Velma: First Two Episode Overview

Summary

Mindy Kaling turns herself into Velma from Scooby Doo and creates one of the most grotesque vanity projects I have ever seen in my life.

Who is this for? It certainly isn’t for Scooby Doo fans, as the talking dog himself is not even in this, is it for new fans as it feels like a new show? Well maybe, but if that is the case then have the balls to call it something different and not attach it to the Scooby Doo IP. In my mind this is for fans of Harley Quin as this is basically just the same show, but set in a different fictional universe.

Where to begin with why this show doesn’t work. Frankly Scooby Doo as a franchise was never calling out for an adult take, we never needed to hear the gang talk about sex and drugs and for the most part here it just feels like the show is trying to be edgy. However, the issue is that in its attempts to be edgy it just feels desperate instead, and the comedy, if you can call it that, feels at least a few years out of date.

However, I think worst of all is Velma herself. Kaling takes the very worst aspects of her characters from her other shows and forces them all up to the max to create a truly irritating character that only gets worse. In the two episodes that I watched, and believe me I won’t be watching anymore, Velma went from stupid, to irritating to hateable really quick.

Overall, for once Zaslav should have used his axe for good and should have prevented us from ever having to be subject to this, it makes you truly thankful for and remember fondly the James Gunn films and that is saying something indeed. Truly a trash show destined to not find an audience and fail.

0.5/5

Pros.

It gave me a renewed appreciation for the James Gunn Scooby Doo films

Cons.

It is a vanity project and is in no way Scooby Doo

It is unfunny and the adult humour feels try hard at best

Velma is deeply irritating and unlikeable

There is no Scooby Doo

It feels like Harley Quinn but with different characters

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Unbreakable: Ageing Poorly

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A train crash survivor, played by Bruce Willis, realises that he has superhuman powers and then enters into a twisted power game with a disabled comic store owner, played by Samuel L. Jackson.

This is one of those films that a lot of people really like but that I have never been able to get into. When looking at Shyamalan’s wider body of work it is his forays into superhumans that really lose me, with the exception of Split, that and his dreadful After Earth.

My biggest issue with this film has always been that the characters don’t feel fully realised, in many senses they feel like someone has read a comic book and seen Batman, a purely random example, and has only understood one very basic aspect of his character and then has used that to create an inferior rip off character. To me the characters don’t feel in any way relatable and that is a big issue.

I also think the deeper question of do these people actually have powers, which gets turned up throughout the film and a lot going into Glass, is not actually as interesting as Shyamalan seems to think it is. Honestly after having the question asked for the hundredth time during the subtext of the film I begin to stop caring.

There are other avenues I could point to in my criticism of this film such as Bruce Willis being incredibly miscast but they are low hanging fruit and I won’t take them.

Overall, some of the worst aspects of Shyamalan as a filmmaker.

1/5

Pros.

It’s hard to not like a Samuel L. Jackson performance, he is a redeeming factor of the film.

Cons.

The characters are entirely unrelatable and feel alien in the worst way

It is far too long

Willis is incredibly miscast

It is not as deep as it thinks it is

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Puss In Boots The Last Witch: Don’t Fear The Reaper Fight Him

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Puss In Boots, voiced by Antonio Banderas, is back after a long wait and is facing the end of his life, is retirement on the cards or one last tale of glory?

I was very pleasantly surprised by this film, the first Puss In Boots was very much meh and on the duller side of meh at that and lived firmly in the shadow of Shrek. However, this film has so much going for it, whether it is the genuinely quite stunning at times animation, or the character of the Wolf/Death, voiced by Wagner Moura, who is downright menacing and is also a fantastic on-screen presence.

I thought the story did justify the need to come back and revisit these characters and that the tale on the whole was surprisingly mature and sombre, it was a reflection on life, love and making the most out of the time you have left. The ending was basically just a massive tag for Shrek 5 Now With Teenager Ogres, and though I should be angrier about how blatantly this is done I think I am fine with it.

The main area where for me this film let itself down is with the supporting cast, they bring back Selma Hayek as Kitty Softpaws, Puss’s partner in crime and love interest, but they give her little new to do and that is without getting into Florence Pugh’s Goldie and the massively wasted opportunity that was. In my mind a lot of the backstory and dynamic between Goldie and her Bear family was most likely left on the cutting room floor and that is a shame, no one would begrudge this film being a few minutes longer.

