I Know What You Did Last Summer: Bashing Men Is Bad For Your Box Office Who Knew

Screams little brother gets another go at things.

This film was a hugely mixed bag for me.

On the one hand there was some cheer worthy moments here and some funny scenes but on the other there was a deliberate attempt to bait the audience and a twist that makes little sense.

To the good first, it was nice seeing Jennifer Love Hewitt and Freddie Prinze Jr back, and it was nice that this film had so much reverence for the original films. I also liked Chase Sui Wonders as the lead character and thought her friendship with Danica, Madelyn Cline, was the heart and soul of the film. The scene where it appeared as if Danica was dead was genuinely upsetting. However, this fondness was undone with the line from Wonder’s character’ and to think this all could have been avoided if men just went to therapy’. Now the killer of the film was Stevie, Sarah Pidgeon, a woman who after the gang killed her boyfriend decided to seek out Ray’s help. The reason why this final line is so infuriating is the killer is female, Rey helped but he did not set her on that path she did it all of her own accord, but rather than say that it has to be an open attempt to bash men. Why is all I can say to this? What did they think this line was going to achieve, whilst horror has a big female viewership the majority are still men.

There are also a lot of modern dayisms in the film, the main character is BI, as Hollywood thinks everyone is pan, there is needless teen drama, and there is a hell of a lot of therapy speak. In fact Danica’s soon to be husband is killed whilst she is in the bath listening to a motivational podcast, which adds a whole new spin to that line about men going to therapy, and feels like after Wonder’s character said it maybe Danica should have challenged it, as her walking that road meant she could not save her husband to be.

A hypocritical message to the end.

Overall, I was enjoying the film to some extent until that line right at the end of the film, it felt so needless and antagonistic that it really did make me leave the film with a bad taste in my mouth.

2.5/5

Pros.

Reverence for the original films

You do care about the characters

Bringing back the original stars

Cons.

The modern dayisms

The line about men needing therapy

How they bring back Freddie Prinze Jr only to have him be one of the villains

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A Working Man: Jason Statham Takes On The Deep State

Summary

Jason Statham fights human traffickers.

So I am a fan of mindless action films but I have to say that this had a lot less joy than something like the Beekeeper wherein there was some comedy to proceedings. Not only that but the film isn’t as grisly or intense as would behove the other end of the action film spectrum so you get a film that has promise but that just feels a little boring.

Couple this with the fact that the film casts David Harbour as Jason Statham’s characters best friend and then just does nothing with him. They give him a few short scenes and allows him to arm Statham for his hunt but other than that he really has no role in the film at all.

Even the action leaves a lot to be desired as nothing crazy or intense really happens, it is mostly just scenes of characters going into rooms and getting into very stationary gun fights, they try and give Statham some fighting scenes to try and mix it up a bit more but it lacks any real visceral punch.

Overall, an action film destined to be forgotten about.

2.5/5

Pros.

It has promise

There are a few okay action set pieces

It is relatively well paced

Cons.

The action misses the edge it needs

It isn’t sure whether it wants to be comedic or serious in tone

It wastes the side characters

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Final Destination Bloodlines: The Franchise Does Not Escape Death

Summary

A family finds out they are living on borrowed time.

So I am a big fan of the Final Destination franchise and thought that a new film had a lot of potential to be good. However, after seeing it I was left sorely disappointed.

This is mainly due to the fact that outside of the return of Bloodsworth, Tony Todd, this film in no way feels connected to any of the previous films. Considering how the other films are somewhat referential and take place at least partially within a loop, I would have liked a broader connection to the other films.

Moreover, the idea of death going after bloodlines that should not exist directly contradicts the series lore that new life can stop death. Not only that but I take an if it isn’t broke don’t fix it sort of feeling to the film, wherein the idea of someone having a premonition about their death and stopping it works much better than what we got here. It makes little sense why the granddaughter of a woman who had a premonition would be sharing her vision years later. It would have made more in universe sense for her to have had a vision of her own death, and then when everyone thinks she’s crazy her granny shows up and goes it happened to me too.

In addition I had an issue with the tone of the film as it didn’t know whether it wanted to be tongue in cheek and a bit more jokey with it or whether it wanted to play it deadly serious. As it stands the film tries to do both and in turn we get the worst of both worlds.

Overall, a very average film only made better with the addition of the late great Tony Todd.

2.5/5

Pros.

Tony Todd gets a wonderful final scene

The ending kill

It has some promise it just doesn’t realise

Cons.

