Jawbreaker: A Bargain Basement Heathers Knock Off

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A clique of bratty teenage girls accidentally kill one of their member, played by Charlotte Ayanna, and must try and cover it up.

I understand that this film was ‘inspired by’ Heathers but did it have to be so blatant in copying it, could they not have at least tried to come up with some new ideas and concepts? Maybe it is because I have not viewing this from a contemporary lens and am instead looking at it years later, but to me this film just seems played out and done better before.

None of the central trio are particularly easy to warm to or engaging, I found myself spending most of my time getting annoyed every time they opened their mouths. Truly nothing is worse than the teen mean girl trope, it is so lazy.

A mild pro I will give this film is that it was occasionally unintentionally funny, and that managed to at least to a very small extent lighten up the unpleasant and frankly tedious viewing experience.

Overall, I see that this film has developed a cult following, however to those people I say why choose a knock off version of Heathers.

Pros.

It is unintentionally funny

It is watchable

Cons.

The lead trio are incredibly unlikeable

It feels like a weaker Heathers

It is tedious for a lot of the runtime

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Mack And Rita: Maybe Its Time To Retire

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A thirty year old wakes up in her seventy year old body.

How many times have we seen this before? Far, far too many that’s the answer most of us will come to. The idea of a vain and entitled girl becoming old to learn that there is more to life, is neither new nor welcome. When approached with the charm of a Freaky Friday the premise at least has a chance, but this is the furthest thing from charming.

Moreover, if this film is proof of anything it is that it is better to go out on top than to keep acting well past your prime when you have to politely poo all over your reputation and past glories by staring in schlock that makes you come across as more than a little desperate. It happened to DeNiro with Dirty Grandpa and I’d dare say this is that same moment for Diane Keaton.

The humour this film aims for comes across as try hard, and often falls into the category of going out of its way to explain/signpost a joke which as we all know kills it almost every time.

My biggest question in relation to this film is who is it for? Is it for young audiences, who likely wouldn’t know who Diane Keaton is, is it for middle age or older audiences, who may be put off by the goofy humour, or is it for Keaton die hards, who will feel some sadness at seeing her reduced to this. The question remains unanswered.

Overall, a waste of time and money.

Pros.

If you are struggling to sleep this might be just the ticket.

Cons.

Keaton

The humour

The premise has been done much better before

There is no reason for this film to exist

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Mrs Harris Goes To Paris: Trading It All In For A Pretty Dress

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An English working class woman, played by Lesley Manville, travels to France to obtain a fancy Dior dress.

I think in many ways this is a nice mindless film, wholesome without making you think particularly. Comfort viewing. However, I do think that a lot of the characters and plot lines feel very derivative, I understand that it was based on a book and if this is how the characters in the book act then I would say that the writer liberally borrowed from the standard bag of literary cliches.

Though I enjoyed the wholesomeness for the most part I would say there were moments where the film felt to me like it was flirting with over sentimentality. I find that when films cross over this line I often find them quite false and off putting and this film definitely dipped its toe over the line at times.

Manville for her part is fine, she is perfectly serviceable here. The same sentiment applies to the rest of the cast as well fine, but nothing more. Jason Issac was the only performer who I remembered afterwards as his wheeler dealer character had a few funny moments that kept him in mind.

Overall, an enjoyable film but nothing novel.

Pros.

The wholesomeness

The ending

It is very easy to watch

Cons.

It feels overly familiar

None of the cast really blow you away with their performances

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They/Them: This Is Why People Look Down On ‘Streaming Films’

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Kevin Bacon spits on his slasher legacy by making cheap slop that everyone knew from the get-go was bad in order to make a quick buck.

Honestly, I went into this with low expectations and thought hey with how low my bar is surely the film will surprise me, but no. If anything this film managed to plunge even deeper than my already incredibly low expectations and just be a turd.

So this film seems to be allergic to fun, most slasher films have a campy, cheesy element to them that means that you can laugh at them as much as me scared by them, that is part of the charm of the genre. However, this film didn’t seem to get the memo and fun is had by no one, the actors don’t seem to want to be there, and you certainly don’t want to keep watching.

