Strangers Things Retrospective: Slop Hidden In Plain Sight

Stranger Things is often held up as one of the great modern series, but upon watching it back a second time you see the power of Netflix and the hype people, to really overblow something to the nth degree.

The conspiracy ideas of the show are interesting, however, it is far too derivative, concepts like how Vecna kills people in season four, or the entire mystery of the first season feel like carbon copies of other things from the period such as the works of Stephen King and The Nightmare on Elm Street films.

The series as a whole doesn’t seem to want to know who it is for either, it has mature elements for adults, yet packs the story so full of melodrama that it could be called a YA show just as easy. The issue with the series as it aged is the fact that it really started to drink its own cool aid, and started to have these big pompous episodes on for far longer than a lot of prestige tv shows, and the reason they were so long, not because they were trying to unpack weighty issues and themes but because of all the filler.

The characterisation and the character writing in terms of motivation feel so inconsistent, characters change massively over the course of the show and not in consistent ways that makes sense for them, almost as though the writers forgot who they were between seasons and just decided to start over. They also flanderise characters, look at Will, people said from the very first episode he was gay, yet as the series progressed that is all he became. The whole of the fourth season was him whining as his straight friend wasn’t into him, it gets to a point where the characters becomes a cliché.

I think with Stranger Things to which I watched all four seasons in the lead up to this final season over the last month, it becomes very clear that if you stripped out the nostalgia, the premise and the soundtrack and just viewed it as a show based on its characters, writing, and themes that it was always slop. The nostalgia and the premise made you think it wasn’t so bad, but it was always slop we just didn’t see it.

Overall, the show is pretty mediocre.

2/5

Pros.

The soundtrack

The mystery as a concept, the more and more they explain of it the worse it gets.

Cons.

The character writing

The pace

The shallowness of it

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Animal Farm: Netflix Is Almost Fully Slop At This Point

Summary

Animal Farm for the TikTok generation.

Let’s not pretend that many of the people this film was aimed at had ever even read the book, one needs to say that many of the mindless drones who watched this film are a different farm animal from the ones primarily focused on in the film and that is sheep.

The fact the film featured a TikTok inspired dance sequence and shopping sequence shows you the sickening lack of subtly this film was going to approach the themes of the seminal book with. If you cannot tell yet this was not made for intellectual people.

Then they cast Seth Rogen in the role of Napolean, now Rogen is detestable for a few reasons, he is a self-hating Jewish person who spends an awful lot of his time apologising for being what he is, he has questionable involvement in the alleged crimes of James Franco, and also is the acceptable male buffoon character, whenever one of these left wing comedy tv shows/films are made. It is okay to laugh at him the show/film wants you to see how much of a loser he is as he debases himself. Rant over, whoever thought casting him here was a good idea needs firing, the central role of Napolean calls for someone with range who can convey the journey that the character is going on, perhaps a Shakespearean actor who can feel truly menacing, not Rogen who feels about as menacing as Shaggy from Scooby Doo. To say he lacks dramatic range is the understatement of the year.

They also cast a man to play the male role of Snowball, though of course this is done in the modern parlance wherein this is a man who thinks of himself as a woman, and Netflix thinks they are pushing boundaries by casting him, in a male role. This is stunt casting and little else.

On top of all that horrendousness you have the fact that the animation is the kind of horrible sterile CGI animation that everything is these days, the sort that makes you feel like it is made by robots rather than people.

Overall, everything about this endeavour feels soul crushing.

1/5

Pros.

You can use the noise of it to make sure you haven’t suddenly gone deaf.

Cons.

The animation

Rogen

It is brash garish and horrible

The political statement it makes

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Gabby’s Dollhouse The Movie

Summary

A girl and her dollhouse, go on an adventure.

So I have not watched the tv series this is based on, this was my first exposure to Gabby, and I have to say it was a strange experience.

On the one hand I liked the weirdness of the film, and some of the odd little one-liners or moments. I am also a big cat person so I enjoyed that aspect of it quite a bit. However, on the other hand I thought there was a surprisingly morose side to this film, the idea of Gabby growing up and how adulthood is presented as a world of depression and misery that is effectively unavoidable was striking and more than a little depressing.

Kristen Wigg here has some fun but it just seems like at actress in need of work, it feels at times like she is debasing herself for money, and there are times wherein you feel a little embarrassed for her.

The music, yes there are songs in this film, is pretty much exactly what you would expect chart soundalike slop, coupled with TikTok dances a few years out of date, this is bad cringe.

