Nobody Two: Sharon Stone Embarrasses Herself

Hutch, Bob Odenkirk, just wants to go on holiday.

So this is an inferior sequel, in many ways this is a step back from the first film. Whilst the idea of a wet work specialist going on holiday could be interesting in a comedy action format, I think the whole idea of the ‘oh no he’s not spending enough time with his family plot line’ is so cliché and stupid.

The action is on point and funny, Odenkirk does a good job making it all look convincing and manages to keep the film together, with some assistance from Christopher Llyod, RZA and Connie Nelson. I enjoyed that this film gave Nelson some spot light particularly at the end, it is nice to see her engage in a bit of blood sport too. The RZA samurai duel is likely going to be a highlight of the film for a lot of people.

The film has Sharon Stone as the big bad leader of a drug cartel, who shows how crazy she is by breaking into dance. This may be one of the worst and most baffling choices I have seen a film make in a long time, the film keeps doing things it thinks makes her look cool and badass, but it is actually cringe.

The more Stone appeared in the film the worse it got.

Overall, a step back from the first film.

2.5/5

Pros.

Nelson, RZA and Llyod

Odenkirk

The action

Cons.

Cliched story telling

Stone

The ending and how easily it wraps up

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Freakier Friday: Remember Folks Lindsey Lohan Tried To Abduct A Syrian Refugee.

Summary

Friday gets freakier.

What can be said that we didn’t all say in the lead up to this?

There was no need for this film, there was some junk food like appeal to it, with it being warming and hitting with some nostalgia and a little comedy here and there, however, there is nothing of substance nothing that makes you go ‘ah that’s why they need to make this’.

For a contemporary Disney film there was a lot less divisive nonsense than I was expecting, for example I thought for sure one of the characters would be trans gender and then you would have Lohan or Curtis’s character go into that characters body in order to understand the experience of trans people. Yet Disney managed to hold back on that, the closest they go to it is during an early section of the film wherein there is a food fight and a kid is carrying around a rainbow pride flag and manages to get it into every shot.

I think they would be hard-pressed to do a third film as there really isn’t much more they can do with this franchise in terms of the body swapping gimmick, though I am sure they could find a way if this film made them enough money.

Overall, whilst there is some comforting nostalgia here, it ultimately feels like a desperate cash grab.

2/5

Pros.

It is funny

There is some nostalgia to be had

Cons.

It doesn’t justify its existence

It comes off as a little desperate

Disney being Disney

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Screamboat: Mickey Mouse As He Really Is

Summary

Mickey Mouse behaves as we all know he does behind closed doors.

Honestly, I can sum up whether you will like this film in one sentence did you like Terrrifer and do you find Art’s antics funny or not? If the answer is yes to both then you will like this film. It tells the tale of a group of people taking the Staten Island Ferry who run into Mickey Mouse and who then picks them off.

This is one of those public domain films, but I would say it has more charm than something like a Blood and Honey, there is more of a sense of whimsy here. I also thought all of the references and inferences to Walt Disney were quite clever.

The kills were good but weren’t to the same level of gore as in Terrifer, they again were played more for laughs than for chills, and it delivered in much the same way as the campier later entries in most slasher franchises of old did.

The ending that has the lead dress up like Minnie Mouse to try and seduce Mickey was something I never thought I would see in my life but here we are.

Overall, if you are a fan of Terrifer and of gore than you will likely like this.

3/5

Pros.

The kills

The backstory and the references to Walt

It is funny

Cons.

It can be repetitive

The acting is truly awful

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Return Of The Jedi: More Like Return Of The Ewoks

Summary

The second best of the original trilogy.

Now whilst I know a lot of people have mixed feelings about this film, not Sequel trilogy levels of negativity, but still. However, for me I enjoyed this more than A New Hope, this was really because I enjoyed the idea of seeing the Rebellion at its hight and getting to spend more time with it, rather than seeing them on the back foot. This feels closer to the Star Wars projects I most gel with which is to say books/games/tv shows/ films wherein you are following a grunt in the trenches and you are seeing these almost fantastical wars, and the tactics of them, rather than more from the Skywalker saga.

