Gaia: Keep Those Mushrooms Away From Me

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

It is nice to see the horror genre become more diverse with us now seeing films like this wherein we get to see more of an African influence. This film’s horror is eco centric, and its messages are clear and chilling.

We are never really clear what is going on, or what sort of state the world outside this jungle is in, but the implications we hear throughout dialogue over the course of the film doesn’t paint a pretty picture. Moreover, this film imagines the battle for climate survival, that we are currently fighting, as more of a literally war between two sides: the Old Gods of nature and the industrially demanding modern human.

The monsters of this film will be familiar to anyone who has ever played The Last Of Us before. The film manages to have its monsters feel and look very real which adds to their menace, moreover, the virus we know they spread makes every confrontation with them even more tense and thrilling.

However, where the film starts to let itself down is with the human characters, who never truly feel realised and there are a lot of odd or missing details about these characters that makes their story hard to understand. I understand the desire for ambiguity, but I also refuse to believe that the rangers would not have been aware that there was something going on in the woods prior to going on the survey. In short the plot holes and contrivances hold this films narrative back.

Adding to the description of this films horror as eco centric, I would say it does not feel scary rather disgusting and skin crawling. This film taps into the fear of eggs under your skin or worms burrowing inside you that words fail to describe but it does elicit a physical response.

Overall, though not entirely scary it does make you feel uncomfortable and the acting across the board is quite strong.

Pros.

The African influence on the horror

Tapping into a skin-crawling sense of fear

The acting

The design of the creatures

Cons.

Pacing issues

Plot holes and narratives fumbles

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America The Motion Picture: Free Bird

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A mash up origin story for The United States Of America.

I want to preface this review by saying I am a big fan of Archer the animated series. Though many who are involved in that series clearly lent their hand to this project, the charm, wit and nuance of that show is woefully abandoned to produce one of the dumbest films I have ever seen.

Netflix animation is clearly betting on some of the big name talent involved with this film to sell it, as their animation studio is far behind the likes of Pixar and DreamWorks. The animation itself is good, that is not the problem, the issue is the non-sensical, lets throw ideas at the wall and see what sticks approach to storytelling that makes this film feel like a fever dream.

The voice cast is made up of some talented people, sadly not one of them is given anything memorable or interesting to work with and instead they just spout garbage that almost makes being poorly informed and unintelligent seem like the preferred way to be, almost as if it is trying to bash people who will be smart enough to see this film is bad.

The one moment of the film that I enjoyed that I gave the film one whole bonus point from what I was going to give it was having Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd be America’s nation anthem: that scene was very enjoyable.

Overall, this film proves once again why Netflix shouldn’t let a machine green light its projects.

Pros.

Free Bird

I liked Benedict Arnold being a werewolf

Cons.

It is so dumb

None of it makes sense

The characters are unlikeable

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The Boss Baby 2: My My Dreamworks Is On The Decline

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The brothers from the first film are now grown up and now there are new talking babies.

This film is only slightly better than the first. The only reason I have given it a half mark improvement is because they don’t go into the secret world of babies in as much tedious detail as the first film did. We are not subjected to exposition scene after exposition scene this time around.

However, what we do get here is not much better.

The film goes out of its way to show how after the first film, even though they were friends at the end of it, that the two boys have now grown apart as adults and have nothing to do with each other. As such the film spends a lot of it’s time showing them bonding, for some odd sense of sentimentality that never really comes together.

Moreover, the film never really justifies it’s own existence. That is probably because there is no reason for this film to exist. The new threat is laughably dull, and surely the secret baby organisation could have had any number of their agents deal with it, there is no reason why it has to be the boys from the first film.

Furthermore, the new female boss baby, voiced by Amy Sedaris, is totally needless as she adds nothing to the film and is really just there to be the new talking baby for the film. It is just gimmicky.

Overall, this film is entirely needless and is only very minorly better than the first film.

Pros.

Less exposition

Two funny jokes

Cons.

It is needless and doesn’t need to exist

It forces sentimentality for the sake of it

The new boss baby has nothing to do and no reason to be there

It is boring

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Fear Street Part One: Nothing Is More Of A Turn On Then Being Hunted Down By Undead Serial Killers

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A long dead witches’ curse turns mild mannered residents of the quiet town of Shadyside into vicious killers.

I remember loving the books of R.L Stein when I was a kid, I must have read them all hundreds of times over. This film not only manages to capture the spirit, but also does a much better job of being a ‘Goosebumps’ esque film that the one staring Jack Black that came out a few years ago.

