The King’s Man: France As A Country Just Doesn’t Exist I Guess

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A prequel to the Kingsman films set during the First World War.

Going into this I had heard mixed things, and after seeing it I come to you with mixed tidings. The film does somethings right it is by no means a bad film, but it also has several major issues that stop it from truly excelling.

Firstly the good. I liked the films anti-war stance showing the needlessness of the slaughter and how to die for one’s country is not noble or heroic but rather tragic and needless. I thought as far as social messages go it was very well delivered and important.

Moreover, the new characters here all work well, Colin Firth and the rest of the gang don’t make any sort of time travel like cameos here so we are given a fresh cast, of which Ralph Fiennes is the standout as a grieving and over protective father who has turned to outward passivism to protect his family from the world.

I also thought the comedy mostly worked, the jokes often made me chuckle, there was nothing side splittingly funny but I enjoyed it for the most part. However, the one noticeable exception to that rules comes with Rhys Ifans Rasputin who relies mostly on physical and gross out comedy for his comedic moments, these come across as unpleasant to watch and if anything succeed too well in grossing you out.

Continuing with the negative, the Rasputin sequence is far too dragged out and lasts for a good half of the film, you will be surprised to learn he is not the big bad of the film despite how prominently the film features him. As you might assume the film suffers from a terrible pace and long outstays its welcome.

Finally, two smaller nit picks that bothered me about the film. France is never mentioned in the film despite having a large role in World War I, which if I were French I might find insulting, why they decide to leave the French out is beyond me. Furthermore, I also dislike how the sequence is done after the death of Fiennes’ characters son, played by Harris Dickson, he moves on far too quickly for the scene to mean anything and it quickly loses any emotional impact it could have had.

Overall, better than some have made out but not quite good either.

Pros.

Fiennes

The anti-war stance

The comedy for the most part

Cons.

The pacing

The gross out humour

Leaving out France and not giving the character adequate time to morn.

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Nine Lives: Kevin Spacey Becomes A Catgif, A Prelude To His Youtube Rants

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Kevin Spacey is a businessman who gets turned into a cat for reasons.

So firstly yes this is a Kevin Spacey film, a yikes in and of itself, but for the purposes of this review I will be looking past that and focusing on the film.

I should have liked this film, I am a cat person, however I just found it charmless. Not only does the film not justify its existence but it proceeds to bore us for its entire runtime as it has no point, goes nowhere and yields zero emotional response from the audience. Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if this film was made as an effort to launder drug money.

It is a very by the numbers Spacey performance he is certainly not awful but he also doesn’t seem to be trying in anyway, clearly this was just a pay check for him. The comedy of the film is one continuous eye roll that never ends even when the film is over and you have gone home.

Overall, who was this film for?

Pros.

I like cats so it gets half a point

Cons.

This film doesn’t need to exist

It isn’t funny

It has horrid pacing

Kevin Spacey is just turning up

It feels like it was made in a focus group

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There Is Something About Mary: Gross Out Comedy At Its Lowest

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of creepy guys obsess over a girl, played by Cameron Diaz, and she is unfortunate enough to pair off with one of them at the end.

This review is mainly going to come down to sense of humour, which like many things in the world is subjective, so just know that though I found it to be repugnant in many ways, and possibly the produce of teens trying to out gross there friends and then writing the whole thing down on paper, doesn’t mean you will feel the same way. Comedy can be hard to judge.

There is nothing wrong with physical comedy, gross out comedy or even edgy comedy when done right but here it is done wrong, just plain wrong. There is nothing funny, at least not to me, of having a long drawn out sequence of a chap, played by Ben Stiller, getting his nethers caught in his zip, yet the film focuses on it for a really long time. I honestly struggle to see how anyone other than a young teen could find this film funny.

On top of this you have the uncomfortable level of sexism that permeates the film coupled with the message of having Mary end up with a guy who is only slightly less creepy than the other men pursuing her, the normalisation of that whole concept is troubling and should be viewed as a black mark next to the film.

Overall, icky, sexist and better left in the past.

Pros.

Diaz is trying her best and does have a few well delivered comedic lines

Cons.

It is creepy

It isn’t funny

It is gross out for the sake of it

The ending sends a very troubling message to the audience

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Scream: Meta Comedy At It’s Most Obnoxious

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Clearly Wes Craven wasn’t done with meta comedy after New Nightmare and so takes it to the nth degree here much to the detriment of the film.

