I Give It A Year: Don’t Give This 5 Minutes

I Give It A Year is a British rom com directed by Dan Mazer. The plot sees a couple’s relationship become tested as their family and friends debate whether they can last.

Strap in this is another one I strongly disliked.

So call me old fashioned, but being in a couple isn’t the worst thing in the world? Maybe I am alone in this, if this film is to be believed I am. This film is constantly telling you how bad being in a relationship is, every minute, characters are often encouraging the leads to cheat and worse. Yeah it’s a real bad message all round.

This film is one of the most cynical pieces of trash I have ever watched. It seems to revel in ripping down each of its character joy and likes to punish its leads for even being in a relationship. It does this all through the medium of really poor jokes that are of highly questionable taste, I was under the belief that jokes are supposed to be funny. Clearly this film never got the memo.

All of the characters are the worst kind of people and are gratingly unlikable. The distinct lack of any kind of charm really makes this a hard watch, there were multiple times when I wanted to turn this off.

Overall, this film reads as someone who is bitter and resentful towards relationships so has created a film designed to mock them with such blinding cynicism that it is hard to watch. This one should be avoided at all costs.

Pros.

None

Cons.

The characters are awful

It mocks people for being in a relationship

The cynicism is unbearable

It is not funny

You want to turn it off after the first ten minutes

0/5

Reviewed by Luke

Legally Blonde: Don’t Judge A Book By It’s Cover

Legally Blonde is a comedy film directed by Robert Luketic. The plot follows Elle (Reese Witherspoon), a young woman who follows her boyfriend to law school in the hopes of winning him back. However Elle quickly finds herself embroiled in a big case, in which she really comes into her own as a lawyer.

I enjoyed this film. I thought it was very good turn your brain off fun. I thought it had both heart and laughs in spades, I particularly enjoyed how it destroyed each and every ditzy blonde stereotype in the book; proving anyone can do anything.

I think Witherspoon has just the right amount of charm to both make us the audience root for her and also have the air of an underdog. Even when she comes into her own as a lawyer she is not written to be cocky or arrogant, which often happens, this makes her way more likeable.

My one issue with this film is the side plot with Elle’s friend Paulette (Jennifer Coolage). I understand that the B story of Paulette trying to find the courage to ask out the delivery man she liked was supposed to be a funny aside from the main plot, but to me it had no purpose, it was incredibly unnecessary. It felt like runtime padding.

Overall this was a fun ride, it kept me entertained for 90% of the runtime, but the needless side plot took me out of it.

Pros.

Dispelling stereotypes

Witherspoon.

Luke Wilson.

Cons.

Needless side plot.

It was poorly paced.

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

Maleficent: Jolie Past Her Prime?

Maleficent is a fantasy family film directed by Robert Stormberg. The plot serves as a retelling of the classic tale of Sleeping Beauty, this time for the evil witch’s point of view. This time around we see that said witch Maleficent (Angelina Jolie), was actually the victim of human aggression on the part of the evil King Stefan (Sharlto Copley).

This film is to me the perfect example of the phrase style over substance. We get a lot of cool looking fantasy creatures, but do they do anything meaningful? Do you care about them? No to both. Even Maleficent herself is hard to warm to, this whole film feels very clean, like it was made by a group of marketing personnel, there is no heart or soul and if you watch it you will see what I mean.

Copley is one of my favourite actors and given the right director and the right script he can work wonder, but he is wasted here. We are supposed to believe that a poor orphan boy grew up to become king of a small country, I don’t think so. Not only that, but the film builds up the relationship between him and Jolie’s character, only to be like no he was evil the whole time. You’re left feeling like you have had your time wasted.

Jolie is not much better served. They try to make her character warm and sympathetic; they fail at both. They try and create a motherly bond between her, and Sleeping Beauty here called Aurora (Elle Fanning), which one again comes off as disingenuous and hard to believe. Which might say something about Jolie’s acting ability these days.

The only character who seems to be having fun and possess any kind of whimsey is Fanning’s Aurora, she is definitely the saving grace of the film.

Overall, this film feels too marketed tested and corporate, it has no soul.

Pros.

Elle Fanning

The world building

Cons.

They waste a talented cast.

The CGI creatures do nothing.

It feels boring and forced.

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The King Of Staten Island: Oscar material?

The King Of Staten Island is a semi-biographical comedy film directed by Judd Apatow. The plot follows the life of Scott (Pete Davidson), a slacker whose life is thrown into upheaval when his mum Margie (Marisa Tomei), becomes involved with a new man Ray (Bill Burr). The twenty something year old must finally get his life together and find some sort of closure for this father’s death.