I found the film to not only be scary, but also surprisingly well done. The scares were built through atmosphere and tension rather than through forced jump scares. I found the wider mystery of all these small town serial killers to be quite unnerving, and I think the film does a good job exploring that: with the answer given feeling satisfying and making sense.

Though usually I find teen characters, especially in a Netflix film, to be grating, vapid and deeply unlikeable I didn’t mind the line up here and almost warmed to them by the end of the film. The one thing I would comment on though is the asinine and cringe story choice to have the kids hook up whilst having the killers chasing them, there is a time and a place guys. I understand that the higher ups at Netflix clearly wanted some form of titillation put into the film, but this just feels forced in.

Moreover, the dialogue is cringe as hell and often there are lines where you’re baffled that someone actually got paid to write that.

Overall, a good film that suffers from a lot of familiar Netflix teen cliches and draw backs, but manages to overcome them in the long run.

Pros.

The mystery

The scares

The ending

The world and the characters therein

Cons.

The forced-in needless teen romance scenes

The dialogue

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The Tomorrow War: More Emotions Less Bland CGI Shootouts

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A high school science teacher is conscripted to fight a war against aliens in our near future that could spell the extinction of the human race.

Chris Pratt usually brings a certain level of charm and likeability to his roles: his role here however was devoid of this. Indeed, any number of actors could have played Pratt’s part, some to a far better result as honestly Pratt seems bored for most of the film.

For the most part this film is a deeply average science fiction film. There is nothing here that you haven’t seen before and the premise feels a little overly familiar. Even the aliens look like a retread.

Although the occasional moment of pure and very real feeling emotion in this film helps to elevate it beyond mediocrity. The moments between Pratt’s character and his daughter feel very impactful, they effect you and if you are anything like me they make you well up a bit as well. Moreover, there are also moments between Pratt’s character and his estranged father played by J.K Simmons that also bring a tear to your eye. For an action film this is surprisingly emotional.

The cast, with the exception of Pratt excel here. Yvonne Strahovski, Simmons and Betty Gilpin all have scene stealing moments that really help to make the film and to standout against all the CGI shootouts.

Overall, a rare misfire for Pratt, but one that is slightly elevated beyond mediocrity by a strong heart.

Pros.

The emotion

Strahovski

The ending

Cons.

It is overly familiar

Too much of the film is just generic CGI shootouts

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Censor: The Fight Against Video Nasties

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This feels like a very British horror film. There is something about this feature that so perfectly taps into the moral panic and the second guessing of Britain’s war with gory films. In times gone by this film itself would have probably ended up on the banned ‘video nasties’ list, as it truly replicates the gore and psychological torment that made those films controversial, and it revels in it.

The film is made by its lead performance. Niamh Alger deserves awards recognition, though she will never get it as horror films are always excluded from serious awards contention. Alger plays troubled very well and her descent into madness is a thing to behold. Alger’s performance during the final ten minutes were everything reaches a peak and Alger’s character reaches the apex of her snap into fantasy is nothing short of terrifying.

Though I would not say this film is scary in a traditional way, I would say it was unsettling. Very much like Under The Silver Lake that I reviewed recently the fear comes from the mass hysteria and paranoid aspects that pollenate the film and make you question what you see, and the reality presented to you.

My one criticism would be that some of the horror elements here are a little vague, the film itself is not always clear as to what is going on and you have to piece a lot of it together yourself: this does make the film’s story a little harder to enjoy.

Overall, a strong original horror film that taps into a time and place in British horror history better than anything I have seen in a while, sadly it is a bit too cerebral at times to be wholly enjoyable.

Pros.

Alger

The mania

Tapping into a very real part of British history

The ending

Cons.

The ending/ a little too abstract

Pacing issues

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False Positive: Questionable Taste

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Lucy, Broad City’s Ilana Glazer, becomes convinced that the doctor involved with her artificial insemination has malicious intent.

A lot of the criticism of this film is misguided, I personally applaud the film for its upfront portrayal of the horror’s of motherhood: showing how the male fantasy of child birth and what it entails couldn’t be further from the truth.

That is wear my praise ends.

This film reminds me in many ways of Antebellum. That is not a compliment. Both are more focused on making a social and political point then they are with delivering an entertaining movie. This film feels like preaching, to the point of having a to the audience PSA about the patriarchy and it’s control of pregnancy. I have no issue with the arguments being presented, but I do have an issue with how it is being presented. Many films communicate similar social points in a more tasteful and crucially intelligent way where they blend in with the narrative and don’t threaten to overshadow it; this film goes drastically in the other direction.