Overall, a surprisingly needed sequel that does some really interesting things with its animation.

4/5

Pros.

Death

The surprisingly adult tone

Puss’s arc and journey throughout the film

The ending

Cons.

The side characters are wasted

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Star Wars The Bad Batch: Spoils Of War

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Clone Force 99 are back with a mission that sees them return to the base of the infamous Count Dooku.

I enjoyed this episode through a nostalgic lens as it showed us Dooku’s castle from Clone Wars in a way it had never really been presented to us before and we saw new depths and layers to it.

I also liked the fact the Clones are talking about doing more and joining in more formally with the Rebellions efforts, I think in many senses this is the show setting things up for later in the season, but it is an interesting tease as it could go in so many different ways and could end up in a return of some of our favourite characters.

My criticism of this episode would come from the fact that it was a little slow, the action side of things definitely favours the part two of this two parter, but that is not to say that this episode is boring as things do happen just not as many as you would like.

Overall, a solid start to the season that opens a number of interesting doors.

3/5

Pros.

Talking about being involved in the wider Rebellion and teasing things to come

The return to Dooku’s castle

It is good to see the characters back in action

Cons.

It is a little slow at times and the action is a thin

There is some pacing issues with the episode as the relatively short runtime turns into a slog

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The Pale Blue Eye: Satan Riding Large In Rural New York

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A man, played by Christian Bale, investigating a string of grisly murders finds unlikely assistance from a young Edgar Allen Poe, played by Harry Melling.

There is plenty to enjoy about this gothic mystery film though I don’t think anyone would call it perfect by any means either. The atmosphere and central two lead performances certainly create an engaging world, and Bale as always delivers masterfully, however it is with the mystery that things begin to come unstuck.

The mystery itself is not bad, I didn’t see it coming and the twist did feel satisfying at the time it was revealed, however, since then the twist has started to feel far too familiar it is a twist common to this sort of film and narrative and though it does work within the context of the film I criticise it for its over familiarity.

Moreover, I think as with many films the greatest thing going against this picture is its pacing which is nothing short of abominable. The film feels very exciting in the first and third acts but the second feels like an incredibly long slog and becomes more of an endurance test than anything else. Though I will say you should stick it out as the third act is quite lively.

Overall, the cast, atmosphere and mystery do bring something special to this film, however, the familiarity of the twist and the awful pacing make it a taxing watch.

3/5

Pros.

Bale and Melling

The atmosphere

The mystery

Cons.

Though the twist works it feels far too overly familiar and lazy

The pacing is simply awful

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The Craft: Hormones And Magic

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of teenage witches go to war after a new girl, played by Robin Tunney, enters their number and begins to clash with the power structure.

I think this film is in many senses a classic, and an underrated one at that. The tone is just right as it feels frightening at times and there definitely are proper horror moments here but there is also the teen aspect of it all and the coming of age stuff, which do blend well. The worry would be that the film would lean far too heavily into teen issues and be like a supernatural mean girls and lose its horror credentials, but in actuality the film manages to do both.

I think the performances are strong across the board, though I would say if I was forced to pick that Fairuza Balk probably gives the best performance as she plays Nancy with such maliciousness, but at the same times keeps her as a somewhat pitiable figure, at the end of the film we are both relieved that she is locked away, but also saddened by it. That speaks to the power of the performance that she is able to illicit two completely separate feelings from the audience.

I think the main issue with the film is how dated it feels and in the same breath how bad the CGI is, both do hold the film back to a degree and could have been done better, but hey it is still a hell of a lot better than the terrible sequel that we got in recent years.

Overall, a strong teen horror film.

4/5

Pros.

The horror

The teen issues angle

The performances

Balk specifically

Cons.

It feels incredibly dated and the CGI isn’t good

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The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty: Jumping On A Fish Boat And Heading Out To Parts Unknown

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Walter Mitty, played by Ben Stiller, is a boring office drone, who spends half his life in a day dream until one day adventure comes calling.

I enjoyed this film quite a bit, I found it to be uplifting and an incredible force for positivity which in these dark days we all need. It certainly isn’t an original premise, both because it is based on a book, and also because the idea of the stiff finding his spirit of adventure has been so done to death over the years, though Stiller certainly tries to put his own spin on it.

Having watched many, and I do mean many, of Ben Stiller’s films over the years I have to say this is one of his best and certainly more nuanced: think The Royal Tenenbaums Stiller. There is a certain degree of emotion to his performance that will make many people sit and reflect on their own lives, Walter Mitty feels like the ultimate everyman but that is the point. I also thought that Sean Penn was great even though he only had an incredibly small role.

