The Cleaner: Daisy Ridley Somehow Manages To Out Girlboss Her Performance As Rey

Summary

Rey from Star Wars is given the short hair maam treatment and is turned into girlboss personified.

So, Daisy Ridley seemingly only has a career as Kathleen Kennedy wants to keep her relevant, you have to assume she is getting these roles as folks behind the scenes are pulling strings for her as it certainly isn’t her acting chops.

This film wants you to suspend your disbelief to such a degree that you are left wondering if you are having a breakdown. The idea that stick thin Ridley can take down men multiple times bigger than her is frankly laughable, even all the training the world can’t make that maths check out.

Plot wise it is a die hard clone, minus the fun. It Ridley is able to be charming or crack a joke she does not show it here. Maybe if she was playing more against type, and being less of the her-o girl boss she often leans towards this would have been better.

Overall, an incredibly forgettable action film with a Ridley performance so bad it would be an understament to call it wooden.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

Ridley is horribly miscast

You don’t believe her in this role

It lacks any kind of charm

The girlboss stuff is pretty egregious

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Emily Perez: Drug Cartels Are Selena Gomez’s People

 Summary

Yikes. That sums up the film nicely. Do we really need to say more?

So as many of you know this film has been in the headlines recently for all the wrong reasons, what it should be getting attention for is pushing questionable gender science, having course and vulgar songs that make WAP look like a children’s nursery rhyme and of course softening Mexican drug cartels that kill thousands of people every year.

It is quite funny to see the situation that critics have gotten themselves into on this one, as of course they have to support the film with a trans lead, but now as more and more things about said lead are starting to come out, these left wing critics are starting to have to say things that they may once have said was transphobic.

For me the biggest issues with this film is taste, there are a number of moments and choices in the film that feel in bad taste, simply put. To make a musical about the cartels is simply insensitive and at worst wrong. Worse yet this decision makes the tone of the film feel at times schizophrenic to the subject matter.

Overall, a bad decision all round.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is laughably bad

Cons.

The songs

It pushes bad science

The acting is awful

It has tonal problems

The pace is off

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Baby Girl: Those Nichole Kidman AMC Adverts Have Changed Quite A Bit.

Summary

Hold onto your casserole dishes we get yet another erotic thriller for mothers.

Very much like the Grey films this film seeks to fetishize s and m and puts forward the idea of how hot it is for the boss women to be made to bark like a dog for a younger man. Is this actually titillating for anyone, remember folks when erotic thrillers would just be normal fairly vanilla sex but the passion of it is what gave it the heat, now you have stuff like this done for shock value. I am no prude but I do consider what sort of things are being shown as healthy here, and don’t think they are in fact that.

I find the graphic scenes of Nicole Kidman masturbating to not be shocking, to not be boundary pushing as oh we have never had a scene of a woman masturbating before, glass sealing shattered as we have, but instead rather to be desperate. These sort of scenes are not put in to make some bold comment on female sexuality, this comment has already been more articulately made, they are done for shock value and to be like ‘oh look at how graphic we made it that’s sexy right?’ It isn’t it is just desperate.

If Miss Kidman thinks this will make her anymore relevant or hey even get her some awards love it won’t. It will be forgotten about in about 5 minutes and will only live on in the mind of some old neglected housewife who wants it to happen to her.

Overall, a desperate sad attempt at eroticism.

1/5

Pros.

Old unsatisfied housewives might like it

Cons

It is cringe

It is desperate

It legitimising some morally bad things

Kidman is miscast

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Squid Games Season Two Overview: The Filler Strikes Back

Summary

The games are back.

I really don’t know what to say, this was a massive let down. It reminded me of when you watched an Unexpected Journey for the first time and right when Bilbo and co are getting into the heat of it it’s the end credits. Please wait for the sequel. The reason why the Hobbit films are viewed with much more animus than the original trilogy of films is because they felt like one story divided into three for the sake of greed. This is much the same, rather than give us say a 15 episode second season that provides a satisfying follow up that ends out the series this instead decides to cut out right as the action is getting started. It is infuriating.