Another thing I appreciate about this film is how the other elements from the previous two films come together in a way that feels satisfying and that feels truly like a galaxy fighting back. I also really liked the arc of Darth Vader and his internal conflict at the end of the film wherein he finally becomes redeemed. Do I think this film would have hit as hard at the time? No. I think watching it after watching the Prequels and the animated series and knowing how Anakin is as a character adds an extra dimension.

Do the Ewoks get too much screentime to sell toys to kids? Yes of course, but for me I didn’t mind that, I liked the Ewoks for the most part.

Overall, it is good and a hell of a lot better than the Sequel films however, it doesn’t feel as gritty as Empire and for me that places it in a solid second place.

3.5/5

Pros.

More time with the rebellion

A grander scale

It feels like something special

Getting to see the best from each character

Cons.

It wouldn’t be as good if you did not know much about Anakin as a character

The CGI is ropey at times

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Penguin Lessons: Penguins Can Make Anyone More Likeable

Summary

A man, Steve Coogan, living in Argentina finds a new lease on life when he adopts a penguin.

So for the most part I enjoyed this film, if the ending had been different I would likely score it higher, but because this is based on a real life account I don’t think they could do anything about it.

Of course the issue with this film is that for two thirds of the run time it is a mostly life affirming experience about the positive impact animals can have on a person’s life, even during moments of strife such as when the police kidnap a young woman off the street and later arrest Coogan’s character the presence of the penguin makes it all less depressing and a little bit happier.

However, at the end as you can likely imagine the penguin dies and the film becomes depressing. I think this sort of pain can be familiar to anyone who has lost a pet, and it does mean the film ends on a down note which takes away from the broader uplift of it at the end. One could argue artistically that a bitter sweet ending is in itself uplifting as it reflects the power one life, in this case a penguin’s life, can have.

Overall, the film gets you to care deeply about the penguin and you feel that death keenly.

3/5

Pros.

Coogen

The bond between man and penguin

The life affirming moments

Cons

The pacing is off

The ending is depressing

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Megan Two: Hold Onto Your Vagina Ladies

Summary

Grab onto your vaginas ladies, the quotable line that never gets old and one that sealed the death of Blumhouse.

Honestly, this film had flop written all over it in capital letters, the first film was a meme film and really did not need a sequel, it captured a moment in time and you could not do that twice. The first film was not even very good but at least it had some idea of its identity.

This film is not terrible there are plenty of worse films that you can see right now at your local multiplex, however, the central issue with it is that it does not know what it wants to be. Does it want to be an action film, a comedy, a science fiction film, these are all the things it tries its hand at yet never sticks with.

One thing that is for sure is that this film has long ago abandoned being a horror film, yes there are some gnarly moments but by and large there are no scares, and Meghan is now a full on good guy who is prepared to sacrifice herself, like Christ, to save the day. She even sings comforting songs now. I don’t know who at Blumhouse thought this was a good idea but they probably shouldn’t have a job anymore.

Some of the jokes are funny, and Jermaine Clement is always a welcome presence on-screen, but probably the best moment of the film is where they try and replicate the meme dancing from the first film, with a new dance sequence for Tik Tok. It has that same oh look they are doing the thing vibe you would want whilst they are doing something new.

Overall, a watchable action comedy film.

2.5

Pros.

It has a few funny lines

The dancing

Jermaine Clement

Cons.

It is tonally all over the place

It is not a horror film

It has pacing problems

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28 Years Later: A Scottish Man Managing To Outrun Hordes Of People

Summary

The Americans take over London.

So this film is a lot better than I remember it being. Distinctly as a younger man I remember liking Days Later more but now after having seen Weeks Later as I am slightly older it is far closer. I think this film is far more realised, in that I mean it feels more expansive it feels more like a complete world, whereas in Days it feels very confined.

The opening scene in the cottage is fantastic, the tension and the way Robert Carlisle’s character runs away as the music swells is the epitome of tension and the shaky cam here works really well to add to that very manic energy. This would be one of the things I would say Years Later struggles with and that is that it tries to move away from this sort of energy and go for a more meditative tone at times and one has to ask how in keeping with the franchise is it.

