Relic: The Devil You Know

Relic is an Australian horror film directed by Natalie Erika James. The plot sees a mother and daughter go and stay with their elderly relative after she goes missing for a few days, things quickly start to take a turn for the sinister and things are shown to be much more than they first appeared.

The first hour and twenty minutes of this film are great, they are tense, scary and ominous. The film brings you into this world and much like The Taking Of Deborah Logan you’re questioning whether what you see is the result of mental illness or something more. Then in the last few minutes the characters make a decision, said decision feels out of place, incredibly so.

Basically, the characters decide to stay, which in the circumstance would be the last thing they would do. The explanation we are given as to why they do this is some vague throw away reference from the start of the film. This one line in the beginning does not set this up, it feels forgotten about by this time in the film, if it was so important they could have at least said it again later on.

That said the first hour and twenty minutes do feel scary and if they alone were what I was judging I would give it a perfect score; however they are not, and the ending does ruin the film overall.

Ultimately, this could have been a great horror film if it was not for the ending that doesn’t work.

Pros.

The performances

The scares

You don’t know what is real

The tension

Cons.

The awful ending

3.5/5

The Beach House: Creatures From The Deep

The Beach House is a horror film directed by Jeffery A. Brown. The plot sees a young couple go to stay at a family member’s beach house, however, once they arrive they realise someone else is living there. Things only get weirder from there as strange creatures come from the sea, seemingly hell bent on taking over the coast.

This film comes so close to being good, but tragically falls short.

There are several good, unique and interesting ideas throughout, however the issue is that the film does not build on them at all, rather these good moments end and then you have to wade through monotony for about forty minutes before you get another good sequence.

In short the good aspects of this film represents about twenty minutes of the overall product, there simply isn’t enough interesting content to fill out the run time and it shows painfully at times. There are good tense sequences, but these are then let down by basically building to nothing.

The lead characters don’t help matters, they’re as bland as bland gets and honestly a few days after watching the film I can’t remember either of their names. They leave so little of an impression on you that saying you feel numb towards them is too much. They could live or die, and you just don’t care and crucially the film doesn’t make you.

Overall, this feels like cheap schlock, this film serves to remind us all just how overcrowded the horror genre is and also how many terribly average films there are within it.

Pros.

A few interesting ideas

An occasional tense sequence

Cons.

Building to nothing

Fails to capitalise on its ideas

Incredibly forgettable leads

A drag to get through

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

You Should Have Left: Kevin Bacon The King Of Horror

You Should Have Left is a horror mystery film directed by David Koepp. The plot sees a family go to the Welsh countryside to escape from the pressures of modern life. However, the house they are staying at seems to draw in lost souls, the damned and the broken for its own evil intent.

This film proves that Kevin Bacon is still a staple of the horror genre, he feels incredibly well cast and probably has the best formed character in the film. There is a debate throughout the film as to whether Bacon’s character killed his ex-wife or not, towards the end of the film we get answers and realise that the horror that had been plaguing him in his dreams and in the house was himself all along.

The film has some genuinely scary scenes, that stayed with me long after I watched the film. I will kid you not, I had a nightmare for the first time in a long time after I watched this film. The horror is very minimalist in approach but is incredibly effective with what it does.

The one part of the film that I thought was far weaker than the rest of it was the ending. The ending doesn’t feel very satisfying, it feels very much like just another generic science fiction ending; there is no care in it.

Overall, the first two thirds of this film are really well done, genuinely scary and well written, however it all comes apart with an ending that feels incredibly underdeveloped.

Pros.

The scares

Kevin Bacon

Doing a lot with very little

Cons.

The ending

The side characters

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Ring Two: Samara Gave Up And Decided To Phone It In

The Ring Two is a horror film directed by Hideo Nakata. The plot sees Rachel (Naomi Watts) survivor of the first movie and her son Aidan (David Dorfman), once again become under attack by evil video tape girl Samara. This time she want to possess a human host.

I feel like this film undoes a lot of what made the first film so good. It fundamentally changes the mythology of the series changing it from the iconic ‘you will die in seven days’ to a bog-standard possession film, albeit it with a little more mystery involved.

Moreover we don’t see near as much of Samara as we did in the first film, which is disappointing because her physicality and her appearance are part of what makes that film so scary. Instead we get cheap predictable scares and fake outs which ultimate fail to be scary. That for me is the fundamental issue with this film, it just isn’t scary.

Watts is trying her best, but it is not enough to save this film from itself. It is a shame that the creator of Ringu the Japanese film that would go on to inspire the American Remake was at the helm for this as this must surely have left him disheartened.