Overall, the blood of Dora runs in this film’s veins and I mean that as a compliment, the weirder aspects of the film are enjoyable but there is also bad cringe and depressing messaging to contend with.

3/5
Pros.

The weirdness

A few sweet moments

Well-paced

Cons.

It is depressing

There is bad cringe present

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With Love Meghan Season Two: Prince Harry Is Too Afraid To Appear On Screen

Summary

Meghan Merkle is back in her fake house to show you her authentic life.

So this time around there is still some good cringe, but it is toned back, there isn’t the clear frictions of the first season. Meghan has an awkward moment with Chrissy Teigen wherein the latter looks unsettled at the thought of having to spend the night at Meghan’s house as a craft project finishes, only for Meghan to whip out one she made earlier, with Teigen looking relieved. There are still some good cringe moments but they are fewer and far between.

For the most part this season is easier on Meghan herself and only feeds her acolytes, including one couple who thank her well over ten times. Moreover, this is more of a royalist season, I know Meghan warriors, the horror, but Meghan has the chef from her royal wedding over, she talks more about her time with the Royals and mentions Harry a lot. Though he is conspicuously absent throughout the whole season.

If you liked the content of the first season, the elaborate crafts and the meals no one really eats then you will like this as for the most part it is exactly the same. I would say if we have a third adventure into the world of crafts and cooking with Meghan I would prefer some better guests.

Overall, still some good cringe to be had.

3/5

Pros.

Some good cringe

A few unintentionally funny moments

It is nice escapism

Cons.

The guests take it easy on her

Prince Harry sits in the other room with John Legend

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Squid Game The Final Season Overview: The Netflix Effect

Summary

Can this make-up for a disappointing second season?

The answer is no.

This never should have been broken up into two seasons, it should have been one long second season. The break creates a need for the first episode of this new season to explain what happened last time, which it doesn’t do very well.

Moreover, as you approach the ending of the series the writing seems to get a lot dumber and make a lot less sense, why wouldn’t they just take the baby, why would they make it a contestant, why would Lee Jung-Jae’s character leave the baby behind and sacrifice himself not knowing what would happen to it, why would you spend the whole series building up to the mercenaries finding the island and the battle therein only to have them mostly slaughtered by two fishing boat captains? All of these are good questions the writing doesn’t account for.

That is also without mentioning the Netflix of it all, with them needing to set up a spin-off show in the final episodes final minutes, with a gender flipped recruiter because why not inject in a girl boss. This leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth as the credits role and asks another very good question, why are they playing Korean games in America, why aren’t the American Squid Games playing American games?

Overall, just a massive disappointment.

1.5/5

Pros.

Some of the games are cool

There are interesting ideas

Cons.

The spin-off set up

The terrible writing particularly towards the end

The questionable character decisions

The pacing

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With Love, Meghan: Meghan Spends Her Man’s Money On A Fruit Plate You Could Only Dream Of Peasant

Summary

Possibly the best thing Meghan Markle has ever done, but not for the reasons she or Netflix would want.

Let it be known that I am no fan of the Dutchess, I believe she’s a gold digger, and I believe her cries for privacy are made to look laughable when she turns up to the site of school shootings as a disaster tourist ready to snap a photo for the gram.

However, this was great, it was unintentionally hilarious. Whether it was Meghan shooting the whole thing in a house that is clearly not her own, yet she never says that, or one of the many horribly awkward mash-ups she does with random guests. My favourite was when she reminded Mindy Kailing, famous Hollywood hack, of her last name, but rather than say Windsor as would be her actual marital last name if she took Harry’s name, she instead says Sussex which was a title. It is hilarious as not only does she look like the ultimate Karen but she still gets it wrong.

Moreover, there are also the recipes which for the most part Meghan uses to show that she is down to Earth and just like you, yet when she makes a fruit salad for a kids party, she must use well over $40 of fruit, as any regular working mum can do. It is moments like this where you can see just how out of touch she is, there are also other moments where you can see the rage bubbling inside of her which give a lot of credence to the Palace rumours that she was a bully.

Overall, this is one of the funniest things Netflix has released in a long time.

3/5

Pros.

It is hilarious

It is the right level of good cringe

You can see the anger and entitlement right there on screen.

Cons.

It goes on a bit too long

She has some stilted delivery

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The Electric State: Milly Bobby Brown Enters Her Trying To Look Older Than Her Years Phase

Summary

Netflix decides to burn 300 + million dollars.