Now before I watched this film, I had no real idea who Pete Davidson was, I don’t watch SNL. I had heard good things about the film overall, so I decided to check it out and I was quite impressed. I left the film really liking Davidson and excited to see what he does next.

I think Davidson’s Scott is one of the easiest to root for characters from throughout cinema history, he is just so likeable, and you really emotionally connect with him as a character. Scott’s relationships with those around him are all really heart-warming, but his relationship with his stepfather Ray is the one that hits the hardest.

I wouldn’t call this film a comedy, I would call it a drama with comedic elements. It never made me laugh, but it did make me feel. As a comedy it is a failure, but as a drama film it is transcendent and could have a good shot at the Oscars next year. I think this film also shows that Judd Apatow still has some life in him, and this is a big comeback for him, as his last few films weren’t very good.

Overall, one of the best films I have seen in a long time, the way it connects with you and makes you feel for the characters is unrivalled, however, it is also not funny so it can’t get full marks as a comedy film.

Pros.

The characters.

The relationships.

The expert use of emotion.

Steve Buscemi.

Cons.

It is not funny, didn’t make me laugh once.

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Shirley: The Rise Of Elizabeth Moss

Shirley is a biographical drama film directed by Josephine Decker. The plot recounts the life of Shirley Jackson the famous horror writer, showing her struggles and her triumphs as she writes a novel and battles the world.

This film is good for two main reasons: the writing and Elizabeth Moss.

Moss is quietly making a name for herself in the horror/ thriller space, and for good reason to. She is captivating to watch on screen and her face conveys emotion with ease. We believe her characters mental struggles, we believe the genius and it is all because of Moss who shows us a myriad of emotions with ease.

The other strength is the writing that seamlessly merges different plot lines and sub plots to create a very dense layered overall narrative. The character dialogue is tense and snappy, it reminds me of Sorkin in a way. The thrills don’t come from anything scary or from any intense action, but rather from the subtly of the dialogue and the jagged barbs hidden within.

My one complaint of the film is that it is too long. The last act drags, and I would say the film as a whole is about fifteen to twenty minutes too long, as I was losing interest towards the end- this is the films fatal flaw.

Overall, this is a very tense emotional ride with a great performance from Elizabeth Moss.

Pros.

The dialogue

Moss

The mystery and the drama

The trippy sequences

Cons

The third act is poorly paced.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Da 5 Bloods: Never Forget

Da 5 Bloods is a war epic directed by Spike Lee. The plot sees a group of Vietnam Veterans return to the country to find some gold they stashed away years earlier, as well as to find the body of their lost comrade and bring him home.

Before I get into it all I just want to say this is an incredibly powerful film on multiple different levels, especially in the current climate. Some of the points raised in the film hit very close to home and will affect you. I recommend taking some time at the end of the film to just sit and think about it, there is a lot to unpack.

The main foursome is made up of Paul (Delroy Lindo), Eddie (Norm Lewis), Otis (Clarke Peters), and Melvin (Isiah Whitlock Jr). Each man gives a stellar performance and the chemistry between the four goes past believable to enthralling. You can genuinely see them all being old army buddies.

I think Paul is the most layered and interesting character of the group as he is a broken man. He highlights the effects of war that stay with a person long after the fighting has ended; he sees visons of his dead best friend and squad leader that haunt him. Also the dynamic between him and his son David (Jonathan Majors), is very nuanced and well developed.

This comes very close to being a perfect film, however there is one thing that drags it back: the fourth wall breaking. There are a couple of scenes towards the end of the film where Paul talks directly to the camera and recites a monologue to us the audience, the issue with these scenes is that they break the flow of the film. They take us out of the action and feel oddly jarring.

Overall, a masterpiece with only a few slight faults. A must watch.

Pros.

The themes.

The characters.

The bonds.

The impact.

Cons.

Addressing the audience.

4.5./5

Reviewed by Luke

The Princess Diaries: The Disney Formula

The Princess Diaries is a comedy family film directed by Garry Marshal. The plot sees Mia (Anne Hathaway), find out that she is the next in line for a fancy foreign throne, but will she accept the mantle of Princess and future Queen?

This is your stereotypical Disney film, every girl become a Princess standard wish fulfilment. Nothing new there. However, despite the lack of originality I found the predictability of this film some what comforting, the film as a whole defines the term ‘comfort viewing’, there is nothing challenging to it, it is just warm turn your brain off fun.

Hathaway does a commendable job in the role; she is very easy to root for and her transformation feels earned; even if the ending feels overly sentimental and a bit forced. For those people who make insane internet conspiracy videos about how celebrities are vampires, you will find something to write about here as Hathaway looks very similar to how she looks now in the current year of 2020; it’s a bit trippy.