Moreover, the film falls very easily into the trap of being preachy, the setting of the film was always going to invoke certain themes and ideas but this film just doesn’t deal with them well. Rather than have anything nuanced, revelatory, or even amusing to say this film comes off as a lecture. We all know conversation camps exist are bad and that non-binary, trans and gender fluid people exist, we don’t need this film to constantly tell us.

The mystery of who is the killer is trite and fairly obvious and in the end you are left thinking you have had an hour and a half of your time wasted.

Overall, absolutely no fun to watch.

Pros.

Kevin Bacon is always a pleasant presence in movies even when he is phoning it in

Cons.

It is preachy

The mystery is obvious

The ending

It has awful pacing issues

It is no fun

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Nope: You Will Never Look At Clouds The Same Way Again

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A family of horse trainers come under threat from a massive otherworldly entity.

This could potentially be Jordan Peele’s best film. Now that might be a controversial claim but stay with me, I think by being far more obvious and straightforward in its plotting rather than abstract and heavily reliant on subtext this becomes the director’s most accessible and dare I say enjoyable film. It is nice to be able to just watch this film and enjoy the character’s journeys and to understand the film once it ends rather than having to wade through a lake of fairly on the nose racial subtext to be able to draw some sort of a conclusion.

All of the performers here are on good form, Kiki Palmer, Steven Yeun, Daniel Kaluuya all give strong performances and Brandon Perea becomes a standout as soon as he arrives, definitely a scene stealer. I would have preferred for Yeun’s character to have a bit more development, as he feels a bit thin outside of his one defining childhood trauma incident.

My main complaint of this film is that the pacing is quite noticeably off. When you reach the final ten minutes of the film you find yourself questioning how much longer it can go on for, as the two previous spots in which you thought an ending was near turned out to be very wrong.

Overall, possibly Peele’s best, however, the pace could use some work.

Pros.

The narrative

Subverting traditional alien abduction narratives

The performances

It is quite funny in parts

Cons.

The pacing

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Nude Tuesday: Jemaine Clement Fully Exposed

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A couple, played by Jackie van Beek and Damon Herriman, head to a couples retreat after their relationship implodes.

This film will not be what you are expecting, and I mean that in a bad way. I was hoping for a quirky comedy made all the better by the humorous comedic stylings of Jemaine Clement , that is not what I got. Rather it was a depressing cynical look at married life made harder to watch by a strange dialogue choice.

The whole film is spoken in a made up language with accompanying subtitles, and to me this felt incredibly needless. I got the impression that this choice was supposed to be impactful or disruptive in some sort of way, and I assume the writers/directors were giving themselves a pat on the pack for such a genius idea, however, upon execution I found it presented a very large barrier to enjoying the film and made watching it a slog.

Moreover, the outlook of the film is so whole heartedly depressing that it again made it hard to finish. There were many times when I was watching it I found myself actively disliking the characters more and more, I was not warming to any of them even by the end of the film. Clement at least brought something to proceedings and seeing him as a man child quasi cult leader was fun but not enough to keep me invested.

Overall, not an enjoyable film to watch and one you will no doubt turn off early.

Pros.

Clement

A few jokes land

Cons.

It is depressing

The use of the made up language

The ending

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Luck: Mindless Slop That Isn’t Worth Your Kids Time

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Unlucky Sam, voiced by Eva Nobelzada, discovers the world of luck.

I have written before about the fact that often animated films aimed at families and children don’t feel the need to try to be good or to match the standards that people would expect from films with the idea that children will eat up any old slop, and this really does embody that idea.

In many ways this film feels dead behind the eyes and truly soulless, there is nothing of meaningful substance here, instead it just went through the motions and churned out tired fantasy tropes that we have seen again and again. They also force in some songs for who knows what reason, probably because a focus group recommended it, and in these song and dance numbers we get another good luck at again studio executives trying to pander to the youth of today in the most cringe way.

I think the vocal performances across the board were nearly consistently terrible, with Nobezada sound bored and asleep at the wheel with the line delivery of low battery robot and Simon Pegg doing his best Mike Myers as Shrek impression. I am a huge fan of Pegg as an actor but I question why he was cast here, he really doesn’t bring much to the film and someone possessing a real Scottish accent who is also a talented voice actor say someone like James McAvoy could have done a much better job of it.