I am beginning to question what voodoo magic Millie Bobby Brown or her parents have performed on the Netflix executives. She is given chance after chance, and simply repays them with mediocrity, how many times will they try and make her a star despite the public rejection.

However, this graphic novel adaptation fails not just because of Brown’s poor acting ability, but also because the Russo Brothers, of Marvel fame, do not seem able to direct anything that is not set in that world. What is delivered is an incredibly bland bloated mess, with two charmless leads that have no chemistry between them, and a story that aimlessly meanders to the end.

Overall, this is just a tedious waste of your time.

1/5

Pros.

It is not offensively bad it is just dull

Cons.

Brown cannot act

It is bloated

There is nothing really to be excited about and there is no stakes

Brown and Pratt have no chemistry

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Kinda Pregnant: Motherhood Does Not Mature People

Summary

Amy Schumer shows that even after becoming someone’s mother she still prepared to debase herself and embarrassed them in the desperate hope of being a movie star.

Seeing Netflix make films like this makes me want to cancel my subscription, remember when Netflix used to make good quality programming and not lowest common denominator drek, I sure do.

Schumer is just as unfunny as ever, it is funny to see her play a woman so insecure and pathetic that she has to pretend to be pregnant for attention that is very on brand for her. It gets to a point in the film where you almost start to feel bad for her and go how much lower can she sink.

Most of the comedy if you can call it that is clawing and mean spirited, Schumer thinks that by making a few negative remarks about herself that it absolves all the punching down but it really doesn’t in anyway.

The film drags on for far too long and then ends, allowing you to feel the sweet relief of not having to watch it anymore, which is the greatest gift.

Overall, none of Schumers films are good but this one makes you at least feel somewhat bad for how low she is prepared to go to be seen as relevant.

0.5/5

Pros.

You almost pity Schumer at times

Cons.

It is not funny

It is boring

It is too long

It tries far too hard to be trendy

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Squid Games Season Two Overview: The Filler Strikes Back

Summary

The games are back.

I really don’t know what to say, this was a massive let down. It reminded me of when you watched an Unexpected Journey for the first time and right when Bilbo and co are getting into the heat of it it’s the end credits. Please wait for the sequel. The reason why the Hobbit films are viewed with much more animus than the original trilogy of films is because they felt like one story divided into three for the sake of greed. This is much the same, rather than give us say a 15 episode second season that provides a satisfying follow up that ends out the series this instead decides to cut out right as the action is getting started. It is infuriating.

What makes this worse is the fact that there is so much filler here, the first two episodes are literally all filler and exposition. By the time the games actually do start up again you are almost midway through this ‘second’ season.

They also shoe horn in a trans storyline that feels very modern day and makes you ask the question why, the answer to that is likely Netflix said we have a diversity quota that needs filling and you don’t have any non-Asians in this so you have to make it up another way.

Overall, I would say don’t bother watching this until it is all out, it is not complete in anyway as is and comes off as massively unsatisfying.

2.5/5

Pros.

The games are interesting

It ends on a high

It has some good moments

Cons.

The filler

The forced in trans storyline

It shouldn’t have been split

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Our Little Secret: Hide The Snow Lindsey Lohan Is Around

Summary

The woman who tried to abduct a Syrian child back in 2018 is back, look it up, as Lindsey Lohan continues her ill-fated string of Netflix Christmas releases.

This time around it follows a couple who broke up as one of them simply couldn’t move to London for a bit, and now they are with new people, and yet they run into each other at Christmas party and realise they are dating siblings in the same family. Hijinks ensue.

A lot of people have made fun of this film for the fact that everyone in it looks like they have been covered in fake tan in much the same way people used to get slimed at the Kids Choice Awards. However, the real issue is that Netflix was so cheap they used Lohan and Ian Harding, the film’s male lead, to play younger versions of themselves rather than hire younger actors and its horribly jarring.

The film lacks the charm of a Princess Switch and instead feels incredibly tame, even by Hallmark standards this film would be looked at as incredibly safe. The central romance feels off as well, chiefly the main thought I had during this film is that Lohan should just retire and enjoy her life like Cameron Diaz, what she is doing isn’t acting it is just her playing a safer and more Christian version of her character from the Parent Trap aged up.

Overall, Netflix has embarrassed themselves again.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is so bad it is funny at times

It is inoffensive

Cons.

It is slow

It is boring

The romance doesn’t work

Lindsey Lohan is miscast

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