Moreover, the films pushes the ideas of good taste in the service of making its points, most of the times it does this strays into incredibly bad taste. For an example of my point, there is a scene towards the end of the film where the lead tries to kill both of her babies by throwing them out the window, but doesn’t in the end, and then lets the dead foetus of the baby she wanted to have suckle on her breast. It made me uncomfortable viewing it. Maybe that was the point.

Also for anyone who has seen the film Rosemary’s Baby there are more than a few similarities here, and that is putting it mildly; though that point of criticism has been done to death here.

Overall, more of a political statement than a film, with questionable taste that will almost certainly make some viewers feel uncomfortable.

Pros.

It is bold, upfront and shocking in its approach to telling a female first horror film

Cons.

The social commentary lacks any subtly

The dead baby scenes

It is too familiar

It thinks it is deeper than it is

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Good On Paper: Films Like This Are Why More And More People Are Cancelling Netflix

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

It has been a while since Netflix has made a truly poor comedy film, there was a small part of me that was hoping that maybe they had learned what audiences want and what they don’t in a comedy film, but no- this film proves they are still as clueless as ever.

So there is an old adage that you may have heard of ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’, growing up I heard it all the time, yet never is it better displayed than in this film. So, there is a scene in the film where the female lead looks over at a would be suitor’s body and says how gross and out of shape he is, in other words she body shames him. She then turns to the camera and justifies her actions by saying men do it all the time so its fine. So yes the moral of the film is not to change problematic sexist behaviour, no rather just gender flip it because that makes it okay.

Yes, the victim of this body shaming does end up being a baddie, but the audience is not aware at the time, and even if they were does that make it okay? Surely this sort of behaviour is never okay, especially not when the lead of the film is supposed to be likeable, and the audience is supposed to root for them.

Moreover, the laugh count for jokes was quite weak. Now, I won’t spend too much time on this point as humour is subjective and what is not very funny to me might be hilarious to you, but I only found a handful of funny moments here, and these were more chuckles then strong belly laughs, for the most part I just found the film’s sense of humour predictable and oddly tame.

Overall, this is exactly the sort of the lame film that you would expect from Netflix and that’s a shame as they are starting to build themselves a negative reputation as pedlars of trash, the Mindhunter days are long gone.

Pros.

One or two good jokes

Cons.

Mostly not funny

Very predictable

A little too safe

The body shaming

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Siberia: The Real Horror Here Is That You Can Never Get Your Time Back From Watching This

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I’m a big fan of Willem Dafoe but this was a miss for sure. The main issue with this film is that without reading several different plot summaries online, you will have no idea what is happening for most of the film. I understand that this is a deliberate choice and the film wants you to the do the work in piecing the events happening together, but it is so poorly constructed that that is almost impossible to do.

Moreover, there is a weirdly large amount of nudity in this film that really servers no purpose. I am no prude, but this just feels voyeuristic and needless. You can show that Dafoe’s character is a letch who abandoned his family for various one night stands without showing them all in graphic detail; it is almost as though this film is one part softcore porn film.

Dafoe makes this film bearable, and some of the conversational scenes where he is talking to others or different versions of himself are interesting and well-acted, yet this loses any impact it might have as you can’t translate this into any form of meaning with regards to the wider story or what is going on.

Overall, I go back and forth on whether this film was pretentiously abstract on purpose, or whether it was just poorly conceived.

Pros.

Dafoe

The premise is interesting

Cons.

It is in no way scary

The nudity is needless

It makes no sense and for large chunks of the film you have no idea what is going on

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The Ice Road: The Most Obvious Conspiracy In Human History

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

The premise of ice road truckers having to carry heavy items over sheets of sheer ice is tense and interesting enough on its own, it doesn’t need to be overly complicated.

Therein lies the problem of this film, Ice Road Truckers proves there is an audience that wants to see big rigs carrying goods over ice that could break any minute. However, this film did not get the memo, or maybe doesn’t care as clearly it does not think this premise is entertaining enough to get people to watch so they have to force in a conspiracy as well. Of course this conspiracy storyline is entirely needless and adds very little.

Liam Neeson and Laurence Fishburne try their best to give this film some soul and personality yet one gets killed off early into the film and the other is mostly side-lined. Yes, even though Neeson features heavily on the posters and the marketing for this film it is really not his.

From a writing perspective this whole film feels very played out and overly familiar. They try to write in twists and turns but it just goes exactly the way you would expect it to, the way it is telegraphed to go from the beginning you know who the actual villain will be because it is all just so obvious.

Overall, Liam Neeson needs a better agent or maybe just to retire from action films as it is starting to reach a point now where even his charm can’t save these films from themselves

Pros.

Neeson

Fishbourne

Cons.

It is incredibly predictable

The villain is obvious

It is overly complicated

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