What makes this worse is the fact that there is so much filler here, the first two episodes are literally all filler and exposition. By the time the games actually do start up again you are almost midway through this ‘second’ season.

They also shoe horn in a trans storyline that feels very modern day and makes you ask the question why, the answer to that is likely Netflix said we have a diversity quota that needs filling and you don’t have any non-Asians in this so you have to make it up another way.

Overall,  I would say don’t bother watching this until it is all out, it is not complete in anyway as is and comes off as massively unsatisfying.

2.5/5

Pros.

The games are interesting

It ends on a high

It has some good moments

Cons.

The filler

The forced in trans storyline

It shouldn’t have been split

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The Heretic: Soft and Bumbling Until He Locks You In A Cage

Summary

Hugh Grant is a religious fanatic.

I don’t believe this film would be even half what it is without Hugh Grant. His performance is pitch perfect, he goes from silly to downright sinister in seconds and the flip is chilling. Even when he is being evil he is still incredibly charming and has his little mannerisms that make it a bit hammy and over the top in the best way. If you are familiar with Grant’s filmography you’ll know what I mean.

As for the film itself I hesitate to call it a horror film, it really isn’t , despite how it might have been marketed it is a thriller film. In terms of thrillers it is not something that you haven’t seen before, it has a lot of very familiar elements in it, it is just with Grant’s performance you cannot really notice it.

I would argue that this film is Sophie Thatcher’s first real misstep in terms of her early career, as she is totally outshone here by Chloe East who gives the much wider and more likeable performance. Thatcher’s character never really demonstrates a wide range of emotions whereas East has to act a lot of different emotions at once sometimes.

Overall, definitely one to check out for Grant alone, however, don’t go in expecting too much originality.

3/5

Pros.

Grant

East

It is watchable

Cons.

It is not very scary

It has been done before

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Woman Of The Hour: Anna Kendrick Needs Her Ego Stroking

Summary

Netflix indulges yet another narcissist.

This time it is Anna Kendrick who wants to direct herself in a film she thinks is going to raise awareness about serial killers.

So once again quality is sacrificed so that Netflix can stroke a famous person’s ego. I don’t know who told Kendrick that she was a good director but whoever it was wasn’t a true friend as true friends don’t lie.

You get a fairly standard serial killer story which might entertain you if you are in the mood for some low brow Netflix trash that lacks any kind of substance. Kendrick doing press for this tried to say that the film had all these deep things to say about society, it really doesn’t in anyway.

I found the acting to feel very much like acting and the film and a dislikable almost self-aware like quality to it with it feeling almost like Kendrick was looking into the camera a few times, if this is her directorial style I don’t like it.

Overall, Netflix needs to start putting quality first.

2/5

Pros.

It is watchable

It is short

Cons.

Kendrick is a bad director

The performances are bad

It lacks any originality

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Never Let Go: Halle Berry Isn’t A List Anymore

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Halle Berry and some kids live in the woods.

The twist that civilisation wasn’t really destroyed was obvious. The fact the film tries to have its cake and eat it too, being like see Berry’s character was lying all along, but then not really as the creature was real feels like a cop out and ruins any good will this film had going for it.

Moreover, this film just feels like yet another in the growing and increasingly plagiarised apocalypse horror sub-genre. Think about Bird Box and The Quiet Place and now think about this, think about The Village and now think about this, can you see the, shall we be charitable, borrowing. This film is more than a little derivative.

In addition, no one has given Halle Berry the memo that she is not lead actor material. She tries to seem genuine as the kids mother and also at times scary or manic but she just comes across as someone trying to act crazy, at no point is she believable.

The film tries to build towards a crazy third act but you have seen it all before and nothing shocks you about it.

Overall, a waste of time

1.5/5

Pros.

It is short

It is watchable

Cons.