Overall this film fails to leave an impression and is in no way scary.

Pros

It has good atmosphere

Naomie Watts is trying

Cons.

It is not scary

It ruins the mythology of the first film

The scares are bog standard and predictable

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

Underwater: The Threat Came From Beneath The Waves

Underwater is a science fiction film directed William Eubank. The plot sees an underwater research centre become under attack by a strange unknown type of sea life.

I go back and forth on Kristen Stewart as an actress, sometimes I think she is good and worthy of all the praise she gets; other times I think she struggles with even basic emoting and can’t convince me of anything. However, I will give her praise here, she commands this film, her performance is striking and in some ways very reminiscent of Sigourney Weaver in Alien. This film would be far less good without Stewart in it.

Despite, feeling a little too overly familiar this film managed to keep me engaged throughout. It used the environment and tension to great effect and had a few great sequences that will stuck in my mind long after the film has ended. My one critique in this regard is the way some of these high-tension kinetic scenes are shot. The cinematography of these scenes makes them hard to see; which therefore makes it hard to tell what is going on. An example of my point is midway through the film one of the team is pulled out of their suit, but you don’t realise that you just see a lot of blood, you don’t realise what happened until one of the characters tells you. That is a big problem in my book.

Also T.J Miller is in this and he is every bit as grating as you are imagining. Horror/ dark science fiction films don’t need comedic relief.

Overall, a solid disaster film boosted tremendously by a great performance by Kristen Stewart.

Pros.

Stewart

The tension

Keeping me engaged in a played-out idea

Cons.

The characters outside of Stewart’s lead are one note

It is hard to tell what is going on

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Let Me In: Fresh Blood

Let Me In is a horror film directed by Matt Reeves. The plot follows a young abused boy Owen (Kodi Smit-McPhee), who befriends a reclusive neighbour girl Abby (Chole Grace-Moretz). The two form a bond, and then it is revealed she is a vampire. It is an American remake of the Swedish film Let The Right One In.

I think this film is genuinely quite creepy and well done. Vampire films have been done to death, so they need to be novel and inventive to stick out to me and this did. Yes, there are some elements of it that seem a little familiar, but the idea of a vampire who is trapped in the body of a 12-year-old girl falling in love with a 12 year of boy who then becomes her familiar is something I have never seen before. It is horror romance done right, take notes Twilight.

There are some pretty gnarly scenes and some of the gore is wince inducing, that is a pro in my book. The scenes where we see Abby hunting and killing are also well done and Moretz does a hell of a job making us scared of a tween.

My one complaint would be that the runtime was too long and that at almost two hours the film feels oppressive, there is no reason this couldn’t have been an hour and a half. Films need to be tighter.

Overall, a great vampire film that proves that there is still fresh blood in the subgenre

Pros.

Moretz

The gore

A unique spin on the genre

An intriguing ending

Cons.

It is way too long

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Love Witch: Finding Love The Witchy Way

The Love Witch is a horror comedy film directed by Anna Biller. The plot sees witch Elaine (Samantha Robinson), set out to find the man of her dreams, someone who will love her as much as she loves them as well as live up to her criteria of what makes a perfect man. Sadly, the American dating scene does not live up to her expectations.

So, this one was a mixed bag for me, I enjoyed the style of it, mimicking horrors of the 60’s and 70’s and applaud it for being as out there and strange as it ended up being. However, it is not without its problems some of which really harm the film overall and stop it from reaching good film placement.

One of my main issues was how repetitive the film became after a while. It was the same thing over and over again, Elaine meets a dude, she does a weird strip show for them, she slept with them and then she killed them and on and on the cycle goes. This quickly made the film tiresome, the only reprieve from this monotony was the final act which I actually enjoyed. It was by far the most out there part of the film and had heavy Wicker Man vibes.

My other key issue with the film was the nudity, I understand Elaine’s character is all about sex magic, but she spends most of the film in a state of undress. It gets to the point where you question the need for it, I am no prude or puritan, but it almost felt like this film was a softcore porn film at times. The nudity or half nakedness also became repetitive and boring after a while.

Overall, this film has a great sense of style and a very interesting premise, but the writing ruins the film. By being incredibly repetitive you lose any interest in the film or it’s characters and a strong third act can’t change that.

Pros.

The style and the visuals

Trying to be different

Cons.

The needless nudity and half nakedness

The repetitive story structure

Immense pacing issues

2/5

Reviewed by Luke

Becky: The Annabelle Spin-off We Needed

Becky is a horror thriller film directed by Johnathan Milott and Cary Murnion. The plot sees a young girl Becky (Lulu Wilson), forced to become a killer when a group of white supremacist break into her home and kill her father. They’re searching for a key and she is searching for vengeance.

