Megalopolis: At Least Aubrey Plaza Seems To Be Having Fun

An old man believes his own hype and makes a mess he calls art.

For all of you who may defend this film and call it art don’t bother. Too often these days if a film flops or is a trainwreck there will be a small group of people, be they political bed fellows of the film’s message or just those wanting to seem cool by liking something everyone else doesn’t.

The issue with films like this is that it makes studios more hesitant to take chances on other big budget films in the future that might be a bit more risky and for what an old man’s vanity. The writing was on the wall for this film when it struggled to get distribution plus the fact thar Coppola’s last few films have been pretty bad.

Rather unsurprisingly this is a mess, it has neither fully formed characters or anything you could call a plot, it is just a series of people and things loosely tied together. The narrative post release is that it is art and supposed to be hard to understand and to figure out, but that just sounds like an excuse to be trash to me.

Overall, Coppola should have stuck to making wine.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is funny bad at times

Cons.

It makes no sense

It has no story

The cast are wasted

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The Rings Of Power Season Two Overview: Why Did It Have To Be Gandalf?

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Rings are back and now everyone is getting in on the action.

So as many of you know I have an up and down relationship with this show, I hated it to begin with then softened and now am growing to dislike it again. By no means, however, do I think this is a terrible show there are some moments of greatness scattered here and there about the place. I just think that this season ran with a lot of the worse aspects of the first season leading it to a doomed fate.

So firstly the shipping, the series does not want to be a serious representation of Tolkien’s work, it appears to want to try and bring in teen girls with a thirst trap as Amazon never learnt the age old lesson that is teen girls don’t watch The Lord Of The Rings related material for the most part. The shipping is annoying and it was one of the things I called out and worried about in my predictions post a few months back. Not only is Sauron, Charlie Vickers, and Galadriel, Morfydd Clarke, but also seemingly Sauron and Celebrimbor, Charles Edwards, just out of nowhere. It kills time and it drags on.

Couple that with the over stuffed cast and you have a real problem. I admire the show for trying to do a lot to flesh out its world but often times this results in things being skipped over, happening off screen, or not being given the proper time to develop. Nowhere is this felt more so then in the sub plot with the Harfoots. Things just seem to occur in a disjointed and odd way and we don’t spend enough time with the characters to actually get to know them let alone like them. Moreover, the Gandalf reveal at the end made me groan, it was so incredibly needless.

Finally we have to talk about the costumes and just how cheap everything looks. Take for example the rings themselves, they look like costume jewellery in the worst way and stick out for just how bad they are, it makes no sense with how much money Amazon sunk into this show

Pros.

It has a good start

It has some strong moments

It is better than the first season

Cons.

The shipping

It has too many characters

The cheapness

2.5/5

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Rings Of Power Season 2: Can It Be Saved?

Written by Luke Barnes

In this cinema issues article we are talking about The Rings Of Power and what I believe it needs to do in order to be a better second season and in order to set the series up for long term success.

Now as a Tolkien fan I have a very complicated relationship with this show, there is a part of me that thinks it shouldn’t exist, and when I watched the first few episodes of the first season I was convinced it was little more than current year trash. However, as I advanced beyond that I did think there were some good ideas there, deeply buried but there, and I began to warm to it more by the end of the first season. As such I want to suggest ways that the second season could improve on the first and turn the show around, because lets face it by Amazon’s own admission, in the end, the majority of people didn’t finish the first season.

Before we get into it I want to say this is all just my opinion, nothing to cry about, some of it will be changes they can make this season and some will be possible changes they can make before a maybe possibly season 3. The idea of if this show can even be saved will also be discussed.

I think the fundamental issue with ROP that was there in the first season and will be there in season 2 is the fact that those who make the show do not understand or like the IP. As such they inject other things into in order to try and get more people in whilst driving away people who might actually like the show, take for example the fact in the new season they are teasing a romance between Galadriel, Morfydd Clarke, and Sauron, Charlie Vickers which just shows that the creators do not know these characters. They are doing this in an effort to try and get social media shippers to care, and to appear like it is A YA show, they are doing this when they could just use Celeborn instead. Doing things like the YA shipping makes me think that the show can’t be saved.

Moving on I think the show needs to focus on less characters, the Harfoots need to go away as do the Numenorian’s, I would also cut out the Dwarf’s and just have it be about Sauron trying to corrupt different groups of people with Galadriel and Elron in toe to stop him. All the stuff with the Stranger too I would cut out, we just don’t need it, the show is trying to tell too many stories at once.

I would also hype up events rather than going look guys the first black elf, this is tokenistic and irritating virtue signalling. You should have natural diversity and not make a big deal of it just be like yes this is the world, you don’t need to show them off its weird. Look at how House Of The Dragon does it for example, much better.

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Lord Of The Rings Return Of The King Extended Edition: The Eagles Have Arrived

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The King returns.

So this is probably my second favourite of the trilogy, it comes very close at times to being my favourite almost edging out Fellowship, but then I don’t like the ending. Now before you bring out the pitchforks let them explain, I am a book purist, for me the perfect ending to this trilogy would be what we got but also the Scouring of the Shire. I understand the reason why the films didn’t include this, likely time as they are already long, however I just think the symbolism of showing the hobbits leading their sleepy people to victory after being afraid themselves for a lot of the adventure is a beautiful bit of character development but I digress.

In many senses this film is easily has some of the best moments in the trilogy, perhaps even more so than Fellowship, however, I still give it to Fellowship overall. Some of my favourite moments are the attack of the dead men, and the I am no man scene, both of which hit just the right emotional balance and are also cool as hell. I am a big Witch King fan and would like to see him get his own prequel show, although with how Hollywood is now probably best not, but it is very interesting to see more of him in this film.

The visual spectacle of the final battle still holds up, and the for Frodo charge is a magical moment, and it does in many ways manage to top the Battle of Helms Deep. I would say for sure that this film has the best action of the trilogy.

I don’t like how much attention Gollum, Andy Serkis, gets here, you all know my problems with him if you have read the other reviews, I think of all the characters to give flashbacks to he was the one least in need. I can understand why they did it to show how Frodo, Ellijah Wood, was giving into the Ring and what he could become however, I would have still preferred they be cut out.

Overall, a near perfect film with just the ending and the Gollum flashbacks being the things to stop it from being a 5

4/5

Pros

Some epic moments

It gets you in the feels

The best action in the franchise

The effects hold up well

Cons.

The Gollum flashbacks

No Scouring of the Shire

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Lord Of The Rings The Two Towers Extended Edition: An Old Man Gets Beat Up By A Tree

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Ents march and war comes to Helm’s Deep.

Personally, I found this to be the weakest of the trilogy, still damn good when compared to a lot of the trash Hollywood dolls out but it had more issues than either of the other films.

For me these issues are best described as pacing related. There are vast sections of the film that I find just go on for far too long, such as but not limited to the whole sequence before the Ents march, the many romances of Aragorn, Viggo Mortensen, and a lot of the early Rohirrim stuff was also incredibly slow. I admit I was watching the extended edition so maybe it wasn’t so bad in the normal edition.

Also one small nitpick before we get into the positives, I am also not a big fan of Gollum, Andy Serkis, and think that the franchise as a whole overuses him and as such seeing his much bigger presence here made me like the film a little bit less.

However, that aside I thought this film did a lot to expand the world in interesting and new ways, Treebeard and the Ents are a particular favourite of mine, when they actually march. I also thought that this film made Gandalf far more important and that really helps him to shine, quite literally as a character. When he returns that is a powerful scene but so is the scene in the halls of the Rohirrim, it really shows him off.

The battle at Helm’s Deep is strong, possibly the strongest of the series, though I think the battle that results in the death of the Witch King is perhaps ultimately just a bit better. I thought the action felt very real and visceral though I must say the scene with the skateboard was a bit cringe.

Overall, a decent follow up to fellowship, with some good battles, however, it is slowed down by some padding and bad pacing issues.

4/5

Pros.

It is epic

It builds the world well

The action

A lot of good Gandalf

Cons.

Too much Gollum

The pacing issues

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Lord Of The Rings The Fellowship Of The Ring Extended Edition: There And Back Again

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A fellowship is born.