The tone is a mess

It doesn’t connect to previous films

It contradicts series lore

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Superman: Soy Boy Savior

Summary

James Gunn’s Superman arrives, but is it enough to save the DCU.

So for the purpose of this review we’ll try and keep politics out of it, after Sean Gunn really tried to centre it around that, and we’ll leave off any references to Man Of Steel, with one quick addendum to say that adjusted for inflation Man Of Steel made more on its opening domestic weekend.

The film itself is pretty meh. I went into it with low expectations, the marketing had done a horrible job of making the film look stupid, goofy and far too present day, and whilst there are elements of that in this to be sure I think the film managed to exceed by rock bottom expectations.

There were a few good Superman comic esque moments mainly in the third act that made me smile, and a number of funny lines. However, Superman is not the Guardians of The Galaxy and the humour quickly becomes clawing. There are perfectly good scenes that could stand on their own, but then they’ll force in a joke to make you retch a little bit and ruin the scene.

Moreover, the weakening of Superman is a little too on the nose for me. Previous Superman films have kept him macho and powerful whilst also showing his good nature and down to earth personality, look at Smallville. However, here they go out of their way to make him more effeminate and soft, whilst this could be argued to just be how modern Hollywood views masculinity, or an attempt to make him more sympathetic during the sequence where he is basically cancelled is unclear, but it does become noticeable for all the wrong reasons, including but not limited to the use of therapy speak.

The final thing to note is that this is a James Gunn vanity project of that you can have no doubt, and whilst I like him as a director I do think it gets a bit irritating as the film progresses. We already know Krypto was based off Gunn’s own dog, and that his wife and brother are in the film, but then when you look at the cast you see that it is stacked with Gunn’s personal friends as well as the aforementioned cancelling storyline being reflective of Gunn’s own experiences to a degree. When you think about this in totality it starts to become a bit sickening.

Overall, fairly mid-range.

2.5/5

Pros.

A few good moments

The third act is better than the other two

It world builds

Cons.

Clarke and Lois

They make Superman weak

How this is a Gunn vanity project

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Fantastic Four First Steps: Worse Than The Trank Version?

Summary

The Fantastic Four take their first steps into the MCU but it is more like a crawl.

Of the great war between Marvel and DC this summer I would say that even though both sides produced bad offerings, this was the losing side. By the skin of their teeth Superman won.

Whilst Superman has elements that are straight up bad, yes I am looking at you Jor-El, the Fantastic Four feels boring and badly paced. The first act which features a lot of family time placed in the film to establish who the Fantastic Four are, feels like filler as the film is trying to stretch out time before Galactus, Ralph Ineson, and Shalla-Ball, Julia Garner, show up. During this opening act we don’t get much focus on the groups origins beyond a few lines of dialogue and a demonstration of each’s power, the film assumes you know who they are and know the story, which goes against Feige’s claim of it not being homework. The montage tv style way the film opens is jarring and a bad creative choice as well.

This is not to do with the opening act but a broader concern, the Sixties aesthetic, quickly becomes irritating over the course of the film, the time period itself plays in very little it is purely an aesthetic choice, especially as the Fantastic Four themselves have advanced tech. If that level of shallow period choice appeals to you then you may enjoy this yet.

As for the characters, I was wrong, Joesph Quinn is a good Johnny, he is not the ladies man that Chris Evans was two decades ago, but he is still charming and fun, and Ben, Eben Moss-Bachrach is the heart of the film. You have to separate the fact that Moss-Bachrach hates Israel, yes I know he has Jewish roots, particularly when Ben’s Judaism is a big part of the character. Ineson as ever is a giant cast in a small role, he manages to make Galactus menacing and threatening in the way he should always have been presented. Then you get to Shalla-Ball, they said there was no issue with her being Galactus’ Herald over Norrin Radd as there was a comics history of it, however, they rewrite her entire comics origins so that doesn’t hold much weight. She also has a Rose Tico moment wherein she takes away from Johnny’s heroic sacrifice. However, that aside the character does feel more human and grow on you over the course of the film and has far more range emotionally than Sue, Vanessa Kirby, but we are getting there. Reed, Pedro Pascal, is a shell of former incarnations, he is shown as an anxious geek, who would rather cry than take charge. At no point does Reed lead the team and any claim to the contrary is just a lie. Sue is by far and away the worst character in the film for several reasons, firstly you have the fact that she is simply characterised as a mother and from the moment she is pregnant that is what defines her, this is one dimensional. Secondly you have her personality, which whilst in keeping with pregnant women, she is hormonal, just comes across as though she is in a constant state of Greta Thunberg levels of how dare you. She is a girl boss and is actively abusive towards her family, there is a scene in which she says to Reed him being himself is a problem. If you or anyone you know is in a relationship where one partner says to the other that them being themselves is the problem and that they have to be something else then they need to leave that relationship. There is also no chemistry at all between Kibry and Pascal