I will say that this film leans more towards being an earnest yet uplifting drama and take on human life and the spirit of adventure rather than a Ben Stiller comedy film. It really isn’t goofy and the laughs are not forthcoming a lot of the time and that is okay, in a sense stupid dumb jokes would break the wholesomeness of the film in a sense.

Overall, a sweet life affirming film that is only let down by a fairly generic plot.

4 /5

Pros.

It is truly feel good

It reminds you of the good in the world

Stiller is fantastic

It is paced to perfection

Cons.

The plot does feel a little familiar to a lot of other projects

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The Jonestown Haunting: The Title Speaks For Itself

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Jonestown, a terrible real world tragedy is exploited for a lazy supernatural horror film.

I have watched quite a few of Andrew Jones low budget horror efforts and I question who is funding him to carry on making these films, whoever it is is wasting their money.

Honestly for me I found it very hard to get past the premise, its feels incredibly exploitative and in bad taste. I know there are films made about the Nazi’s that again trivialise the evil they committed by adding in ghosts and ghouls but that feels further back in the past and more remote, moreover in many of those films it is not as blatantly tasteless and badly handled as it is here.

Worse yet the horror is a mixture of deeply obvious jump scares and scenes that are just dark enough that one of the production team moving can be mistaken for a ghost, that is the level of budget clearly given to this project.

Overall, this film disgraces low budget horror by not doing something new or inventive, but rather exploiting a real world tragedy in the most tasteless way possible.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is mercifully short.

Cons.

It feels exploitative

The scares are awful

The acting is dire

It is so unoriginal

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Music And Lyrics: Deeply Out Of Tune

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A washed up musician, played by Hugh Grant, must team up with an aspiring but timid writer, played by Drew Barrymore, in order to write a song for a competition that could put him back on top.

For Hugh Grant this is as far away from his heyday in films written by Richard Curtis as you can get in terms of quality, though maybe Mickey Blue Eyes was worse. There is little to be excited about in this film as there is nothing new here, it is just Grant playing a role that we have seen him play before, that’s not exciting.

Whilst an argument can be made that Barrymore and Grant have good chemistry and that certainly helps the film, the sometimes quite incredibly toxic dialogue hurts it beyond repair. Grant’s character in this does not come off as one we want to root for but rather a bit of a tosser and that is amplified by the often quite corrosive statements made by the film.

For me the worst sin committed by this film is the pace which borders on tedious at times, it doesn’t go over but it comes damn close.

Overall, one of Grant’s weaker rom-coms and proof of why he needed to get out of the genre.

2/5

Pros.

It is watchable

Grant and Barrymore have good chemistry

Cons.

It has a toxic message

It has pacing problems

It is a weak rom-com in multiple senses

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Memento: Finally Tattoos Serve A Purpose

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A man’s, played by Guy Pearce, quest for vengeance is disturbed by his amnesia and inability to form new memories.

Ah this takes me back to a beautiful time before Christopher Nolan thought he was the saviour of cinema and before his ego eclipsed the sun causing us all to live in darkness. Despite what some of my long time readers might think, I did used to enjoy Nolan’s films I think Interstellar is a brilliant film on a lot of levels, but the way he behaved in the pandemic with Tenet really did sour me on him. Anyway, my personal ramblings aside this is a great film, not quite Interstellar good, but certainly in the top half of Nolan’s filmography.

I particularly enjoyed how this film plays with its narrative and tries to do something new with it, for the time this film released in this was really quite revolutionary. Moreover, the mystery that it all leads to is very satisfying and well-constructed, I found myself having my expectations played with and challenged at multiple different turns.

My issue with this film as with a lot of Nolan’s work is the mixture of extreme pacing issues and a sense of smugness that pervades the work and taints it. Much like James Cameron Nolan seems to struggle to keep his films succinct and instead has them outstay their welcome, and that is not to say the ending of this film is bad, rather than there are a number of slow moments towards the end of the first act and throughout the second, it is in these moments the film lost me slightly.

Overall, definitely a good film, but one that comes to symbolise a lot of later issues with Nolan as a filmmaker.

4/5

Pros.

It does something different

A compelling mystery

It subverts your expectations in a way that doesn’t feel insulting

Guy Pearce is a good lead

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