What If: Zombies?

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

This was easily the best episode yet. I say that both in terms of the concept and execution. I think many of the other episodes, not all but a large amount, have felt too similar usually because they try and adapt certain MCU films, however this feels entirely different and all the better for it.

I am a huge fan of Robert Kirkman’s Marvel Zombies run and I have been waiting for them to adapt it. This episode does justice to that storyline through and through and does not shy away from pulling some narly twists and reveals. I thought the Wanda reveal was especially good in this regard and I am surprised Disney allowed them to do it.

Moreover, I felt like this episode gave some much needed screen time to some of the smaller characters in the MCU. For all the focus Bruce Banner and Peter Parker get Hope Van Dyne also gets her moment in the sun. Hope has felt like a relatively separate MCU character confined to the Antman films and not given much to do outside of them, yet here she is leading the team and we get to see her interact with the other Avengers which makes for a number of heart-warming and emotional scenes. In that same regard I am glad we got to see more from Sharon Carter in this episode as well. The wider universe does not seem to know what to do with her character having her be a love interest in Winter Soldier and having her be a sub-villain in FTWS. Here they get her right however she is a badass spy and that is all she needs to be.

My only complaint would be that the episode feels too short and cuts off leaving us wanting more. Hopefully season two will come back to this universe.

Overall, the best episode yet.

Pros.

Marvel Zombies

The emotion

The darkness

Highlighting secondary, often forgotten about, characters

The fight scenes and tension

Cons.

We needed more

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Yakuza Princess: Waking Up Confused In A Brazilian Hospital We’ve All Been There Right?

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A man, Jonathan Rhys Myers, awakens in a Brazilin hospital with no memory of who he is with the only tie to his former life being a samurai sword.

This was a fairly boring samurai inspired action film. Not only was it boring but it is also deeply played out, the plot has been done time and time again and in a much more coherent way than this. Rhys Meyers is clearly just here for the money and even though he is not bad his character has so little substance to him that he ceases to be a person after a while.

Moreover, there is a location issue with the film that becomes more and more distracting as the film goes on. There are some scenes that are clearly supposed to be in Japan, or at least that’s how I interpreted them, and then there are others set in Brazil and the two switch back and forth and it becomes confusing what is happening where. Maybe it was my reading of it that was wrong, but I was confused throughout.

The action for the most part is also a wet blanket, never being able to tap into any of its influences well or deliver anything of substance.

Overall, a weak, bland and forgettable action film.

Pros.

It is watchable

A few interesting moments

Cons.

It is bland

The action is weak

Rhys Myers adds nothing

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Spectre: Bond Defeats His Targets By Putting Them To Sleep

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Bond, Daniel Craig, is back to uncover and defeat a conspiracy close to home and one that links all the Craig era bad guys.

So I will open this by saying I am not a big Bond fan, I have seen a fair few of them and they have their moments, but to me they were never as good as the Bourne films.

This film was painful to get through, whoever edited it should be fired. An opening that drags on and on before anything even remotely interesting happens, followed by a story that meanders at nearly every turn seems almost like it is going out of its way to bore audiences. Self-indulgent would be the word I would use for it.

Moreover, it is painfully clear to see that Craig does not want to be there. He has the dead-eyed stare of a man who deeply regrets signing a contract but must now follow through. When you compare how he is in this film to the other Craig era bond films, or any of his other performances he just seems so turned off, so disengaged which almost becomes infectious as the film progresses.

The mystery is painfully dull and seems to add more complexions to itself simply to pad out the runtime. The villains are generic and are nothing we haven’t seen time and again before in previous films. The only character that actually got my attention was Dave Bautista’s Mr Hinx, he was an interesting character that could have been an intimidating villain for Bond, but no they killed him off.

Overall, this is why the series needs to retire.

Pros.

It is watchable

A few neat visuals

Cons.

It badly paced

The mystery is awful

No one bar Bautista looks like they want to be there

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Shang Chi And The Legend Of The Ten Rings: Now We Have Dragons In The MCU

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Shang Chi, Simu Liu, must confront his past and his family in order to save the planet. A world of martial arts, dragons and family drama is explored.

Sadly Fin Fang Foom is not in this movie, I even waited till the very end to see if we were going to get a tease, we don’t. However, that is not to say their aren’t any dragons in this film we get two: The Great Protector and The One Who Dwells In Darkness, or something like that. Can I just pause for a moment and say how cool it is that the Marvel Cinematic Universe now has dragons in it. I very much enjoyed seeing this new magical world being explored and opened up, I can’t wait to explore it more in a sequel.