Moreover, the birthing scene and no I am not talking about when Sue gives birth to Franklin but rather the final fight with Galactus wherein Sue manages to defeat him by herself whilst making pregnancy noises, not only is this an I am woman here me roar girl boss moment, as the male characters are all effectively useless, but also incredibly cringe.

Two final points to hit home before we tie this up. The CGI on baby Franklin, is noticeably bad and distracting and secondly this film does not tie into the MCU in any meaningful way, there are moments wherein you go ah this is where they are going to show up in the MCU but no. They do not enter into the MCU at any point. Moreover, the post credits scene is a jangling keys moment wherein Doctor Doom, Robert Downey Jr, takes baby Franklin. It is not an epic moment but rather a short scene of Sue reacting, there is no dialogue from Doom, the costume doesn’t look great, and there is no broader implications imparted. Fans of the comics will know that Doom is going to use Franklin in the same way he used Owen Reece in Hickman’s run however normies will be left going who’s that and why is he taking the baby.

Overall, as I sit here and write this I begin to see more and more flaws with the film.

1.5/5

Pros.

Ben and Johnny are charming

Shalla-Ball grows on you and Galactus is cool

Cons.

The style and aesthetic is hollow

Sue is one dimensional and abusive

Reed is weak and barely has anything to do

The post credits scene is a letdown, and does not build hype for Doomsday

The film does not bring the FF into the MCU

The CGI is quite bad in places

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Iron Heart Season Overview: Bargain Basement Iron Man

Summary

The MCU no longer wishes to make money, it has decided to go down with the ship of social justice and keep preaching at people until they cut Marvel out from their life. In many senses with all of its comments about quality over quantity and leaving the message behind Marvel has become like a drug addict telling you that this time they are off it for good, but by the way they need some money to eat can you help them out.

Now that Marvel is figuratively passed out in a gutter somewhere after injecting themselves with the last bits of social justice, critical race theory, pronoun nonsense and drag queens they can, we can assess the damage of the latest rampage, and talk about getting them committed.

Who was this show for? A comics character with several failed runs, who is notoriously unpopular and who has the charm of the previously mentioned drug addict if you refuse to give them some money. Of course Marvel thinks simply by making a show about a black character, and they use rap music to let you know it’s a black character, that the black audience will show up. However, I think most people know that even though Ryan Coogler is producing this show, Black Panther it is not. Throughout the whole show the black experience is stereotyped and put into boxes, the victim mentality of black excellence being kept down by whitey society is on full display and honestly it is just cringe. Riri is entitled and thinks she should get everything now and that is not how life works no matter your skin colour.

Moreover, by adding a drag queen to a show clearly aimed at young audiences, nothing particularly mature happens here, it highlights how once again Disney is trying to force sexuality onto young kids. Drag is inherently sexual and has no place on a show that kids could be watching. The fact there is a drag queen playing a villain in this show is yet another reason that the MCU deserves all the failure that is coming its way these days.

Dominque Thorne once again takes acting lessons from the Aliqua Cox school of acting which is to say she has no facial expression beyond looking like she is holding in a steamer for the whole time and has a personality so badly developed it is hard to call it anything other than one dimensional.

Overall, this is just garbage.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

Thorne

The drag queen

The preaching

It didn’t need to be made

The pacing

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Ballerina: Ghosts Of Girlbosses Past

Summary

Eve, Ana De Armas, is the female John Wick, Keanu Reeves, only she is not motivated by the death of a dog rather the death of her father.

So I ended up seeing this twice as I didn’t quite know how I felt about it, it is not terrible, but it is not good either. It does somethings like the worldbuilding very well, as do all the Wick movies, however, Eve as a character is fundamentally uninteresting. The issue really stems from the fact that they don’t give Eve any personality, other than her quest for vengeance we don’t really know her as a character, Wick himself has charm and you can see he is a rounded character, whereas Eve is just a woman on a mission and seemingly has nothing more to her than that. There was a scene early on when she was in training when it seemed like she might have a friend, this could have improved the character and made her feel more real, but that quickly fades away into nothing.

The action was mostly solid and I liked how they acknowledged that Eve couldn’t beat most of these guys in a straight fight and so needed to fight dirty, that did some positive work in getting rid of girlboss tropes. Though conversely, the film may have messed up Series lore having John taking jobs in between the films that we were not previously aware of, as well as raising the question of where was Eve during the quadrilogy

The song at the end was cringe that is quite true, it was a weird note to end things on, as though in the final moments they decided to become a girlboss film.

Overall, a very mixed bag for everything good it does it also does something bad.

2.5/5

Pros.

The action

Going against girl boss tropes

The world

Cons.

The ending song

It messes up the timeline

Eve was as a character very flat

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Lilo And Stitch: Disney Hates Families

Summary

The story of an alien that comes to earth and befriends a girl that needs a friend, that you have all seen before.

I had never seen the original animated version of this film until recently, I rented it to give back to the animators before seeing this version which I feel hurts animation broadly and which if I wasn’t reviewing I would not see.

So I have to say that this film much like How To Train Your Dragons made changes to the original animated version that I did not like. Namely the fact that the sister leaves at the end, and yes this is done with the little girl’s blessing, but it goes against the whole point of the film which is that families stay together. Of course this is a Disney film in the current year so that idea could not be allowed to stick around, the film even directly address the no one left behind line in order to justify her leaving, and this just feels like they are drawing more attention to the problem.

I have to say the little girl herself is very heart warming and sweet, and she alone is why this film doesn’t get a lower score, even if it doesn’t justify it’s existence. Much like with How To Train Your Dragons what these live action remakes come to be is just poorer versions of the animated originals, with modern changes to make them worse.

The trend of live action remakes really need to end.

Overall, a live action remake that doesn’t need to exist.

2/5

Pros.

A charming child

It has some good emotional beats, which hit almost as well as the film

Cons.

It doesn’t justify its existence

The changes regarding the ending

Missing characters

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2000 Meters to Andriivka: The Fight Against Evil

Summary

A documentary about a platoon of Ukrainian soldiers and their attempt to liberate Andriivika.

So as some of you know I have a day job as a film festival programmer/promoter etc, that I do under a different name to keep my lives separate before you try to meet me, and normally I don’t cover films from the festivals I have worked at, either at all or a long while after, but for this I made an exception.

As you can imagine this is a harrowing film, the bloodied history of the imperial war to subjugate Ukraine is already well documented by world news, but seeing it on the ground, and getting to meet some of the brave fighters trying to save their country for the invaders makes it far more personal. As the film progresses there is a real palpable sense of wanting to escape from this situation and to get out, what makes this so distressing is knowing that you can escape from the situation shown in the film, but that the Ukrainian service men and women can’t.

I would challenge anyone with a heart to watch this film and not feel moved, and not leave feeling like they need to do more to support the Ukrainians even if it is just little things like looking after a refugee in your neighbourhood and making sure they have what they need or donating to platoons and army groupings themselves for much needed supplies.

Overall, an incredibly powerful peace of cinema that will give you a reaction.

5/5

Pros.

It is incredibly powerful

It is effecting

It feels informative and more real than what you see on the news

It does not shy away from anything

It is very much needed

Cons.

None

[A slight aside, it can be an incredibly distressing film as a film about an active hot war would be, but you knew that going in so I won’t list it here]

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How To Train Your Dragons: Dream Works Opens A Slop Factory

Summary

So I was not going to watch this film, but I needed to kill some time and it was on. However, don’t worry I am not trying to put animators out of business, as to make up for seeing this I also rented the original animated film to make sure they were getting money as well.

As I expected before going in to this it is a soulless rip-off of the original animated film, made with as much originality as one can expect from AI Hollywood these days, much like with Disney’s Lilo and Stitch the changes it does make come at the expense of the film rather than as a reason to see this version of it.

The race swaps for Astrid, and the lessening of Hiccup as a character in an effort to give Astrid more to do, and to push girlboss narratives don’t make the film any better and highlight the sort of negative changes I was talking about before.

It is the worst of both worlds both a shot for shot remake but also one that has some small ‘modernising’ changes to it which make it worse. The story is much the same and if you have seen the animation you will just see right through this film for the hollow imitation it is.

Overall, a trend that needs to die in Hollywood

1.5/5

Pros.

Toothless is still fun

It has the same beats as the first film which is good, but they are just hollow recycled parts

Cons.

It doesn’t need to exist

It is inferior to the animated version

The changes make it worse

The live action cast lack any kind of charm

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