It has been done better before

Berry

It has pacing issues

The ending

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Joker Two: The Worst Comic Book Movie Ever Made?

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Todd Phillips performs career seppuku and inflicts major damage on the character of the Joker possibly forever.

I will open with a question and it might be slightly rhetorical but I want you to think about it, who goes into a superhero/supervillain film wanting to see the character degraded to such a point that the film decides it in good taste for them to have a long drawn out rape scene wherein the character is assaulted repeatedly?

This film hates the Joker and it hates you. I am all for the Reeves’ side project being gritty and dark but this just feels horrible. I understand that this is not in the Reeves’ universe but my point is more so about grit in superhero/villain films, there comes a point where you have to ask is this necessary. I think you’ll find the answer if you look hard enough, its no just in case you didn’t get it.

It reads very much as someone who clearly didn’t want to make a sequel being forced into it, as he goes out of his way to make the film terrible and even offensive to fans and people who care about the character. It was like what people said about the director’s approach to the fourth Matrix film but even worse.

The musical aspects feel unnecessary and a normally good Lady Gaga here just feels out of place. They happen as somewhat of a pallet cleanse from all the rest of the horribleness but it makes you wistful, you wish the whole film could be like that so you didn’t have to go back to it.

The courtroom drama aspects feel like an embodiment of the social media discourse around the first films release in a way, and that makes the film feel even more born out of an online discussion rather than from a place of love or even interest in this character.

Basically due to how Phillips has handled this what could have been a profitable little Elseworld’s franchise for DC is dead. These characters are dead. I would if I was Gunn and co not even use the Joker for a while after, allowing the bad memory this allow the bad to fade away in time.

Overall, Phillips should never work again.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

It hates you

It hates the characters

It has the first film

It hates comic book fun

It hates itself

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Blink Twice: Nepo Directors Can’t Direct

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Zoe Kravitz, a mediocre actor, decides to become a, mediocre, director.

This may be one of the worst horror films of 2024 up there with In A Violent Nature and I Saw The TV Glow, however, where this film differs from them is that it isn’t offensively bad, but rather incredibly lazy, average and uninspired.

The main issue with this film is that it cannot decide if it even wants to be a horror, at times it is trying for something one may misconstrue for comedy if you squinted. The comedy doesn’t land of course and is the same sort of awkward female nerdy humour you have seen in other films before.

Then you get into the scares of the film, which are probably best described as Get Out if Jordan Peele was a talentless hack who was hit in the head several times and then tried to write something he viewed as social commentary. The comparison to Get Out works as this is social horror, it wants to scare you but also make a point about the lives of the super wealthy, you and every child in the surrounding area could likely tell you what that point is as it is basic and really obvious, rich people treat poor people badly.

Overall, this film highlights why nepotism is killing the film industry and why not just anyone can direct.

1/5

Pros.

It is not offensively bad

Cons.

The humour is odd and misplaced

The horror doesn’t work as the message isn’t fresh

It feels played out

It is boring

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The Crow: The Remake From Hell

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Bill Skarsgard puts on some face paint and cosplays as Eric Draven.

This film was doomed from the off, there was jus too much of a bad taste associated with this remake in the light of Brandon Lee’s death. As I have said before if it had been set in the same universe but with other characters then it probably wouldn’t be as hated as it is, but alas here we are.

Another thing that horribly dates this film is the fact that rather than try to keep to the look from the first film here instead making Eric look like a hot topic reject. Even when the Crow makeup goes on it just looks like a cheap Youtube parody.

In a sense this is very true of the film as a whole, it reads as though it is trying to remake the original to stand alongside it, or maybe even best it, but rather than do any of those things it comes off as an overly serious parody film. I even question whether Skarsgard was miscast.

Overall, a terrible and incredibly unnecessary remake.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

The look is all wrong

It doesn’t seem to understand what made the first film popular

It feels at best like a parody

It is an insult to Brandon Lee’s legacy

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