Primate: So It Has Come To This

Summary: A monkey goes bad after being bitten by a rabid animal.

Truly we are at the bottom of the barrel, rather than come up with fresh concepts we are recycling the same old idea of animal attack films. How many times do we need to see bad dogs, bad monkeys, bad sharks. It’s all the same.

This film is exactly what you would expect it to be, bad teen cast, that cannot act, being hunted down by a monkey. Again does it follow logic or make sense, nope, do the human characters behave like people with brains? Of course not.

The scares aren’t there as if anything the film is frustrating, you could easily escape the situation in a number of ways but it just keeps carrying on, seeing the Monkey act out is not scary it feels like people deliberately keeping themselves in harms way.

I cannot for the life of me understand why this is held in high regard on rotten tomatoes as it is just another generic horror film.

Overall, give it a miss.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is short

It is unintentionally funny

Cons.

It is generic

It is badly acted

It is irritating

If you enjoyed this review, then please head over to my Patreon to support me. All reviews are free and always will be. If you value independent coverage of the entertainment industry, your support over there helps to keep it going. Become a member on Patreon below

patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

The King Of Coal: Pedro Pascal’s Bad Touch Nepotism

Summary

A film that never would have been made if Pedro Pascal wasn’t the current Hollywood Golden boy, he’s the one who got his brother this work through pure nepotism.

This is why people are cancelling Netflix, who is this for, the LGBTQ+ audience are tiny as they are only a fraction of the world’s population and you better believe mass audiences aren’t watching this. It reads as Netflix burning cash to appease talent and maintain good relations with Pedro, until his non-consensual touching stuff comes out and then they’ll never have liked him.

This film feels like a sketch from a comedy film in the late 90s or early 2000s where the ridiculousness of this would be played up and laughed at. Here the film has spoof energy, feeling very much like Zoolander but then tries to be a serious film. All the way through, you are waiting for the minute they turn it into a joke but it doesn’t come. This film is an ode to gender lunacy.

The film itself tries to be aspirational and show the story of a man overcoming hardship, however, the reality the film creates is so out of touch is so unreal that it makes the film hard to take seriously. The fact this is supposed to be set in the real world, not in a fantasy land, and they expect you to believe that these things could happen in the way the film claims is just silly.

Rather than helping to reverse stereotypes or have a serious conversation Netflix makes things like this that are too goofy to even be called propaganda.

Overall, Pedro Pascal has been a net negative for Hollywood.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is unintentionally hilarious

Cons.

It is hamfisted

It is ridiculous

It is badly paced

It is lecturing

It was only made due to nepotism

If you enjoyed this review, then please head over to my Patreon to support me, I offer personalized shoutouts, customised film recommendations to suit your personality and tastes, the ability for you to pick what I review next and full access to my Patreon exclusive game reviews. Check it out!

Help Support My Reviews

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

We Bury the Dead: Daisy Ridley Can’t Act

Summary

Fresh off her latest failed attempt to be an action star in The Cleaner, Ridley returns in a film that feels more than a little inspired by the 28 Days/Weeks/Years franchise.

Hollywood morality folks, this film wants you to root for Ava, Ridley, despite you learning that she had an affair despite spending the whole film dreaming about her husband. You imagine her as a loving wife at the start of the film, you feel bad for her, and then you are shown that when she couldn’t get pregnant she had an affair. This is what Hollywood wants us to root for now. The film even tries to justify her by going well he later cheated on her too, ignoring the fact she was the one that broke the monogamy

The film takes the more slow and reflective elements of the recent 28 Years Later and makes it the whole film. Whilst these are technically zombies or rage monsters, they are in a similar ballpark. You get a scene wherein one of the infected digs a hole and allows Ridley to kill him showing that these zombies are more thinking that most. Once again people want angry monsters, hence the Walking Dead did well, not thoughtful quasi humans.

Ridley is wooden throughout and can’t manage anything that you might call emotional range. I don’t know why anyone is surprised, her career so far doesn’t say that she is capable of acting.

Overall, Daisy Ridley needs to stop acting.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

Ridley cannot act

It feels derivative

It has pacing issues

It wants you to sympathies with a truly unlikeable protagonist

patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Song Sung Blue: I Hope You Like Neil Diamond

Summary

Two love birds cover Neil Diamond

This was a mixed to good sort of film. It had a nice love story, the two leads were good and for the most part it was a feel good film. The issue for me came from the fact that the ending, which I won’t spoil for you, is incredibly depressing. It’s a biopic so you can’t do much about it, but still be prepared for it going on.

As far as the music goes I do think this film goes a little far in just how many numbers they put in, it’s not just Diamonds greatest hits it’s almost his entire catalogue, except America. That’s hyperbole but not by much.

I think the film does more than a standard musical biopic by trying to cover other areas of their life in as much if not more so detail, I respect that level of attention to detail.

Overall, expect a little more than a standard musical biopic, but be prepared for the depressing ending and for the songs to go on for just a little bit too long.

4/5

Pros.

The love story

How it deals with adversity

It is for the most part feel good

It does more than most biopics

Cons.

The ending

The songs go on for too long

patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Blue Moon: Ethan Hawke At His Most Manic

This was another one that I unfortunately couldn’t see in cinemas as it simply isn’t out where I am yet. I had to find it online to watch it and be ahead for awards season.

Honestly, this film won’t be for everyone, not much happens, it is a talkie. It is mainly about Hawke’s characters with the other people around him, and him coming to terms with his own irrelevance, even if he still thinks he’s someone. It’s a character piece and some may find that slow.

There is a depressing edge to the film, as Hawke’s character is a tragic one and one that you can see the bleak future set out before him, and that gives the film a wan undertone throughout.