Overall, don’t subject your kids to this, they won’t look at you the same way afterwards.

Pros.

It is pretty bad but it is not unwatchable or offensive

Cons.

Nobelzada

Pegg

The story is stupid and contrived

The songs

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Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: Robert Downey Jr’s Secret Best Film

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A tongue in cheek take on the hard boiled detective stories of old.

Many people point to The Nice Guys as one of Shane Black’s best films, but more people than that seem to forget that before Black made that film he made this one, and in many ways this film is almost better.

I think the most obvious merit of this film is the fact that the satire and subversion of the genre is done so spectacularly well that layers can be seen within the commentary. This is not a film of references to other famous moments from other genre fare, or even scene mimicry, no this is a deconstruction of the genre to an almost subatomic level. Through this film Black is taking apart the hard boiled detective story and lampooning it whilst also creating something that feels both similar yet markedly different.

The other boon for this film is Robert Downey Jr on top form in a pre-Tony Stark age. Though Downey Jr is the star of the piece he is strongly supported by Val Kilmer with whom he has great chemistry. The two men together really bring a tour de force in terms of performance to this film, and it certainly ranks amongst Downey Jr’s best films.

My one slight criticism of this film is that in places the pace becomes a little clawing and it could do with being made tighter. This is a problem for a lot of films.

Overall, perhaps Shane Black’s best film.

Pros.

Downey Jr

The satire

It is both funny as well as engaging and tense

The chemistry between the leads

Cons

The pace

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Prey: A War Party Rides Out

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young Comanche woman, played by Amber Midthunder, who dreams of becoming a warrior get to seize that opportunity after running into a Predator.

This film was rad, my only complaint is that it has a slow start, but other than that this film was just what the Predator franchise had been needing, a fresh start and new blood. A lot of incels are upset online because this time around it’s a girl who is fighting Predator and she wins mostly on her own merit, with a little help. However, this whole argument is stupid as she outsmarts the beast and is able to beat it that way which is what Dutch did all the way back in the original, these people who have a constant chip on their shoulder thinking that any strong female lead is inherently bad need to leave their parent’s basement.

Midthunder plays the part perfectly here and you really believe her quest to take down this apex predator. I like how she trains and sets up a killing field for the Predator at the end of the film, it leads to a lot of neat visuals and a really tense showdown where both seem pretty evenly matched.

I also thought the gore here was really on point, a Predator film should be gory after all and in this department this film delivers in droves. I thought the sequence where the Predator goes to down on a bunch of French fur trappers was really well done in this regard and show cased a lot of nice gore without it ever getting to a gross out point.

Overall, a really strong entry into the Predator franchise.

Pros.

Midthunder

The ending

The character journey

The gore

The Comanche dub really adds a sense of authenticity

Cons.

It has a slow start

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Only Murders In The Building: Flipping The Pieces

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Mabel, played by Selena Gomez, and Theo, played by James Caverly, bond and open up about their pasts.

Many people are hailing this as Gomez’s finest moment on the show, her big emotional back story. Whilst I think Gomez did give a good performance, I thought her delivery left a little to be desired and thought that her facial acting was woefully lacking. Though she is reciting what is supposed to be a painful story from her past her face stays mostly the same throughout, this is not how to act for any one looking to start out.

However, I did find Mabel and Theo to be a good pairing and hopefully we will see more of the two of them together later in the season. Gomez and Caverly have good on-screen chemistry together and are a believable duo. In addition, I thought this episode was actually better for featuring Steve Martin and Martin Short less, the two of them are becoming very one note this season and by focusing this episode mainly around Mabel it helps it to stay fresh.

I think the idea of the blackout leaves the episode off on an interesting place, I would much prefer if we knew that this show was heading into its final episode this season but as there are still two more episodes after the next one we know they are just going to keep dragging this out.

Overall, better for giving Mabel a bigger focus

Pros.

Mabel and Theo make a good pair

Mabel’s backstory

The ending tease

Cons.

They are still stretching out a paper thin mystery

Gomez’s performance leaves something to be desired

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