What can be said that hasn’t already about one of if not the greatest trilogy of films ever made.

For me personally, the first film is my favourite of the three, as it so perfectly establishes the world and the characters. The opening sequence in the Shire is so happy and playful and easily makes you care about the characters, which then juxtaposes really well when compared to the darker subject matter later in the film.

Moreover, the film really does give us a number of epic and instantly memorable moments, I’d say more so than the other two films but that is just me. I think the Weathertop fight and then Arwen’s, Liv Tyler, chase sequence are some of the best moments in the trilogy as it really puts into proportion the level of threat and the power of the dark lord, plus I am a huge Nazgul fan.

Of course the fight sequences here and the action are also very strong, whilst not being on the same par as Helms Deep, or the final battle, the forest battle sequence that ends off the film and kills Boromir, Sean Bean, is still very well done and adrenaline inducing.

Something I am quite surprised by with these films is how well they hold up in terms of visual effects, considering the CGI has to be coming up for 20 years old it looks a hell of a lot better than some of the effects shots we are seeing today.

Overall, to me this is maybe the best fantasy film ever made and is better than its sequels, with only the overly slow pacing at times slowing it down.

4.5/5

Pros.

The cast

The stakes

The world

The journey

Some many iconic book moments replicated

Cons.

Overly slow at times

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IF: A Sad And Upsetting Film That Is Certainly Not For Kids

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Children’s imaginary friends are real and live in an old folks home.

I originally wasn’t going to see this film because it stars Amy Schumer in a minor role, but then I went to the random movie night at my local cinema wherein they show a random new release to the audience and you don’t know what you are going to get and this is what I got. As I don’t go to any of the major UK chains often, this is what I do at my independent local cinema instead, if it sounds different to what you are used to. Could have left, but I thought hey I am at the cinema and sat down now so I’ll watch it.

This is not what you are expecting it to be, it is not some cutesy family film, or a laugh a minute comedy its actually incredibly sad and distressing. Think Bridge To Terabithia sad. The film is incredibly bleak at times and the film plays these moments rather earnestly, what’s more the ending that makes you question whether any of it was actually real or simply the girls means of coping with the fact she may become an orphan just makes it all hit far more. I liked that right at the end we got confirmation that it was all real and that the whimsey could win the day over a gritty and tragic tale of a little girl’s battle with mental illness to cope with what’s happened to her family.

Ryan Reynolds and Phoebe Waller-Bridge are the standouts amongst the cast with the former having some good funny moments and the latter having a lot of heart and emotion.

Overall, not the film that you have been sold, but instead something much more emotional and upsetting.

2.5/5

Pros.

It has some sweet moments

The story is interesting

It is a new idea

Cons.

It is depressing

The premise doesn’t go far enough and their isn’t enough variety in the IFs

It has been not properly marketed

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Renegade Nell Series Overview: The Most Tame Supposedly Edgy Show You Will Ever Watch

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young woman, Louisa Harland, is accused of a murder she didn’t commit so becomes a highwaywoman for some reason.

When you see headlines about Disney + still being far behind their subscriber targets, and still miles away from Netflix, this is why.

A series that is based around one thing, people being shocked that a highwayman is in fact a woman. There is a very memeable scene in the trailer where people audibly gasp because of the fact that she is a woman and they can’t handle it. Even in the more gender norm times of the past I cannot believe that this was that shocking, it is well documented that there were female pirates and female warriors throughout history, so the idea that people would be shocked at a female highwayman is ridiculous. It is all based out of this idea of oh these progressive shows are being edgy and challenging the patriarchy and all this, yet the fact of the matter is that the moment for these sort of shows was about 5-10 years ago, they have now both outstayed their welcome and are also behind the times. Most people would accept a show about a highwaywoman and not question it these days, you do not need to keep reminding the audience that she is a woman we are past that.

Moreover, much like with Disney’s other recent YA fare such as Percy Jackson and Spiderwick, this just feels like generic historical fantasy dross to try and get teens in the door. I would argue it is a bit too tame for that, if they wanted to get the teen audience in they need more sex, look at the CW that brought in teens, supposedly, and that was chocked full of it.