It is also a film that is very interested in old Hollywood and is Hollywood giving itself a pat on the back, if you find Hollywood making films about Hollywood clawing or unnecessary then you like won’t like this.

Overall bound to be divisive for it’s length, tone and subject matter, but still very watchable.

2.5/5

Pros.

There is a charm

It has a few funny moments

The pace works well

Cons.

It can be depressing

It is yet another film about Hollywood

The characters can be a little irritating

patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

SpongeBob Search For Square Pants: Laying Brickwork

Summary

I was a fan of SpongeBob when I was younger but have to admit I have lost touch with it a bit as I’ve aged. I didn’t know if I would just be able to watch this, or if I wouldn’t get it. Turns out it fit like an old glove.

I always wanted more of a focus on the Flying Dutchman back in the classic era so I really enjoyed that he got his moment here. I would have liked to know how he became the Flying Dutchman but I thought the amount of new information we got about him was great.

For the most part it was funny and enjoyable SpongeBob that reminded me why I liked it as a kid, however there were a number of off colour and oddly sexual jokes that I found to be uncomfortable in a kids movie. SpongeBob and Patrick got their asses out too often as well which was also uncomfortable.

Overall, I liked the SpongeBob Mr Crabs storyline and thought it was good we finally got to see more of the Flying Dutchman, but some of the jokes made me feel a little uncomfortable.

3/5

Pros.

SpongeBob and Mr Crabs bond

The focus on the Flying Dutchman

Genuinely funny moments

Cons.

The weird sexual humour

It has pacing issues

patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Anaconda: A Surprisingly Insightful Meta Comedy About Hollywood

So straight off the bat this film is not a laugh a minute sort of film, there were a few moments that did make me laugh out loud, but they were few and far between.

What I enjoyed was the commentary on what it’s like trying to get into Hollywood, or being a creative who wants to chase their dream yet life or circumstances gets in the way, I thought this was very relatable and showed the film had heart. The meta industry comedy as well was also quite insightful, and showed just for a moment that some people in Hollywood can be self aware.

The cameos from Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez were funny and handled well, they were each given their moment without upstaging things from the new cast.

The main issue with it is that it tries to focus on too many things at once and the pace of the film suffers as a result it would have been better if it got rid of the illegal mining stuff which serves very little point.

Overall, whilst not the funniest film in the world there is enough charm and personality here to make it worth seeing.

3.5/5

Pros.

A few good laughs

Relatable protagonists

The cameos

The meta commentary

Cons.

The pacing

Some of the emotional plot beats don’t land

patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Meet Me In St Louis: What Appears To Be A Creepy Age Gap

As I was watching this film I had to look up the age difference between Judy Garland and the male lead as he looked multiple decades older than her and it was distracting in an uncomfortable way, however, upon checking it turns out that it’s only a few years apart.

I think the greatest strength of this film is the characters and the believable stakes of the film, everyone can relate to having to move when you don’t want to, and how your parents don’t care about what you want as a kid or a young person. The character struggles are believable because of that and it helps you to relate to the characters. A lot of modern films aim away from believability or relatable stakes much to their detriment.

The songs are terrific and a good number of them are instant classics, which you will without even having watched the film. I knew of them before I had watched the film and then when I heard them in the film I realised this was where they originated from.

A negative is that this film really isn’t a Christmas film, it was sold to me as one, however it features really only during a tiny portion of the film and as such the labelling is questionable.

In addition the pacing is quite off at times, and does slow down to a point wherein you may begin to lose interest.

Overall, a fun musical.

3.5/5

Pros

The Songs

The reliability

It is fun

It is somewhat Christmassy

Cons.

The pacing

Some of the more old fashioned elements

patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

The Choral: Another Depressing Film About The War

Summary

A choir sing songs in Yorkshire during the War.

So I like to support the British film industry, but this just didn’t seem to be coming out in my region anytime soon, so I decided to simply use a VPN and watch it on streaming.

I probably would have resent paying a cinema ticket price for this, mainly because it is depressing. It is the usual Oscar bait sort of film, there is a lot of diversity, it is sad, and there is some sort of allegory. The issue with it is that these sort of films are ten a penny and so this is nothing remarkable.

There is also a horrible scene wherein a character who is presented to you as sympathetic throughout the film coerces his ex into a sexual act when she is now with someone else. This then makes the fact that this does not get mentioned again or cause any further conflict in the film seem odd, the fact the film still wants you to root for him thereafter seems like a moral failings.

Overall, another depressing film about the War.

2/5

Pros.

It is well shot

The period feels real

Cons.

It is Oscar bait

It is depressing

The assault

patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews

Ella McCay: A Lisa Simpson Issues Episode

Summary

A Lisa issues episode of the Simpsons stretched for over an hour.

So I want Hollywood to learn, most people outside the US don’t care at all about their government, or seeing their officials have to negotiate themselves out of law breaking. You, US reader, may care, but the rest of us don’t. This is a film about an elected official who breaks the law and has to find their way out of it which flopped, to no one’s surprise.

Really the only redeeming thing I can say for this film is that Emma Mackey is great, she has a real energy throughout the film. You care about her character and want her to be okay. That is about it.

The side plots about the womanising father or the brother and his ex-girlfriend kill time but do very little else. Jamie Lee Curtis plays a version of the same character she has been playing for the last twenty years, and is quite unbearable at times.

I would argue if this was a quirky sardonic sort of film done in the style of The Thick of It then maybe it could have been good, but American’s don’t understand subtlety so that was never going to happen.

2/5

Emma Mackey

It is watchable

Cons.

The side stories add nothing

No one cares about US politics outside the US

It is predictable

patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Or if you would rather send me a donation if Patreon isn’t for you then please find a link to my donations page below

Help Support My Reviews