To Out Girlboss Her Performance As Rey

Summary

Rey from Star Wars is given the short hair maam treatment and is turned into girlboss personified.

So, Daisy Ridley seemingly only has a career as Kathleen Kennedy wants to keep her relevant, you have to assume she is getting these roles as folks behind the scenes are pulling strings for her as it certainly isn’t her acting chops.

This film wants you to suspend your disbelief to such a degree that you are left wondering if you are having a breakdown. The idea that stick thin Ridley can take down men multiple times bigger than her is frankly laughable, even all the training the world can’t make that maths check out.

Plot wise it is a die hard clone, minus the fun. It Ridley is able to be charming or crack a joke she does not show it here. Maybe if she was playing more against type, and being less of the her-o girl boss she often leans towards this would have been better.

Overall, an incredibly forgettable action film with a Ridley performance so bad it would be an understament to call it wooden.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

Ridley is horribly miscast

You don’t believe her in this role

It lacks any kind of charm

The girlboss stuff is pretty egregious

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Demon Slayer Hashira Training Arc Series Overview: A Waste Of Time

Summary

The new season of Demon Slayer has one goal, to waste your time.

So if you have read my other season reviews for Demon Slayer then you know I often have the same complaint, the pacing and the filler, more often than not each season will have a few good episodes and then lots and lots of filler around it, this is where that shifted.

I wish I could tell you that the change is a good thing but it isn’t, this season was almost entirely filler far more than the other seasons. Basically the whole of the season was just the character’s training, which I know is what the season is called, but there is no build up to a grand show down as there was with the other seasons, no here it basically just builds up to a pretty disappointing death and then the cast are thrown into the pocket dimension with a big to be continued vibe to it.

I like the characters and I like seeing them interact but this was long drawn out nothingness, and the fact that there wasn’t even a satisfying pay off at the end of the all the filler makes it doubly annoying.

Overall, this is just killing time until the films and everyone knows it.

1/5

Pros.

It has a cool ending

Cons.

It is all set up and no pay off

It is all filler

It is boring and badly paced

It hits the same beats over and over again

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Rare Exports: Refining The Santa Trade

Summary

A Finnish youngster, Onni Tommila, and his father, Jorma Tommila, find wild Santa Clauses and elves after a glacier is drilled and decide to make some money.

So despite the outlandishness of that premise this film is not a comedy, not really, it is more so an action horror film with a silliness to it. I found the film to have a number of scary moments, and I would say the action was strong in the last third of the film, hence I am happy to call it an action horror film. The jokes were few and far between so I wouldn’t say to watch this if you are looking for a laugh.

I found it interesting to see a Christmas film from outside the Anglosphere and to see how they approach it, I am relatively new to Finnish cinema but I must say that they have a way with vistas, between this and the other Finnish film I have seen of Sisu I have to say the Finnish really have an eye for cinematography.

I found the idea of evil Father Christmas/Elves to be refreshingly different and not go in the way I was expecting it too, so that’s a plus as well.

Overall, an interesting and fresh film, with some slight pacing issues.

4/5

Pros.

It is fresh

It has some good scares

The action is also good

The ending sets up interesting prospects for the future

Cons.

Pacing issues

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Venom The Last Dance: Going Down Dancing

Summary

Venom goes out with a bang.

I liked this more than Let There Be Carnage in a number of ways, I thought the Eddie, Tom Hardy, and Venom relationship was better here and felt less clawing with the humour. You do believe the bond between the two and in the end when it looks like Venom dies you do feel that emotional gut punch.

I also liked seeing Knull, Andy Serkis, and the threat posed by him. I know Venom isn’t really dead but I would genuinely like a fourth film where Venom has to rally the SSU Avengers and get them together with a Spider-person in order to fight Knull. It would be a spectacle not on the level of Endgame but certainly on the level of Days Of Future Past.

I think the human villain played by Baron Mordo, is a bit one note and week. I would argue that Chiwetel Ejiofor is wasted in the role, and that his character is not given much in terms of character, he hates symbiotes and then he doesn’t. Its very night and day and reeks of a bad script.

Overall, a slight sad ending that sets up genuinely interesting things for the future.

3/5

Pros.

Eddie and Venom

The emotion

Knull

Cons.

The human villain

A weak script

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Gladiator II: The Hip Hop Modern Day Sequel No One Wanted

Summary

Give the people reheated slop and will they not eat of it?

So where to begin with this, could it be in all the homoeroticism they put into it as rather than just allowing it to be a film for men to enjoy with the violent spectacle of it all, we now have everything to have to have an LGBTQ+ undertone otherwise that one blue haired woman online will call the filmmakers ists and phobes.

Could it be that the first film ended on just the right note as to feel well wrapped up and as such a sequel felt incredibly unnecessary and only done for the money? As this film does little to add to the first, you could argue that it tries its best to pay tribute to it, but it does so in such a small way that in the end it doesn’t even matter.

Fresh off the indie circuit Paul Mescal is placed into a leading action role, even though the idea of him as a leading man is questionable. In terms of being an action hero he has none of the swagger and is easily upstaged by Denzel Washington at almost every turn, maybe that was contracted in.

I think the major issue with this film is that it is entirely needless and it feels like that to watch it.

Overall, a waste of everyone’s time and money

1.5/5

Pros.

It has one good fight scene

Cons.

They try and modernise it

It doesn’t need to exist

Paul Mescal isn’t an action lead

It is badly paced and structured

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