The narrative is just another boring girlboss story and Harland cannot bring the same charm to bear she did in Derry Girls, on a creative level this is a failure. The worst thing about this show is just how dated it feels, if it had come out in the era of Batwoman then it would have fit right in, but that age has past.

Overall, more wasted Disney money.

Pros.

It is unintentionally hilarious

Cons.

The girlboss narrative

It is not shocking or novel

The joke of but she is a woman and people fall over in disbelief doesn’t make sense and it is dumb

The acting isn’t good

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Ruby Gillman Teenage Kracken: The Tik Tok Generation Through The Lens Of Complete Misunderstanding

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Some creatives from DreamWorks who are all probably approaching middle age decide that they know what kids like based of watching one Tik Tok video once and so make this a film that speaks to only one group of people.

This film is made for terminally online teens the kind you would find with dyed hair and who have a series of different flags and causes in their bio, that is what this film thinks teens are. It cannot and will not understand that teens are more than just this crowd. If you need to see proof of my claims then see Ruby’s group of friends and how they talk and interact it is the most cringe thing you will ever see and feels in no way real or even human, maybe that was the point.

The message of be yourself has been told so many times that I question if it has any meaning anymore, surely kids don’t need to be told this lesson by every animated film that comes out every year in order to learn individualism surely they aren’t that dumb.

I struggled to care about any of the characters as I found them clawing stereotypes of what people view Gen Z and Millennials like, and in that sense I just found them more and more irritating as the film went on to such a point where I debated turning it off a few times and if I hadn’t been watching it for review I probably would have.

Overall, this is what happens when 40-50 year olds try to write something for kids they don’t understand.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is a neat concept

It had about two funny jokes

Cons.

It is cringe

It is mostly painfully unfunny

The characters are awful

It feels like a bargain basement version of Turning Red

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Damsel: Millie Bobby Brown Proves She Is A One Hit Wonder

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Netflix continues to try and make Millie Bobby Brown a thing, yet she continues to have as much charm as a true British great like Keira Knightly might have in one finger.

So if you needed a better example of what makes a modern Netflix film then look no further than this. Terrible CGI, a ridiculous and insulting girl boss story that makes little to no sense, and a world that feels like Bridgerton with dragons. Oh and it wastes the time of Angela Bassett and Ray Winstone giving them nothing to do and just using them as recognisable faces.

Do we need to go over the definition of a mary sue as it applies to cinematic archetypes? In case we do a mary sue is a character that has no progression and is great at whatever she tries for the fact that she is perfect and infallible. It is reductive girl power nonsense that strips away any humanity, flaws and character that a female lead can have and instead has her be this stoic, inhuman being. What sort of standard does this set for women? Again it is not empowering, they think it is with the idea that it is telling girls that they can be the dragon slayer, but girls already knew that, rather this film says that women have to be tough stoic and not feminine otherwise they are weak and part of the problem. It is incredibly reductive.

So Brown’s character is thrown by the evil male prince into a dragons lair as sacrifice, and even though we are not shown her sword fighting even for a scene in the film she is able to go toe to toe with it whereas a platoon of knights just got destroyed. Again this is cheap, rather than give her character an arc and make her human and fall and have to rise to the occasion the writers can’t be bothered to actually develop the female lead just having her immediately be perfect. It speaks to male writers that want to appear progressive but don’t actually care about their female characters so just use surface level girl boss tropes rather than make Elodie a developed character that you can actually care about.

Moreover, Brown is clearly a graduate of the Alaqua Cox school of acting as rather than try and make Elodie feel more human and real, Brown just plays the character with a constant layer of indignation ready to go on a lecture at any second. Though she is only young as we see her do more and more projects it is becoming clearer that she isn’t a good actor by any means and has clear limitations, maybe she is a one hit wonder, this would make sense why she hasn’t been cast in more Hollywood projects, outside of King Of The Monsters, and is largely now being propped up by Netflix.

Overall, just trash made by an algorithm with no care.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is unintentionally funny at times

Cons.

The CGI

It wastes Angela Bassett and Ray Winstone

The character is poorly written

The girl boss/mary sue qualities

It doesn’t actually update the trope it just recycles it and goes yes we know its bad