The military criticism here was well used, rather than coming across heavy handedly it feels as though it naturally builds upon the mistrust of the army from the first film. Though the infected are threatening, particularly in the opening scene, I think the more harrowing moments of the film come from things like watching the army use chemical weapons against civilians.

Overall, I would argue this is better than Years and could well rival Days.

4.5/5

Pros.

The tension

The commentary

The world

The ways in which it builds on the original

The cinematography

Cons.

The child characters are irritating and do irritating things

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Hallow Road: The Worries Of Being A Parent

Summary

A couple find themselves in a position that no parents ever want to be in.

So Rosamund Pike and Matthew Rhys are fantastic here, a lot of the film is the car journey to find where there troubled daughter has broken down in the woods, and much like with Locke a hell of a lot of the meat of the film comes from there conversations and facial acting during these tight scenes and scenes over the phone.

As the night begins to unfold and it turns out the daughter hit and kill someone and then with what follows the film takes a turn that you likely won’t expect but is not wholly unpleasant. As it veers off into the supernatural it oddly works within the world created by the film, though I would say that I think Irish folklore is beginning to become a bit tapped out at this point.

The ending of the film is quite bleak but also has a trippy component to it which leaves you asking questions at the end of the film as you pick your head back up off the floor.

Overall, well-acted and with a good supernatural twist.

4/5

Pros.

It is well acted

The horror works within the world

The end leaves open some intriguing questions

Genuine tension

Cons.

Irish folklore is becoming a bit overplayed

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The Bad Guys Two: Meet The Bad Girls

Summary

The Bad Guys are back.

I saw this is a double bill with Smurfs, see my review of that now, and suffice it to say I was feeling depressed. I was beginning to think that the days were studios put effort into family films was dead. Then I saw this film. Did it reverse that notion? The answer is mixed.

Whilst this film had far more style and personality that Smurfs which felt AI made, there was also a hollowness to this film as well. The Bad Guys themselves were more likable and had charm, and you cared about the characters, but in terms of the world and the story things just felt bog standard. It felt very much like a narrative you have seen before dressed in a new skin.

I would have liked more time with Wolf, Sam Rockwell, and Diane, Zazie Beetz, to explore their relationship, and the idea of how hard it is for bad guys to be good and readjust to a society that does not want them. This would have been far more interesting that simply having the bad guys be framed by a group of bad girls, yes you can hear my groan. Alas, the film does not even do much with these new bad girls beyond have them be a foil to the bad guys, and set up some future romances, as far as characters go they are quite one dimensional. Perhaps this is done on purpose to give them more ground to mine in a third film.

Overall, serviceable but nothing special.

2.5/5

Pros.

The characters have charm

The animation has passion

Wolf and Diane

Cons.

The world feels hollow

The story is deeply uninspired

It feels predictable.

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Smurfs: Smurfette Is Black Coded Now

Summary

James Corden takes a moment from not paying his writers a fair wage, and insulting waiters to star in the third remake of the Smurfs of the recent past.

Do the Smurfs have any continued relevancy? I would argue that is doubtful, is this better or worse than the previous remakes? I would say that it is of a similar quality. Is it a good film? No. All of the Smurf remakes and reimagining’s have been terrible this is just the latest.

The film is about magic books and has the smurfs go out into the real world, surprise, surprise, whilst I enjoyed the switch between live action and animation I thought the film did not do much with it or really play around. It was very lifeless at times, and felt almost mechanical.

A particularly egregious part of this film is Rihanna as Smurfette, this was done to provide some diversity to the voice cast possibly? They also now have a very clearly LGBTQ+ smurf in the gang. How the Rihanna thing is egregious is the fact that Rihanna has to do several musical numbers, no one else in the film does, and it just feels almost like an advert for an upcoming album rather than a nice accompaniment. Did the makers of the film not think of getting maybe someone younger than the kids might be into for their horrible effort in self-promotion.

Overall, this is why Paramount as a studio has fallen and is being bought out.

1/5

Pros.

Nick Offerman’s character

Cons.

Rihanna

It is boring

It is lifeless

James Corden

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