As a teen I really enjoyed the Scream series the first film was probably one of my favourite if not my favourite slasher films, however times have changed and I regret to inform you it does not hold up at all. So much so that I actually prefer Scary Movie a film that was designed to parody this film more than the film itself.

I understand the film wants to be knowing and mock the genre but it does it in such an obnoxious way. Rather than point out tropes and go against them the film just turns them up to eleven, tell me is that parody or continuation? A good example of this is Sidney Prescott’s, played by Neve Campbell, aversion to sex. Yes, the final girl is supposed to be pure and viriginistic, grossly sexist I know, but the film is aware of this trope and rather than subvert it, it just features it more prominently does that constitute parody?

Most of the characters are written as incredibly one note and have one stereotypical narrative role to play, yes again I know this is probably done knowingly but it doesn’t excuse the shabby job done here, they could have flipped it or done something different but no. This type of character is perfectly encapsulated in Gale, played by Courtney Cox, a reporter who will do anything for a story and who doesn’t really care about anyone but herself, for most of the film she is written in the shrew architype then they try to shove in a love plot to make her less hateable and honestly it is insultingly poor writing and character construction.

Also I question whether this film is even a slasher film as barely anyone is killed herein, once again in a further aspect the film is surpassed by the spoof version of itself.

Overall, entirely a rose tinted glasses affair, that which upon further inspection in the cold light of day falls apart easily.

Pros.

A few funny moments, some intentional some unintentional

The killer reveal

Cons.

One note characters

Not in any way subverting the tropes

The weird sexual focus on Sidney and her virginity

It is too meta for its own good

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Minamata: All You Need To Fight Injustice Is A Camera

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Johnny Depp stars as W. Eugene Smith a photo journalist who was pivotal in exposing the Japanese Minamata scandal.

There will be some out there put off by the fact that this film stars Johnny Depp, to them I will say he has not been charged with anything, though he is already cancelled and the masses online will form a pitch fork wielding mob if he stars in anything. If he is formally charged with something then of course my opinion will change, but for now the situation is murky and people are quick to cast the stone and ride the high horse.

Personally, I thought Depp was surprisingly solid here, his last few performances had begun to suggest he was losing his way and was maybe even starting to phone it in, however he is on strong form here and delivers a stirring performance.

I thought the film as a whole was haunting and brought light to a scandal many of us may not be aware of. It handles the drama and the emotion well and you become so wrapped up in the goings on that you want to go out and fight the injustice as well. I thought Ryo Kase was the scene stealer of the film and had many powerful scenes.

Overall, I think it is a shame that many will let their feelings towards Depp put them off watching this as it is a very powerful and needed film.

Pros.

Depp

The emotion

Kase

Cons.

Pacing issues

Bill Nighy seems miscast

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Red Rocket: Sleaze In The America South

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A retired porn star, played by Simon Rex, must move back in with his wife’s family as he dreams of ways to get rich quickly.

I applaud this film for giving us a complex lead, in many ways Rex’s Mikey is a deeply flawed individual as he is a predator and a user of people however he also has moments of warmth and the film kind of wants you to root for him whilst also criticising him. However, unlike in film’s of the past where the dirtbag protagonist seems to get away or even be rewarded for their actions here Mikey does face the consequences. It is nice to see a protagonist that is not cut and dry morally, it will upset some online for sure.

I thought for the most part the film was very engaging and kept a good pace, though I will say the start is a little slow, however by the time it hits the start of the second act the pacing is much better. Additionally, I liked the open endedness of the ending, in some ways it can be seen as a defeat for Mikey but in other ways it is more of an easy to overcome setback. I would like to see a sequel to see where the character goes from here.

Overall, a morally complex film which examines the underbelly of society.

Pros.

The morality

Rex

The ending

The supporting cast are all doing a good job

Cons.

A few minor pacing issues

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The Devil Rides Out: Christopher Lee Becomes A Magical Warrior Of The Lord

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A satanic secret society infiltrates British high society and Christopher Lee is all that stands between them and their dastardly ends.

Yes, yes I know this film has some racial undertones and is in many respect problematic, but it was from over fifty years ago so I am not hugely surprised. I have acknowledged these elements but for the purpose of my review I am going to try and look past them as little more than a product of their time.