In terms of acting I think Simu Liu makes for a very capable leading man being both funny and charming throughout. Ben Kingsley returns to reprise his role of Trevor Slattery from the third Iron Man film and easily makes up for the sins of that film and lands some of the best jokes in the entire MCU. Continuing on that note this is easily one of the funniest films in the MCU and the comedy really enhances the film and adds a lot to it.

My one complaint of the film would be that the fight scenes aren’t very impressive. Watched in a vacuum without other films, without all the hype, someone might think these fight scenes were cool and impressive. However, in context of the genre, or at least the genre they are trying to emulate they are about five years out of date. Whilst the fight scenes are more intense and better structured than most in the MCU, when compared to something like the IP Man films, The Raid or even John Wick they feel like poor copies of other fight scenes done better elsewhere, and that is a big disappointment.

The breakout star of this film is easily Meng’er Zhang, she manages to out-badass Shang Chi himself and the final post credits scene promises something very exciting for the characters future. I personally found myself connecting more with her emotional journey and family baggage than I did with Shang Chi but that is not to say both weren’t well done.

Overall, a good Marvel film but an average martial arts film.

Pros.

The mystical side of the MCU is expanded further

Meng’er Zhang

Simu Liu

The comedy

Cons.

Pacing issues

Average fight scenes

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The Protege: Mid Fight Scene Sex, Is This Shoot Em Up?

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Assassin Anna Dutton, Maggie Q, sets out on a path of revenge after her father figure/ assassin mentor is killed.

This was a surprise treat, at first I was worried that it would just be a boring and generic action thriller, however as it went on I found the film to have far more personality, humour and charm than I was expecting it to.

This is not the most original action movie in the world, the plot has been done countless times before and no doubt better. Moreover, it is also insanely predictable, and it is clear from a mile away when all the twists and turns are coming.

However, where this film rises above its rather average station is in its performances. I have loved Maggie Q as an action star since I first saw her in Nikita, not only does she pull off action well, but she also has really strong cocksure energy and plays a badass well. A large part of my enjoyment with this film is from watching her interact with the other characters on screen.

In that regard Q is joined on screen by Michael Keaton and Samuel L. Jackson, both provide strong support though I would give the edge to Keaton. I enjoyed the romance/rivalry between his character and Q’s I thought the dynamic was funny and well used, leading to several great scenes.

Overall, a charming action film that whilst not reinventing the genre does prove to be entertaining and very watchable.

Pros.

Keaton

The charm

Cons.

It is obvious

It is a little too familiar

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Reminiscence: This Is Why Westworld Isn’t Good Anymore

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Nick, Hugh Jackman, analyses his memories of the one who got away, Rebecca Ferguson, and realises that he has been played. Nick then sets out to track her down to get answers.

My this one was bad.

Before I slate it I’ll say this, Ferguson and Jackman have great chemistry together, really its electric, and they need to make more films together and carry this thing on as their seems to be a real passion there between the two, they play off each other really well.

Ok, moving on to the bad.

This is what happens when you have everyone praise your deep intellectual show, Westworld, for years and you have a brother who is known by some as one of the best working filmmakers in the game, and you try to rip-off his style. To be blunt, you make pretentious tosh that is about as deep as a puddle and is laughably bad.

The narration throughout the film is the best example of this, it asks all these deep philosophical questions about humanity and the self with all the intellectual sincerity of a teenager going through an emo phase. The writing is really bad.

The mystery is passably okay, however the longer it goes on for you realise all the ways it doesn’t make any sense and how the memory tech writes the film into a corner. Almost everything Nick does in this film is superfluous by the rules and laws set up by the tech, he didn’t need to do anything, yes he would have lost the memory card, but would that really have changed much?

Overall, bad science fiction.

Pros.

Jackman

Ferguson

Cons.

It makes no sense

It is so utterly pretentious

It is poorly written

The ending

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What If: The World Lost Its Mightiest Heroes

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Someone is killing off Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, what would a world look like where the Avengers never formed?

The concept of this is far more interesting than the previous Star Lord episode, that is already a point in its favour as far as I am concerned.

I thought it was a little awkward how Black Widow centric this episode is considering what is going on with Scarlett Johansson and Disney in the real world, however she is not voiced by Johannsson here. I thought the mystery was actually quite well done and surprising, and much like the first episode this is a reality I would like to explore again in later seasons of the show.