I have seen a lot of these sort of films, home invasions that then become a fight for survival and for the most part the genre has become stale and played out, that said I thought this film was excellent.

To get the big question out of the way first, is this the film that establishes Kevin James as a horror player, in the same way Get Out did for Jordan Peele? No, no its not. James is good as for the most part manages to be convincing, but there are moments throughout when he slips and the more comedic side of him comes out; this is almost certainly unintentional, but it happens fairly regularly. He is only menacing about 60% of the time.

However, this film is made amazing by the performance of Lulu Wilson. I am convinced that is film will be Lulu Wilson’s big breakout hit. She sells the emotion really well, but she shines when she is playing animalistic rage slaughtering men twice her size. She plays a girl possessed really well. Her character is so good that I would gladly watch a sequel with her character, to see where she goes, but really just to watch her rip some more people apart.

Overall, this film does the impossible and proves that there is still some life left in the home invasion sub-genre. Lulu Wilson is incredible and if this film is any indication is on track for big things. It’s a shame James can’t maintain a serious performance for the entirety, but it is still a must watch.

Pros.

Lulu Wilson.

The tension.

The kills.

The ending actually makes you want a sequel.

Cons.

Kevin James can’t keep serious.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Zombeaver: Creepy and Gross

Zombeaver is a creature feature film directed by Jordan Rubin. The plot sees a group of scantily clad teens head off to a lakeside cabin after one of them breaks up with their boyfriend. Their weekend is interrupted by a pack of murderous zombie beavers that seems hell bent on killing them all.

This film is gratuitous for all the wrong reasons, that is my one-line summary of this film.

Before I get into the thousand and one reasons why this film is trash, I want to talk about the one scene that I enjoyed. One of the very first scenes is a conversation between the girls and their landlady for the weekend, said landlady played by Phyllis Catz had me in stiches. She was the best part of this film.

Yes, it truly did peak at the 10-minute mark everything after there went straight down the toilet. So first off the bat the nudity is excessive, even for a film like this, it goes beyond the point of awkward and cringe and borders the tasteless.

Secondly, the main girl (the one who is cheated on), is vilified by the other characters and all of them seem to hate her by the end of the film. Also the cheater and the person he cheated with are also pushed as the real heroes of the film in a move that is simply baffling. All of the characters are firmly unlikable.

Overall, this is trash, its not even dumb fun it is just mean spirted, voyeuristic and soulless. You might have noticed I didn’t name the characters for the most part, that is because they’re so underdeveloped I couldn’t remember any of their names.

Pros.

That one funny scene with the landlady.

Cons.

Twisted morals.

Needless Nudity.

Stereotypes and other harmful clichés

It couldn’t make killer beavers fun.

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Hotel Transylvania: Adam Sandler Hits You In The Feels

Hotel Transylvania is an animated family film directed by Genndy Tartakovsky. The plot sees Dracula (Adam Sandler), hide away from the world after the death of his wife. He raises his daughter Mavis (Selena Gomez), from the safety of his monsters only hotel and everything seems to be working out; that is until one day a human arrives.

Not to begin on too much of an animation rant, but I think when talking about western animation Sony Animation is often treated as the bastard stepchild no one wants around, yes, they have made some stinkers, but I have often found myself enjoying some of their movies. This is one of those times.In short, I don’t think they deserve the hate they get.

Yes, this film suffers from some of the same issues a lot of Sony’s other animated offerings have such as an overreliance on pop songs and flat fart jokes, but what lifts this film up for me is its heart. Say what you will about Adam Sandler he is always very easy to root for and that is incredibly true here. His relationship with his daughter and his arc about learning to trust humans again hit you in the feels in much the same way as some of Pixar’s greatest emotional beats.

I think this film is a lot of fun and very easy to turn your brain off and enjoy, I think the paring of Sandler and Andy Samberg (who plays the human Jonathan), is genius as the two have a great repour in this film; you can also see what I am talking about if you watch That’s My Boy. The two are a great comedic pairing.

Overall, this is a very nice easy to watch film that has a lot of heart and a few laughs here and there, I can’t help feeling like if this was made my Pixar or DreamWorks that it would have gotten more fanfare, but hey it is still an excellent film with plenty of charm.

Pros.

Sandler and Samberg

The right amount of heart

Genndy Tartakovsky

Cons.

The fart jokes don’t work for me

The cringy pop songs

3/5

Reviewed by Luke