Without further ado on with the review. Christopher Lee was a fantastic actor; he commands the screen here as Duc de Richleau. He brings such gravitas to the performance it is hard to look away, you really buy his performance consistently throughout.

Moreover, the film handles its stakes very well. Though only small in scale the film makes its stakes feel far grander and it is hard not to get caught up in this battle between good and evil. The tension coursing through the film is often palpable especially when it comes to scenes of mental sparing.

The film is beautiful to look at, even though a few of the scenes look quite poor by today’s standards, especially the car chase. However despite this there is longing towards this style of film making within me wherein whole films are not just massive dumps of CGI that underpaid visual effects people were forced to make during one long weekend wherein they couldn’t go home and were paid below minimum wage most likely.

Overall, there is a charm to this film that we don’t seem to see anymore.

Pros.

Lee

The stakes

The tension

The Angel Of Death scenes

The ending

Cons.

The rather blatant racism

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The Lost Daughter: Olivia Colman’s Unintelligible Trip To Greece

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Another actor who has achieved moderate success, this time Maggie Gyllenhaal, turns their hand to directing. The film follows a woman, played by Olivia Colman, who is not a natural mother and whilst on holiday becomes fixated on another woman’s life and family.

Being a well respected actor does not make you a good director, I feel this needs to be underlined. The films of George Clooney come to mind as I write this, with his directing fair ranging from passable to incredibly weak and pretentious. Gyllenhaal airs on the latter side.

The main reason this film has such a low score from me is because for the most part you will be hard pressed to understand what is going on without looking up the plot online. The way the film constructs its narrative is deeply flawed using flashbacks scattered in randomly which seem to contradict each other to try and fill in the back story, but again unless you look it up you are still unlikely to understand what is going on.

Colman is as good as ever, even if her character is immensely dislikeable but hey not every lead needs to be a good person or likeable. Colman seems to be having fun and manages to deliver a few funny lines here and there which help you to get through the rest of the film.

Overall, this is one that the Oscars Crowd and certain online critics will love and say is the best thing ever, but for most everyone else you will be left scratching your head and feeling like your time was wasted. I know I was.

Pros.

Colman

I liked Ed Harris but thought his character was not developed anywhere near enough

Cons.

The flashbacks

It is hard to watch at times

It doesn’t make sense

It drags on

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The Breaker Upperers: Taking The Awkwardness Out Of Ending Your Relationship

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Jen, played by Jackie Van Beek, and Mel, played by Madeleine Sami, run a business where they break up couples.

I enjoy quirky comedies and this was just the ticket for me. I thought it was frequently funny as well as quite heart-warming. The film has a nice message of remaining optimistic in life and staying open to love. It managed to balance heart and comedy well giving each both room to excel whilst also knowing how far to go with the sentimentality before it would be overly so.

I thought both of the leads were good though I would probably say Sami stole the show for me and just pipped it to be the breakout here. Sami’s Mel is easy to root for and her enthusiasm is heart not to be infected by.

Though it was only a small cameo I loved that Jemaine Clements was in this film, though it was only one scene Clements was terrific and his whole scene had me laughing continuously, my one regret for this film is that they didn’t use him more.

Overall, a comedy film that makes you laugh and feel, very sweet.

Pros.

Clements

Sami

The humour

The heart

Cons.

A slight case of pacing issues

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Wolf: Hungry Like The Wolf

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

George MacKay plays a boy who thinks he is a wolf and becomes committed to a cruel mental institution.

Honestly I was quite looking forward to this film, this was furthered by the trailers that made me feel this would be a very different film to the one we got. The one we got was simply depressing. The performances were good I suppose, though people pretending to be animals or in this case people who think they are animals is hardly the height of acting.

The film feels very much like art house horror, not too interested in scaring us or even giving us something to think about rather instead focusing on being pretentious and trying to deliver on a vague message which only the director really understands. It tries to subvert at the expense of any kind of logic.

Furthermore I would describe the film as quite hard to watch, it is about an hour and a half of watching disabled people being abused, I suppose that is the horror.

Overall, this film is depressing and pretentious in equal measure.

Pros.

MacKay

Lily-Rose Depp

Cons.

It is depressing

Paddy Considine has been better

It is pretentious

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