The one thing I would say about this episode in a negative light is that it is the first time within the show were I have thought how limiting the ‘no new characters’ rule is. Can you imagine the finale of this episode whereby Nick Fury stands with a whole different team of Avengers to defeat Loki, maybe with some faces we have not even met yet, personally I think it would have been a hugely exciting moment.

That aside I think this is a fairly strong episode, I enjoyed the voice cast and thought everyone seemed to be having fun especially Lake Bell as Black Widow and Clark Gregg as Agent Coulson.

Overall, fun and with a dense premise rich for further exploration.

Pros.

The mystery

Bringing back scenes from The Incredible Hulk

The ending

Coulson and Black Widow

Cons.

They should have used the death of the Avengers as a spring board to introduce some new characters.

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Sweet Girl: Netflix Has Given Up Trying To Make Good Films

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A father daughter duo, played by Jason Mamoa and Isabela Merced, decide to take on big pharma after they raise the price of a lifesaving drug which leads to the death of the family matriarch.

All of Netflix’s action thrillers are the same. Bland confused and poorly written: it almost feels at this point like they are allowing a machine to write these films using a very basic formula for inspiration. Needless to say it is holding these films back.

I didn’t really feel any sort of emotional connection to the characters, though I did feel the film going out of its way to try and make me care. If anything I would say we don’t get enough time with the happy family unit to grow attached to it before it gets ripped apart.

As a thriller or ‘statement film’ this film has nothing new to say. The message of ‘geez isn’t big pharma bad’ has been one that is often spouted and less often used in an interesting and crucially fresh way. The whole conflict of the film feels played out before it has even begun.

Mamoa is playing the same character he always does, and Merced adds nothing and is simply along for the ride.

Overall, this is so by the numbers it becomes irritating.

Pros.

It is watchable

The opening is mildly interesting

Cons.

The acting isn’t very good

The story feels incredibly generic

It has nothing to say

It is boring

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The Wedding Guest: Nobody Needs That Many Cars

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We see a mysterious man, Dev Patel, arrive at a wedding for an unknown aim. That aim turns out to be to kidnap the bride and to bring her to his benefactor.

I will applaud this film for giving Patel and action leading role, he really nails it. Patel is easily the best thing about this film and he actually plays a professional killer quite well, I don’t understand why up to the point of this film’s release he hadn’t been cast in more leading man action type roles before, certainly after this he has proven he should be cast more for that type of role.

With that aside my praise for this film runs out. That is not to say it is a bad film, it isn’t, but it is deeply generic. Honestly bar the setting this film has been done so many times before. There is nothing fresh about the story at all, instead it is all too familiar even having the kidnapper turn out to not be a villain and for him and the victim to end up getting together.

Every step of the way you know where this film is going, and it is about as surprising as seeing the sun rise every day. I do think with a better script this could have been really something, Patel is a good actor, but he is only as good as the material he is given to work with.

Overall, a generic action thriller that wastes Patel’s talents.

Pros

Patel

It is watchable

Cons

It is generic

It is incredibly obvious

It is far too familiar

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The Last Mercenary: Daddy’s Coming

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A mysterious secret agent, Jean-Claude Van Damme, must return to France after his son finds himself in some legal trouble.

I think a big part of the reason this one didn’t land for me is the humour. As I have said before humour is subjective, personally for me I didn’t find any of the jokes particularly funny, not only that but I found a few of them actively cringe. The issue with action comedies, is that often these sort of films do neither well and fail in both regards as a result of trying to incorporate the other, obviously there have been examples where it has worked but more often then not it is subpar.

I thought Van Damme was on top form here and he is clearly trying his best, sadly the film never fully uses his talents in a meaningful way. Van Damme gets all the best lines, and the film goes out of its way to make him ‘cool’. This is a good thing, but sadly one that has a knock on effect for the rest of the cast, as no one has anywhere near the presence that Van Damme has, and the rest of the actors simply end up fading into the background.

The action here is again fairly standard. You would think with a huge action star like Van Damme they would try to push the boat out a bit in what they have him doing, but this film takes it the other way and keeps things tame- much to everyone’s disappointment.

Overall, slightly below average. Watchable in a pinch.

Pros.

Van Damme is trying

It is watchable

Cons.

The action

The rest of the cast

The humour

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