I enjoyed the relationship Mia has with her Grandmother Clarisse (Julie Andrews), the current Queen, I thought by the end of the film it felt quite genuine. Andrews character is definitely one that grows on you overtime, as I found myself liking her more and more as the film went on.

Overall, this is your standard Disney fare, you know what you’re getting if predictability and a lack of surprises sounds like comfort and safety to you right now then this is the film for you.

Pros.

Anne Hathaway

Julie Andrews

Safety in predictability.

Disney charm.

Cons.

It is predictable as hell.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Swimming With Men: A Real Poo In The Pool

Swimming With Men is a British comedy film directed by Oliver Parker. The plot sees Eric, a man unhappy with his life looking for an escape from it all; that escape synchronised swimming. He joins a club and they compete for an international title, learning what is important along the way.

This film is an unfunny comedy film, that is all I need to say. It failed to make me laugh once across the whole runtime, there were moments that made me smile, but it wasn’t funny.

As far as ‘heartfelt comedies’ go (that is what I am calling things like Finding Your Feet and Fisherman’s Friends), this film is not deep. The others try and tell you something about life, usually a lesson, to varying degrees of success; this one has no such message. Basically the message of the film is don’t be a dick to your wife, because then she’ll chuck you out and you will be sad.

Rob Brydon’s character is a dick throughout most of the film and he is very hard to root for or empathise with, even by the end of the film when he has supposedly changed his mindset because of his emotional journey, brought about by swimming, he is still only marginally better. What I believe dooms this film is the writing; it is poorly written. It tries and fails to pull on our heart strings and really just wastes your time.

Overall, this is on the bad side of meh, if you have a soft spot for these sorts of comedies you might like it, but don’t hold your breath.

Pros.

Its watchable

It isn’t too long

Cons.

The lead is hateable

The emotional journey doesn’t work

It fails to make you feel something.

It is aggressively average.

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

Artemis Fowl: Judi Dench As A Fairy Commando

Artemis Fowl is a family fantasy adventure film directed by Kenneth Branagh; based on a series of YA novels. The plot follows young Artemis Fowl (Ferdia Shaw), as he must recover a priceless object, that is the very key to life for the Fairy world, so that he can save his father Artemis Fowl Sr (Colin Farrell).

So going into this film I had heard a lot of bad things, I had heard some people say that this was the worst film of the year so far. However, I have to say I enjoyed this film a lot, more and more as it went on. What you’re about to read might be the only positive review of Artemis Fowl out there.

Firstly yes, I admit none of it makes sense and it is incredibly dumb, but if you can turn your mind off you will find it is some of the best, escapist fun this year. The dialogue is corny and hammy, but it only adds to its charm. Basically it boils down to this, if you want to see Judi Dench dressed as a Fairy commando saying, “top of the morning to ya”, then you will enjoy this film, if that sounds bad then this is not the film for you. For me it was one of the best moments of the film.

I adored the style of this film, it reminded me of something like Percy Jackson or the Vampires Apprentice it perfectly captured that fantasy coming of age angle and I for one would love to see more from this universe.

Overall, this is the most fun I have had with a movie in a long time, if dumb, strange, stylish, manic fun sounds like something you would enjoy then definitely check this out!

Pros.

Judi Dench

Colin Farrell

The dumb fun

The style

It is hilarious, maybe not in an intentional way

Cons.

None

5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Night Moves: Modern Day Hitchcock?

Night Moves is a drama thriller film directed Kelly Reichardt. The plot sees a group of environmental terrorists blow up a damn to raise awareness of their cause and steal the eyes of the world for just one night. Everything goes well and falls into place; that is until it is revealed that someone died in their bombing, something no one wanted, this causes fractures in the group.

Before I get into the review I just want to say from a cinematography point of view this is a beautiful film, some of the shots of deserted backstreets and American wilderness look exquisite. Watching this film made me really appreciate what a beautiful country America is.

I think the performances from across the 3 main actors Jessie Eisenberg, Dakota Fanning, Peter Skarsgard are all great. Eisenberg especially does a lot with very little; his facial acting is really top notch in this film. I think the ending and the way his character handles it feels very natural and believable and that adds to the brilliance of the film.

I think the messages and themes of the film are multi-layered, as you question the morals of the both the characters on screen as well as society at large. It does not pick a side; you can see fault in both. It handles the topic in a very nuanced way.

My one complaint would be that it is about twenty minutes too long and could do with a tighter edit, there were moments when I was gripped and there was also moments when I was bored and looking away.

Overall a very compelling film with great performances very worth checking out.

Pros.

The cinematography.

The performances.

The tension.

The manhunt.

Cons.

A little too long.

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke